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Helena wakes to a hesitant knocking on her bedroom door.
Myka? she thinks as she opens her eyes. She yawns and stretches her arms above her head before remembering that YES, she’s been waiting for Myka to come see her. As Helena walks to her door she takes in her surroundings. It’s not her room. She’s in Claudia’s room. Weird, she mutters to herself – an expression she’s picked up from the younger woman. Her not quite awake brain doesn’t realise she’s said it in Claudia’s voice, as well.
She opens the door to find… herself.
“H.G.?” says the other version of her.
“Hmm?” Helena shakes her head. Is this a dream? Or could it be a clone artifact?
She’s been through s tranger things than meeting a copy of herself before, so she says, “Please come in,” and motions at herself .
“Oh great, invited into my own room, thanks!” the other her says.
Maybe not a copy then . “Claudia?” she asks and the other her nods.
“You haven’t looked in the mirror today, have you?”
A moment later finds them in front of the full-body mirror in Claudia’s room, staring.
“Sooo…” Claudia says, in a British accent. Then she thinks, wait, huh.
She hadn’t noticed the accent when she first spoke, but it’s definitely there. Must have come with the body, which is super weird.
Claudia shrugs, an artifact thing, probably. She tries out the words, “Bloody hell. Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks…” She really does sound British.
“Are curse words the only British words you know?” Helena asks, amusement clear in Claudia’s voice, and unfortunately, American accent.
“Yes?” Claudia says and wiggles Helena’s eyebrows. “Ha! No they’re not. It’s a TV show reference… You really need to watch Buffy. And then Harry Potter oh, bloody hell.”
“I know that one!” Helena says, triumphantly.
She looks at her face which is doing expressions that don’t seem to belong, and she reaches one of Claudia’s hands out to touch it.
Claudia does the same and it is weird.
“Odd,” Claudia mutters, now actively looking for words to pronounce in Helena’s voice and accent.
“Agreed.” Helena nods. “So. Have you been in contact with any special object lately?”
“Not that I know of. You smelled any fudge?”
“No.”
“Hmm,” Claudia says, “there was that artifact that did this to Myka and Pete a while ago, but I’m pretty sure it’s been neutralized.”
“Really? What happened?”
“Myka hasn’t told you? Ooooh it was great, well, not completely great but it’s kind of funny, okay, so, Myka had been drinking and you know how Pete is sober so that was kind of terrible, but he started talking to Myka’s high school crush, this boring guy that I can’t see why she liked, but anyways, Pete ended up getting kissed by the dude, who literally thought a woman talking to him meant that she wanted to be kissed. So, that’s what Pete’s referring to whenever he reminds Steve he has actually kissed a guy. And uuuum, that won’t happen to us, right? You’re not planning on getting kissed by someone or – oh my God you can’t kiss anyone while in my body, OK?”
Helena answers, airily, “No offense, but I don’t think Myka is going to want to kiss you…”
Se gets the reaction she's hoping for when Claudia's – her own – face breaks into a huge, somewhat shocked smile. “WHAT? That is really a thing?” Claudia says, “You and Myka?”
“I… maybe? We had a talk.”
Yes, getting attack hugged by yourself is definitely odd , Helena muses.
“So, are we going to tell the others about the swap thingy?” Claudia asks as she lets go.
“I suppose we should.”
“It might be fun not to… and see if they figure it out.”
Helena makes Claudia’s face smirk. It almost works. “Have I ever told you how much I like you?” she says, before she reluctantly adds, “We should investigate though, there might be side-effects… and I do want my own body back eventually.”
“Yeah, for sure. I’m not living as you for the rest of my life.” Claudia looks down at her body. Or, well, at H.G.’s. “Umm… would you mind if I… I mean… You sweat a lot, huh?”
“Right. Yes, I suppose a shower’s fine,” Helena says, hesitantly.
“Cool. And um… pick whatever you like from my closet,” Claudia adds before leaving.
Helena doesn’t really want to shower like this. It was Claudia’s idea, but Helena’s somewhat unsettled about the whole thing. She is going to have to touch Claudia’s body and it feels… like an intrusion of sorts. I don’t mind her showering my body though, she thinks. Maybe it really is fine. She sheds her, or, well, Claudia’s, nightclothes and steps into the shower, willing it to be over soon.
Claudia on the other hand, is looking forward to showering. She is going to get to see H.G. naked, without her being there for any awkward moments (okay, awkwarder moments than this). She strips in front of the bathroom mirror, and wow, holy shit. H.G. really is that hot. Not that Claudia would want to do anything, she is totally straight. But wow, hot. And surprisingly human. Of course she is human, Claudia, she tells herself. Just because she is an amazingly cool inventor and time traveler doesn’t mean she is an alien or anything, look at her stretch marks! Human!
When Claudia emerges from the bathroom, she goes straight for H.G.’s closet, pulls out the underwear drawer and starts rummaging through it.
She flings away the urge to try everything on and just grabs something. Okay, she might have chosen the most elegant stuff she could find. It’s not like anything she’d ever put on her own body and well – she wants to try it out. Claudia is an adult now. Yes she is. So she does the only reasonable thing there is to do. She starts dancing in front of the mirror. The hilariousness that is H.G. Wells doing disco dance moves in her underwear has Claudia in fits of laughter. This might be her new favorite thing to do.
On the other side of the hallway, Helena is going through Claudia’s wardrobe. She chooses an outfit she has seen Claudia wear more than once, figuring it’s something she likes. She puts everything on and in these clothes, she almost feels like she is Claudia. She has dream t about this , about getting the chance to be someone else. That is why, before she leaves the room, she decides to put on some make-up. She cannot find a single reason not to indulge in dressing up. Costumes have always fascinated her, and she is certainly in costume now. Might as well go all out.
They meet again before going downstairs for breakfast.
When Claudia sees her face she immediately starts laughing. “O M G what have you done?” she splutters.
“I…” Helena has the decency to look sheepish. “I found your make-up.”
“Yeah, I figured.”
C laudia's face is wearing gold eyeliner with rainbow eye shadow, and she has to agree that it looks… r eally good, actually. “Y ou should probably tone that down a notch if we don't want the others to look at us too closely...” she says.
Helena (with Claudia's face) looks mildly disappointed. “Oh. I forgot about passing… But in that case, you’re one to talk. That shirt isn’t even mine! It’s Myka’s.”
“Then why was it in your closet?”
Claudia’s face looks embarrassed by this. “I… borrowed it a while back. And I might not have told her about that so could you maybe…?”
“Oh wow. Okay – changing now.”
Claudia leaves with H.G.’s usual hair flip. It goes rather well, if she’s allowed to say so herself. ( B y the way, she is nailing the British inner monologue-t hing. )
As soon as she’s pulled off her shirt and started looking for another one, someone is knocking on H.G.’s door. Assuming it’s H.G., Claudia throws the door open. On the other side is Myka, and Myka is gaping. Oh, Claudia thinks, Myka is seeing H.G.. Even worse, Claudia promptly realizes, Myka is seeing H.G. in a fancy bra and with drops of water falling from her newly showered hair.
No. No no no no no. I can’ t handle Myka looking at me like this. Oh God this is not happening.
Myka shakes her head to clear it, presumably, and say s, “Y es. What you asked yesterday, yes! ” And then she does the thing she is so not supposed to do right now. She moves in for a kiss.
Claudia yells, “Holy frakking shit!” and jumps back.
To say that Myka looks confused is to put it mildly. Not surprising though, Claudia thinks. H. G. would never jump away from Myka.
Helena on the other side of the hallway slams Claudia’s door open then and takes Myka in her arms.
“Claudia what are you doing?!” Myka yells at Helena.
“Myka! Yes! You said yes!”
“Umm, that’s H.G.,” Claudia in Helena’s body interjects, “Body swap.”
They all rush downstairs.
Running with a gait different from one’s own turns out to be a challenge, and both Helena and Claudia stumble a bit. Thankfully neither one of them falls. They must look pretty amusing though, Helena muses.
Downstairs, Pete, Steve, and Artie are gathered around the breakfast table, and as if the situation wasn’t weird enough before , “Helena” asks Artie f or help. Well, not “asks” precisely, s he almost screams, “Artie! Help! Quickly!”
Claudia concurs with “Agreeeeed. Myka tried to kiss me!”
“Hold up! Myka was finally going to kiss you and you stopped her!?” Pete asks.
“I AM CLAUDIA! And obviously Myka thought I was H.G. and that makes me sort of very excited but-- H.G. I want my body back!”
Meanwhile, Helena (in Claudia’s body) is standing beside Myka, watching her.
“Helena,” Myka says. “Will you please stop looking at me? I mean I usually really like the way you do that but I’m seeing Claudia and I don’t want her to look at me like she wants to… um… Just stop it, please?”
“Sorry darling.”
That’s when Pete starts sniffing. “I smell fudge,” he says.
Everyone sniffs then, and yes, there is definitely fudge in the air. Artie has, at long last, caught up with the situation, and grumbles, “Body swap… Must be that book Steve snagged yesterday.”
Steve looks vaguely guilty as he fills in, “The file said it was another one of those books that draw you into the story. It’s supposed to let you swap places with the main character, but maybe it swapped you two instead…”
“Book, what book? That beautiful dark red one with the hand-painted drawing on the cover that was on the living room coffee table? Yep, totally touched that one,” Claudia says.
“Me too,” Helena confirms. “What on Earth were you thinking leaving it out in the open like that?”
“I uh, was ordered to come to the warehouse immediately,” Steve starts, but is interrupted by Artie.
“I didn’t mean for you to leave an artifact ON THE COFFEE TABLE,” he yells, then sheepishly adds, “Okay, I did say immediately.”
“Well, come on then,” Helena says, moving towards the living room. “Let’s hope the book is still here.”
Claudia finds a pair of purple gloves in one of Helena’s pockets and snaps them on while Myka pulls out a neutralization bag. The book is still on the coffee-table.
Everyone ducks with hands over their eyes as the book is dropped into the bag.
“So?” Pete asks as soon as the sparks have evaporated.
“My bodyyyyy oooh how I’ve missed youuuu!” Claudia sings. And then she remembers why she wanted it back so badly. “Guys?” she motions at Pete, Steve, and Artie, “Let’s go.”
Now that Claudia has made them aware that something is happening, they are all suddenly noticing the way Helena – back in her own body – is looking at Myka. It’s the same way she was told not to when in Claudia’s body. And Myka’s face mirrors the expression.
“Right!” they agree, starting to leave.
“Claudia?” Helena says then, still with her eyes on Myka. “I had fun being you. But let’s not do that again.”
Claudia smiles and mutters a simple, “Yeah,” and waves on her way out.