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Hanzo could normally convince his body to fall asleep if Jesse was away on a mission. It may take a few cups of tea but the warmth of the tea makes an ok substitute for the warm body that normally sleeps next to him.
(It doesn’t, Jesse’s a furnace and a cuddler so they normally kick off the blankets during the warmer months and sleep with little to nothing on. Hanzo groans about how he sticks to McCree in the morning but he won’t stop McCree from cuddling.)
If tea doesn’t work he tries meditating, he’s fallen asleep during it before but he prefers not sleeping on his metal legs, let alone with them on. Sometimes he trains until he’s too drained to do much more than lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.
In the uncommon occurrences when he can fall asleep it doesn’t surprise him to wake up two to three hours after. Sometimes his body just wakes him at odd hours to check his surroundings, quirks that stuck with him even after he’d been off the run for years. If he was lucky he could fall back asleep after a subconscious walk around the room or even a trip to the bathroom.
Other times he would wake to shaky breaths and trembling hands, sometimes he would roll over onto Jesses’ side and hug the pillow to his chest and deeply inhale until he wasn’t quiet shaking any more, until his hands didn’t tremble and he didn’t feel like he was getting pulled under a current. Other times he would shakily put on his prosthetics (He always struggled with them when he got like this.) and walk to the small kitchen in the shared room of theirs.
If he had made it without much problem he would start brewing tea, other times he would collapse on the floor and sit there staring at his trembling hands. He would try to remember the breathing exercises everyone had told him just incase, he always brushed it off at the moment but behind closed doors he was thankful for the little tips. If it didn’t work he would pull his knees up the his chest and wrap his arms around them. Sometimes he couldn’t even his breathing, breath falling harsher as he combed fingers through his sleep combed hair. If a thought got particular bad he would pull on his hair just enough for a grounding sensation and his other hand clutching at his prosthetics, nails bitting into the cool metal. Sometimes he couldn’t calm down and his uneven breaths would wracked his frame as his fingers fought for purchase on the flesh of his body. After his small episode had passed and his eyes were red rimmed, fingers aching with all the clutching and scratching, he would fall asleep. Sometimes right there on the floor, not enough energy to do much else and other times he would move against the counter and prop himself up. Rare occasions had him crawling back into bed after an episode like that, instead he opted to stare blankly at the kitchen walls as he tried to gather his thoughts.
Jesse has found Hanzo passed out on the floor of the kitchen and at the table with a half cup of cold tea cupped in his hand a few times if the team had managed to get back early. It always saddened McCree to find Hanzo anywhere but in bed when he returned home, always hopeful that his lovers subconscious will take it easy on him but the proof was sometimes the red lines clawed into Hanzo’s arms by himself or the messy hair from the pulling he must’ve done. He would sometimes brew a cup of tea knowing Hanzo would want to discuss how the mission went before they crawled into bed for a few hours. Other times he would wake up Hanzo as gently as possible, completely expecting the other to attack him every time he does this, (Earlier in the relationship ship it wasn’t uncommon for either of them if they were unexpecting one another.) but Hanzo normally just sleepily blink at him and they exchange small smiles and a welcome back hug that McCree will use as an excuse to pick Hanzo up and bring him to bed.
It wasn’t as if Hanzo only had trouble sleeping when Jesse was gone, they both had woken each other up multiple times from thrashing or screaming. Other times they never managed to sleep until close to 5 am. Sometimes they curl into each other and enjoy the solid mass of one another, other times they shared hush whispers or even heated breaths if they were feeling up to it.
Sometimes Hanzo avoided trying to sleep at all costs if he felt as if it would be a rough night. Jesse had come home from a week and a half long mission before and found a very rumpled and sleepy Hanzo staring at the door with dead eyes from underneath all the blankets. He had immediately crawled into bed trying to get Hanzo crack a smile before they took a nap.
Other times they were sent on separate missions around the same time, one leaving before the other by a few hours, they would share best wishes and I love you’s before leaving, and they would get lumpy beds and paranoid minds from years of evading assassins of the like.
Other times found Hanzo curled into Jesse’s front sleeping peacefully. They both still had a lot of sleeping issues that would hopefully fade with time, Hanzo’s nightmares about his brother were definitely dwindling as the two reconcile. Jesse and Hanzo both shared haunted pasts and bloody futures but together they walk down the path that is the future.
All in all Hanzo was pretty content with how his life had paned out. Of course he’d change things in a heart beat if he was given a chance but as he sits against the cowboys side, said person talking animatedly to the younger recruits about how he took down 7 people with dead-eye. (“But you carry a six-shooter!” and McCree would only wink in response as he sipped his coffee.) A warm cup of tea warming Hanzo’s hand, Genji sitting across from him next to Hana and Lucio with a matching cup of tea in his hands.
Yeah, Hanzo thinks, it all turned out pretty okay. And McCree would nudge him out of his thoughts with a smile and crinkle in his eye that would pull a smile from him as he ducks his head to bring his tea to his lips.