Chapter Text
Jean Kirstein was singlehandedly the most stubborn, irritating asshole that Eren Jaeger had the misfortune of meeting . Worse still, Eren had to spend hours on end of his summer break with the damned bastard. Even worse, Eren was the kind of employee that was dedicated to excellent customer service and creating a great work environment, mostly because he was more than a little terrified of the manger, Levi, but Eren Jaeger never did anything half way; and Jean was the most laid back, sloppy and carefree douche that was really just there to make a bit of extra money on top of his student loans for partying.
The Vanilla Bean House was a small kitsch cafe on the corner of the trendy college area of town. The manager, who also happened to be the owner, was infamous across campus for being the most terrifying man within a fifty mile radius. There were rumours going around that his glare could stop someone's heart, like Darth Vader's force choke or something; other rumours said that if anyone crossed him they would end up in pasties and endless drivel along those lines.
Eren wasn't so sure about those things, but Levi had banned someone for life because they spilt black coffee all over the carpeted section of the floor and had fired the guy Jean replaced on the spot for doing a half assed job on cleaning the espresso machine. There had been various incidents where Levi had glared freaking shurikens at Eren for not calling the previous employees out on their shitty cleaning skills.
So, Eren was beyond confused when Levi had introduced him to Jean as his new colleague. Eren already knew Jean, they'd known each other since elementary school and currently had European History and sociology classes together at college. They were sworn enemies, Jean was Eren's nemesis. He couldn't remember when or how it had started, but it only increased in intensity and violence as the years went on.
Throughout the years Eren had learnt that Jean was consistently late for classes, always did projects the night before they were due, he was the 'life of the party', a playboy, washed his clothes once every two months when his mum came to collect them and despite all this he still got the exact same grades as Eren did. When Levi had made them shake hands because the guy is at least 50% evil, Eren had all but burst a blood vessel at the smug self satisfied grin not a meter from his face.
Their shifts consisted of Jean half assing everything and Eren constantly cleaning up after him. He would admit that Jean's employment might have in some small way contributed to the growth in popularity that the cafe had recently experienced, but he'd never say it out loud.
That day was hot as all hell, it was lunch time, the cafe was two thirds full and Jean was holding up the queue trying to hit on Eren's sister, Mikasa, who in turn was lecturing Eren about putting her red scarf in the white wash. He was about ready for the ground to open up beneath him and swallow him whole.
"It's your fault for entrusting me with the sacred act of washing your clothes, I take no responsibility and Levi will kill me if you don't get out of the way, you're holding up the queue," Eren gestured behind Mikasa.
"You're brother's a ingrate, so little respect for the wonderful woman that supports him," Jean tutted leaning on his elbows over the counter. Eren groaned dragging his hand over his face.
"Whatever, I'm sorry I ruined all of our shirts and socks could you please let me get on with my job before my untimely execution, please," Eren held his hands together pleadingly in front of Mikasa's face.
"Okay, but you better remember next time," Mikasa thrust her finger into Eren's chest before turning to leave.
"Bye Mikasa," Jean waved his fingers at her back as Eren began to serve a customer, apologising for the wait.
"Stop being a creep and actually do your job for once, jeez," Eren grumbled working the coffee machine.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jean said as he shamelessly watched Mikasa leave. Eren kicked Jean in the shin as he brought the customer their order.
~~~
The flow of customers had slowed as the day grew darker, Eren was sweeping and stacking the chairs as Jean leaned carelessly against the counter.
"Hey Jaeger," Jean called, examining his nails, "do you ever relax," that was definitely an insult.
"Would you just shut up and help me," Eren stopped his movements, putting a hand on his hip.
"And why would I do that?" Jean said absently kicking his boot against the tiles.
"I know this concept is going to blow you equine mind, but if you helped me we'd actually get out of here on time for once," Eren yelled dropping the broom to the floor with a loud clack.
"Chillax Jaeger, don't have a nosebleed," Jean droned, Eren noticed that the stupid flannel shirt Jean wore was coming apart at seams and it only irritated him more.
Eren stomped over to Jean and punched him square in the face. The force of it barely moved the taller, but did at least make his nose bleed. Jean wiped the blood away with the sleeve of his shitty shirt, the sight only served to make Eren angrier.
"Could you stop being an asshole for like five minutes," Eren exploded, gripping Jean's collar in his fist.
"How about this for help" Jean promptly headbutted Eren, the crack of Eren's nose echoed in the almost empty shop.
They glared at each other, Eren pinching his nose whilst Jean had already stuffed tissues up his. Eren lifted his leg to kick Jean in the stomach, Jean raised his fist to crack Eren across the jaw. Nothing connected and their limbs were caught in the air, they both turned to their right with a faint look of horror on their faces.
"If you're gonna act like animals I'll take you two brats to the zoo," Levi's flat voice cut through the atmosphere like a katana.
"S-sorry Levi, it won't happen again," Eren's voice went two octaves higher and if Jean weren't on the verge of shitting his pants he'd have laughed at the idiot.
"That's an outright lie," Levi's brows knitted together, "could you at least temper your testosterone until you're out of my cafe, you little shits?" The grip on their limbs tightened before Levi dropped them. "Get out of my sight," he seethed.
Eren and Jean scrambled to the door, slapping each other and mumbling curses as they tried to get through the door at the same time. Levi kicked the both of them through the entrance, they fell flat on their asses.
"Get it together shittards," Levi shouted from the doorway, "I'll see you tomorrow," he slammed the door, the glass rattled dangerously in the frame.
~~~
Eren spent the night scowling at his ceiling fan, thinking about all the things that Jean did that annoyed him.
Fuck Jean fucking Kirstein and his fucking Greek God horseface, his fucking stupidly slender and pale fingers that were perfect for playing the piano. Fuck his shitty clear skin, I bet he's never had a spot in his life. His fucking easy going demeanour, constant slacking, how the fuck does that idiot get the same grades as me, it's a crime against humanity. Jean fucking Kirstein is a crime against humanity.
Eren groaned loudly, throwing the covers over his head.