Chapter Text
“God damn it, Ouma-kun!” was a phrase Kokichi was hearing at a much higher frequency than before, especially from his beta after he sent her his half-coherent ramblings from late at night while surviving solely off grape Panta and poptarts.
He picked up his buzzing phone and grinned at the caller before accepting. “Hi, Shiro-chan! What can I do for you at two in the morning?”
Tsumugi responded immediately, her voice groggy. “Did you seriously send me your first draft?”
“No, I actually spent a lot of time on it. That was the tenth draft.”
“God damn it, Ouma-kun. Stop lying.”
“Nishishi! So you caught me again.”
Tsumugi sighed. “If this happens again, I’m going to tell everyone you write fanfiction.”
“You were literally sworn to secrecy, Shiro-chan.”
And he wasn’t lying about that. Tsumugi had sent him a direct message on his linked Tumblr saying she would only not release his secret identity to the world if she was allowed to be his beta reader for his future fics. While Kokichi wasn’t pleased about being on the receiving end of blackmail for once, he had agreed on the condition that she never complain about his characterization and promptly sent her an entire contract detailing their relationship. Tsumugi clicked the checkbox marking that she agreed to his terms and conditions, and that’s how their kind-of-friendship had started.
“Anyway, did you ever post your latest chapter?” Tsumugi asked.
Kokichi hummed as clicked on the bookmark to AO3 on his computer and checked on his latest work. “Yup! You should know, you literally left a flame on it.”
“It was the only chapter you didn’t send to me, and it was also the most widely-criticized chapter. Don’t you see a pattern there?”
“Relax, dear, the only flame was from a new guy, and it wasn’t even a flame. Someone calling themselves Detective, I think.” He clicked on his latest chapter and read through the comments until he had reached the one from his newest reviewer.
Detective
Dude you are seriously like the best writer ever and I feel so immersed
in your stories but your goddamn characterization is so freaking bad that
it makes me want to just pretend it's an original story
“Yeah, I think I remember that,” Tsumugi said, “There were a bunch of comments replying to it already. You know, with your unspoken rule about characterization. How are you going to reply to it?”
The only rule concerning Kokichi’s fics was that no one could say anything about the characterization, not praising it nor complaining about it. Even flames were allowed as long as they didn’t touch characterization. His followers were quick to point new readers to his profile, where he had written the rule for everyone to see.
Kokichi rolled away in his wheely chair and scoffed. “It’s about characterization. There’s already a ton of complaints about that, so I just won’t reply.”
“Actually, what’s up with that? I know that the protagonist is just a really bad self-insert, but—”
“Who said anything about a self-insert?”
Tsumugi paused as she gathered her thoughts. “Your characterization of the minor characters are really well-done, so I know you can keep people in character. The only OOC people are the protagonist and the main love interest.”
“That doesn’t explain why you think it’s a self-insert.”
“It’s like you intentionally write them out of character. The protagonist makes a ton of jokes and pranks people even though he’s not someone who would do that in canon. He also grins too much for his own good, but we’ve only seen him smile twice in the entire series. He’s an honest character, but he tells lies at every turn. The only thing that could make this more obvious is if you made him say ‘nishishi.’”
Kokichi frowned. “I did in chapter two.”
“There you go.” She paused. “There’s no shame in making a self-insert. My only concern is about the love interest. He’s not shy, and he doesn’t stutter in canon. I also caught that slip-up where you describe his eyes as golden, but I guess I can excuse that as just laziness. The only thing I can’t excuse is his stupid hat. He doesn’t wear a hat in canon, so why would he wear it now?”
“Yeah, I hate that hat, too,” Kokichi mumbled.
“What?”
“Nothing. Did you make your suggestions yet?”
“Yeah, I’ll send them to you right now.” After a few clicks, the edited copy was returned to him.
“Great, thanks. Bye!” Kokichi clicked the end call button with sweat dripping down his head.
He had almost revealed his motive, and if he learned anything from his years of writing, it was that motives were never revealed until the very end. That was what his readers had liked from him, after all.
But no matter. There were more important things to attend to.
Kokichi’s lips straightened into a line as he scrolled through the pages drowned in red. He took a deep breath before chugging the last of his Panta can and tossing into the overflowing recycling bin filled with other empty Panta bottles. The notebooks of edits and drafts he kept on his desk were pushed to the side. He rolled closer to the table and set his hands on the keyboard.
It was going to be a long night.
*
“Ouma-kun, I gave you reminders to sleep every hour. Why did you not sleep?” Tsumugi scolded.
Kokichi smirked and reached up to tap her nose. “Ah, but you had to be awake to send me those reminders. Checkmate, Shiro-chan!”
The two continued bickering in their corner of the classroom, Tsumugi’s scowl progressively growing deeper and deeper while Kokichi’s grin only grew wider with each word.
Shuuichi stared at them, tuning out the sound of the chatter in the classroom and focusing only Kokichi. His gaze trailed Tsumugi’s hand as she patted him on the hair and sighed something about him being just like a character while Kokichi’s giggles tickled Shuuichi’s heart. Heat rose to his cheeks, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the scene.
“Hey, Saihara-kun!”
Shuuichi jumped upon hearing his friend’s voice and scrambled to gather his thoughts. “Oh, hi, Akamatsu-san.”
Kaede took the seat next to him and looked where Shuuichi had been staring. “Your face is red. What were you looking at?”
“Um…”
“Oh, were you looking at Shirogane-san?” She giggled as Shuuichi sputtered out excuses. “No judgement here. She looks really sexy today.”
Shuuichi stared at her for a moment before shrugging and giving her a “sure.”
Kaede’s eyes lit up when she unlocked her phone and checked her social media. “Saihara-kun, look! A Phantom Thief updated today! MissOtaku released the link on her Tumblr.” She held the phone to her chest and looked around. “Should I read it now or save it for later? If I read it, I’m gonna be thinking about it for the rest of the day, but if I don’t read it, I’ll still be thinking about it…”
“Well, you always leave a comment, right? I think you should save it for when you get home so it’s easier to comment.”
“... Fine, I guess.” She put her phone away and moved the conversation to a different topic.
Even as Shuuichi nodded along to Kaede describing her last piano recital, he could feel two gazes burning into his back.
*
Kokichi had known Tsumugi long enough to know that her smirk was never a good thing.
“So…” Tsumugi said, sitting next to him as lunch began and the last of the students in their class had left the room. “Akamatsu-san reads your fics.”
Kokichi grinned and folded his arms behind his head. “Yup! I’m surprised you never noticed. Didn’t the pseud PianoIdiot stand out to you?”
“Isn’t that exciting to you?” Tsumugi’s eyes sparkled. “Being such a BNF that even people in your real life know and love your fics… That’s the dream.”
“You’re not even a writer, you’re a cosplayer.”
She ignored him. “Do you think anyone else here reads your fics? You and GreatestInventor take up half the comments section with just your insults. Do you think that could be…”
“Iruma-chan? I hope not. I don’t need an ugly, stupid bitch reading my stories.”
Despite his words, Kokichi knew that Miu kept up with his fics. Miu had discovered his identity when she had burst into his room and caught him switching to an empty tab (which was a grave mistake on his part. He still berated himself for that to this day). She had made a few jokes about him watching weird porn and threatened to tell their classmates until Kokichi reluctantly switched to his word document and revealed his pseud. Miu froze and confessed to reading his fics for years. There was never any mention of that event in real life, but they both made sure to take jabs at each other in the comments section.
Now that he thought about it, he’s been blackmailed twice. He made a mental note to further secure his safety.
Kokichi kicked his legs up on the desk in an attempt to appear relaxed. “Enough about her. Do you think Saihara-chan reads my stories?”
“I mean… there’s always a possibility. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, though. What I would worry about is the fact that you used real life experiences that Akamatsu-san can identify. Remember the carnival in the last chapter?”
Kokichi stifled a laugh with his hand.
He remembered it all too well. He had gone out to a carnival with his classmates, only to see that it was the shadiest place he had ever been. The night was only lit by the dim streetlamps already scattered around the town. The games hadn’t even tried to hide their unfairness either; Kokichi could identify every trick in the book with just one glance at the booth. In the end, he was trapped in the mirror maze with Shuuichi and had “accidentally” tipped over a mirror, causing the entire booth to collapse.
“Fun times, fun times,” Kokichi said, “But I used my mirror maze experience with Saihara-chan, so Akamatsu-chan probably doesn’t know.”
Tsumugi looked like she wanted to say more but allowed the subject to drop. “How’s your next chapter coming along?”
“I literally posted one five hours ago. Patience, Shiro-chan.”
“I would say I have enough of it having to deal with you all day.”
“Rude. Anyway, you look like you want to talk about something.”
Tsumugi scowled. “Can you believe the writers would just pull a cheap move like that? Where’s the pizazz? The passion?”
Kokichi nodded along, occasionally butting in to support Tsumugi’s opinion. By the end of lunch, her rant had watered down to a light ramble.
She sighed. “Thanks for listening, Ouma-kun.”
“No problem, Shiro-chan.”
They sat in silence when class started, Tsumugi’s gaze fixed on Kokichi’s notebook as he outlined his next draft.
*
“What’s up, cuck?” A figure threw their arm under Kokichi’s chin and put him into a headlock, ruffling his hair with their other hand.
Even without the greeting, Kokichi could identify the person from the weak, oddly affectionate semi-choke. “Nothing much, you cocksucking whore.” He shrugged her arm off to greet her properly. “What do you want, Iruma-chan?”
“Can I talk to you about your fanfi—”
“No, I don’t know where your vibrator is! You’re the one that uses it all the time!” Kokichi shouted. He smiled upon seeing the other students in the hallway flee and hurry out of school.
“Did you really have to do that?”
“Yup. Now that they’re gone, what did you want to say about it?”
Miu glanced around before leaning in and whispering, “I think the creepy fucker and the avocado fucker read your fics.”
“Nice descriptions there. You mean ShinGucci-chan and Amami-chan?”
She snorted. “Remember when you called him that to his face?”
“Of course. I remember my hospital visits fondly.”
“Anyway, they’re probably reading your fics. Just thought you would want to know there’s more perverts in this hell school.”
Kokichi grabbed her wrist before she could leave. “Wait, what makes you say that? I know you’re a dumb slut and all, but you can’t just say a claim without evidence.”
“You do that all the time, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“Yeah, but that’s a pretty extreme claim to make. What makes you say that?”
Miu tore his hand off her wrist with a wrinkled nose. “They were talking about A Phantom Thief in science today. They looked really excited about it too.”
Great, five people in his class alone read his fanfiction. He didn’t want to think about the entire school. Ever since Tsumugi had offered to promote his writing on her Tumblr, his follower count had steadily grown until it leveled off at ten thousand. Of course, with popularity came consequences.
What was he going to do about it? What could he do about it? It’s not like he could stop asking them to read his fics. That would be too suspicious. Kokichi supposed he should stop including scenes that drew from his experiences with them, but the readers loved them.
… He supposed there really was nothing he could do except keep writing.
“You might wanna add a smut scene to scare them off,” Miu said.
Kokichi wagged his finger in front of his face. “That’s what you want, Iruma-chan, not them.”
“Damn, how’d you know?”
“Don’t you know? I’m psychic! I can read your mind.”
“Nice try, jackass, but that shit doesn’t exist in real life.” Miu pulled out her phone, narrowing her eyes at the text that had just come in. “Tittygane’s asking if we wanted to join her for ice cream with some other people.”
“Who are these other people?”
“Fuck if I know.”
Kokichi evaluated his decisions before shrugging. He led her out of the building and to the address Tsumugi had texted them.
*
Kokichi’s entire life was a huge mistake. He had decided that when he walked into the ice cream parlor and immediately saw Shuuichi and Rantarou in a booth with Tsumugi, who waved them over before Kokichi could hide his face of despair.
Kokichi narrowed his eyes the slightest bit at Tsumugi, whose smile looked suspiciously close to a smirk. Nevertheless, he sat in between Tsumugi and Miu. They greeted each other before Kokichi moved to order at the counter.
A hand grabbed his arm before he could take a step. “Actually, Ouma-kun, we already ordered something for all of us to split. Is that okay with you?”
Kokichi turned around, only to see golden eyes staring back at him. His heart lurched at the contact, but he reluctantly drew his arm away and covered his embarrassment with a grin. “Man, Saihara-chan, if you wanted to touch me so badly, you could just ask.”
The other three guests laughed as Shuuichi’s face burned red.
Shuuichi sputtered out words to defend himself. “Th-That’s not what I was trying to—”
“Wait,” Miu said, sitting inside the booth next to Tsumugi. “You mean he just has to ask you and you would say yes? And I thought I was the slut here. You can’t share that title with me!”
The laughter grew louder, and Shuuichi wasn’t the only one blushing this time.
Kokichi took a seat next to Miu and nodded. “Yup! I would do anything for Saihara-chan since I just love him soooo much!”
Shuuichi sighed as the redness in his face faded. “Another lie, right?”
“Huh? Are you doubting my love for you? How could you?” Kokichi burst into tears, prompting Shuuichi to mutter apologies.
“Alright, that’s enough,” Rantarou said as the small, plastic box on the table vibrated. “Our order’s ready. I’ll go get it.” He stood up to get their order.”
Miu stared after the box longingly, and Tsumugi elbowed her in the ribs.
“What did we order anyway?” Kokichi asked, pointedly ignoring the scene next to him.
Tsumugi hummed and looked up. “I think we just ordered a bunch of ice cream scoops in different flavors. They didn’t have grape, so we just ordered a waffle for you.”
“Don’t you have to construct it, though? No offense, Shiro-chan, but you probably made it into Naruto or something.”
“You’re right, I would have done that if Saihara-kun didn’t step in and construct it for you.”
“Hm… I still think you messed with it somehow.”
Before Tsumugi could respond, Rantarou came back with their orders and set them on the table.
Kokichi looked down at the smiley face drawn in chocolate syrup and at the mountain of whipped cream on top of the waffle before saying, “I guess Shiro-chan really didn’t mess with it.”
Tsumugi puffed her cheeks out and frowned. “See? I told you.”
“Thanks! I hate it!”
“Since you liked sweet things from that carnival, I just thought… nevermind,” Shuuichi mumbled before dipping his spoon in the vanilla ice cream and bringing it to his mouth.
“But that was a…” Lie was left unsaid when Kokichi realized no one was listening to him. He cut a piece of the waffle and stuffed it into his mouth. “Wow! It’s really good!” And that wasn’t a lie. “Here, Saihara-chan, try some.” He held a piece to Shuuichi’s mouth.
Shuuichi hesitated before eating the waffle piece. He offered him a smile. “Yeah, it is. I’m… glad you don’t hate it.”
Kokichi nodded and leaned back, moving to eat the rest of his waffle.
“Indirect kiss,” Tsumugi whispered, her eyes sparkling.
“Indirect kiss!” Miu repeated in a much louder voice. She cackled upon seeing Shuuichi’s face light up again and Kokichi’s hold on his fork tighten. “You guys gotta fuck now!” She shriveled when Kokichi sent her a glare. “S-Sorry. Shirogane said that, not me”
Kokichi leaned over and moved his glare to a laughing Tsumugi before turning his attention back to Shuuichi and smiling. “Wanna make that indirect kiss more direct?”
“Y-You shouldn’t joke about things like that,” Shuuichi mumbled. He fought to keep his blush down and looked Kokichi straight in the eyes. “But I wouldn’t mind.”
All the air was punched out of Kokichi’s lungs. He brought his scarf up to his mouth to hide his blush. Judging by everyone’s laughter, he was failing miserably. Hell, even Shuuichi was laughing at him!
But Shuuichi’s laughter was more of a light chuckle than a laugh. A cute, adorable, sweet chuckle.
Kokichi buried his face in his scarf, feeling his face heat up just from his laughter alone.
“Looks like someone’s a virgin,” Miu cooed.
“Shut up, slut.” With that, Kokichi recovered and dropped his scarf back down to his neck. He exchanged insults with Miu while Tsumugi sighed and Rantarou laughed at the particularly creative jokes. Shuuichi watched them with a smile before reminding them that the ice cream was melting. The other three dove to finish their order.
Kokichi’s heart melted along with the ice cream.
*
Shuuichi looked around the library.
A few other students were scattered around the study area, some tables empty and others holding only one person. Children filtered in and out with their parents for a reading happening on the other side of the library. It was like almost like a ghost town.
Okay, I’m safe. He opened another tab on his laptop and clicked on the latest chapter of A Phantom Thief. He was supposed to be studying for a history test the next week, but that could wait.
He hid his smile behind a hand as he read the beginning scene of a shady carnival. The detective had soon been separated from his friends and was trapped in the mirror maze with the thief.
Shuuichi’s heart swelled. Was this going to be the moment?
The thief moved in to steal a kiss, but he knocked over a mirror and sent the entire booth crashing along with it. He escaped before the detective could stop him, leaving the detective to deal with the consequences.
Shuuichi almost groaned at the tease. He should have expected this from a slow burn fic that was nearing novel length and was far from over, but he couldn’t help the rush of disappointment.
But the descriptions were heartbreaking. From the lingering touches to lovesick gazes from afar, it was clear that the author had gone through something similar. It was clear by the way the author portrayed the thief’s longing for the detective but not being able to trust anyone enough to let anyone get close, not even the detective. It was clear in the care the author took with every word and sentence, phrasing it in just the right way and using just the right words to tear their hearts out.
He leaned back in his chair and switched his tab to his notes before a discovery hit him.
Wait… That mirror maze scene happened to me and Ouma-kun a year ago…
Shuuichi slowly switched the tab back to the fanfiction and typed out his comment.
*
PianoIdiot
Wow another great chapter!!! I can’t believe this only took you a week to
write, especially with the descriptions of love the thief feels. It’s almost like
you’re living it yourself! Thank you for writing this OP!!!
GreatestInventor
Hey cuck can i have uhhhh fuckng happy ending??? Let them get it on
already you boring bastard
MissOtaku
Wow there was a grammar error in the second section. I wonder who was
supposed catch that ;) But seriously you do some good work. You should
be proud of yourself.
Detective
I know I say I love slow burn, but this is getting ridiculous. 50k words in
and they still haven’t held hands? Oh well. I just wanted to say that the
exact same thing in the mirror maze happened to me and my friend once at
this really shady carnival. I was initially kind of mad about it, but now that I
look back at it, it was pretty funny. Is this a more universal experience than I
thought it would be?
As soon as Kokichi saw the comment, his heart jumped, but not in the way described in romance movies. It was the kind of jump that made his throat constrict, his chest tighten, and everything around him swirl. It was panic.
Kokichi took a deep, shuddery breath and shook his head.
There was no way Shuuichi was reading his fanfiction, especially not his poorly disguised self-inserts. He hadn’t mentioned ever playing the game Kokichi was writing about, nor had he expressed any desire to engage in fandom. Besides, Shuuichi had seemed pretty pissed about what they deemed The Great Mirror Maze Collapse. It was impossible for him to talk about that event so fondly.
No, he was just jumping to conclusions.