Chapter Text
Spain walked in through the kitchen door and sat himself down next to brother. He looked a bit down.
"Hello Spain! How are you?" I asked.
"Hello Italy." he muttered back.
"What the hell is wrong with you, you tomato bastard?"Romano questioned. Both of us could see there was something off.
Spain reached for brother's hand. "Prussia's gone. He wasn't needed anymore. now the only nation with two representatives... is yours."
"What!?" brother tugged roughly at his hand as Spain stared up at me.
"What do you mean, Spain? Where's Prussia gone?" I asked nervously.
"He's dead you idiot!"Romano barked at me.
"But... wasn't he .."
"One German's enough. He's gone. You are the only pair left." Spain sounded on the verge of tears, holding tightly onto Romano's hand.
Both of us knew what the Spaniard meant. Romano glanced up at me.
"Spain relax" I said, giving my best smile, "You have no reason to worry about us... but, who told you about Prussia? Germany hasn't been talking to me properly in ages."
He looked up again. "Was out with France. We were about to go get Prussia, we met Austria on the way. He told us. Germany's kept quiet about this... I think you should go see him once. Apparently he won't talk to anyone."
The fork fell out of my hand. Pasta can wait. I need to get to Germany... oh no... oh no... Germany!...
I got up and rushed out, leaving the two behind, holding each other close.
-×-
I reached Germany's front door and stopped just before entering to catch my breath ... I had really stopped running since Germany stopped training me.
"Italy?"
"Ah! Mr.Austria!... Is it true? Is Prussia really..."
His eyes were red. Mr.Austria had been crying? That's new... oh right! He was one of Prussia's oldest friend after all.
He nodded, taking out a kerchief to wipe his face.
"Did Spain tell you?"
I nodded. "May I ...?" I pointed to the door.
"Did you ever get to know Prussia? Do you remember him?" he asked me.
"I do remember seeing him a few times at your house back when I lived with you... and we got along quite well recently. But... how is Germany doing? Is he OK?"
"I haven't seen any expression on his face in the last few days. He hasn't even slept or eaten. Go see for yourself."
Oh no. Oh no. "Right away Mr.Austria!"
I dashed in at once.
"Ger-" I caught myself before I could finish. Shouting would not be appropriate. I wondered how Germany was feeling. Of course I knew he was sad, but how much? The brothers got along well enough, but I'd never felt they were as close as Roma and myself ... but it's hard to tell when it's Germany we're talking about.
The living room was empty... and in a rather dusty and messed up state. This was so unlike Germany. All neat piles of old books and documents and paintings all scattered about... had he been searching for something?
I walked on my tip-toes to his bedroom. There he was; at his desk, with his head down.
Oh no...
I rushed towards him... his back was still rising and falling with a shallow rhythm. I breathed a sigh of relief... I don't know why I was suddenly scared. I moved to the side and looked at his sleeping face. He looked so young. Like a little boy, all his sternness gone. I couldn't help the little smile on my face. Oh sweet Germany, what are you doing to yourself?
"Germany" I whispered. Normally, that would be enough to rouse him, but he didn't budge. I reached out to touch his cheek, and that's when I saw it. His cheeks were stained ... He had been crying.
I don't know why, but this realisation hit me in the face like a brick. Germany ... my brave strong Germany, had passed out from exhaustion and ... tears.
"You are so stupid Germany. Why do you do this to yourself? You know I'm right here, why can't you just talk to me?"
He remained unreactive as I gently ran my fingers through his messy blond locks.
He was still clutching his dear old fountain pen in his hand. He had been writing?
I noticed the thick black volume beside him. A very old Diary, bound in leather, and still in proper shape.
I took the pen gently from his hand and set it aside. I draped the blanket on his bed over him, and picked up the diary.
Is this Germany's? How stupid of me, of course it's his! ... Should I read it? I don't think so, after all, it's his personal diary, that would be rude...
But I want to help him! I can't bear to see him so broken... with his skin so much paler and his body so weak, I have to help him! And he won't talk to me either... this is the only way.
I took the volume outside with me to the yard and sat down. Damn consequences! Germany comes first.
I tentatively flipped the diary open. It seems like he has been writing it it for centuries. I decided to quickly flip through.
Some of the pages had new photos attached to them with paper clips. I decided to start on the first photo.
It was a photo of an old painting. A much younger Prussia, holding an even younger Germany in his arms, both with broad grins on their faces. Beside it on the page, in the writing of a child trying to be his neatest was a short entry.
"Hello. My name is Germany. I was just created. Father Germania tells me I am the newest in their family, and I'm destined to be a great nation. All these older nations were fighting over me, but one won over them all. His name is Prussia! He says he'll help me grow strong, and he'll help me with everything. I look forward to growing up with him."
So, this is how you met?...
Another entry read: "I feel so weak and scared. All these other countries are so big and strong. I don't know how I'll ever be able to defeat them"
I flipped on to the next attached picture. It was a photograph of another old painting. Here Germany was a little older, but still in Prussia's arms. He had Prussia's hat on, too big for his little head, but his grin was bigger. And Prussia's eyes gleamed with joy. He looked so happy. Both of them looked so happy.
"Today they were bullying me again. I felt like crying. I can never stand up to them. I was sitting by myself when they found me, they tried to hit me with sticks and I started to cry. Suddenly, like a fairy, Prussia came out of no where! They ran away at the sight of him, and he slowly came to me and picked me up. I thought he's scold me like Germania did, but he didn't. I said sorry. He asked why. I told him I could never be as strong as him. He just laughed. Took off his hat, and put it on my head.
He then said, 'Only the best of the best can wear it. Or else it will burn. Is it burning?' ... I said no.
'Then just wait and watch. I will help you. My little brother will be the strongest.'
'Brother you are awesome!' I told him. He smiled again."
So that's how Prussia became awesome...
I flipped over to the next page with a photo. I had never seen the man before, but I knew it was Germania. Grandpa Rome had told me about him. Beside him on one side stood Prussia and on the other Austria. In front of Prussia, stood a teenage Germany.
"Germania is gone. It's just brother and me. Austria came by. I do not like him too much, he keeps insulting brother. I almost punched him, but brother stopped me...
Brother suddenly looks older. He looks less like my brother and more like a father. He told me not to worry. He said I still had him. I had nothing to worry about, nothing to be scared of. He promised me he won't leave me ever."
Oh Germany... I choked back a sob. This reminded me of Grandpa Rome...
"Brother gave me such a beautiful pen for my birthday this year. I will treasure it forever."
He did carry the same pen for ages...
the very next page read: "Brother always has such a big smile on his face. Austria calls him an air head. I know it's not true. Brother doesn't know, but I have seen his smile slip and his face go blank, so tired. I know he cries by himself at night. I can hear him in the next room if I put my ear to the wall.
Austria says that brother only acts strong. He says brother is helpless. He is wrong. Maybe he is jealous. I know brother is strong... but if what he says is true, then I will become stronger and protect him."
You lived up to your promise Germany...
The next picture was Prussia with his king, old Fritz. I had heard the name before, I knew this entry was by an adult Germany. It was rather brisk.
"Old Fritz is dead. Brother is devastated... He cried is front me for the first time. I tried my best to comfort him, but he's so shattered, now I must protect him..."
the next picture was that of the brothers with the Kaiser, back during the First War.
None of them smiled; it was all business.
"The new Kaiser promises glory. Brother trusts him, I see no reason not to. Austria and Hungary are on our side, and I have managed to befriend a descendant of Rome. He isn't much, but I think I trust him. This will be my first battle for glory"
I felt a pang of guilt as I turned to the next page. I knew what was coming.
"We lost! That America is made of something entirely different! And that stupid Italian betrayed us. I feel so ashamed of myself for trusting that fool. But brother has it worse. He is left so broken and weak, I failed to protect him..."
I'm so sorry, my love... I was just so scared back then. Is that why you still didn't call me now? ...
Then came the devil himself. The first real photograph in the book, the oldest. The brothers looking so regal, I remember how irresistible I found him then... and between them, Adolf Hitler.
"I am scared for brother now. This man Hitler does not sit well with me. But brother is persistent. Thirsty for revenge. I told him he doesn't have to prove himself to anyone, but he called me a coward. I had to join, and so did Austria. Also, Italy came crawling back. We formed an alliance again, but I don't know anymore..."
I dreaded where this was heading, but I forced myself to carry on...
Both were hugging, the picture taken by a third party. I did not need to see the picture to know exactly when this was... I was there, just some distance behind, waiting as Germany bid his brother farewell.
"Curse those Allies! Curse Hitler! That bloody rascal! I swear I will rip all these people apart. But I barely have anything now. They split us with this gargantuan wall. Brother was sent away with the traitor Russia, his kingdom officially dissolved... and here I still am. Powerless. Helpless. At their mercy as they tear us apart. Italy says all we can do is hope, that this will end soon. I hope he is right."
What else could we do?...
I had stayed him as long as I could back then, but he never seemed so distraught. He was working so hard on rebuilding his nation, I didn't even realise how much he was hurting inside... What a horrible lover I have been...
I took the next picture myself. It was after the wall broke. Prussia had come back alive, but both of us could tell he wasn't the same. Whatever had been done to him in Russia, had changed him forever. But the picture told nothing of this. It was the two of them locked in a tight embrace. I remember I could see both of their eyes tearing up.
"The wall has fallen. Brother is alive. I'm so glad... but he's no longer the awesome Prussia I knew... all that's left of him, is a hollow damaged shell. I will personally stab Russia to death when I find out what he did... But I don't want to ask brother. I don't want to force him to remember. Now I will not let him out of my sight. I'll protect him no matter what. If he's still alive, after his country got dissolved, this must be a miracle."
The next few were newer pictures, taken by Prussia himself. Germany acted annoyed at this habit, but he saved all the pictures... Not as much of a statue now, are you Germany?
"I do not know what's happening anymore. He used to be so proud and arrogant, now he is simply erratic. His mind's messed up, he acts so childish ... but I still love him. He's my dear brother. He stood by me when no one else did, I would be a monster if I were to abandon him. He's so excited about how my people have managed to develop, and how far they've come. He loves mingling with the humans these days."
Germany, Germany... you think too much and talk too little...
"I saw his grin slip. The same old blank expression. When I ask he only smiles. God! I wish I could talk like that Italy ... I must ask him to teach me."
You should've asked Germany ...
The last photo. It was fairly recent... maybe taken by Prussia just before his death... Germany's face looks annoyed, while Prussia laughs with childish glee. Germany found his habit so irksome... I know he now regrets not smiling in this...
"He's gone. Just gone. What do I do now? What am I supposed to do? What? I had never imagined I'd have to live a life without him... After all, he had promised to never leave. I thought he was safe once he returned from Russia... but seems like I was wrong... Oh Brother! Why! Why!? I know you knew brother! Why would you not tell me? Why does everyone I love go? I had so much to tell you brother. I wish I could have told you how much you truly mean to me, how much I truly love you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry brother. For shouting at you, scolding you, and insulting you... That's the last impression of me you had, didn't you? Oh what I'd give to change that. Give you one proper goodbye... Brother why did you have to leave me all alone in this world? It's so cruel, I feel like a child again..."
I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my eyes.Oh Germany, my sweet Germany, you aren't alone. I'm right here, please just talk to me. You've cut me out for quite some time now...
"Austria came by. His eyes were red. I asked him if he had known. He said he did. I lost my demeanour and screamed 'Why did you not tell me!' ... He only let out a soft sob and said brother told him not to... He reached towards brother's unmoving body, and gently stroked his hair, and began to cry in utter anguish... I wish I could join him, but brother would not want to see me weak. I also learnt something new, which I guess I should have known before... Austria's my brother's old lover.... They had separated due to their fight over raising me... how much more did brother do just for me? And I couldn't even save him. Austria tells me not to blame myself. I tell him I won't; we both know I lied. How can I not blame myself? We lowered him to his grave. I asked him not to tell anyone. I wasn't ready for questions. He obliged.
He visits twice. Just stands in a corner. Asks if I have eaten and slept. I nod. He doesn't nudge further... He handed me an envelope. Brother's sign was on it. He said brother had asked him to give it to me after he passed. Austria asks me to be careful, I might be shocked. I'm not ready for more. I cannot open it. Not now. Maybe never. He tells me to call him if I do, or call Italy. Why Italy? Austria says he'll know. What does Italy know that I don't? If I call him, he'll be frightened... I can't talk to him in this state. His prim proper lover in this mess would certainly upset him, besides, I cannot yet explain myself...
on the very last page was a photo of them together, which also was taken by me. It was recent, and and water damage to parts of it were newer...
"Germany why?! Stop torturing yourself like this love..." I said out loud.
"You are not supposed to be reading that."
I looked back. Shit! He's awake. I felt my cheeks redden and I quickly stood up and began to stammer, trying to string together a decent apology, but the sight of his almost lifeless face suddenly emboldened me.
"I wouldn't have to if you would just reply or talk to me instead of carrying all the blame of the world on your shoulders! I call myself your lover for a reason! Or do you think that's a game!? You are no smart and balanced man! You are an idiot who would rather kill himself than talk about his feelings openly! And believe it or not, I want to help you! I'm sorry but I had to!"
He seemed taken aback by my sudden courage. His cheeks reddened. He pulled out an envelope from his pocket and threw it at me.
It was Prussia's last letter.
"What's in it?" he asked
"How can I know?" I replied, volume back to my usual.
He stepped up and stood directly in front of me, towering over me. "Then read it and tell me." he said, almost pleading.
"But it's for yo-"
"You know why I can't. Please, Italy... do this for me?" he begged again in a cracked voice.
"OK,love. I'll do it."
Just as I was about to break the seal, his legs gave away, and he fell onto me. Unable to hold his weight, both of us fell to the ground, his head landing on my stomach, forcing a small gasp out of my mouth.
He softly apologised, and with some struggle shifted his head to my thigh so I could sit up.
"Let me stay?" he asked
"Of course my love" I smiled at him, and after retrieving the letter from it's envelope, put a hand on his head, running my fingers through his dirty hair, and began to read the letter.
.
.
.
Little did I know there was yet more to unfold...