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"We have a free day here tomorrow. Anything you wanna do?"
Three things.
One, they’re in Paris. Fucking Paris. City of love shit. And it’s to do a shoot.
Second, they’re in a hotel room. One hotel room. For the both of them. One room with a little kitchenette and a bathroom and two beds. Gavin is currently sprawled out on Burnie’s bed, still wearing his suit jacket and everything. His bed. Burnie’s bed.
Third, he’s Gavin’s boss.
That’s always the last thing. Not because it’s an afterthought, but because it’s the bottom line. Or more—it’s the line they can’t cross. It’s the line they can’t cross, not when they’re in Austin and not when they’re in the fucking city of love and Gavin’s laying on his bed with the colors of the sunset playing across his skin and clothes and not ever.
"I dunno."
And Gavin seems absolutely content with just lying there. Burnie’s never seen him switch gears so quickly. A few minutes ago Gavin had been strung out and frantic after the dinner and after the stress from the day’s shoot. Now he was the exact opposite—unwound and just miles and miles of long limbs laying against the white sheets on Burnie’s bed.
"We should do something together, though. You and me, Burns."
Gavin opens his eyes to look at him and Burnie doesn’t move for a second, in the middle of undoing his tie, and Gavin smiles that rare smile, the one that’s not a smirk or a grin but an actual smile.
"Yeah, Gav. You and me."
He finishes undoing his tie and takes off his jacket, never taking his eyes off of Gavin as his employee watches him through half-lidded eyes. The sun’s setting outside the picture window Burnie’s standing in front of, washing Gavin in pinks and reds and purples, tinging his skin with even more warmth. He counts Gavin’s breaths, the way his chest rises and falls in rhythm and notices how Gavin is for once, still, lying on the bed on his back with his knees folded over the edge and his arms spread wide, his sandy hair a mess on the white comforter.
He’s Gavin’s boss.
He can’t change that.
He doesn’t remember the point where it wasn’t just I want to fuck him and started becoming I’m in love with him. It’s worse like this, because bosses fuck their employees all the time. It’s not ethical, but it was to some degree less wrong than actually falling in love with Gavin.
"Could go to the Eifel Tower or something."
Gavin suggests it with excitement and Burnie immediately knows that’s where they’ll be going, because he’d do anything for Gavin, because Gavin gets excited over the smallest things, whether it’s the thought of spending the day alone with Burnie or the prospect of accompanying him on a trip. His excitement never falters and it seems to just radiate off of him, sending waves out in every direction.
"We’ll go, don’t worry. Come here so I can help you with your tie and jacket," He promises Gavin and Gavin asks no questions, rolling onto his side and getting off the bed. He closes in the few steps between them and it’s here, closer to the window, that he can see the colors on Gavin’s face better, making him glow.
Gavin’s still shorter than him, coming up to barely past his chin, and he’s always been scrawny as hell, skinny and gangling and squirmy. He has no problem being this close to Burnie, no problem when he slides his hands under the collar of Gavin’s shirt, tugging at the tie around his neck, before slowly undoing the knot. His lips have a hint of that smile from before on them and he tilts his neck up slightly as Burnie pulls the tie from under his collar and discards it on the chair behind him.
His hands are at Gavin’s jacket, then, and he doesn’t want to think about the way he can feel Gavin’s heartbeat against his fingers as he fixes the collar on it, straightening it out and then slipping his hands under it and shrugging it past Gavin’s shoulders. It’s unnecessary and ridiculous, but he’s doing it anyways and he can’t get the way Gavin sighs softly out of his mind.
The jacket goes to the same place the tie went and Gavin stands there for a moment, looking up at Burnie in the quiet of the room.
Burnie’s his boss, his employer, the one person Gavin’s not supposed to have a relationship with, and he knows it’s coming but he does nothing to stop him when Gavin’s arms are around his neck and he’s leaning up and his lips are fitting so nicely against Burnie’s.
He can feel Gavin’s mouth and his tongue and everything, the way he’s desperately kissing Burnie and just for a moment, Burnie lets himself go and wraps his arms around Gavin’s back and holds him tighter than he’s ever held anyone before and it’s alright it’s alright it’s alright.
Until it’s not and he’s pushing Gavin away and Gavin won’t even look at him.
Somehow, Burnie thinks it’d be better if it were one-sided, if it were just him in love with Gavin. But it’s not and it never has been and Gavin’s been in love with him for longer than Burnie has been and there’s nothing he can do to change that, just like there’s nothing they can do to change the fact that it’s wrong because Burnie’s his boss and Gavin looks up to him.
"Burnie—"
He knows what he’s going to say. He knows that tone of voice. He knows the way Gavin’s staring at the floor and biting his lip. He knows he’s about to break. It’s happened before, too many times.
"Don’t, Gavin."
He breathes it out, wanting Gavin to calm down, wanting him to just take it and leave it for once. No matter how much it hurt to be in love with him, it hurt more when Gavin broke down and begged.
"You like me. I know you do. Why not just for tonight?"
"We’ve been over this. We can’t."
"No!" There it is, Gavin’s shaking voice, the way he raises his volume. Gavin hardly ever cries, instead substituting anger for tears. "I don’t—I don’t want sex. I just want you to kiss me. I don’t want you to be my goddamn boss right now and I don’t want to be your employee. I need you to be Burnie and I just want to be Gavin—Please!"
That’s what hurts, the switch almost mid-sentence from anger to pain, and Burnie doesn’t want to, but he has to tell Gavin no, just like he always does, and try to get him to calm down, no matter how much he wants to be just Burnie and no matter how much Gavin wants to be just Gavin.
Gavin goes to bed upset that night after hours of giving Burnie the silent treatment, and Burnie lies awake until he hears Gavin get up and cross the threshold between the two beds. He fakes sleep, pretending as if he’s knocked out, and the bedsprings barely creak against Gavin’s weight as he lays down under the blankets with him, Burnie pretending to be asleep and Gavin pretending that everything’s alright.