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Lelouch supposed he should consider himself lucky that he came across C.C. when he did.
She had been getting ready to head out, it seemed, with Cheese-kun in one hand and a surprisingly under-stuffed duffel bag in the other. C.C. had been avoiding him for a couple of days now; if he hadn't stumbled upon her, she would have probably left the palace without a trace.
(Had Lelouch not known any better, he would have thought she was entirely indifferent to their situation altogether. Admittedly, the complete lack of emotion she was displaying throughout this entire ordeal bothered Lelouch much more than he would have liked.)
"C.C.," he called out.
I am trying one last time.
"Are you leaving?"
Talk to me. Please.
There was a moment of hesitation before the sound of her footsteps came quietly to a halt. C.C. tilted her head over her shoulder, her eyes lazily looking him over. When C.C. angled her body towards his own, her answer was nothing short of blunt.
"Yes. I no longer have a reason to stay here, after all."
Wincing internally, Lelouch recalled the pain that had flickered across her face, reflected against the soft, orange light swimming around them in the World of C when she had realised that he, too, would be leaving her soon. He understood he was in no position to negotiate with her, as they both continued to dance around the elephant in the room.
Lelouch could only give her a stiff nod in agreement as he replied, "I see... you're right."
He averted his gaze, frowning as he did. It would make sense for her to be disappointed in him – to resent him, even. Lelouch supposed he should have always known that this contract of theirs (this relationship that they had) was never made to last, even when they had pretended otherwise.
She had turned his world upside down, and yet...
He hadn't been planning on saying anything, really, (even if he wanted to, it was selfish and cruel, he knew, he knew) but looking at her now, something inside of him didn't think he could get let go – not her, too – without letting her know how he felt.
So, he took a step towards her, reaching out to her with a steady hand (deliberately attempting to ignore the tightness in his chest and the increasingly dry lump in his throat), and started, "Listen, C.C., I-"
Her golden eyes snapped wide open. C.C. turned her body completely around until they were face-to-face. Lelouch felt C.C. withdraw into herself even before saying anything.
"Don't."
Please, her eyes begged.
"If it's an apology or a confession of your regret, I don't need to hear it. Everyone who died before me did the same thing; such words bear no meaning in the grand scheme of things. The fact of the matter is that they die, and I can't. That's all there is to it."
Her words, her tone, cut into him like a sharp knife, but Lelouch figured he more than deserved it. His heart couldn't help but clench at the desolate look in her eyes.
"Rather than mere words, arrange for a parting gift," C.C. pitched with what he could only assume was faked cheer. "Say, for example, access to a lifetime supply of pizza, or transportation for the trip."
Lelouch hated that she felt unreachable to him; the ease which had settled between them long gone.
"I got it. I'll prepare what you desire."
"As expected from His Majesty," C.C. said in softly response, smiling at him, as if to show that she was proud of him, as if to congratulate him for his victories (of course she would do such a thing at a time like this, of course). His stomach turned. She should be the last person to congratulate him. In fact, C.C. should resent him, for he had done nothing but burden her further.
It was then that Lelouch realized that he had to know, he had to know that at the very least C.C. would be okay, that she would be alright.
"C.C., you... what are you going to do?"
Her gaze hardened at the question, but amusement filled her words when she replied.
"For the time being, I will offer prayers."
Oh. Well, that certainly wasn't the answer he had been expecting.
"Prayers?"
He gave her a light smirk, his curiosity getting the better of him.
It was when she shot him another smile that Lelouch realized the mistake he had made. C.C. had found what she was looking for (his smile, his happiness). Giving him a half-hearted bow, she turned to leave for good.
Damn it.
The moment her back was on him, Lelouch wanted to call out to her again, to say something, anything at all, but he bit his tongue and forced himself to not; doing such things would have been cruel and selfish, and he knew he had been quite enough of that.
Suzaku gave him nothing more than a solemn nod, his face tired and worn, when he made his way back to his throne. Lelouch didn't fail to pick up on the subtle ring of pain cinched around his eyes. The exhaustion from the conversation threatened to overtake Lelouch when he looked over to the empty seat beside him. The air suddenly felt thick and impossible, leaving Lelouch with a desperate need to get it all over with. He pushed aside the bitterness that lingered in his mouth and the incessant memory of a small, gentle smile... followed by a pair of sad, lonely eyes.
I promise to stay with you till the very end.
There was... no other way, absolutely none. He had to keep telling himself that. There was no other way all of this could have played out. He wagered only a fool would have ever thought (hoped, wished, longed for) otherwise.
I have never met a man like you before.
Lelouch drummed his fingers slowly against his thigh and softly shook his head, the ends of his mouth curling into a crooked smile.
"Jeremiah, will you make sure to contact C.C. and ensure all of her requests are fulfilled?" He paused before continuing. "We won't be seeing her again."
"... Of course, your Majesty. I'll have a troop of guards accompany her to make sure she reaches her destination safely and securely. She can ask of them anything she wants along the way."
At that, Lelouch crossed his legs and leaned back into the velvet cushions of his throne, loosely lacing his fingers together.
"That sounds good. Thank you, Jeremiah."
Lelouch, do you know why snow is white?
A small, gentle smile... and sad, lonely eyes.
It's because it's forgotten the colour it once was.
Swallowing down the bile threatening to spill over from the back of his throat, Lelouch let out a small, sharp laugh.
He supposed there was no running from destiny, after all.