Work Text:
MERCUTIO
What ails thee, my young lordling Romeo?
Hast thy beard not yet grown? Has thou been drunk
On spirits or beer or love of woman?ROMEO
My beard is well, thank you, see how it grows.
I am snar'd in love, sweet Mercutio.MERCUTIO
What lady stirs Romeo's heart? Tell me,
Or I shall torment thee like the devil.ROMEO
Do as thou wilt. It makes no diff'rence, friend.MERCUTIO
Who is it? I will barter thee my beard.
Thine own grows not thickly like a man's should.ROMEO
Rosaline.MERCUTIO
Rosaline? Fear not, brave heart.
I know her of old, she's a well-known flirt,
When she dances, she tosses fairy-dust
In the eyes of her suitors and she laughs.
But then at night's end, there is a ladder,
Jacob's ladder, ascending to Heaven.ROMEO
She says she is to become a novice.MERCUTIO
We must be speaking of different girls.ROMEO
I mean Rosaline of the Capulets.MERCUTIO
I mistake you. I thought I heard thee say,
"Capulet", when even Romeo is -ROMEO
A fool, yes, but a fool for love, my friend.
There is no greater happiness to me.MERCUTIO
Hast thou not eyes, ears, a mind that is sound?
It were well that she goeth to a convent.ROMEO
To taste her lips would be very heaven.
Her beauty is that of the nightingale,
Sweet - shy - modest -MERCUTIO
A pretty singer, but -
Not much else to her, my sweet Romeo.ROMEO
Speak not this blasphemy, good Mercutio,
Or I will be forced to a duel with thee.MERCUTIO
Don't let this thy virgin come between us.
Friendship is the very bread of heaven,
Though love's the butter to make it taste well.ROMEO
I forgive thee freely if thou wilt help.MERCUTIO
Say the word and I will do it for thee.ROMEO
Katharina said my kisses were stale.
Teach me, I beg of thee, give me thy taste.MERCUTIO
An a serving girl say it, so it moot,
For she has her wages to make her lie.
I will teach thee kissing, sweet Romeo,
And pray God you are as thy nature.[They KISS.]
MERCUTIO
I have tasted worse, but it will need work.ROMEO
As much as thou wilt, thou art the master.MERCUTIO
I am indeed the master, by my troth.ROMEO
Thou hast no troth, thou art master of lies.MERCUTIO
Thou art a master debater, I see!
I will challenge thee to prove thy case.ROMEO
I have a beard and sweet Rose is a nun.MERCUTIO
Thy beard is a woman's beard, and thy Rose -
Why, thy Rosaline is not my mistress.
I mistook her truly last night in bed -ROMEO
Thou misbegotten cur -MERCUTIO
I will hush thee with kisses, Romeo.
I swear it were better for our friendship.ROMEO
I think thou liest before, my kiss is sweet.MERCUTIO
A kiss lower down is sweeter, my friend.
How is it that I lie? How wouldst thou know?ROMEO
Thou art more eager than my old puppy,
Who greeted bitch and dog alike with love.MERCUTIO
Who greets thee with love? Not I, for certain.
Confusion of lust with love is common,
As thou knowest to thy cost, Romeo.ROMEO
Know this, I have always been a lover,
But my love was always then false to me.MERCUTIO
After thou wert in bed and found her lack.ROMEO
Well, I shall not soon trouble thee again.
Mine heart being so untrue, thou wilt not hurt.[Exit ROMEO.]
MERCUTIO
Hell and damnation! I thought to tease him,
And to assure him my bed was no pit
He should find it hard to leave. Ay, my friend!
If only thy mouth were not now so sweet,
I could be thy friend and all would be meet.