Chapter Text
“Alright, Roman.” Logan said quietly as he stood with his fellow borrower on top of the refrigerator, surveying the kitchen. The human bean, Patton, was sat at the kitchen table looking fully engrossed in a crossword puzzle. “Let’s say you needed to get some salt. What do you do?”
“I find Virgil and borrow some of his salty attitude.” Roman quipped, earning him a glare.
“I meant table salt and you knew that I wasn’t speaking figuratively.” Logan lectured.
“Fine, fine.” Roman casually stretched his arms. “I’d hook down to the leftmost counter, using the back of the fridge as coverage. Then I’d scurry along the kitchen back splash-”
“Where are your emergency hiding spots?” Logan quizzed him. “It’s important to always have those at the forefront of your mind.”
“Yes, I know, professor precaution.” Roman rolled his eyes. “Knife block, cookbook, toaster.” He pointed to each of these in turn. “I was getting there, you just interrupted me!”
“Fine, continue.” Logan raised his hands palm-up as if to apologize for the interruption.
“Then it’s just a simple matter of unscrewing the top, gathering some grains, and screwing it back into place.” Roman gave a fake yawn, looking bored. “Can I just get on with it already?”
“Borrowing is not a game, Roman.” Logan scolded him. “You’re supposed to be taking this seriously.”
“I am!” Roman insisted. He began to sneak towards the edge of the fridge, doing everything just as he described. With a flick of his wrist Roman gathered up his hook, ducking behind the knife block. Peering out to check if the coast was clear, Roman dashed across to the cookbook and then the toaster. Spotting the salt shaker, Roman grabbed the top with both hands. With a small grunt it began to untwist. Quickly Roman gathered up some salt and replaced the shaker so that it looked unchanged.
“Well done, Roman!” Roman’s head whipped around to see the human bean had his eyes locked on him; Patton was clapping his hands excitedly, looking proud. Roman gave him a large grin and bowed.
“Patton!” Logan called out irritably from up on the fridge, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He wasn’t done yet.”
“Oops, sorry.” Patton turned sheepishly back to his puzzle, pretending he hadn't seen anything.
“Well it’s too late now.” Logan sighed, pulling out his own hook to get down to the counter.
“Hey Padre, mind giving me a ride back then?” Roman said hopefully.
“What? No!” Logan protested as Patton began to stand. “The point of this was for Roman to do things on his own!”
“Well you don’t have to deal with everything alone.” Patton said with a smile. “That’s what we’re here for!”
“Regardless, a borrower must keep their skills sharp.” Logan argued. “And all this human contact has caused Roman to go soft.”
“I have not gone soft!” Roman protested. Feeling the familiar sensation of the ground shaking, Roman decided to prove it. He dove behind the toaster as cover when Virgil walked into the room, coffee mug in hand.
“Hey Pat, Lo.” Virgil greeted the two out in the open first, eyes flicking to the counter. “Nice try Princey.”
“Oh, come on!” Roman came back out into the open, pouting. Patton stifled a giggle.
“See? Soft.” Logan crossed his arms, looking smug.
“Well that’s just not fair.” Roman protested. “I mean, they already know we’re here. And they are our friends and want to keep us safe; of course they’d be looking for us. A normal human bean would never have seen me.”
“Eh.” Virgil looked unconvinced as he took a sip of his coffee. "You weren't subtle."
“You weren’t even there for the whole thing, emo nightmare.” Roman huffed, still pouting.
“Fine. Patton?” Virgil turned to his human roommate.
“Well…” Patton bit his lip. “You might want to be a little sneakier, kiddo…”
“Patton agrees with me, I win.” Virgil smirked.
“But what is the point?!” Roman said exasperatedly. “It’s like Patton said, we don’t have to do everything alone anymore.”
“Yes, but it keeps us from being entirely reliant on our human companions.” Logan explained. “And it is necessary for us to keep our borrowing tactics sharp for the future. After all, it’s not like we’re going to stay with them forever.”
Roman winced. An uncomfortable silence overtook them all, no one making eye contact. Patton looked down at his shoes, looking sad. Virgil took a long, loud slurp of coffee as if to fill the silence. Only Logan seemed unperturbed, looking confused at the sudden change in his associates’ behavior.