Chapter Text
The war is over. You have won.
The feeling of it being over constantly overwhelms Byleth.
Despite having won, her head is still in turmoil.
So here she is.
She's not entirely sure what brings her to these depths. At least that is what she keeps telling herself, because in a way it also felt inevitable, unavoidable. She tries not to think too deeply about the true reasons, not letting those thoughts dwell in her mind for too long. They make her want to panic, and she cannot panic now. This is her only chance after all. Time is cruel like that.
There’s a stoic expression on her face as always she knows, but underneath that the thoughts are threatening to overtake her. So with some effort, Byleth brushes them aside and carries on into the depths, cold and dark, with only the occasional candle to keep her company.
Just one last talk.
Because tomorrow…
It's all she needs, just one talk, Byleth tells herself once more, brushing the other thoughts aside with panic lapping at her mind. Thoughts and feelings swarm through her head like buzzing insects only moments after she freed herself from them. She shrugs them off once more and sighs, determined to make it to the end.
I can do this, she tells herself once more. There’s no room for doubt in her heart, there cannot be. Or panic, nor anything else.
Byleth is here for answers and nothing more, for her own peace of mind.
She quietly makes her way into the catacombs of the palace. Her palace. Or former, now. She doesn’t don't run into anyone. No guards to stop her, no out of place servants, not even when she makes her way to the entrance of the underground prison. It makes sense, Byleth thinks, she did ask Dimitri and Claude for time alone with her. A favor to their old teacher.
After she woke up again Edelgard had already begun her conquest.
She had made her way to Garreg Mach to understand what was going on and was greeted by a solemn Claude, who had no idea what to do but to protect what he held dear. With some effort Byleth managed to sway him to at least try and do something.
Meanwhile Dimitri was rampaging somewhere else, hurt beyond belief. It had taken painstakingly long to convince him to see reason.
With the both of them in tow Byleth turned to her.
Any attempt to communicate with Edelgard had fallen on deaf ears. Wordlessly she continued what she started all those years ago back in the tomb. What had started with her betrayal? Byleth often wondered those whys, but now now she’s certain the plans to do so had been in Edelgard’s mind long before the tomb.
It hurts just to think of it.
She takes a deep breath. It's not like she didn't feel anything before, but now that she have her heart back emotions are always lurking in her mind. At first they overwhelmed and confused her, but now she’s beginning to make sense of them. There’s the trauma from the things she experienced during her time as a mercenary, and later in the war. There’s the fond memories of teaching and spending time with them that make her feel warm. There’s hurt from seeing them take arms against one another and there’s grief over the ones that have perished. But most of all, Byleth's thoughts and feelings keep drifting to her.
She doesn’t understand her feelings for Edelgard at all.
There's anger for the betrayal, of course. But numerous other feelings contort and twist painfully, and oddly sometimes pleasurably, in her stomach.
Byleth hopes that maybe, just maybe, if she could have can one last conversation with her, that her feelings will fall into place and the knot in her stomach will untangle. Then she can resolve this once and for all and move on with her life. Begin to pick up the pieces that she will leave behind.
She hasn't spoken to Edelgard in over five years in five years. Not really, at least. There was the yelling of threats, warnings and commands. Byleth could have sworn she had seen the occasional long stare in her direction from her whenever they met on the battlefield.
And Byleth remembers she could hear her yelling, no screaming, her name as she succumbed to her wounds as people were closing in on her, captured after being beaten and severely wounded.
Over and over again Byleth hears her calling out to her in her mind. Byleth didn’t do anything then, just numbly watched from a distance as soldiers restrained the seemingly deranged woman. Even when clearly beaten she was still clinging onto that dream she had. That dream that she would burn everything she had for to achieve. She nearly had.
Byleth didn't feel anything as she won the war, nor in the aftermath. As she helped taking down her banners from her palace and replaced them with their own it had felt wrong.
By now Byleth thought she understood her reasons. A misguided girl with too much power and false ideals groomed into her at best. A mad tyrant with blood on her hands at worst.
But why did she keep calling Byleth’s name when all was lost? It had sounded so human, the mantle of Emperor having been shed.
Byleth has pondered this endlessly, nearly enough to drive her mad as well, but no answer would come to her.
So here she is.
Walking down endless corridors to go to her and resolve things once and for all. She wants to understand her and her actions. But maybe she also want to understand her own feelings regarding Edelgard.
Anger boils inside her like a fire.
How could she do all these horrific things? But also, how could she do this to me?
Roughly, Byleth forces he feeling down into her inner darkness, She can let her grief and anger out later. She’s here for answers, she makes herself cling to that.
Anger will get her nowhere, won't get her the answers she so desperately craves. Thinking she’s the only one had gotten betrayed by Edelgard is selfish. Many were hurt by her actions. Byleth takes another deep breath and walks around the final corner, into the last hall adorned with prison cells.
She's the only one imprisoned in this forgotten part of the castle. It was supposed to be for the most important prisoners of the palace after all. And who is more important than its former emperor?
Byleth walks past the empty cells until she stumbles on familiar face in near the end to the rows of cells. The white haired woman is in the last cell to the left. When she enters Byleth’s vision all she can do is gasp.
At least she's somewhat adequately clothed for the cold here, is the first thing to come to her mind.
But everything positive has been said with that.
She's dressed in a long grey tunic with long sleeves and loose fitting even grayer pants. The garments look worn and damaged. But that’s not what her attention is drawn towards.
The chains…
Her wrists are chained to the wall, forcing her to sit on her knees on the stone floor. In that position she can just rest her wrists on her lap. Her hair is a tangled mess and her head is hanging downward. There's dried blood on the visible parts of her body, in her hair and some stains have formed though her clothes, indicating there's untreated wounds beneath them. Byleth sees the scars on the visible parts of her body, some very old, and other not properly healed yet.
The sight makes her feel sick to her stomach.
Byleth stands still and is frozen, only able to gaze at her, taking in the vision of not the glorious Emperor but a weakened young woman clinging on to life. The mercenary wonders about that last bit. She looks like she’s dead already, if it weren’t for her chest rising and falling. Perhaps she’s accepted her loss and is waiting for the inevitable.
Edelgard is barely sitting upright, instead she’s slumped against the wall and looks so utterly defeated. Smaller and more fragile too.
She can’t see her former teacher with her head hanging, but surely she must have heard Byleth.
Still, it takes her a while to raise her head, she only begins to do so after Byleth has stood there quietly for some time.
When she does, she recognizes the other woman instantly. The first thing she does is sit up straight. It reminds Byleth of the days she had her in her classroom.
Several expressions seem to cross her face. The first is shock, followed by disbelief, then realization seems to settle in. Finally, to Byleth’s surprise, something serene settles in her worn and tired features. Suddenly she almost looks at peace.
"My teacher, you came..." she utters the words quietly, her voice ragged from negligence. Byleth thinks she sees the hint of tears well up in her face. "I get to see you," she murmurs and then she has the guts to smile at Byleth, her eyes glazy and unfocused. Something feels…off about her, almost as if she’s delirious. In a way feels like she's talking to herself.
Anger rises in Byleth and threatens to take over once more. Why won’t she fight? Why has she accepted it all?
"You're to be executed in the morning," she hear herself say coldly, as if she just came here to inform Edelgard of that fact. Byleth immediately regrets it. Stupid emotions, it’s like they’re controlling you, she often thinks.
Edelgard's peaceful expression falters, if only for a split second. She casts her glance downwards, then meets cobalt eyes once more.
"I'm aware,” she says softly. “They have been reminding me regularly."
Something twists inside Byleth’s stomach. She says it so easily, like there's no weight in her words at all. That's not how she remember the ever serious and stoic woman. With her it always felt as if every word she spoke bore the weight of the world.
"Alright," Byleth replies awkwardly, staring down in shame.
Byleth feels at a loss of words.
"Will you be there?" Edelgard asks suddenly, and this time there's a hint of that tightness, in her voice Byleth remembers from so long ago. It felt as if she was always trying her best to hide her true emotions.
As it turned out, she was.
Flashes of tea parties and chance meetings late at night enter Byleth’s mind. She always gave of the feeling there was more, so much more behind the tightness in that voice of hers. Every word was calculated as to not reveal too much. But at the same time, when Byleth was alone with her, she gave of the feeling she wanted her, and only her, to learn what was behind her words and mask.
"...Yes," Byleth responds and immediately feels out of her depth. This is not going according to plan.
With effort Byleth looks up again to face Edelgard.
What she doesn’t expect is to find the younger woman smiling faintly at herself.
"Good," she says, relief evident in her voice. "That makes me feel a little more at ease."
Byleth doesn’t know how to respond to that. For a moment she fees frozen on the spot, staring intently at the prisoner.
"Why?" She eventually manage to say, her voice strained. It's not what she had planned to say, not at all, but it's the only thing she can muster. It feels like she can hardly breathe with those conflicting feelings trying to strangle her from within.
"Why what?" Edelgard asks curiously, shifting her position ever so slightly in a soft wince. It can't be comfortable, Byleth thinks.
Why didn't you tell me about your plans?
Why did you do it to begin with?
Why didn't you involve me?
Why didn't you let me choose?
Why would you do this?
Why?
Why...?
Numerous questions cross her mind at rapid speed.
But she doesn’t’ say any of them. Instead she looks at the stone floor once more. Unable to bear the sight of Edelgard like that and unable to say what's on her mind.
She’s surprised when she see a droplet fall and splash against black tiles underneath her. Then another one. And another.
She’s crying, Byleth realizes.
Overwhelmed by a sudden rush of some kind of emotion she grips the iron bars holding Edelgard in the cell. "I..., you," she say roughly but still the words won't come. She doesn’t understand these feelings, the only thing Byleth currently can understand is the rage.
To her surprise the younger woman smiles again, this time sadly. "I suppose there is a lot of whys, aren't there?"
Byleth nods weakly.
There's a long moment of heavy silence before Edelgard speaks up again. "It was decided for me from an early age, really. After what they did to me, to my siblings, there wasn't any other option than to try and do something with the power I was set to wield. All of a sudden I was the crown princess, imbued with a purpose,” she explains and even in her fragile stat she recites it like a mantra.
“I simply followed the path that was created for me." She says it lightly but she clenches her hands into fists, the only tell that what she says is of importance to her.
"But what about what you wanted. Your future, your friends, me. You had so much and you abandoned it all, abandoned us." Byleth hears herself say impulsively, the tears starting to dry and anger taking over once more.
"Don't you see?" Edelgard says, raising her voice suddenly. "I never had anything, not after what had been done to me. All I had was a path that I didn't choose, that I was forced on from early childhood. To try and create a future not for myself but a future for everyone else. It was never about what I wanted but about what I had to do. "
"Surely you must have wanted something for yourself?" Byleth asks her in disbelief, finally beginning to find the words she’ so desperately looking for.
At this Edelgard gives her a startled look, and remains staring at Byleth just a little too long, as if somehow what she wants to say will get across if she keeps staring. Byleth hopes it does.
Abruptly she looks down and Byleth feels a tinge of sorrow stab her heart.
"There was,” she whispers hoarsely. “But what I wanted was always less important than my ideals. I only lived for my people."
"And now you're going to die for them," Byleth spats, feeling anger, grief and other, more confusing feelings, rise in her chest. This wasn’t what she wanted to say, she wanted to delve deeper on what it was that Edelgard wanted. But emotions can be beasts lurking in the darkness, jumping out at unexpected moments. Byleth discovered that recently and had been learning rapidly ever since.
The harsh tone of her voice make Edelgard look up again, a calculating look in her eyes.
"Not for them,” She says, correcting Byleth as if they’re playing a game.. Her tone is calm but there’s something lurking underneath. “Because of them, yes. But I will be dying tomorrow as myself. Not for anyone's sake. I lost, I have nothing left to fight for. Fodlan’s future is out of my hands." To Byleth’s surprise a peaceful expression adorns her face once more. "That means I'll be finally free. In a way I already am, no one here can control me anymore and I’ll willingly walk to that stage.”
She laughs quietly at Byleth, and a strange kind of something threatens to burst from her chest. Byleth wants, needs, her to stop, but she wants her to never stop laughing at the same time too.
She sounds almost delirious when she speaks up again.
“I never wanted to become the Emperor, I never wanted to rule. But I had my role to fill. I had to. For my siblings, for my parents and for the people of Fodlan who were kept in the dark about the truth for so long. I had a role to play. I was merely a pawn in that complicated game, everyone is.”
Edelgard says it with practiced ease but Byleth still sees the old and new pains marring her features.
She looks down for a moment, as if pondering what to say next. When she looks up her expression has changed, she stares at Byleth with an intense look in her eyes, the one Byleth had occasionally seen back in the academy days, life flickering behind them.
“But then you suddenly appeared, my teacher, as if by divine intervention, and everything changed. You weren’t a pawn in this game, it felt like you were the player. The way you so beautifully made your way through any conflict, be it war or political, everything came so natural to you. And everyone wanted to follow you.” She falls still for a moment, then smiles tenderly at her former teacher. “Even I wanted to do that,” she says and it sounds like a confession of sorts.
Byleth swallows hard, her throaty feels dry.
She want to ask why she didn’t follow her then, if she had wanted to, but the answer would be obvious. She was never on Edelgard's path. In fact, she had been destined to cross it.
Byleth wishes she could just go into her cell to… to do what exactly? She doesn’t know. But she yearns for some form of physical contact.
Edelgard takes Byleth's silence for what it is and speaks up again.
“I feel so free.” her voice is like a breeze. “I’ve never been able to speak so openly about my feelings and thoughts. But now that everything is out in the open and everything has once again been taken from me I can.”
She smiles gently at Byleth, who feels panic rise in her stomach. “I suppose there’s one thing I have never told anyone.”
She waits for a while, perhaps hoping for a response. When Byleth gives none she continues.
“Would you mind if I share it with you now?”
Byleth doesn’t trust her voice, so she simply nods, a little too hard.
Seemingly content with the confirmation Edelgard smiles briefly and opens her mouth to speak.
But no words come.
“…I,” she begins, but abruptly closes her mouth again. She lowers her head to stare at some rocks in front of her, a puzzling expression on her face.
Suddenly she raises her head and laughs awkwardly and Byleth notices her cheeks are faintly red.
“After all this time, and after all the things I just openly confessed, I suddenly have trouble finding the courage to say my final words of importance to you.”
“Please,” Byleth rasps, and it sounds almost desperate. She was never were someone of eloquence, but she wants to kick herself for her choice in vocabulary over the last few minutes.
She’s just too choked up.
But there’s something in her eyes that give Byleth the feeling her emotions will fall into place if she does.
“I think I need to hear it,” she continues, trying to urge her on gently.
The ghost of a smile adorns her face. Byleth finds herself fiercely wishing she had more reasons to smile, it looks so beautiful.
“For you then, my teacher,” she says in quiet resignation, her voice barely a whisper.
Byleth listens to her words with more attention and intensity than she ever have before in her entire life.