Chapter Text
Ren arrives in Tokyo with the quiet hope that the malware infecting his phone will be the biggest stress of the year. The malware is annoying, but he can handle that easily. Even if it kills his phone battery, it's not like he's expecting many calls. His parents have his new guardian's number. He doesn't have friends anymore. It's fine.
A fresh start in a huge city where no one but his guardian and teachers know about his assault charge will let him relax. The waking nightmares will stop. He--wouldn't call them delusions, because he's not crazy, he's just stressed, but his brain really is fried if it's going to fixate on the idea of him being a werewolf. Twice now, he's dreamed of turning into a beast and fleeing his house to run through the forest on the edge of his hometown. Twice now, he's woken up cold and sore on the dirt, pine needles plastered to his skin, and snuck back into his home as the sun was rising. Both times on the full moon. He's never even paid attention to the moon's phases before. But stress can do weird things to the brain, he knows that. He should get better now that he's away from the stares and gossip of his old neighborhood and can attend school again like any other teenager. (He never thought he would be so glad to be able to go to school.) Werewolves aren't real. A good thing: he can't imagine they'd do well in the city.
As he steps out of the train station, the malware app appears on his phone again and opens itself. The world around him slows and then stops. He sees himself from a distance in the crosswalk. His double smirks, becomes a demon in blue flames, and then disappears. The world starts to move again. It's just stress, Ren knows, so he only sighs and deletes the app again. It's fine.
It's not fine.
His guardian hates him. The teachers hate him. Those things add more stress, but they might have been manageable.
The school doubling as a castle ruled by the gym teacher? Not manageable. Especially when Ryuji confirms that Ren didn't hallucinate the armored guards nearly killing them, their gym teacher parading around in a cape and speedo, the demon Ren summoned by ripping a mask off his face (along with what felt like several layers of skin), or the talking cat that helped them escape.
The smart thing to do after the first time would have been to never go in again. But Ren was only known for being smart until he got charged with assault. So he lets Ryuji talk him into a return trip. Because they did see people in trouble in there. (And less nobly, but no less true, because his fellow delinquent treats him like a person and he needs that, considering the entire school knows about his assault charge and has already decided he's a career criminal and piece of trash.)
Soon after the talking cat follows them to the real world, and keeps talking in the real world, and also keeps claiming he's not a cat but a human.
Morgana himself is bossy but all right. His very existence, on the other hand, is a problem. If a human can turn into a cat, why can't he turn into a wolf? The next day Suzui jumps, Ryuji explodes, Mishima confesses to leaking his record, Kamoshida threatens expulsion, and Ann sneaks into the castle and awakens to her own persona. It's an avalanche of events that leaves Ren unable to eat much from the stress, let alone deal with the possibility that he may, in fact, be a werewolf. Over the weekend, he focuses solely on their need to infiltrate Kamoshida's Palace and steal the man's distorted desire. On Monday, Ren can finally bring himself to look up the date of the next full moon. It's just a date. He should know it so he can have time to prepare.
Lucky that his stomach is relatively empty, because it immediately flops over. The next full moon is the 22nd. The coming Friday. He has no idea where a werewolf could hide in Tokyo. No idea how he would sneak out and back in. Sojiro locks the place up at night and doesn't trust him with a key. Not only that, but the old man lives so close by that he could easily decide to come earlier than expected in the morning. Ren's certain he'll be on the streets in a heartbeat if Sojiro finds he's snuck out, especially in any way that leaves Leblanc vulnerable to a break-in. He can't leave. He'll have to stay in. And maybe that's fine. Maybe he really was hallucinating those two nights, and he'll go to sleep human and wake up human and there was never a problem. Just because one supernatural thing is real doesn't mean every supernatural thing is real.
Denial is so tempting. He has to remind himself that his luck has been absolute shit in the past few months. If something can turn awful, it will. And if his nightmares during the past two full moons were real...if he truly is a werewolf... Morgana is a problem again.
Part of the reason Ren fled to the woods the past two full moons was to escape the sheer rage he felt for the town where no one had believed him. For his parents, who slept only a few meters away. The feelings in those nightmares were terrifying in their strength. Morgana may wield a cutlass and summon gusts of wind in the Metaverse, but in the real world? He's a house cat. He's not even a big house cat. Ren could throw him across the attic if he wanted to be an asshole. As a werewolf in a blind fury, he could do far worse.
He has to get Morgana out of Leblanc on the 22nd. Luckily, it's easy to tempt the cat burglar with the prospect of stealing some time alone with "Lady Ann", Ryuji having already mentioned having plans that night. (Not that it seemed likely Morgana would have wanted to stay with the bleached blond anyway, given their continued exchange of barbs.)
Ann is the one who needs convincing. "I'm not even supposed to have pets," she says, and she and Ryuji and Ren collectively ignore Morgana yowling that he's not a pet. Well, Ren tries to ignore it; he can't help a grimace when Morgana hits a higher note. "Why do I have to take him tonight?"
It's not night yet, but he can already feel that he's going to have a repeat of the last two moons. There's a build-up before the transformation or hallucination, whichever it is. Everything sounds louder and sharper in his ears, and his stomach is roiling with an unease he wishes wasn't familiar. His notes from the day's classes are an unfocused mess. Something is going to happen tonight, and he doesn't want Morgana around to see it.
"It'd help me out," Ren says, which is vague. He knows, and he knows Ann knows it, because she raises one eyebrow in skepticism, but he can't actually explain 'I'm either crazy or a monster and I'm afraid I'll hurt him', because these are the three people who think of him as maybe half-decent and a human being and he'd like to keep them thinking that--and that's how he ends up blurting out "Can I just have one night alone. By myself. Please."
It's not his words but the desperation that manages to convince them. Of the entirely wrong thing. "Whoa, man," Ryuji says, eyes wide. "You feeling, uh...pent up?"
"Pent up?" Morgana echoes with all the innocence of a kitten.
Ann finally takes the cat out of Ren's bag and places him into her own, but the look she's giving Ren makes him feel like he's lost something precious. Her respect, maybe. "Come on, Mona. Let's ditch these pervs."
"Hey, why are you including me? I ain't the one talking about needing his alone time!"
"You're the one who actually said it, Ryuji!"
Ryuji grumbles as Ann leaves with Morgana. "No winning with her sometimes...well, whatever. Uh." The look he gives Ren is a funny one, disbelieving, but at least it's not fearful. "Have fun? Y'know, I, uh, got some magazines you can borrow, if--" He can't even finish that, breaking off and looking away as he sucks a breath through his teeth. "Ah, never mind. I'm gonna just...go. See ya."
...Ren thinks the saddest thing about this situation may be that he's got zero inclination to protest what they obviously think he's doing tonight. It's a good enough excuse for not wanting Morgana around, and maybe he can use it again next month if he doesn't come up with something better. He'd probably have to push Morgana on Ryuji the next time, and they'll both be annoyed with him if they haven't stopped sniping at each other by then, but--
Actually, the saddest thing about this situation is that he's already expecting a 'next time'. Even if it's a stress-induced hallucination, he can't fool himself that the stress will stop anytime soon. Things with Kamoshida will be over one way or the other soon, but even if it resolves as nicely as Morgana claims, some new disaster will surely crop up. He must have pissed off some god with the luck he has.
He goes up to the attic as soon as he gets to Leblanc. Assures Sojiro that he plans on doing his homework and turning in early, so he might be asleep soon, which he hopes will keep the man from trying to come up the stairs any time in the evening. Two full moons haven't been enough to establish a pattern of when exactly it would start.
He lies down on his lackluster bed, hoping sleep will come quickly and perhaps spare him from having anything happen. Yet again, his best hope is that he's delusional. But he can't sleep, still not used to the bed and the awkward way it's propped up, making for poor support. Sojiro may have taken him in, but he'd never bothered to consider getting proper accommodations.
He's deeply afraid the stairs won't be enough distance to keep the man safe, and he has to wrap himself in his blanket as if it could hold a wolf and remind himself over and over that Sojiro took him in, no matter what complaints he may have, Sojiro took him in when the man didn't have to. Ren would be worse off if it weren't for that small mercy; he'd be in juvenile hall. Turning into a werewolf in a cafe's attic is bad enough. In juvie? He'd probably end up being killed. What other action could guards take with a monster like that? They'd feel justified even if they realized he'd been human, because either way, he was violent, a threat--
He's already crying, and when his sobbing gets louder and he's afraid Sojiro will hear--and come up the stairs, no, stay away--he bites down on the inside of his hand. It muffles the sound coming from his mouth, and the pain as he clenches his teeth is grounding.
But when he can taste hair in his mouth and feel it growing from his hand, his panic spikes and he cries out loud.
The small sounds of movement downstairs stop. "Kid? You hurt yourself or something?"
The man actually sounds concerned. Ren feels even sicker, but he forces himself to take deep breaths. All he has to do is convince the man he doesn't need to look upstairs. Doesn't need to see what Ren is turning into. Doesn't need to kick him out in a heartbeat, or hesitate and get hurt-- "Woke up and hit my head," he croaks, grateful he'd already told the man he might sleep early. Hopefully Sojiro would believe he'd just surprised himself.
The fib seems to do the trick. "Oh brother," Sojiro says, and then he says something about being quieter, Ren thinks, that seems about right--but he's hoping Sojiro doesn't need an answer, because now he can feel the nails coming in, and he's biting down on his hand again. This time it's hard enough to break skin when his teeth start to grow, but he doesn't let up at all, he can't or Sojiro will hear worse, so he keeps his fangs clamped down and tries to ignore the blood trickling into his mouth, pooling around his aching gums.
As soon as he hears Sojiro leave, the instant the door to Leblanc closes and locks, Ren clumsily rolls out of the bed and struggles to free himself from the blanket and move toward one corner of the attic. It's harder when he has paws instead of hands and feet. He's only halfway through both goals when he retches like he was afraid he would, bile speckled with blood spewing from his mouth.
Disgusting. He's...disgusting. If this isn't just a horrible nightmare, then he really is a monster after all?
The self-revulsion and hatred grip him hard for a moment, his whole body shaking. He must be cursed. People decided he would assault someone unprovoked, decided he was unreasonable and violent, and they were made right. He's a monster. At least Morgana isn't here. If he were here, then Ren would...
He'd...hurt Mona?
Wouldn't he? Because...he's a monster.
...Why does that mean he'd hurt Mona? He doesn't hate him.
The confusion is a strange feeling, his but not his, reminiscent of how it felt when Arsene spoke to him. It's a distraction from agitation and worry, and Ren tries to focus on it instead and work it out.
It's not anger. He thinks of Morgana being in the attic, and his first thought isn't rage but wanting to know what Mona would have to say about this. Some offhand remark about not being the only one on the team with fur and paws? Though he probably wouldn't be too nonchalant with the mess Ren just made on the floor. Maybe...maybe Morgana would actually be concerned for him and try to make him calm down. Tell him to sleep it off.
No. Wishful thinking. This isn't normal, and even Mona would know that. He'd stare at him, blue eyes wide and black fur standing on end, demanding answers, and the vividness of that mental image has a whine tearing out of Ren's throat before he catches himself.
Morgana, Ann, and Ryuji... if any one of them found out he was a monster, he'd immediately lose the tentative trust he has with all of them. It had still been necessary to get Morgana out of Leblanc. But...at least...he feels somewhat certain he wouldn't have hurt his cat-shaped companion. The rage doesn't seem to be as bad as it was the previous times. Because Morgana was a friend? What if Sojiro came to Leblanc before he changed back?
He flinches at the reaction the old man might have, fear, possibly outrage, and his mind races through options: hiding, running, or snapping at Sojiro to scare him off if the man was in his path of escape.
Snapping...he wouldn't be proud of himself if he did that. But it's much better than the mauling he was afraid he'd commit earlier in the evening. The wolf doesn't like Sojiro. But dislike isn't hate. He's still shaking with nerves and fear, but he isn't bristling with rage.
...Maybe...maybe this is okay, then? As long as he hides himself during the full moon, as long as no one finds out, he won't hurt anyone. The anger has died down. He might be a monster, but he's not--he's not looking for victims. There are humans that are worse. Like Kamoshida. Yeah. He's not like Kamoshida at all. He might be a monster in form, but Kamoshida is a monster in his actions--abusing students, causing Suzui to jump, making Ann break down in tears, ruining Ryuji's future, threatening Ren's own--
His claws scrape loudly against Leblanc's front door, and Ren startles back into awareness, shocked to find himself on the lower floor of the cafe.
The rage hasn't disappeared. It's just become specific. He's nearly blind with the memory of Kamoshida's smug smile when the teacher wished him luck starting at Shujin, knowing his record was already leaked. Destroying his second chance simply because why not. He'd like to see how smug the man would be faced with a monster, and no, he wouldn't be inclined to give a second chance. The wolf snarls even as Ren tears himself away from the door, away from those violent thoughts, and the two end up going in circles, pacing the cafe floor as Ren tries to talk the wolf down. Talk, because now that he has Arsene, he has a new view of the wolf's fury. It's like the moment before the awakening, his deepest feelings welling up until he could no longer deny them but had to both give himself over to them and take them in hand, becoming both outlet and focus.
Except this is worse, because there is no awakening. The rage doesn't find a resolve. The very obvious outlet for his loathing is Kamoshida, and the wolf wants to hunt him down, which is a bad idea for so many reasons, starting with the fact that he'd never find the man in one night. He could hunt his shadow if he went to the castle, but still, he shouldn't. They resolved to change Kamoshida's heart, not kill him. The wolf might hurt anyone who passes him by in this agitated state. And Sojiro would kick him out come morning for whatever he ended up doing to get the door open without fingers.
So there is no awakening, no thrilling moment where he gains clarity and mastery and a cool coat all at once, just rage churning and churning away in his gut as the wolf is denied hunting no matter how many times it growls and snarls and Ren has to turn himself away from the door. At last something seems to change and the wolf thinks of running instead, getting away from the city, away from Shujin, to be free from human problems, and Ren wishes he could, except he would have a lot of very human problems to deal with as soon as the full moon passes, so that's out too.
The rage that had already curdled into frustration starts to sour into something that makes his limbs weak. The wolf whines now, anxious, because it can't be helpless, teeth and claws made useless. It needs an outlet. It needs a focus.
The only thing in the cafe Ren can use his teeth and claws on is himself, and he--lowers jaw to foreleg, and bites, just like he'd bit his hand earlier.
The pain is still grounding, and he gnaws and chews like he's his own favorite bone until his jaw is weary and both forelegs ache, marked with multiple teeth marks and flecks of saliva. He's tired, emotionally exhausted, and he trudges back up the stairs with pain throbbing in his legs to climb up on his bed and fall asleep. Hopefully, he'll be human in the morning.
He snaps awake in the morning to his phone's alarm blaring and hisses in pain when his right hand brushes over left foreleg--no, arm. He did turn back, and the bites he inflicted on himself look so much worse now that there isn't fur to cover them. Dozens of teeth marks that just barely kept from breaking the skin instead left angry indents. He didn't hold back every time, either. He'll be wearing long sleeves for a while to avoid questions.
He's--he's really a werewolf, and for a long moment, all he can do is lay in bed, staring at his arms as his alarm drones over him, numb with bleak horror. But he's gotten through the night. With that realization, the pragmatism he's been relying on ever since being branded a criminal takes over. He's a werewolf. But he's been one for three months now, so he can deal with it, as long as no one finds out. It's okay. It's okay. He has about four weeks before this becomes an issue again.
Twisting in bed, he grabs his phone and stops the alarm. Then frowns. The time on the phone is 5 am, long before he'd planned to wake up. Why is his alarm going off now?
Even stranger is that he has a new message. He can't think why Ryuji or Ann would be eager to text him at odd hours.
When he checks it, the message isn't from either of them. The id is unknown.
???: Wakey wakey, wolfboy.
Someone already knows.
Someone already knows.
They know what he is. They know where he is--the texts that followed their blunt greeting had been orders to get up and make sure the cafe sparkled before Sojiro arrived at 6 am if he didn't want to be thrown out on his ass for whatever mess he'd made as a wolf. When Ren asked who the hell they were, a reasonable question in his mind, they simply asked if he wanted to go to juvie and then blocked him from sending any more responses.
He can't stop himself from reading and rereading the brief exchange as he waits for the train to school. He's burning the words into his brain, could probably recite it forwards and backwards already, but he keeps reading them, hoping for some small clue as to who knows.
The only lead he can gather is that they seem to want him to keep living in the cafe for now. The wake-up call was terrifying, but so is the thought of what Sojiro might have done if he'd seen the hairs scattered on the floor where Ren had huddled and bit himself and thought they came from a dog being smuggled into his restaurant. The mess of throw-up probably wouldn't have gotten as bad a reaction--Ren hopes--but it would have led to a lecture, questions, suspicion. Sweeping and washing both areas clean let Ren leave the cafe with only a handful of words exchanged between him and his guardian. (He thinks Sojiro's were "Kid, your curry", because the old man had been standing behind the counter. His were "Sorry, running late, sorry", babbled in a rush, because if he'd stopped for a second Sojiro might have seen something in his face.) If the anonymous text had been from Ryuji or Ann instead, he'd be thanking them for saving his life.
But he has no idea who this person is or what they want. He still has no clue how they even know. Is he being watched? Even now?
"...en!"
A hand grabs his wrist, putting pressure on a hastily bandaged bite mark, and Ren hisses and pulls away, arm rising to block--and Ann's already backing up herself, her eyes wide. "Whoa, sorry! I've been calling you. I thought we should exchange Morgana before school, but...are you okay?"
"Lady Ann, please don't phrase it like I'm a thing," Morgana pouts, poking his head out of her schoolbag, but then his blue eyes focus on Ren. "Ren...are you sick? You're so pale."
"I'm fine." The lie is automatic. Unconvincing, though, to judge by Ann's face. Probably fair when he reacted to her the same way he'd react to an attacking Shadow. "I hurt my arm last night. It's still sore."
"Oh, jeez, did I hurt you? I'm so sorry!"
"It's okay. You didn't know." He gives her a small smile as he pockets his phone and moves to let Morgana jump from her bag into his. At least Ann seems to have forgotten to be irritated with him in her concern. She's a kind person.
Maybe too kind, when she keeps watching him as they board the train. "...How did you hurt your arm?"
Animal bite would get far too many questions and worry. There's no way he can let anyone see it while the teeth marks still show. "Accident. Banged it. Don't worry, I'll be good for the Palace in a day or two." He has to be. He has less than two weeks before he and Ryuji will be expelled. His life is about deadlines now--board meetings, full moons, juvenile hall, being exposed as a monster.
Someone already knows.
"I'm not asking for that. You seem really freaked out, Ren. You were being kind of weird yesterday, too." Ann pauses for a breath, but then her eyes fix on his, so intense he has to look away. "Did someone hurt you?" she asks quietly. "Your guardian, or--"
"Myself, Ann. It was an accident." He hopes his voice isn't as harsh as it sounds to him. She's only worried.
Shiho probably had a number of 'accidents' too. But she was actually being hurt by someone else. He's only hurt because he couldn't control himself as a wolf.
He has four weeks before the next full moon. Four weeks to be human, and prepare for the next time he turns into a monster.
The train ride with Ann and Morgana is spent in silence.