Chapter Text
"Hubert..."
Edelgard sighed apologetically as she handed him the baby.
"You need not worry about me."
"I'm sure you'll be fine. It's more that I feel bad burdening you with a fussy baby while I work," Edelgard pressed her fingers to her forehead. "I try not to be the noble who pushes the baby off on nannies whenever the child is difficult, but... Working and sleeping have just been impossible lately. The professor is as stoic as ever, but even she must be at her wit's end too."
"As I said, you need not worry about me, Your Majesty," Hubert said blankly. "You'll remember I am the Minister of the Imperial Household. Your child is a member of that Household."
"Yes, but you have subordinates and-"
"I have cared for you since you were quite young, Your Majesty. I am fully capable of managing a baby while you get your work done and get some rest. You and the professor have important matters to attend to as heads of state. Ferdinand even supplied me with toys and books to keep Her Highness occupied."
"It was not a question of ability, Hubert. It... feels rather unfair of me to ask one of my closest allies and a Minister at that to be doing something like this. I have to say... it is rather shameful."
"There is no shame in having your friend take care of your child. Moreover, it stands to reason I am one of the best suited to this job."
"...I suppose so. Although, I worried a baby might... perturb you."
"You need not worry, Your Majesty. I am not so easily daunted by my charges. Even children."
"..." Edelgard still felt guilty about it all, but... "Then... I'll speak no more about it and leave you to your work."
Edelgard smiled at the baby as Hubert held her there, kissing the baby's forehead.
"You behave for Uncle Hubert, alright? Your mothers need to govern the nation." She then looked to Hubert. "As soon as I'm able to do without him, I'll send Ferdinand your way as well."
"Your concern is touching, but hardly necessary, Your Majesty. Ferdinand is... your Prime Minister. As much as he would love to coo and coddle Her Highness, it is unavoidable."
Hubert began to blush, and smirked almost devilishly: "Ferdinand will be jealous of all the time I get to spend with her. Do not let his pouting influence your decision, Your Majesty. Even if he inquires about your exhaustion. He will relent after a fashion, if you stand firm."
"...If I'm honest, I don't think I have the stamina to say no to him today. He can be quite... insistent."
Hubert nodded. He had expected as much.
And although he certainly would not have approved of Ferdinand plotting against Her Majesty per se... he could be inclined to work with him when it was in Edelgard's best interest to get some rest. So far, the plan seemed to be working.
"Why do you look so pleased?"
"The Emperor's baby is in my arms," Hubert said as he pulled his face back into neutral. "How can I not be pleased holding such greatness?"
"Your flattery is... unsettling, Hubert." Edelgard groaned again. "And let's be clear... I am not blind to your machinations. I am well aware of what you're plotting."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Your Majesty. I would not plot and scheme behind your back. I believe we have been quite transparent."
"Oh, really? Lying to the Emperor could be grounds for treason, Hubert."
"When have I lied? But if you are sure... would you like me to schedule my execution? What time works best for you, Your Majesty?" He deadpanned. "I can have my affairs in order by this afternoon."
"...Even when I try to joke with you, it still feels like I'm never gaining the upper hand." She shook her head. "I truly do appreciate you and Ferdinand's interest in helping... just don't act like your two-pronged coordinated strike went unnoticed... Sorry, that came out more aggressive than I meant it. I understand you're trying to be available to lean on, and I should try to not see that as a coup."
"..."
"I trust my child in your capable hands. Both of you. Your determination to be helpful is appreciated." She stopped. "And it is very frightening to be on the receiving end of it. Be that as it may, I know you will protect her. I... just do not want to have her out of my sight. It scares me terribly."
"I know how you feel. But please know that any child of Your Majesty's is another life I would die to protect."
"...You have so many lives to protect now. Quite a departure from how you used to be."
"I don't believe I have changed that drastically. But if Your Majesty says so, then surely it must be."
Edelgard frowned at that. She hated when he told her things she'd want to hear instead of how he actually felt.
"You know I hate when you do that."
"..."
"It's really alright...? Really?"
Edelgard spent a very long time kissing and touching the baby, making her laugh, and Edelgard would smile in return. When the thought of leaving her crossed her mind, she would get sad and start the whole process over again.
"...If Ferdinand finds you late to your meeting, he will know that our plan is working. You should endeavor to hurry and put on a brave face, Your Majesty."
"..." Edelgard narrowed her eyes at him as she began to walk away, pausing only to kiss the baby goodbye again. "You've become very sinister since becoming my Left Hand. I like this better when you're on my side."
"I am always on your side."
She gave him another pointed look to which Hubert held up the tiny child's arm with two fingers and made the baby wave. It was cute, and horrible.
- - -
The room afforded to the baby was comically large for a tiny creature who was still in a crib. Although it would certainly become a nursery, and then later the child's own room at the palace.
Hubert looked frightening surrounded by tiny baby-related items. He looked like a ghoul, some kind of evil spirit or rogue phantom was there to abduct the baby.
The sight of a brooding gaunt man with dark hair holding the baby had already made one maid faint away. He would have to have a discussion with the governess and the head housekeeper.
It wouldn't do for the maids to be afraid of him, even if he was the Minister of the Imperial Household and Left Hand of the Emperor. Perhaps he should wear the cloth flowers that Bernadetta had made for him.
There was a chair for him in the corner where no doubt someone - Edelgard, Byleth, or any of the other maids - would come and hold the baby to feed her or read to her. He had even caught Dorothea singing to the baby there before.
By his side, Ferdinand's presents to the baby were collected in a pile. Enough blankets for an entire army in winter. More embroidered and stuffed animals than a zoo. There was also a stuffed sword that Uncle Caspar had given the baby, after having to repeatedly be told not to yell, and that throwing the baby into the air was grounds for execution.
Even Linhardt had been involved at some points. Although he was curious and excited about the baby, he had repeatedly said he wanted no part of diapers or the baby spitting up. But despite that, whenever the baby went down for a nap, Linhardt would mention how the baby was taking after him.
The baby's favorite toy was a sewn doll of a carnivorous plant, from a certain doting "Auntie Bernie" as she called herself. It was not exactly cute, but the baby would cry if it was taken away.
"Now then, let us see what your Uncle Ferdinand has prepared for you..." He said before looking through an unreasonably large stack of books. "...too much it seems."
Subtlety was not his husband's forte.
Hubert sighed at the selection. Of course the baby was just a baby... but these books were idiotic. Fables and fairy tales and garish or cartoonish children's books.
"Since you lack the cognitive awareness to read or even remember what we discuss this day, what I've decided is we'll be reading something I would enjoy reading," Hubert said picking one of the more lengthy books from the pile.
"Animals of the World: Fódlan and Beyond. I'll admit, I know very little of all of the fauna, so why don't we find out together."
Setting the baby up on his lap with the book, the baby cooed and cawed at times as he read things out loud. It was all in alphabetical order so it was easy to predict what would be next.
"Ah yes. Elephants," it had a picture and he showed the baby who seemed to bounce happily in his lap. "Yes, you do seem to enjoy elephants. According to the book, they live in warmer climates like parts of Dagda the Brigid archipelago, and other more tropical areas. Do you know the word 'archipelago'? ...It means a chain of islands. For a country, an archipelago is quite a challenge. It's harder to march in and conquer, but it's also harder to govern when each island has their own warlords and cheiftains. The ideal way to conquer them is a naval blockade and a slow stranglehold, assuming the islands aren't very unified. The cheiftains can often have very diverse opinions. I suppose it's no different from the Emperor dealing with all of the nobility, but when your mother has problems with the nobility, she knows how to make a show of force."
Hubert spent a long time explaining military strategy to the baby who patted at the elephant drawing. Invasions, supply lines, the difficulties of fighting against a defensive force in urban areas and in jungles...
As Hubert waxed poetic about the finer points of the art of war, the baby sputtered and grabbed at the book making babbling noises.
"It also says some countries used elephants as beasts of war and that they can be ridden. Your Aunt Petra would probably know more about any elephants in her kingdom, if there are any. Perhaps she will take you to ride an elephant one day. Would you enjoy that?"
The baby cooed at him, happily drooling. Hubert wiped at her face with a handkerchief.
"...Then I am afraid we must disagree. Elephants can vary in height and can grow to almost twice an adult man's height. I for one can imagine nothing worse than riding on the back of something that far off the ground. Fortunately it doesn't fly. But I suspect you will learn to ride horses at the very least. Maybe you will enjoy flying. Your Uncle Ferdinand would be happy to show you the horses, I am sure."
Hubert shook his head.
"He will be overbearing and annoying about it too. You have my condolences in advance."
He began to flip through the pages, frowning.
"This book is hardly a complete guide. I think it was centered on children, but even this is insulting to one of your caliber, Your Highness. I would have much rather read you a detailed encyclopedia... They have drawings and do not skimp on details or variety."
He turned the page and the baby began to fuss and cry.
"What's the matter?" He looked at the page. "Peacock. Yes. Peacocks are rather ornate birds. They can be quite magnificent to behold, but they are rather shrill birds. They can be territorial. When you are older, you will no doubt find peacock motifs in murals and artistry. They are beautiful, but all the same..."
The peacock in the book had its full tail extended, and rows of drawn eyes were looking back at them. They were eye level to the baby, who probably didn't know it was just a drawing.
"Mm... I see. That would be unnerving."
The baby began to have a small meltdown, fussing and bubbling into tears.
"Shall I eliminate this creature for you?" He asked. "If it so displeases you, I would happily get rid of it... but don't tell your Uncle Ferdinand what we are doing to his gift."
Quickly and efficiently, Hubert carefully pulled the paper out of the book, making sure not to leave scraps of torn paper at the root of the book's spine. Absentmindedly, he turned the paper over once he had removed it.
"It seems we are going to lose a 'Pegasus' here," Hubert said blandly. "...Unfortunate, but it was a necessary sacrifice for your greater good, Your Highness."
He took a moment to read over the Pegasus entry, but it was nothing groundbreaking.
"A pity that it had to come to this, at least for you..."
And then he crumpled the paper in his hand until it was just a small crinkled ball of nothing, and stuffed it into his pocket. He didn't want the baby to find it and try to eat it or choke on it. And he certainly didn't want Ferdinand to find it if he just threw it on the ground.
No one would ever see the peacock or the pegasus again.
"There now. No more peacocks staring at you... Yes, I quite enjoyed that too. Should you require any other creatures removed from your sight, let me know. Let's move on to Q..."
...
After some time had passed, Ferdinand practically sprinted towards the room (and Hubert) at full speed. He turned into the room so fast he nearly slid.
"She said yes!!" Ferdinand announced at the top of his lungs. The baby in Hubert's arms was just being put into the crib.
"Quiet."
And then in a scream whisper: "She said yes!"
"I heard you the first time. Must you barge in like... an elephant?"
"An elephant?"
"...Nevermind, it is unimportant."
"Edelgard said she would allow us to take the baby for the evening. We may even be able to watch her for the week if we apply the right pressure."
"What you're saying sounds tantamount to treason."
"I have already sent a message to the estate saying that we may be staying at the palace. We will not be abducting the Imperial princess. That... would be very unsavory parallel."
"Stop talking." Hubert said, clearly having thought that before. "What's important is we allow Her Majesty to rest and enjoy some time alone with the professor."
"Hubert, I did not know you were such a romantic! I was more concerned with the baby."
The baby began to fuss and cry again.
"Look what you've done, Ferdinand." Hubert loomed over him, a different kind of menace in his eyes. "I told you what fate would befall you if you upset Her Highness."
"I am sorry, please allow me to soothe her!" Ferdinand ignored Hubert and moved towards the baby.
Hubert abruptly got in his way: "You are not allowed to touch Her Highness in your condition."
"My condition?!" Ferdinand pouted. "Is this another one of your bizarre attempts to preempt me? You should know I will be more useful than you to Lady Edelgard and the professor. I will be so useful that you will be unnecessary. I will not allow you to succeed in your attempts to make the baby like you more than she likes me! I will be her favorite uncle, not you!"
Hubert knew that was exactly what he was doing, that they were in a competition to be more useful as the Left and Right Hands of the Emperor. But he also would never admit that he wanted the baby to like him more. It did not matter that Edelgard and Hubert were already closer than Edelgard was with Hubert. He wanted it all, and he wanted to win.
"You are... ridiculous." Hubert said, obfuscating. "You are behaving like a child. Maybe you just want the baby to like you so that you can finally have someone intellectually on your level."
"That was a rather poor attempt at deflecting for a spymaster. I know what you are doing, Uncle Hubert. And I - the favorite uncle - will not let you win."
The baby's cries were not a full meltdown, but she was clearly awake and wanting someone to hold her. The two moved forward to comfort her but Hubert stopped Ferdinand again firmly.
"You just came from multiple meetings where you shook hands with nobles from all over Fódlan. If you think I would allow you to touch Her Highness without you washing up, you are sorely mistaken."
"You are impossible, Hubert. She is a baby and needs to be exposed to some things to get stronger. Even noble children must eat dirt and sand. That is part of childhood."
"You are not convincing Caspar, you are speaking to me. And I will not allow it." Hubert subtly gripped Ferdinand's collar. "If you insist on this path, I will make you disappear, you Peacock."
"...Peacock? I thought I was an elephant." Ferdinand smiled, stupidly, just to catch Hubert off guard. And it worked; Hubert relented.
"You are... a nuisance."
Their rivalry was quickly tabled. It was easier to do what Hubert said than to try and force it... this time.
"If I wash up, is there any chance I will get to hear you sing her a lullaby? As a reward for all my hard work today?"
"You expect me to sing?"
"I think it would be very cute. I do not think you could sing a lullaby without smiling, so that would also be a treat. You could make us both very happy."
"...I promise nothing. Now go and wash up before I remove you. Hands and face. I will not repeat myself."
"I'm afraid it's no good, Hubert. Your threats only charm me further when they come from a place of love. This is why you are mine and I am yours," Ferdinand said giving Hubert a sudden kiss on the cheek before rushing off in a whirlwind to get cleaned up.
Hubert's ghostly pallor gave way to a rising blush. He scoffed, and went to wipe his cheek... but thought better of it.
Instead he rushed to the baby and picked her up.
"Apologies for the delay, Your Highness. You may collect my head for my tardiness..." The baby cooed. "Your Uncle Ferdinand is a peacock, and he thinks I will not kill him if I have to. But he is wrong. Because I will kill him if he gets you sick."
The baby seemed upset by his words.
"...But we do not kill him. Because he is loyal. Because hiding his body would be very difficult work. And because... we love him. Yes. We love our stupid Uncle Ferdinand." Hubert quickly looked into the baby's eyes. "But there will be no singing this night, at least not from me. You and I must be of one mind in this. You must not allow that sad look in his eye to fool you. You cannot allow that peacock to sway you, Your Highness."
Hubert gave the baby a kiss on the forehead and then locked eyes with her, trying to forge a telepathic alliance. It was unclear whether he was talking more to the baby or to himself, and it was unclear how it was going to turn out in the end.