Chapter Text
"Now then, are there any volunteers among the young ladies?" Effie said poshly.
Peeta rolled his eyes. It was a formality. There were never any volunteers in Twelve. Years ago, it was said that people were allowed to volunteer after the name had been called, but that didn't work out. There were always a few kids too weak and sickly to work in the mines, and they would volunteer to save another; in exchange for having their own families looked after by the community. The idea of volunteering with the hope of winning wasn't even a possibility.
Haymitch's win broke the mold; and he didn't volunteer. Peeta reflected. I wonder if I'd be willing to Volunteer to keep others safe…
Peeta shook his head. Even if I was, it's wrong, sacrificing your life at seventeen because your siblings are too hungry to keep you.
Effie reached into the bowl with great ceremony, and despite himself, Peeta glanced over at where Katniss stood. He did it every year. Katniss was sixteen. Another two Reapings, and she'd be safe. But Katniss' eyes were glued to Prim. Prim was twelve. Her first time in the bowl.
I wonder if my older brothers ever worried like that for me.
Effie drew out the name. "Our female Tribute… Primrose Everdeen!"
Peeta felt his stomach drop. Katniss went a little insane. She threw herself forward, and was stopped well before she reached her sister. Peeta took one step forward to try and get to her, but there was no way past the row of guards.
"I volunteer!" Katniss shrieked. "I volunteer as Tribute!"
Effie let out a long suffering sigh. "I'm sorry, miss; but the time for that has passed. If you wanted to volunteer, you should have said so when it was your turn."
Peeta felt a low coil of something dark grow in the pit of his stomach. Of course. Any way to make this moment feel any worse, the Capitol found and put into practise long ago.
"And now our male Tribute… Do we have any volunteers?
I could protect her. Peeta thought, and pushed that thought away instantly. It hurt like hell to see Katniss being held down by four different Peacekeepers as Prim walked to the stage as bravely as she could. He almost wanted to volunteer but the time for that was over, and there was nothing to be gained by-
"Our male tribute… Peeta Mellark."
Peeta almost didn't register. He'd been thinking about it so hard that it almost felt like he'd been granted his wish.
Reality closed in soon after.
Peeta was pacing the waiting room, working off his nerves. He'd been watching the Games his whole life. They were mandatory viewing, after all. He knew he'd have to be calm once he got on the train.
The door opened, and he turned, mildly surprised. He hadn't expected...
Madge stepped in. "Can I come in?"
"Sure." Peeta smiled.
Madge looked around. "Nobody... here?"
"They had to go and tell my family. Most of my brothers are over eighteen." Peeta explained.
"Yeah, but they still assembled, surely? I mean, the whole District..." Madge shook her head. "No, doesn't matter." She shut the door behind her. "I just came from Prim. Katniss is trying to drill five years worth of hunting skill into a five minute conversation."
Peeta scoffed. "If they'd let her volunteer, she'd be Sudden Death."
Madge nodded. "Yeah. But let's be honest... If Katniss had been picked, you'd have volunteered the second you had a chance."
Peeta said nothing, jaw dropping.
"What? Was it meant to be a secret?" Madge smirked.
"She doesn't even know I exist, Madge." Peeta admitted. "If... When the worst happens-"
"Don't say that. I've seen you in the gym. You can press more weights on one hand than most boys in the competitions, and you can do it on three days of starvation rations. Don't count yourself out."
"Didn't know you were watching."
"Me and half the girls in class." Madge admitted.
"Madge, if I come back alive, it means Prim is dead." Peeta countered softly.
"Peeta..." Madge said softly. "If you think you can get Katniss to fall for you from beyond the grave..."
"I'm not an idiot, Madge. I know it's crazy. But..." Peeta waved an arm at the door. "Look around. Prim has a dozen people fighting to see her and wish her luck, and my own mother only stayed long enough to tell me that she thought they should have let Katniss volunteer because The District should have the win."
Madge scowled. "I... I don't really have a lot to offer you."
"You came. It was nice of you."
Madge came and made him look at her. "Listen to me. You're strong. You're stoic. But your... edge? It will be your alliances."
"Nobody allies with Twelve Tributes."
"But they aren't you." Madge pressed him. "Peeta, you're the only guy I know that could get Darius to donate his own food rations at the Hob. The only guy who could calm that feral horse that wandered into the Seam. You could probably make a Tracker-Jacker team with you if you tried."
Peeta chuckled. "Thanks."
"It's not a compliment, Peeta. It's your strategy." Madge said seriously. "Remember, it's all a show. If you can't be deadly, be likeable. It'll make them cheer for you."
"Madge." Peeta insisted. "If I win-"
"If you say her name again, I'll hit you." She said nicely. "Unrequited Love is a hard enough thing, Peeta; but it shouldn't be a death sentence." She sighed. "I'm so sorry for how this played out."
"I'm sorry too. For you, I mean." Peeta said quietly. "I think we both know Gale won't leave Katniss' side ever again, no matter what happens in the Arena."
Madge winced hard. "I guess the odds just weren't in our favor. Not for any of us."
Knock knock.
Peeta's father, Walt Mellark; poked his head in. He saw Madge and smiled. "Oh. Should I come back later?"
"Somehow, I don't think that's an option." Madge commented, and turned back to Peeta. "Listen... If..." Madge struggled to put it into words, before she leaned over and gave Peeta a swift kiss on the cheek. "Good luck."
She left them then. When the door opened, Peeta could hear Katniss' voice. She was talking to Gale, hovering around the entrance to the room.
She came to see me?
The door closed again, and Peeta's father reached out to give him a tight hug. "Peeta, I-"
"I love you, dad." Peeta said softly. "And mom. Whatever happens, don't let this be something between you."
His father nodded. "Peeta... I know how to keep a family together when there's nothing there. I've done it before."
"Good, because if I don't come back, you'll have to do it for two families."
His father hesitated.
"Promise me!" Peeta insisted. "All those stories you told me about Katniss' mom... You know how she reacted when her husband died. If that happens again, Katniss might not... be enough. Don't you let them starve. Not ever."
"Peeta, I tried my hardest to give them food after the mine collapsed, but..."
Peeta went past him to the door, opened it, and gestured for Gale to come in. Katniss was left staring, stunned, and more than a little curious as her best friend was summoned in by a Tribute.
"Dad, this is Gale Hawthorne. Gale, this is my father." Peeta said crisply. "If the worst happens, I need you to come to him at the Bakery. He will have food for Prim's family. If I come back, I don't think she'll accept anything from me, no matter how bad it gets. If neither of us come back, she still won't. But she'll accept help from you. So you bring her rolls and breads... But you can't ever tell her where it comes from; or why."
Gale stared, nodding slowly. He hadn't even asked which 'she' Peeta meant. It was clear he was figuring something out, but Peeta didn't care. His life could be measured in weeks, and he'd never see Katniss again.
"I should have volunteered." Gale said quietly.
"She'd never have forgiven you." Peeta said quietly. "Either she comes back or you do? Either way, an impossible position for Katniss." He shrugged weakly. "Easier if it's me. But I'll fight for her, Gale. I promise, I'll do what you would do."
"I had no idea." Gale admitted.
"I did." Walt murmured.
"Katniss didn't." Gale added. "Or at least she never mentioned it to me."
Peeta paused. "Dad, give us a minute?"
Walt nodded and hugged his son, knowing he'd never see him again. "You are the bravest soul I know, Peeta. Good luck."
Walt left them then, and Peeta returned to his conversation with Gale. "Katniss could walk through fire and not notice the heat." Peeta said. "But look who I'm telling."
Gale pulled his head in, and glanced at the door. Speaking softly, it was unlikely she'd heard. "You noticed."
"We're in love with someone who's vowed never to feel a moment's love for anything." Peeta commiserated. "For years, it's been torture. Today, it's almost a relief."
"Gotta look real hard for that silver lining." Gale almost laughed.
Peeta looked at him. "Thing is, she failed. She volunteered to die in her sister's place. That's love. If Prim dies, it will crush her completely. She'll need you."
"Thank you, for that deal with your father. You're right. She'll accept it from me." Gale shook his hand firmly. "I can't offer much, but I'll guard Katniss with my life. Good luck in there."
"Good luck back here." Peeta returned. I wonder if Gale and I would have been friends, if neither of us had met Katniss?
And then Gale left. A moment later, Katniss was shoved into the room forcibly, by Gale and Madge. She looked like she wanted to be anywhere else.
Peeta didn't know what to say to her either. He'd rehearsed a thousand conversations with her, a thousand ways he'd say it. None of them worked any more.
Finally, she broke the silence. "Your dad gave Prim some cakes."
Peeta nodded.
Long silence.
"Are you scared?" She asked finally. "Because Prim is... remarkably calm. She said she wanted to be a doctor, or at least a nurse, so I guess..."
"Yeah, I'm scared." Peeta admitted. "I just... I hope they don't change me."
"What do you mean?"
"I think I could be a killer, if my life was at stake. If Prim's life was at stake... But I see the Victors, crowing about their kills, and I wonder how they can get themselves to that point? I just hope... I just hope that when it comes down, I'll still be me, and not just a piece in their games..." He saw her face, and chuckled at himself. "I know, stupid."
"Not stupid." She said softly. "But if I was going with you, I don't think I'd be so…"
Long silence.
Katniss sighed. "I should have thanked you. For the bread. I should have said something." She said finally. "I wanted to, but by the time I knew we weren't going to starve, I didn't know what to say, and after a while there wasn't anything I could say that would be enough... You never get a chance to repay that first debt. And this was the biggest thing anyone could have ever... You saved her life, Peeta."
She said my name. She actually knows my name. He slapped that thought down. All Panem knows my name now.
Katniss wouldn't look at him. "I didn't know... if it was deliberate. When you burned the bread. Did you even know I was there?"
"I knew." Peeta promised. "I would have brought out the entire bakery if I thought-"
"No, don't." Katniss shook her head very fast. "Don't make it nicer. Because I still can't pay you back." She whispered. "I can't even wish you luck, because if you win, it means..."
"I know." Peeta let her off the hook. "Katniss... I promise, I will send her home to you."
Katniss finally looked at him, alarmed. "What? Why would you..." She blinked hard, trying to figure out what he'd just said. "Why would you promise me that?"
"Because if I come back, it means I failed to save Prim. And if she comes back, then it means I'm dead. And if neither of us come back, it means both." Peeta said. "So this is the only chance I'll ever get to tell you..."
Katniss stared at him, eyes getting bigger and bigger.
Finally, Peeta summoned up every ounce of courage he'd ever had, took two steps forward, and kissed Katniss passionately. He'd imagined it so often it took him a moment to realize it was actually their first kiss.
Katniss responded with a move that every teenage girl in Twelve knew, and the wonderful feeling of her lips on his broke quickly. It had lasted three heartbeats. Long enough for Peeta. "I should have asked first, I know." He breathed. "Forgive me, given the circumstances?"
Katniss was staring at him, fingertips resting on her mouth like she was trying to decide if that had really happened.
The silence stretched, and Peeta spoke again. "Katniss, if you ever again feel a moment's guilt about not paying me back for the bread, trust me: We're more than even."
Katniss was still staring at him, struck mute. She stepped backwards until she hit the door, and then spun, fumbling for the doorknob.
She was halfway out the door, still in shock when she turned back. "Um... good luck. Only, not good luck, because that means..." Katniss cleared her throat, turning bright pink. "Buh-Bye, Peeta."
The door shut so fast it bounced instead of catching on the latch. Madge and Gale were watching Katniss go, jaws hanging open. It was clear they'd heard everything.
Peeta was struggling to to jump up and down with sheer elation. He'd had the nerve to kiss Katniss. He'd actually gone through with it. Let the Arena do its worst. He'd never done anything harder or scarier. The Tributes were child's play now.
Peeta saw Madge, smiling broadly at him as she quietly led Gale away by the arm...
And the strategy started to form in his head.