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Shockwave looked between the hole in the side of the Nemesis that had sucked no less than a dozen Vehicons out into the planet's upper atmosphere, and the seeker with an expression too stoic to have had nothing to do with it. He waited for an explanation. None was forthcoming.
"Why are you just standing there?" Starscream finally snapped, hands planted on his hips in as much of a power-stance as his minuscule frame could manage. "Fix it."
"You did this." Shockwave accused.
Starscream's wings stuck upright in the air. "You dare accuse me-"
Shockwave pointed to the security camera above them trained on the hallway. Starscream's face softened into something pathetic and frightened. "Ah, well, yes, I'm sure that camera...might have seen... something..." He trailed off, bringing his claws together worriedly. "Alright, what do you want?"
"Is it too much to ask you take responsibility for your own actions?"
"You want me to tell Megatron I blew a hole in his ship? You might as well be merciful and shoot me now."
Shockwave considered it. Starscream would deserve nothing less than for Megatron to launch him through the gaping hole much like the release of pressure had done those unfortunate Vehicons. It was tempting, and ordinarily he would press the issue. But for the first time, there was something he could use from Starscream.
"I require assistance."
"I'm not letting you experiment on me." Starscream immediately stepped back, hunching defensively.
Infuriating that he would think that. Starscream was too defective to be of use in any sort of experiment. Shockwave would never sully his lab with subpar CNA, it would be far more trouble than Starscream was worth. No, this was a more delicate matter.
"This has little to do with my work. It is of a personal nature."
It seemed this was the wrong thing to say. Starscream's suspicious optics widened from slits to dinner plates, thin mouth curving asymmetrically. "Oh, is it?"
Shockwave had to make a conscious effort not to shift his footing. "My my Shockwave. What is it that's so personal you would come to me for assistance?"
"Soundwave." His vocaliser felt too blunt and loud to speak the designation of the silent mech. Soundwave himself could be anywhere this very minute, listening, lurking, analysing. He could be recording this very conversation. The idea both thrilled Shockwave and filled him with dread.
Starscream's smirk widened.
Starscream wasn't sure where to start. Shockwave possessed about as much sex appeal as a trash compactor and Soundwave hadn't experienced an emotion beyond exasperation and boredom since before the golden age. The thought of either of them striking up anything resembling an intimate relationship was the stuff of horror flicks. He wondered what a psychiatrist would make of it.
Part of him suspected Shockwave was setting him up to fail, let him waste his time attempting the impossible only to inevitably fail, at which point Starscream would have to flee the ire of two terrifying warriors, and possibly an offended Soundwave as well, depending on how far this went.
(It might have been wiser to accept Megatron's punishment and be done with it than suffer this prolonged torture)
But another part of him -the part that didn't quiver in fear of Shockwave's menace- found the thought of the two most socially constipated Decepticons to have ever taken the pledge dancing around each other in an attempt at making their partnership decidedly less professional, was just too fun to pass up on.
He wondered what they'd even do. Soundwave couldn't speak, neither of them possessed a face, let alone a mouth, and -and come to think of it. They were perfect for each other actually.
"I suppose the most important thing to cover would be what not to do." Starscream began, circling Shockwave's broad frame. They had taken themselves to a more discrete setting, the empty storage hull beneath the throne room.
Shockwave's great red optic followed him eerily, "I find that... Illogical." He said one of his two favourite words. Starscream had been hoping for the other. "And a waste of limited time."
"I'm hardly charging you by the hour." Starscream sniffed, though really he should. He could make a killing.
"My time." Shockwave corrected.
Starscream pulled a face and decided to not press the issue of which of the two of them were likely to be more busy. "Oh come now, it won't take too long. You've already laid down the ground work, you and Soundwave being such good friends."
Shockwave stared at him.
"You," Starscream cleared his vocaliser. "You are friends, aren't you?"
"We are colleagues."
Oh Pit to it all. Starscream made a noise of frustration and brought his hands to his head. "Why am I being punished like this?" He asked the ceiling.
"You are a harlot with a commendably high success rate in seducing your betters." Shockwave answered as though he'd been speaking to him. Starscream was able to look beyond the insults littering that statement and focus on how Shockwave appeared to genuinely consider Soundwave 'his better'- especially as he had sought out Starscream for advice on how to earn the attentions of someone out of his league.
Starscream also decided not to correct Shockwave's assumption that he had ever seduced Megatron. (It was very much the other way around, thank you).
"I am interested in learning how you achieved it." Shockwave's voice broke through his musing.
"Hmm?"
"Your successful seduction of Lord Megatron." Shockwave repeated, sounding very much like he thought Starscream had used a simple-to-learn technique. Such as brainwashing. Or drugs. Or had held a gun to his head.
In actuality, it had involved Megatron sneaking up behind him on the bridge, working a thick arm around his waist and pressing hips against his backside, all while he'd made a lovely proposition of meeting in a security corridor five minutes from then.
But he wasn't going to tell Shockwave that.
"He fell for my charm." He lied. "So we'll need to work on yours. You know how to flirt, yes?"
Shockwave paused as though he was looking up the definition in his own head, "That term is unacceptably vague."
"Exactly." Starscream clapped his hands together gleefully. "When Soundwave- ahem, I mean, if Soundwave should happen to reject your advances it'll be easy enough to deny everything and save face."
"I do not fear rejection."
Everyone feared rejection.
"If that were true you wouldn't have come to me."
Shockwave denied nothing.
Megatron had experienced an entire morning free of bickering, screeching, and whining- for the first time in over a million years.
He tapped his tapered digits against the armrest of his throne, pondering how and why this could be. Starscream was neither dead nor injured nor banished. By all rights he should be here, under his pedes, pacing and snivelling and complaining about every being that had the audacity to so much as breathe the air anywhere near him.
Megatron wondered if his absence had something to do with that gaping hole in the port side of the Nemesis.
Megatron stood, turning to his silent solider. "Location on Starscream."
Soundwave's mask changed to a schematic of the Nemesis, complete with a handful of vital spark-signatures appearing as bright blue dots around the ship. Starscream's was directly below him, in the storage hull no one ever used. He had company.
Shockwave.
"Are they killing one another?"
Soundwave shook his head.
Better get down there regardless, he decided. The storage hull below the throne room would be the perfect place to plant a bomb meant to kill him all while he sat in the comfort of his own throne. It wouldn't, by far, be the worst Starscream had done to betray him.
The disused storage hull was dark when he stepped inside and he had to step around a tower of empty mining trollies before laying optics on Starscream, and Shockwave. Together. Embracing.
It took his processor a moment to catch up to his optics and decipher what it was he was seeing. Starscream had stepped into Shockwave's space, slender thighs threaded between huge bulky ones, back curved to press the swell of his chest out, wings high and confident.
And Shockwave had his one hand resting on the small of Starscream's back.
Hot air rushed from Megatron vents in one loud furious huff, loud enough even to disturb the silence of the empty hull. Starscream's head whipped around and he pushed against Shockwave's massive chest all in one smooth movement, like they had never been so close to begin with. Shockwave, to Megatron's disbelief, didn't react as though he'd been caught doing anything wrong at all.
Megatron wondered how well the scientist would do in battle with no hands, because he certainly didn't deserve to keep the one he had.
"Ah, master." Starscream slinked closer, smile shy and optics bright. Megatron couldn't manage much more than a curled lip and bared teeth.
"This is where you've been all morning?!" He hissed, the pound of his own fuel pump drumming through his lines.
"Shockwave and I have been improving our team work." Starscream smirked nastily, "Like you've always suggested we should."
Megatron looked to Shockwave, an honest mech whatever else he might have done. But he didn't hear an explanation.
"I am needed elsewhere." Shockwave decided it was time to leave. "Starscream, we will continue this another time."
He approached the door his leader was blocking, but Megatron had no intention of moving. He leant into Shockwave's space, following his lieutenant's awkward sidestep around him with as fierce a glower as he could manage. He hoped to intimidate, but could see little evidence of it working in Shockwave's sole optic.
The scientist slipped by him, and before Megatron could think to fling out an arm and catch him, Starscream skipped on by too.
"Starscream!" He barked, desperate to have him in his grasp, claws itching to curl around and reclaim dainty wings that were his by right. "Where are you going?!"
"Duty calls, master!" Starscream sang lightly, prancing behind Shockwave's lumbering strides. "Another time perhaps."
Megatron stared in disbelief, hot and cold all at once. An unlikely fraternisation it would be, but the evidence spoke for itself. Starscream had never been loyal in professional matters, it stood to reason he wouldn't be loyal in spark, either.
The thought alone was too much to bear.
He had to get to the bottom of this.
"So, where were we?" Starscream hummed as he began their lesson again, this time in the privacy of Shockwave's creepy lab. Hopefully Megatron wasn't going to barge in on them again. Idiot.
"You were in the process of molesting me." Shockwave answered.
Starscream scowled, "No. I was showing you how to molest- flirt- flirt! I was showing you how to flirt with Soundwave."
"Soundwave does not appreciate nonconsensual touching."
Starscream rolled his optics. If Shockwave knew so fragging much about Soundwave, why didn't he just figure this out for himself? "Fine, you want to stroll up to him and ask to hold his hand? Do it."
Shockwave didn't have a clever come back for that.
"I thought so." Starscream sniffed. "But since you're so adverse to the idea, we can try something else. Express your interest through a gift. What does Soundwave like? Other than eavesdropping on things that have little to do with him, and lurking."
Shockwave was still silent.
Starscream leered at him closely to ensure he was still awake in there. "What does he want?" He asked again.
"Soundwave wants what we all do; Decepticon victory and the conquering of all sentient life."
"That's not something we can stick in a box and wrap with a bow." Starscream griped. "Think materialistically. Polish? Treats? Rare gems-"
"Weaponry."
Starscream nodded awkwardly, "I suppose-"
"I shall design one for him now." Shockwave began to wander off.
"And how do you propose to give it to him," Starscream followed him before he could get too far. "as a gift, and not a tactical advantage you'd offer to any other Decepticon?"
Shockwave turned swiftly, the cabling for his gun swinging. "...Logical."
Starscream smirked. "See, I'm not just a pretty face."
"Debatable on both fronts."
If Starscream had been twelve feet taller and ten tonnes heavier, he might have smacked Shockwave around the head for that one. He let his wings settle low on his back. "At least I have a face."
"This pointless bickering is illogical."
"So is turning down my advice. I know what I'm talking about remember."
"I have made a mistake." Shockwave decided. "What works for you will not necessary work for myself. I cannot seductively drape myself across the nearest available surface as you can."
"Why, because it'd break?"
Shockwave turned away again.
"You're being defeatist." Starscream stamped a pede petulantly and began to follow him. "Too right you shouldn't drape yourself over a table but-" he stepped up to a large fluid filled test-tube and arranged himself into suggestive pose, leaning against it. Shockwave watched him tip his helm back and look him up and down with dimmed, shuttered optics, before winking and murmuring a husky, "Like what you see?"
Before Shockwave could comment of the ridiculousness of it, or much more likely, huff and turn away, there was a loud clang and curse from somewhere in the depths of the dark lab. They peered around curiously, but they were alone. It was probably an engine misfire somewhere within the ship.
Odd though. It had almost sounded like Megatron.
"I have a patrol it oversee." Starscream checked his chrono. "If you've decided to end this-"
"No." Shockwave interrupted. "I will see you again tonight. Report to my quarters."
Starscream rolled his optics and made a mocking attempt at a bow. "You're starting to sound like Megatron," he scoffed.
(Knowing Shockwave he'd probably take that as a compliment)
He left, oblivious to the pair of glowing optics watching from behind a yellowed test-tube.
From behind said test-tube, Megatron cursed his clumsiness. Spying was not in his forte. He'd need professional help if he was going to catch the two of them in the treacherous act, and a lot more patience to do it with tact.
Megatron had been ranting for upwards of three hours, and Soundwave, dutifully recording the entire thing, wasn't entirely sure how the subject matter had anything to do with his duties as spymaster. He had been waiting for Megatron to take a breath so he could make an attempt at an enquiry, but he had been waiting for some time.
"-just like Starscream to do something like this for the simple thrill of knowing what it would do to me but Shockwave should know better than to fall into berth with a traitor and a whore and when I catch them and I will, there will be no warning, no time to prepare before they meet with the end of my sword and I scatter their entrails across the very berth they sought to betray me on!"
He finally breathed, dropping to clutch at his throne. Soundwave projected the image of a question mark into his screen. Then enlarged it. Then set it to flash and sparkle so Megatron couldn't miss it.
But Megatron was too worn out to lift his head. "Did you get all of that?" He said gruffly into the seat of the throne.
Soundwave wasn't going to replay the entire thing, so he choose the soundbite that would sum up the situation best; a bellowing demand of, "-they think me a fool?!" from the very start of the rant.
Megatron huffed, "Watch them both and report back to me."
"-Shockwave should know better-" Soundwave replayed another section of the rant, knowing all was not as it seemed.
"I should have known better." Megatron said wearily, slumping defeatedly into his throne and bringing a hand to his forehead. "Seekers." He sighed, as though that explained it all.
Gathered evidence wasn't looking good so far. Laserbeak had filmed Starscream moving in and out of Shockwave's quarters every cycle this week, never staying the night, but remaining inside for several questionable hours.
Megatron had sunk his sword through the backrest of his own throne when the latest one showed Starscream leaving with a large smirk on his face, and Soundwave grew increasingly fearful for Shockwave's safety. Next time, Megatron might swing for him.
Until one morning Laserbeak caught footage of Starscream sneaking through the halls of the Nemesis with contraband purple high-grade cubes in his arms. Sneaking -to Shockwave's quarters. Soundwave waited for a reaction cautiously as Megatron gripped the console and allowed a contemplative expression to cross his face.
It was, from experience, far more terrifying than any temper tantrum he could have pulled.
"Soundwave." He rasped. "Bring up a search on courting rituals."
Ah, thought Soundwave, loading the screen with dozens and dozens of archived files, of course. A mech had 'challenged' Megatron, it was only natural the gladiator in him would want to best an opponent at their own game.
Between all the late nights spent watching sickening romantic holo-films with Shockwave in an attempt to get even the vaguest of emotional depth into what he was going to say to Soundwave to proposition to him, and his usual duties, Starscream wasn't getting the optimal recharge time he should have been getting. And was taking as many liberties as his rank allowed to extend his lost recharge time into his day shifts.
So he'd still been dozing, happily sprawled across the berth slab, when the door beeped open.
He sprung up, missiles armed and directed at the intruder.
Megatron stared at him in creepy silence like the universes's grumpiest cyber-cat, the edge of his helmet casting the top of his face into shadow. Starscream didn't lower his missiles.
"Morning master," he purred, glancing at the hand Megatron held behind his back. He wondered if it was a sword, or evidence of some wrong he was to blame for. Unlikely; he hadn't the time to do anything but torture himself with Shockwave for a full week now.
"What's that?" He nodded to whatever was concealed.
Megatron's scowl deepened, which Starscream would have thought impossible as the grumpiness was already at it's maximum setting. Two heavy slamming pedefalls and the towering mech was beside his berth, looming awkwardly. With a pained, constipated noise, he brought from around his back a fistful of mangled alien foliage.
Starscream veered away from the crumpled bouquet. "Dead flowers." He blinked. "Lovely."
Megatron slapped them on the berthside table with a careless whack. The flowers that had still possessed petals promptly lost them. Starscream grimaced. Megatron said nothing, leading Starscream to wonder why he'd just barged into his room to gift him something unpleasant like a toddler that didn't know any better.
Was he expected to put them on display? Or give them an appreciative sniff? Primus, he hoped not.
"You like them" Megatron said.
Starscream had no idea if that was a question or a statement. But it was better to go with caution.
"Yes I, I love..." He looked at them again, crushed and disfigured and actually, mostly weeds and twigs. "I love dead organic matter."
Megatron nodded approvingly. "I thought you would."
Starscream swallowed thickly. "...Thank you?"
Megatron's aloof expression finally twisted into a smirk more like him. Starscream tried to lean away and escape across the other side of the berth, but Megatron dropped to one hand and pinned him down with little more than just his domineering presence. He pushed their mouths together in a rough, fierce kiss, engine revving, teeth nipping. Starscream gripped Megatron's huge spiked shoulders and clumsily responded, flabbergasted.
Finally, Megatron drew back, straightening and wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. Starscream remained sprawled were he was, panting and mildly terrified.
Megatron left, but the promise in his optics implied he'd be back later.
Hopefully not with more dead things.
"You appear to have been mauled." Shockwave commented.
Starscream touched his senstive lips, still feeling the tingle Megatron's rough handling had put into his circuits, "Yes. I was."
Shockwave didn't question him further, either because he knew, or he didn't care.
"Let's get this roleplaying over with." He stepped up to Shockwave. "You be you, I'll be Soundwave. Ask me."
Shockwave awkwardly straightened, like he was about to deliver a long boring lecture to a large theatre rather than casually enquire if a close colleague was busy that evening. Starscream stopped him before he even began.
"No, you have to look at me- him. Look at him."
Shockwave's big optic brightened and widened to a terrifying size. Starscream took a step back. "Soundwave." Shockwave began. "I have studied the current shift schedule and discovered you are available for fraternisation this evening. Will you join me for a refuelling?"
Starscream breathed slowly. "That was awful."
Shockwave appeared confused. "I did everything as you explained I should."
"No, I said;" he leaned into Shockwave's chest, pointed finger at the ready. "'You, me, and a refuel on the observation deck tonight. You're not going to get any better offers'."
"It is insulting to suggest Soundwave would not get a better offer."
"No it's not." Starscream scoffed. "No one's lining up to clang Soundwave."
Shockwave's optics dimmed. "He is under-appreciated-"
"Now again," Starscream waved aside his concerns. "and then I'll show you how to use the high-grade to your advantage."
Shockwave had the nerve to look exasperated.
Megatron was beginning to feel better about things again. Starscream had melted under his charms and his touch, and it was only a matter of time before he realised that no mech could do for him what he did. Shockwave would be measured and found wanting, and when that happened, Starscream would come creeping back up the steps of his throne and be begging to clamber into his lap.
"Where is that idiot seeker?" He asked Soundwave casually.
Soundwave hesitated- not a good sign- and played a recording. Starscream's voice came over the speakers, low and seductively husky. "-you, me, and a refuel on the observation deck tonight -"
Megatron's hands tightened on the armrests of his already half-destroyed throne. He rose slowly. Soundwave was wise enough to move out of the way.
"Enough," Megatron was unable to make his voice any louder than a sharp malicious hiss. "Summon them. Both of them."
Soundwave did, wishing he could have warned them of what they'd be walking into without crossing an already vengeful Megatron.
Megatron was slouched in his throne, the grey storm clouds outside a reflection of the expression drawn into his battle-scarred face. Shockwave had never been particularly good at reading someone's face, even Megatron's, but Starscream's slow pace and hunkered down posture was indication enough that the Megatron before them was not a happy one.
He ignored how the seeker was attempting to use his broader frame as cover and strode to the base of Megatron's throne fearlessly, but little attention was given to him. If was clear Megatron had interest in only one of them.
Megatron stared at his war lieutenant like a mech possessed, vents slow and shaky as he fought to control his emotions. His claws had carved grooves into the armrests.
Shockwave half turned to Starscream's quivering frame. He would have raised an optical ridge. Had he possessed one.
"This isn't about the hole, isn't it?" Starscream cringingly asked.
Megatron opened his mouth to say something, then shut it in surprise, then barked incredulously, "I knew that was you!"
"An accident!" Starscream squeaked. "One Shockwave here should have had repaired a week ago. If anyone deserves a reprimand-"
"I will deal with Shockwave in time." Megatron snarled, leaning forwards in the throne. "He wouldn't be the first mech mislead by your trickery."
Shockwave didn't think he had ever been mislead by Starscream. If he had, it would be something worth considerable embarrassment. He peered at Soundwave out of the corner of his optic, looking for some indication as to what was going on. Starscream was currently stuttering that he'd only blown one insignificantly small hole in the hull, keeping Megatron distracted.
Soundwave's screen flashed with a skull and crossbones. A deathly omen if Shockwave had ever seen one.
"-couldn't care less about a hole, traitor! I know what you've been doing, slinking through the halls at night, crawling into berth with other mechs-"
This was news to Shockwave. Between assisting him in his 'seduction' lessons and his own standards duties, he was surprised Starscream had the time to solicit enough sexual attention to inspire jealously in Megatron.
Starscream gawped for a full five point six seconds, before indignity finally won out against cowardice. He straightened, face twisting and wings high. "How dare you insinuate-"
"Soundwave. Replay the recording!" Megatron bellowed
Soundwave stepped forward as his screen flickered to life with security footage from a camera outside Shockwave's quarters and played a five second clip of Starscream darting down the dark hallway, looking both ways, before slipping inside his room.
Oh, Shockwave realised, turning with a start to face Megatron. Oh.
He stepped forward, optic focused straight ahead so he wouldn't have to see Soundwave's reaction to this unfortunate misunderstanding. "There has been a mis-"
"You really think I'd clang Shockwave!" Starscream bellowed.
Megatron stood, "I have proof-"
"You have nothing!" Starscream howled, shaking from thrusters to wing tips with fury. "How hard did Prime hit you this time?! Do you even have a processor left-?"
Megatron snarled furiously and began stamping down from the throne.
"-is that why you bulldozed your way into my quarters with that disgusting bouquet?" Starscream continued, walking backwards to keep him at a distance, circling behind Shockwave as Megatron stalked faster. "You battery licking old fool-!"
"Starscream-"
"This is stalker worthy. How long have you had your pet spymaster watching me-!"
Shockwave caught Starscream's arm when the seeker attempted to use him a shield, less for Megatron's benefit and more out of an instinctive response to the unnecessary 'pet' insult that he had aimed at Soundwave. Starscream yelped when he was swung in an arc and launched into Megatron's waiting grasp.
Megatron's fist wrapped around his throat, and Shockwave wondered if this was all going to end in his leader finally throttling his lover-rival in the middle of the throne room.
But he didn't. With a snarl that was parts repressed lust and fury, Megatron yanked Starscream in until their faces were almost touching. "Explain." He rasped. "Now."
Starscream's wide optics darted to Shockwave. "I was helping him-"
"You don't help anyone unless it benefits you."
Starscream made a strangled snorting noise. "Fine. He was blackmailing me into helping him."
Megatron gave him brief shake, optics alight with suspicion. "For what?"
Shockwave stepped forward, arm outstretched, but Starscream was already spilling his secrets, "Help seducing Soundwave."
Shockwave looked past the bickering couple to the mech in question. Soundwave hadn't moved.
Megatron's fist fell away, and Shockwave was embarrassed at how easily his leader accepted the explanation. "So, you did not appreciate my gift."
Starscream rubbed at his throat cabling, but did not move away. "They were dead, Megatron."
"Of course they were dead. The very act of picking them kills them."
"You mashed them in your big stupid hands."
They continued to bicker, decidedly less volatile, and -now that Shockwave had learnt what to look for- flirty too. He walked in a wide arc around them, feeling foolish and clumsy when his optic met Soundwave's mask. He was unsure what was worse, that Soundwave knew the illogical lengths he had gone to, or that he even knew of his emotional weakness in the first place.
And for it all to have come out in front of Megatron...
"I apologise." He began, but nothing else seemed to want to come out. Loitering too long would do little to improve his standing with the spymaster, so he turned to leave.
"-want to stroll up to him and ask to hold his hand?" Starscream's snide voice played through Soundwave's speakers; a conversation from the very start of the week. Shockwave stopped and turned to find Soundwave closer, within arms length. "Do it."
Shockwave extended his large hand, palm up. "May I?"
Soundwave's head tilted, looking between the offered hand and Shockwave. Long slender fingers slipped along his palm, touch cool and cautious. Shockwave closed his hand around him, and fingers threaded together.
Behind them, oblivious to the blossoming new relationship, Starscream was trying to taunt Megatron into chasing him through the ship, striking all those ridiculous poses he had tried to teach him. Megatron's engines rumbled low and approvingly, earlier bout of jealously-induced insanity void.
The racket of their commander's subsided as they moved through the doors, uncaring of anything but each other.
Alone and in peace now, Soundwave's hand squeezed his as he leant up to tap the edge of his slowly pulsing screen to Shockwave's helm in an affectionate nudge.
And to think it could have been that easy.