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“I just want that asshole to decide what he wants from the beginning rather than making us redo the same report eighteen times. Is that so much to ask?”
Wufei couldn’t summon up more than a tired mumble. Duo had been arguing in absentia with their new boss every few hours, as comments and revisions came back down on the same after-action reports over and over.
“I am one more revision from throwing my badge in his face and walking out, I swear to God.” Trying to pull off his lanyard to demonstrate this imagined moment, Duo got it caught in his braid and had to spend a few moments disentangling himself.
Wufei interrupted the resulting curses by hauling Duo to a stop with a handful of his jacket.
“What? He’s not here,” Duo protested, “I’m not going to get into trouble if I vent to my own damn husband about my stupid—”
Wufei interrupted him again with a weary nod to the ground a few feet in front of Duo, where a small angry bird was screaming at them. “Vent all you want, don’t run over the wildlife.”
“It would have moved,” Duo protested, stepping forward again before realizing that the bird was, in fact, not moving. Instead it continued to screech its protest up at Duo, puffing its feathers up to double its size. “Or...maybe not. Why are you just screaming in the middle of the parking lot, little bird? Are you hurt?”
“Leave it alone, Duo.” Wufei had long experience with Duo’s seemingly inexhaustible fascination with earth wildlife and knew where this was going. They were working too much overtime for Duo to try to nurse yet another animal back to health in their garage. Wufei used his grip to try to steer his husband in the direction of the car. “You can call Trowa on the way home if you want.”
“Oh, it’s not hurt; it’s got a nest! A parking lot is a terrible place for a nest,” Duo informed the bird as though it could understand him. He twisted easily out of Wufei’s grip and crouched closer for a better look. “You need...ah!”
“Can we please just go home?” Wufei pleaded with Duo’s retreating back as he ran off back towards the building, and receiving only a waving hand acknowledging his protest. In a moment though, Duo reappeared hefting two pineapple-sized pieces of concrete which had broken off from the edge of the parking lot.
For a brief, startled moment, Wufei thought Duo was planning to smash the nest with them. But instead Duo put them down near the bird and nudged them into a wedge protecting the nest from two sides. The bird protested this intrusion by puffing itself up even further, its squawking going shrill, and attempting to peck his fingers.
“Duo what—”
“This way it won’t get run over because they’ll hit the asphalt first. And I’ll feel like I actually did something productive today instead of just running on a fucking hamster wheel. Give me a hand finding another one? There might be some over by the guard shack,” Duo suggested, pointing in the right direction with his most hopeful expression.
Wufei knew when he had lost before he’d started. Besides, the bird looked about as tired as he felt, and he couldn’t help but feel at least a little bit of kinship for the poor thing. “Fine, I’ll go see if the guard has anything. But watch your fingers,” he warned, as he turned to head back towards the building, “If you can’t type tomorrow because it bit you, I’m not lying about how it happened so you look better.”
“It will make me look awesome and you just don’t want to finish my reports,” Duo called cheerily after him, making sure he got in the last word before taking off to look in the other direction.
When Wufei returned with two bright orange traffic cones instead of the requested barrier, Duo was poking a third piece of asphalt he’d found carefully into place. He leaned out of the way so Wufei could put the cones next to the nest. “Ok, I guess those are probably a better idea than I had,” he admitted.
“The more protection the better when Yuy’s driving in this parking lot,” Wufei conceded in return, brushing a fond hand over Duo’s head before grabbing his braid and giving it a tug to get him up and moving. “Now come on. I’m hungry, and this is making me want to make chicken and eggs for dinner just to balance out the universe.”
“You’re terrible. You’re a terrible person,” Duo laughed, finally letting himself be pulled up and directed towards home.