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Footsteps could be heard in Akutagawa's ears. He does not know where he is, the only thing he know is the sound of feet moving forward. If the footstep was from himself, he will definitely fall in the next step because his body is too sore even to walk.
Does the enemy approaching him? His first deduction is a bit out of place because he just destroyed Moby Dick and defeated Guild. Besides, the footstep is not from a distance and then approaching him. It’s more like the footsteps are with him and dragging him forward.
The thought of someone walking side by side with him somehow make Akutagawa shiver. Just what’s his position right now? Shoulder to shoulder? Maybe that's not right, because Akutagawa doesn't feel his feet wriggle due to rubbing against the road. His body resting on something, he is very sure, but he does not know what.
Do not let your guard down.
.
.
.
You are Being Soft
A very familiar voice was ringing clearly in his mind. A long time ago, someone used to say that everytime Akutagawa trained his rashomon. The tone was varies; sometimes wrapped in fake tenderness, but more often in harshness he repeatedly swallow. I understand, Akutagawa said yes as if the sound was indeed real. He must stand up straight, he must not rely on something that now takes him away somewhere. That person will definitely—
With the remnants of energy he could muster, Akutagawa opened his eyes. He was not sure what’s in front of him. Something dark brown keep hitting his face from sideways and covered half of his vision. At first, Akutagawa considered it as a thorn — he wanted to avoid it as far as he can even though his whole body does not want to follow his orders — until he found out it’s nothing but a hair.
Hair? Human hair? Akutagawa is being taken away by someone? Suddenly Higuchi comes to mind. He does not remember just how many times he was covered with bloods and his subordinate would take him to their headquarters. Akutagawa is about to ordered whoever bring him right now to stop. He does not want to be treated like a weakling like this to someone who’s much weaker than him, until the voice of the person carrying him made Akutagawa cancel his plan.
"Oh, are you awake?"
That voice, that all-knowing and very convincing voice—
No, that’s very unlikely to happen. How could Dazai Osamu, his former mentor, carrying him and asking stupid questions like 'are you awake?' to him? He did not forget the way intercome which should have connected to Dazai has been lost. Of course it was intentional, Akutagawa understood, because it’s the proof that almost nothing has changed from his mentor.
Then why?
"Da ..." Despite the doubts haunting him, Akutagawa wants to confirm his doubtful deduction. Maybe the voice just now was just an illusion, maybe his ears were broken, maybe—
"Do not talk too much." The same sound came out again. "The last thing you can do after troubled me this much is stay still and do as I say."
Within minutes, Akutagawa following the man's order. Their journey feels very monotonous. There's only a straight road ahead. If Akutagawa really did as he was told and fell asleep until this person threw him somewhere for all they care and left, maybe he would only consider this as a strange dream in broad daylight.
However, Akutagawa does not want to believe this as a dream. Even though he would get scolded, he still wants to do it. With slightly tilting his face so that he could stare at the figure who carrying him, Akutagawa begin to say. "Why ... do you help me?"
"Help?" Dazai asks in return. Akutagawa was quite surprised because he wasn't scolded for making a noise.
Akutagawa remembered he had just finished the mission above Moby Dick. From fighting the Guild’s leader into jumped from there using a parachute because the flying headquarters suddenly out of control. He should should be lying on the hard road due to his strength that had run out. The last scene he saw was Dazai patted his tense shoulders and said unexpected words to him.
You've become strong.
A smile that felt somewhat more genuine than usual, soft touch without any intention to press the trigger or punch his face, all recorded deeply in Akutagawa's mind to the point rashomon could not be used and he simply fainted.
"Why?" Akutagawa asked again because Dazai did not give the response he wanted.
"Do not misunderstand." The answer Dazai give is a little curt. "Atsushi-kun also passed out shortly after you. Kyouka-chan took him home while I was told by the Director to take you."
When viewed from one side, the statement just now doesn't seem out of the ordinary at all. Both the Port Mafia and the Armed Detective Agency, Akutagawa thought the orders from superiors were absolute. No matter how much someone hates being given the object of command, they must do it professionally. That's what Dazai taught him every time Akutagawa was unable to fight the enemy and Dazai was forced to cleanse his opponent alone and muttered how annoyed he was doing missions with someone as useless as Akutagawa.
But ...
"You ... should leave me." This response seemed the most logical in Akutagawa’s mind. "There's no need ... to do this."
After he said that, Dazai didn't issue an answer at all. Akutagawa guessed he had pressed the wrong button, but even so, he knew the most realistic scenario Dazai should have done. Caring was never instilled in him, all he could think of in a situation like this was Dazai simply ignored him and left. Maybe that way, Akutagawa would train himself even harder after receiving such recognition.
You said I am strong, right? Strong people don't need to be treated like this—
"Ugh." Akutagawa closed his eyes when extreme pain was felt when Dazai touched his stomach with a bit rough. He can't scream like a weakling, not now. Dazai just acknowledged him, the last thing he could do was—
"With that wound, Black Lizard won't be able to save your life." Dazai let go of his hand and returned that on its original position; supports Akutagawa's body from behind. "I just have to take you to an area they can reach as soon as possible."
"Then ..." Akutagawa wanted to put pressure on the wound in his stomach which had not yet recovered after his fight with Jinko on the ship. In fact, he thought, the way he fought Fitzgerald when the wound wasn’t even healed was very dangerous. "Then why do you have to carry me? I don't understand, Dazai-san."
"Do you want to die?"
"I—"
"I just said you have become strong." Dazai cut him off. "After I thought you were a bit more useful for me to acknowledge, you want to let yourself die?"
"No." That answer was predictable for Dazai, but he does not expected the next one. "Thank you."
Their conversation faltered again. Akutagawa had run out of reasons to talk and his ex mentor seemed uninterested in exchanging ideas. He does not know how many steps Dazai has been taking — Akutagawa doesn't want to keep letting him carry this heavy weight — have not led to goals at the end of the road. It took another ten minutes for them to reach the Black Lizard meeting point, Akutagawa thought, because the Port Mafia skyscraper was in a radius that matched the meeting between members.
"You were like this before." Akutagawa only reacted by staring at him without making a sound. Dazai continued. "You failed your first mission and I had to take care of everything by myself. The gunshot wound lodged in your body made me forced to carry you like this."
Just for what reason Dazai saying this? For Akutagawa who’s repeatedly being saved by ignorance wrapped in the relationship between students and mentors, it was natural to him to memorize everything that was taught. But, does Dazai need to bring it up? They were no longer in the same organization, such things should be ignored, Dazai shouldn't remind him of that time—
"Did you hear that?" Dazai stopped Akutagawa's reverie. Looks like he is not happy about the absence of the young man.
Akutagawa buried his face in Dazai's shoulder. Half-conscious words slipped out of his mouth. "Is ... not possible for you to return?" to Port Mafia?
Dazai suddenly slowed down. Akutagawa guessed that he would soon be slammed into the street because he had spoken so boldly. To be honest, he himself did not understand why he was asking things that clearly had an answer. How could the person who had decided to leave go back?
The times when Dazai's hand stopped supporting his frail body never came. Instead, Dazai gave an answer that Akutagawa felt was too ridiculous. "For a fool like you, I think it would be futile to explain everything.”
"Port Mafia still needs you."
"I am satisfied by being here."
"You will only be a weakling if you still in that place."
"And you're still weaker than me even though you're still in Port Mafia."
"I still don't accept Dazai-san there."
"When did I ever consider your words?"
Akutagawa almost lost an argument to continue the conversation. Despite he knew he can’t win against Dazai, he wants to asking him this. "What is good about that agency? What's lacking in Port Mafia?" and what is lacking from me?
Finding Dazai who was silent because of his words once again made Akutagawa feel the prospect of being left behind. Fortunately, Dazai returned his response by throwing questions. "You seriously want to know?"
A small nod was given by Akutagawa. Despite the difficulty of ascertaining the look on Akutagawa's face now, Dazai guessed at the unstoppable curiosity of his first student. "I'll explain why this agency that you said is useless is far more valuable than the tall Port Mafia building."
The black haired young man was left waiting in silence while his mentor prepared himself. By the time Dazai spoke again, Akutagawa had been hoping for a story he needs to refuse to believe. Unfortunately, Dazai did not give what he had hoped. "That's if you can become stronger and I want to acknowledge you again."
"Eh?"
"I don't want to tell you with the way you are now." Dazai paused for a moment. "At least until you show your skills that have been honed, then I will tell you. Do you understand tha—“
"Yes." Akutagawa said without hesitation. He knew there was a price to be paid from Dazai acknowledgment. "I will become even stronger. Just wait for me, Dazai-san."
"I don’t want to wait too long." His typical satire came out, but a slight smile etched on Dazai's lips said something else. "All you can do now is stop talking and ..."
"And?"
"Strive to be the strongest."
The last word Dazai said was not clear in Akutagawa's ears, but he wanted to assume that was what was said. Strive to be the strongest — it feels like there's something new Akutagawa could get. A statement, a belief, that Akutagawa is not a weak person and from now on he will be strong, very very strong, so that Dazai can give him more recognition than a 'you have become strong'.
Akutagawa wanted to shower Dazai with thousands of words, but his consciousness could not last long. His vision grew darker, he can not feel the hand that supporting him anymore, but Akutagawa is able to utter his last words before Dazai's figure once again disappeared from his face when he closed his eyes.
"Thank you ... Dazai-san."
END