Chapter Text
I. Returning
Thor always expected Loki to run. It was what the trickster did. It was perhaps the one predictable thing about Loki. He ran, he disappeared. And every time he ran, Thor was left fearing it was the last time he would ever see his brother. Even when they drifted apart, Thor’s greatest fear was Loki disappearing forever. His brother was infuriating, but he was still Thor’s brother.
When he lay broken in the healing room in Wakanda, Thor feared the trickster would flee before he had a chance to see him again. He soon earned the ire of the healers and his friends due to his tendency to push himself well past his limits, which set his recovery back.
Thor would always offer a sheepish apology…and then do the same thing again.
It felt like he would never reach New Asgard. He wouldn’t get the chance to see his brother again before Loki inevitably fled to another world, disappearing in the cosmos. When he was strong enough, Steve taught Thor how to look up the daily news from New Asgard. He would read those headlines every single day, dreading the day he would read that the newly appointed leader had vanished.
Yet surprisingly, Loki didn’t run. He didn’t flee the new home of the Aesir refugees. Stranger still, his attention-loving brother seemed to be avoiding any kind of attention. What few news stories mentioned him only did so in passing. He didn’t give any interviews and the reporting was mostly on mundane matters that he had approved.
“He’s the god of mischief, right?” Bucky once asked Thor and when Thor nodded, the former Winter Soldier scrunched up his nose. “Kinda…tame, isn’t he? From the stories Steve told me, I expected him to be splashed across all the papers of the world, doing god knows what.”
Thor attempted to shrug, grimacing in pain at the sharp ache that raced through his still broken body. “I really cannot explain his quietness, Sargent Barnes. Truthfully, I find it as confusing as you. This isn’t like my brother, unless…”
“Unless?” Steve asked.
“Well, Loki does pride himself on being unpredictable,” Thor replied, offering a watery smile that didn’t quite reach his eye. He slumped back in his bed, wishing he could see his brother. He couldn’t see Loki yet, not in this state. If Loki saw how broken Thor was, surely he would flee. Some small part of Thor knew this wouldn’t be in the case. After all, one of Thor’s only vivid memories was the look of devastation on Loki’s face as he held Thor during his last moments. He had tried so damn hard to help Thor, to save him, and the god of thunder tried not to think of how much of his magic Loki must have sacrificed in the attempt.
The god of thunder couldn’t help but worry about Loki vanishing forever. He didn’t think his heart could bear losing his brother again.
_*_
When he was finally able to return to New Asgard, Thor felt more exhausted than he had in sometime, perhaps ever. That exhaustion had been dogging him ever since awakening in that hazy sterile room, of which he couldn’t remember much. Normally it was all he could feel, but once he arrived in New Asgard, Thor was overcome with dread.
On the ride from the airport to New Asgard, a storm started. It was as if the weather was welcoming him home. Thor closed his eye and listened to the patter of rain and the distant rumble of thunder. He allowed the weather to soothe him, the familiarity of thunder calming his nerves.
The bus stopped about two miles outside of New Asgard and Thor walked the rest of the way. The rain drizzled on him and the thunder seemed to be welcoming him home. However, his thoughts were troubled. Walking down the dark winding road, Thor worried this would be the last time he would ever see his brother. Loki wouldn’t want to stay if Thor returned. He would finally be free to roam the galaxy, something he’d undoubtedly wanted to do for some time. Thor sniffled. He didn’t want Loki to go, but he would support his brother if that’s what the trickster decided to do. He would always support whatever made Loki happy. His brother deserved peace, after all he’d been through.
Soon, the god of thunder saw warm lights in the distance. He crested a hill and smiled faintly when he saw the little town below. New Asgard, home of the Aesir. His home. He was finally home. Thor let out his breath and continued on his journey.
He saw Brunnhilde first, who burst into tears upon seeing him…and then promptly punched him in the arm and cursed him.
“You stupid bastard!” she sobbed. “How could you do this to us?”
Thor rubbed his sore arm, knowing it would likely be bruised in the morning. “I am sorry, my friend. I truly did not expect to be among the living again. I—ah!”
She smacked his arm again and then again. “Thor Odinson, if you ever apologize for being alive again, I will punch you so hard, your descendants will feel it! And then I’ll call Carol Danvers to help me beat some sense into you!”
After their reunion, she drove him to Loki’s small home. She offered to bring him straight to his brother, which Thor instantly refused. He offered her a half truth, that he didn’t want to interrupt whatever important business Loki was working on. Judging from the Valkyrie’s expression, she didn’t totally buy it. Nonetheless, she agreed to drop him off at Loki’s house.
They drove through the town to where Loki had set up his house. Thor marveled at just how much his brother had managed to build. The town was truly perfect. There were so many little shops and offices. It was thriving. Seeing a large statue of Heimdall, Thor felt a lump in his throat and looked down at his hands in his lap.
“Does Loki live in town?” Thor asked. He hoped his brother had made some connections, some friends. He didn’t like the thought of Loki being isolated. And if he had at least a few people he cared about, it might mean he would be less likely to leave.
Brunnhilde shook her head. “Nah, he lives just outside the town center. Loki…he doesn’t really like being surrounded. I think he prefers the quiet, which is just weird for him. Back on Sakaar, he was always trying to be the center of attention. I don’t know, war changes people in strange and unexpected ways sometimes.”
“Oh,” Thor said. Brunnhilde glanced at him, but didn’t say anything. They drove the rest of the way in silence.
Eventually, Brunnhilde turned onto a winding road that led to a small home, which was set up in the hills. There was a gate that ran around the property and Thor could see some plants were set up in front of the house, flowers and shrubbery.
“He’ll be home in an hour or two,” Brunnhilde told the god of thunder, handing him the keys to allow him entrance. “It’s really good to have you back, Thor.”
Thor smiled at her. “Thank you, Brunnhilde.”
He rose from the car and walked up the quaint little path to the front door. Taking a deep breath, he put his key in the lock and twisted it, opening the door and stepping inside.
Entering the cozy home, a lump rose in Thor’s throat. This was where his brother lived. Loki was alive and well. Moving through the various rooms, Thor memorized every last detail. There were numerous books on the bookshelves and Thor spotted one lying on a table, obviously something Loki had been reading while having breakfast. The god of thunder was pleased to see a small vegetable garden in the backyard. A genuine smile lit Thor’s face as he recognized the various plants. His brother had actually planted vegetables. That was something Thor never would have thought Loki would be interested in attempting.
Continuing to move through the house, Thor found himself in the bedroom and switched on a lamp. He moved over to the wardrobe. Opening it, he saw Loki’s clothing was hung up neatly. There was a child’s drawing hanging on the door, which looked like him and Loki on a farm surrounded by butterflies. Noticing a splash of red, Thor spotted his own cape. Slowly letting out his breath, Thor reached for it and ran his fingers down the material. He was surprised to find it clean. There wasn’t any sign of bloodstains, which was rather surprising.
Next to his own cape, Thor spotted Loki’s familiar green cape. The god of thunder reached out and gently brushed his fingers against it. Bringing it to his nose, Thor closed his eyes and breathed in Loki’s scent. It was familiar, earthy, and so very much like home. He could feel a familiar warmth creep into his eye. When Loki did flee, Thor would only be left with memories. He needed to keep as many as he possibly could.
Eventually, he moved back into the dark kitchen and sat at the table, resting his head on his arms. A familiar tiredness was starting to settle in his bones again. Thor thought back on their childhood, a faint smile dancing over his lips. They’d had some truly great adventures together. Thor regretted that they had drifted apart and reconciled almost too late. Closing his eye, Thor drifted away from the waking world.
Even his light sleep was troubled and Thor woke up, crying his brother’s name, a thin sheen of sweat on his brow. He was panting and looked around the darkened space, forgetting where he was for a brief moment. Once he had settled down, Thor ran a hand over his face, feeling embarrassed.
The sound of the front door opening drew the god of thunder’s attention and he shrank down in his chair. Suddenly, he was terrified. Loki was going to run. The minute he saw Thor, the trickster would leave. His brother had returned and so Loki was free to go off on his own again. Or he would be angry that Thor had lied to him (the irony of that wasn’t lost on the god of thunder).
He heard his brother’s almost silent footsteps and Thor shrank down even more, expecting Loki to enter the kitchen for food or drink. It had been a long day after all. For a split second, Thor considered leaving out the back way. Perhaps it would be better if they never saw each other again, if he left Loki in peace with his memories of the god of thunder.
When Loki didn’t enter the kitchen, Thor frowned and rose to his feet, moving to the doorway. His breath caught in his throat when he spotted his brother sitting in a comfortable-looking chair. Loki’s back was to Thor, his head was resting on his fist. Norns, Thor had missed his brother. And I’m almost certainly going to lose him again, Thor thought as he swallowed and considered his words.
“Leadership suits you,” he said softly, just loud enough that Loki would hear him. He might as well have bellowed it for the reaction it elicited. The trickster leapt to his feet with a gasp, spinning around and staring wide-eyed at the god of thunder. He looked exactly like Thor remembered him and for that, Thor was glad. The war had not left him scarred, not like it had Thor. Loki still looked like Loki. Though his eyes were a little different, a little less wild than they had been. A million emotions rushed over the trickster’s face.
And Thor glimpsed that old urge as it crossed Loki’s mind. That instinct to flee. Thor smiled tiredly, though his heart was breaking.
Please don’t go.
“Brother—”
Thor wasn’t expecting the knife that was hurled at him and barely had time to move out of the way. It clattered on the ground somewhere past him. He should have anticipated that. It was Loki after all. A familiar irritation came over the god of thunder.
“Seven hells, Loki!” Are you trying to kill me again!?
“You’re always throwing things at me to prove I’m real!”
“Not weapons!”
“It still hurts to get hit in the head with a solid object, Thor!”
Loki was trembling and Thor instinctively moved forward, wanting to protect his brother, to comfort him. Loki took a giant step back, holding his hand up, telling Thor to stay back. It was such a simple act, but to Thor, it felt like a knife straight through his heart. His brother was scared of him, wanted him to keep his distance. They hadn’t seen each other in years and Loki had built a life for himself. One that didn’t include Thor. This had been cruel to do to him. Thor should have gone elsewhere.
Loki clenched his eyes shut and shook his head. “You died. I saw you die. You’re not really here. This is some…some cruel trick being played on me.”
Thor hadn’t heard his brother sound so broken before. He stared at the trickster, stunned at the tears that were streaming down Loki’s face. Thor carefully stepped forward again and this time, Loki didn’t retreat. He was still shaking, tears still running down his face, and he was rigid. He was prepared to run, to bolt.
Reaching forward, Thor gently placed his hand on the side of Loki’s neck. He wasn’t sure how his brother would react to that, after the encounter with Thanos, but it didn’t seem to distress Loki. Thor moved his hand to the back of Loki’s neck, a familiar gesture he’d used throughout their childhood to reassure his brother, to tell Loki without words that he was there.
Loki blinked a few times, his teary green eyes rising to Thor’s face. Thor had never seen his brother shed so many tears and it made tears well up in his own eye.
Please do not leave. Please, just this once, stay.
“It’s me, Loki. I swear to you. I’m here. I’m really here,” Thor spoke softly, willing his brother to hear his words.
And he braced himself, waiting for Loki to turn around and leave. To disappear into the night as he had done so often in the past. Thor wouldn’t blame him if that was what Loki needed to do. He wanted his brother to be happy, to be free. It was part of why he’d sacrificed his life in order to defeat Thanos. That didn’t mean it wouldn’t break the god of thunder’s heart.
Thor didn’t expect Loki to throw his arms around him. For an instant, Thor had no idea how to react. But he swiftly wrapped his arms around his brother’s lithe form as Loki buried his face in Thor’s shoulder, his entire body shaking as he wept. The god of thunder was soon weeping as well. He buried his face in Loki’s dark hair, cradling the back of his brother’s head. He didn’t ever want to let go. He’d lost his brother so many times in the past. He didn’t want that to happen again.
Thank you, brother, Thor thought. This was a moment he never allowed himself to even consider during the war against Thanos and even afterwards. He didn’t dare dream of it. Yet somehow it had come to pass.
And for a moment, Thor allowed himself to believe it was possible that everything would be fine. The worst was over. It had to be.