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He should be used to it by now. To wake up in the middle of the night in cold sweat after falling asleep for a couple of hours, his hands shaking more than they would during the day.
“Shit.” Maybe the worst part is that he knows he never will.
But right now, he only wants to get his hands to stop shaking so much so he could get up from the damn kitchen table and go back to the bedroom, even if just to lie awake by Tony’s side until morning came.
“You know, when people call me to go to bed with them they usually wait until I’m awake to leave,” Tony’s hoarse voice rings in his ears and Stephen looks up from his hands, seeing him right there leaning against the doorframe, his tank top wrinkled from the bed but his eyes are already sharp as he stares at Strange. “Or they leave before I fall asleep, either way I’m usually awake.”
“Tony,” He tries to be as subtle as possible as he puts his hands on his thighs under the table so Tony won’t see them and how much they’re shaking at the moment, but Stephen notices how Tony’s eyes follow the movement. “Why aren’t you sleeping? I thought I said you need-”
“Yeah, yeah, I know what you said, I need to rest. But you also said that’d you come to bed with me,” Tony slips his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants and Strange feels his chest tighten in guilt because he knows he should have told Tony he’d leave the room. “So, why weren’t you in bed, doc?”
There was a reason he usually didn’t spend the night or shared the same bed with Tony; not when Tony could wake up and see how drained he always got after trying to sleep for more than a couple of hours. But Tony needed to sleep, Strange could see how exhausted he was after spending long hours working in his lab, and the only way Stephen got Tony to go to bed was asking him to go to bed with him.
“I sleep three hours a night because anymore than that and the nightmares would drive me crazy, if they haven’t already,” If Stephen can’t spend the whole night by Tony’s side on the bed, then the best he can offer is the truth. He only hopes Tony wouldn’t pity him because he wouldn’t be able to take that, not now. “I have ulcers the size of subway rats. I cough up chunks of my own soul at least twice a day.”
And Strange notices how Tony’s breath hitches just for a second before he relaxes and his pretty eyes go from the sharp stare he had on since he spoke up to the soft look Tony always has around him nowadays.
“Ok.” Tony hums quietly as he slowly gets off the doorframe and Stephen watches him move around the kitchen and grab two mugs from the cupboard, pouring coffee from the day before in one of them.
“I’m not that into coffee, Tony.”
“I know.” Tony doesn’t turn around to face him, instead grabbing a kettle from the cupboard and filling it with water before taking it to the stove.
Taking his eyes off Tony and glancing down at his hands, Stephen couldn’t help but to sigh silently in relief as he notices the trembling has finally, finally subsided, even if for just a bit. And while Tony is by the stove and they’re both basking in the silence together, the cold pang Strange had ever since he woke up leaves him and a welcome serenity washes over him.
“Here,” A steaming mug of tea is placed right in front of him and Stephen looks up to see Tony sitting on the chair beside him, the coffee on his hand already half gone. “Only you would like that gross ass tea, Strange.”
A quiet chuckle slips through Stephen’s lips as he reaches out for the mug, taking a tentative sip, being careful to not burn himself or let any spill on him. And he really shouldn’t be surprised that Tony prepares his tea exactly how he likes it, but he just can’t help but be amazed at how attentive and caring Tony is with the ones around him.
“If those nightmares of yours are so bad,” Tony takes a long sip of his coffee before putting his cup down along with Stephen’s. “You know you can wake me up, right?”
“Tony, you barely ever sleep,” Strange breathes out softly, looking into Tony’s eyes and he sees that Tony is worried about him, but more than that, he sees understanding and Strange would forever deny how fast his heart beats at the sight of it. “I couldn’t wake you up when you’re obviously exhausted.”
“You might have a point, but,” Tony shrugs and Stephen holds back a smile because it’s so very typical of Tony to try to act nonchalant when he’s trying to help. “Besides being a genius, I’m also kind of a specialist in shitty dreams, so you should talk to me about those. Or you know, I could help you with-”
“BARF?” Stephen cuts him off and watches as Tony’s lips curve in that grin that most days makes Strange want to strangle him, but right now it just makes him grin back and his chest grow warm.
“Yeah, with BARF.”
“Thank you, Tony,” Stephen says softly and places his hand over Tony’s, gently rubbing the back of it with his thumb. “But this is my life now, it’s just the way it is.”
Stephen watches Tony turn his palm up so they can properly hold hands and intertwine their fingers and Stephen reaches out with his free hand to cup the side of Tony’s face, leaning in a soft kiss, sighing at the pleasant feel of Tony’s lips, still warm from the coffee, against his.
“Thank you, Tony,” He whispers once again as he pulls away, and Strange knows just from looking in those pretty brown eyes that Tony wouldn’t let this be the last of this conversation and he’d end up helping Strange with his nightmares one way or another. But it wouldn’t be now. “Anyway, you never told me what gave you the idea for BARF.”
And Tony smiles because by now he probably knows when not to push more than he should, so he just leans in and they kiss again, the grip on Stephen’s hand tightening just a little bit while his thigh was caressed under the table.
“Oh you know, I just figured there’s probably some more people out there with some shitty stuff in their head just like me.”
But maybe, just for tonight, staying in the dark kitchen talking with Tony and kissing him until sunrise would be enough to keep his nightmares away.