Chapter Text
The amount of stupid shit Kokichi’s classmates pulled off never managed to surprise him, from Kaede accidentally jamming her foot underneath a piano pedal during a particularly passionate practice session to Ryouma climbing up ten textbooks and two people to reach the tennis balls someone had misplaced on the top cabinet to Korekiyo falling out of a tree while people-watching, resulting in a broken arm and even more broken pride. Hell, even he did some admittedly stupid things like skateboarding off the roof of the school and landing himself in the hospital (No regrets though. That kickflip would go down in history). But what had to be the dumbest thing that happened all year was Shuuichi thinking he could cram for a week’s worth of exams in one day, running himself into the ground until all Kokichi could see was this pathetic figure in front of him.
“Man, Saihara-chan, you’ve got to be really stupid to try to study for all of our exams in one day,” Kokichi said, plopping down on the patterned carpet of Shuuichi’s dorm. “Who studies both history and math in the same day?”
“Apparently I do,” Shuuichi mumbled. He sat up on his bed and winced at the following pain in his head. “I still need to study. We have exams next week.”
“So? Who cares about exams?”
Shuuichi gave him a dubious look. “... You do. You study more than I do.”
“Yeah, but not all at once. That’s not healthy.”
“I don’t want to hear that from the person who stayed up for three nights straight.”
“Ooh, getting snappy now, are we? You’re being so mean to the person trying to help you! That’s cold, Saihara-chan!” Tears welled in Kokichi’s eyes but dried when Shuuichi let out a sigh. “You really care about your grade, don’t you?”
Shuuichi nodded. “I’m… sorry for yelling at you, but I really need to pass these exams. Our first exam is physics, but I don’t know what’s going on in that class. You’re not in that class either, so you can’t really help me with anything…”
Kokichi observed the bags under Shuuichi’s eyes and the single gray hair hidden underneath layers of blue locks before speaking again. “Hey, Saihara-chan, where does bad light end up?”
“Um… I don’t think there’s such a thing as—”
“In a prism.”
Shuuichi stopped, processing the words. He bit his lip, but a few giggles escaped him nonetheless.
Kokichi’s heart soared at the sound. “Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? It’s in a ground state.”
More musical laughter. “T-These are so stupid,” Shuuichi said, wiping the tears collecting in his eyes.
“Then why are you laughing? Your humor is so lame, Saihara-chan.”
“Hey, you’re the one telling these jokes.”
“Here’s another one for you. Who was the first electricity detective?”
Shuuichi shook his head but leaned forward, eyes glittering. “Who was the first electricity detective?”
“Sherlock Ohms.”
That was the breaking point. Shuuichi’s body was wracked with laughter, and the hand over his mouth did nothing to stop it. His face grew redder and redder as he continued laughing.
Kokichi couldn’t help but laugh as well but kept his laughs quiet, admiring Shuuichi’s rare laughter instead. But there was only so much time he could spend staring before it looked suspicious. He dusted his hands and stood up from the ground. “Well, that’s it from me. I’m off to tell everyone about your weird sense of humor. Bye, Saihara-chan!” He walked to the door.
“Wait, Ouma-kun.”
Kokichi turned around, only to meet the warmest, sweetest smile he had ever been given.
“Thanks for cheering me up,” Shuuichi said, his head tilted just the slightest bit. Stray strands of hair framed his lips, and his entire face seemed to glow.
Kokichi’s heart stopped. His gaze darted from Shuuichi’s eyes to his hair and to his lips before he walked out of the room without a word, shutting the door behind him before running to his own dorm.
The past week of getting little sleep was starting to take an obvious toll on him if he fled the room like a startled rabbit. His sleep schedule had never been so messed up before, and Kokichi didn’t know what his sleep-deprived self was capable of. He had to be careful. The more he avoided sleep, the more he ran the risk of doing something stupid like confessing at the worst time possible.
Kokichi entered his room and locked the door behind him. He settled at his desk, taking out the notebook he had drafted some of his chapter in during class. As he typed the words onto his computer, he couldn’t help but worry about his beta process.
Shuuichi was his grammar and spelling beta and would be even more important than he already was since Kokichi wouldn’t be able to catch every mistake during his editing sessions at two in the morning. But judging by the scene in his dorm, Shuuichi would be out of commission until all exams were finished. Tsumugi, who didn’t care about exams as much as Shuuichi did, would be the only hope for a decent chapter, but her specialty wasn’t in grammar and spelling (It was making fun of his characterization and berating him for stretching out the slow burn too long). He had to trust her, though. He didn’t have a choice.
So once Kokichi finished his fourth draft, he sent it to Tsumugi and waited.
*
Two drafts and one week later, the chapter was finally ready for publication.
Even with his sleep deprivation and neglect of his exams, Kokichi still found it in himself to smile as he read over the draft one more time, fixing some of the spelling errors he found along the way. While it wouldn’t be as grammatically pristine as his previous chapters, it was by far the most satisfying of any of the twenty-five chapters he had posted. It was bittersweet ending the story he had spent so long writing, but it had to be done nonetheless.
Kokichi previewed the chapter formatting before clicking on the post button and falling asleep on his desk.
Seven hours passed before a text from Tsumugi woke him up at nine AM, and a pit of dread settled in his stomach.
ST: check your latest chapter.
OK: shiro-chan u traitor u woke me up
ST: trust me when i say you should check your chapter
OK: relaaaxxx shiro-chan i didnt do anything stupid right?
Ten minutes passed without a response, and that was when Kokichi concluded that sleep-deprived Kokichi was an asshole.
Something had gone wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong. Should he check it or was ignorance bliss? He desperately wanted to believe that Tsumugi was just messing with him, but it wasn’t in her nature to pull a prank, especially one she knew would send him into a panicked downward spiral. He took a deep breath before clicking on his latest chapter and reading it.
Everything was fine until the last line, but hundreds of people had already seen it. He giggled, his fatigue dulling the wave of panic until all that was left was amusement.
“I fucked up.”
*
It was six in the morning when Shuuichi was awakened by a text from Kaede. He groaned as he sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes before checking his phone.
AK: SAIHARA-KUN THE FINAL CHAPTER OF A PHANTOM THIEF CAME OUT
SS: did you really have to wake me up for it?
AK: oh oops. Sorry
SS: its fine
AK: still, i think you should read it as soon as possible. And pay attention to the last paragraph especially
SS: is there a particular reason for that?
AK: trust me
Shuuichi’s following questions were read but ignored. It was suspicious, but it wasn’t enough evidence for him to accuse her of anything, nor did he want to accuse anyone of anything this early in the morning. He logged onto AO3 and tapped on his bookmarks to access the latest chapter.
It took him a good three hours to get through the ten thousand word chapter, partly because he had just woken up and partly because he didn’t want the story to end.
But all good things must come to an end. The final scene described the detective and thief coming to terms with their love and what they had to risk to get to where they were today. The emotional rollercoaster they had been on for the past twenty-five chapters had finally paid off, and now he sat in his bed holding back tears at the ending. His reading speed slowed as he read the last paragraph.
Wait.
Was that… Was that his name in the last paragraph? Was this a plot twist?
Shuuichi pinched his cheeks and rubbed his eyes before reading over it again in case he hallucinated it in his half-asleep state, but no matter how many times he read it, his name remained imprinted on the screen in place of where the detective’s name was supposed to be written. It didn’t seem intentionally placed, as the hyphen for the honorific was missing. But why would Kokichi put his name as the detective when—
Because he was the detective all along.
It took him a moment to process before the implications hit him like a truck. All the research he had conducted, all the time he had poured into trying to make his loved one happy, all the hurt feelings… All of that could have been avoided if Shuuichi had just been honest about his feelings?
His feelings were requited. His feelings were requited. His feelings were requited! Oh god, his feelings were requited!
Chuckles rumbled in Shuuichi’s throat until they bubbled into full-blown laughter. Oh my god. I’m supposed to be a detective. Someone take away my internship, I’m a complete dumbass. Ouma-kun, I’m so sorry you had to like someone this stupid.
A grin broke to his face, and warmth wrapped around him like a blanket. Excitement buzzed from the tip of his toes to the top of his head. He felt so light the wind could sweep him away if he wasn’t careful. But even if the wind swept him somewhere far away, his heart would remain where he was right now.
Would Kokichi be awake at nine in the morning? It seemed like a reasonable time to be awake, but Shuuichi could never be sure with him. There was only one way to find out.
*
At this point, there was nothing Kokichi could do except wait for death. He supposed he could fix his error, but the world had already seen it and didn’t fail to remind him in the comments. He edited it for clarity’s sake anyway and dialed a number.
“... Hello?”
“Shiro-chan! How are you? Isn’t it such a great morning?”
Tsumugi’s voice went flat. “Ouma-kun. I can tell you don’t believe that.”
Kokichi’s grin grew wider as he spoke. “Did you check out the comments on my last chapter? Do you see all the people asking who Saihara-chan is? How the hell did I not catch—” He cut himself off and froze upon hearing a knock on his door.
“Hey, Ouma-kun, can I talk to you for a bit?”
Fuck. That was Shuuichi’s voice.
Kokichi held his breath, hoping he was silent enough for Shuuichi to assume he was still sleeping. Tsumugi must have heard the voice too, as the other end of the phone went quiet. The room was completely silent save for the sound of his beating heart.
Another knock. “I know you’re awake, but it’s fine if you don’t want to see me right now. Come talk to me when you’re ready, okay?” Footsteps growing quieter and quieter indicated Shuuichi’s disappearance.
Why did he have to fall in love with someone as nice as Shuuichi? Why couldn’t he have fallen in love with someone who was easier to get over? Kokichi hated that he felt useless, but he can’t say he regretted loving Shuuichi. Not now, not ever.
“... Hey, Ouma-kun,” Tsumugi called, her voice gentle. “Everything’s going to end up fine. I promise.”
Kokichi snapped back to his senses and blinked. “You sound really certain about that, Shiro-chan. Did you have anything to do with this?”
“I was only a little less sleep-deprived as you were, and that’s not saying much when I’m pretty sure you only slept for, like, seven hours this entire week.”
It felt like she was tip-toeing around the subject, but Kokichi had to admit that it made sense. While he was chained to his computer, he could clearly remember never seeing Tsumugi go offline and him reblogging memes about telling friends to go to sleep (all of which she liked and ignored, he noted with a sour taste in his mouth). Besides, ruining another relationship with a beta reader would be a move stupider than his skateboard incident, so he stayed silent.
“You’ll have to talk to him sometime, you know,” Tsumugi continued, “And I think the sooner you do that, the better. You don’t gain anything by running away from your feelings, but you at least get closure if you talk.”
Kokichi could think of several benefits of keeping his mouth shut, but he didn’t voice his thoughts. “Yeah, yeah, I got it. Jeez, why do you have to be such a mom?”
“I’m not being a mom, I’m telling you to not have communication issues for once.”
“Yeah. Exactly like a mom.”
Tsumugi huffed. “I’m not the mom of the class. That title goes to someone else. And if you were my son, I think I would regret life.”
Kokichi sniffed as tears welled in his eyes. “That’s so rude, Shiro-chan! And here I was thinking we were actually a happy family. What did I do for you to disown me?”
“Be yourself.”
Just as Kokichi opened his mouth to respond, his email pinged with a notification from AO3 saying someone had gifted a work to him. He frowned at the username. “Saihara-chan just gifted a work to me.”
“Read it.”
“Well, I’m not gonna read it if you tell me to read it,” Kokichi said, fighting to make himself click on the link. Once the work popped up in another tab, he said a quick goodbye and hung up the phone.
The work was a drabble around three hundred words. The text itself was riddled with spelling and grammar errors, and the pacing was off. It was clear the story was rushed and written under a time limit.
Really, Saihara-chan? How are you my SPAG beta? Kokichi thought before his eyes scrolled over the text.
The story had been a love letter from the detective to the thief of Kokichi’s AU. Every word detailed the passionate, amusing, and sometimes tedious love the detective held for the thief. The detective wanted to shout his love from the rooftops, to let everyone know that there was still good in the world, and that good was in the affection for another human being. Love really could drive people to do things they normally wouldn’t, and that included swallowing their fears and facing the person they had grown to care for more than anything else in the world. The potential to be rejected hurt, but not knowing if they liked you back or not hurt more.
That line resonated too well with him.
The end of the drabble was approaching. Kokichi should almost be done with—
Wait.
Was that his name in the last sentence? A plot twist at the last possible moment?
Kokichi buried his face in his hands and groaned upon confirming that yes, Shuuichi had written in his name as the thief and had signed off the letter with his own name. So did Shuuichi see himself as the detective and Kokichi as the thief? Kokichi supposed that was his intended interpretation, but he didn’t see the point in—
Kokichi was stupid. Oh god, he was so stupid.
His mind had been slowly gathering information before fitting all the pieces together in a rush. He had brushed off Shuuichi’s insistence on taking care of him during his collapse as something Tsumugi had pushed onto him, but Shuuichi wasn’t lying when he said it was of his own free will. He wasn’t lying when he said he wanted Kokichi to be happy either. And he couldn’t lie about the hopeful lilt in his voice when he had asked Kokichi to come out of his room just thirty minutes prior. Kokichi prided himself on being able to tell when anyone was lying, but he had been lying to himself all along.
Kokichi’s face heated up when he thought about what could happen if he decided to confront Shuuichi, and something pinched his heart when he found himself wondering what Shuuichi’s lips felt like. What if he had actually made a move at that hibachi restaurant or ice cream parlor all those months ago?
It wasn’t time for regrets.
Kokichi stood up from his chair and opened his door, only to bump straight into Shuuichi. He took a giant step back and forced himself to meet his eyes with a bright grin. “Oh, hey, Saihara-chan! What did you want from me?” Kokichi folded his arms behind his head as if he wasn’t internally screaming.
Shuuichi’s mouth opened and closed before he ducked his head away to hide a blush. It was reassuring to see Kokichi wasn’t the only one not ready for this conversation. “I, uh… Did you see the fic I gifted to you?”
“Yeah.”
“What… What did you think of it?”
Kokichi froze. His fingers tensed behind his head, but he couldn’t let himself run away. Not again. “I think I need to reconsider your spot on my beta team. Your spelling and grammar were horrendous.”
Shuuichi chuckled. “Yeah, I wrote that in, like, ten minutes. I normally would have run it through a spellchecker first, but I was kind of in a hurry.”
“Yeah, I could tell.” Kokichi’s lips tightened, and his arms dropped to his sides. The tension was too thick for jokes. “It was a pretty silly move to leave both of our names in that fic. Are you trying to mock me?”
“No, I’m not mocking you at all!” Shuuichi said, his voice frantic. He hesitated before taking Kokichi’s hands in his own. “Is this okay?”
All Kokichi could do was nod and try not to think about his heart beating wildly in his chest.
“I-I just…” Shuuichi sighed. “The thing with the thief and the detective… I meant everything I said in that fic I gifted to you.”
“Everything?”
“Everything. The only question is if you meant everything, too.”
This was it. Kokichi wouldn’t keep running away. He took a deep breath and said, “... Yes. I meant everything. I didn’t put your name there as a sick joke or anything like that. It was an accident, but it slipped in there because… I really like you, Saihara-chan. More than I should.”
“Then… Then I like you more than I should, too.” Shuuichi’s grip on his hand tightened, and he turned his head to the side. “I don’t know when or how this started, but I’ve fallen too hard to get out now.”
“Saihara-chan. Look at me."
Shuuichi hesitated before forcing himself to look straight into Kokichi’s eyes.
And when Kokichi took a deep look into the eyes of the person he had grown to love, he saw truth.
“Can I kiss you?” Kokichi asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Shuuichi’s face lit up bright red before he nodded. “I-I mean, only if you want to. We don’t have to do it right now if you don’t want to. I just… I should probably stop talk—” He was interrupted by a pair of lips locking onto his.
Shuuichi stood still before pushing back with more intensity and moving his hands to Kokichi’s shoulders. Kokichi gripped the fabric of Shuuichi’s shirt as if he were afraid if he let go, everything would disappear. It wasn’t a perfect kiss. Far from it. But with the months, even years of tension and suppressed feelings between the two finally being resolved, it was all they could ever hope for.
Kokichi was the first to pull away, observing Shuuichi with a smile. “Nishishi! Your face is so red, Saihara-chan. Was my kiss just that good?”
Shuuichi fumbled over his words before managing to string a sentence together. “I-I mean… your face is red, too.”
“Lies. I never blush.” That was a lie, and Kokichi knew it. His face felt as if it could melt at any moment from the heat, and he was sure his heartbeats were visible even over the clothes he wore. “Anyway, you should go dress up. We’re going somewhere.”
“Huh? Why?”
Kokichi scrunched his face into a look of disbelief, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “You get a boyfriend, but you don’t take him out on a date? That’s so rude, Saihara-chan.”
Shuuichi’s face lit up red again. “B-Boyfriend?”
“Yeah, boyfriend.” Kokichi paused, his own face slowly heating up. “Boyfriend…”
“Then as your… boyfriend, I suppose I should take you out on a date,” Shuuichi said. He chuckled upon seeing Kokichi’s ears redden and held his hand out. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
“Stop teasing me,” Kokichi mumbled. He took Shuuichi’s hand and marched ahead, a grin growing on his face. He couldn’t believe his luck. How had he earned the affections of someone he loved? Whose life did he save? A few steps down the hallway, he turned around, beaming and hoping his words were enough to convey the sheer joy buzzing through him. “I love you, Saihara-chan!”
Shuuichi gave him a fond smile. “I love you too, Ouma-kun.”
*
A single picture was uploaded to KingHorse’s Tumblr page later that day. A short, purple-haired boy wearing a white uniform and checkered scarf faced the camera with a grin and two fingers raised in a peace sign. He appeared to be the one taking the picture, as part of his arm was cut off from the photo. Another boy, taller and golden-eyed, wore a soft smile and black uniform. His arm was wrapped around the other boy’s shoulders. The caption was written in italics: “Nishishi! Looks like I stole my own detective’s heart!” A link to the fic referenced was provided underneath. Questions gathered in KingHorse’s askbox, but they would remain unanswered until hours later.
On the Fanlore page titled “Love Across the Universe,” the website was updated with a screenshot of the picture KingHorse had uploaded. Responses in the reblogs and replies were recorded under the “Reception” tab, ranging from keysmashes to essays drawing the connection from the couple in the picture to the characters in the fic.
Announcements were made by fans on various forms of social media. While most were proclamations that a fan’s life was now complete in all caps, some were genuine congratulations to the couple.
And as the news and congratulations blazed through the Internet, fourteen people collectively took a deep breath and screamed.
*
“You irresponsible, atrocious, foolish, idiotic imbecile! Are you kidding me, Ouma-kun?”
Kokichi paused, processing the words Tsumugi had yelled at him as soon as he walked into the classroom the next morning. “I’m sorry, what?”
“She means you’re a stupid bitch.”
“Ah, yes. Thanks, Iruma-chan.”
“No problem,” Miu said, smiling before remembering why she had come to school early. She turned to him with a scowl on her face. “Hey, wait a fucking minute, you don’t get out of this shit that easily.”
Tsumugi shook her head. “You trust random strangers on the Internet more than you trust your best friends? I’m hurt, Ouma-kun. I really am.”
Kokichi smiled. “Aw, how sad. I guess you should have thought about that before you two stuck your nose into my personal business.”
The two froze and exchanged a panicked look.
“Oh, wow. You actually did that? I never knew.”
“You liar, I know you’re lying about not knowing… if that makes sense. Listen, it wasn’t my fault,” Tsumugi said, “I wanted to speed things up, sure, but Iruma-san was the one who asked me to do it.”
Miu whipped around to her with an overdramatic gasp and hand clutching her heart. “You bitch, you’re throwing me under the bus?”
“Who wouldn’t?” Kokichi snickered at Miu’s sputters before his grin faded down to a fond smile. “It’s fine. It ended up for the best, right?” His grin returned when several other classmates walked into the room.
“Kokichi, Atua wishes you and Shuuichi a happy relationship!” Angie sang as she skipped past him.
It took all of Kokichi’s effort into not letting his face pale. “... You follow my Tumblr?” His efforts were in vain when he was grabbed by the collar by a familiar hand.
“You hurt Saihara, and you’re dead by sundown,” Maki hissed, her red eyes narrowed.
“Harukawa-chan, you follow my Tumblr, too? Wait, are you that hater anon that always comes back every two weeks?”
Maki dropped him as quickly as she had grabbed him and walked away without another word, and that was all Kokichi needed to know.
As more and more people walked into the classroom, it became clear that everyone in the class was at least aware of his AO3 and Tumblr account if they didn’t follow it, and he couldn’t hate life more at that moment.
Then Shuuichi joined the class last, and Kokichi’s pout curled up into a grin.
“Good morning, Saihara-chan!” Kokichi cheered.
Shuuichi had only managed to smile and open his mouth before the flood of questions was released onto him.
“Finally! I was wondering when you and Ouma-kun would get together.”
“Hey, Suckhara! You guys get to the real dirty fucking yet? … Don’t you glare at me like that, you’re the twink of this friend group and you know it, Twinkma.”
“Seriously? You’re dating Ouma of all people?”
“I…” Shuuichi’s lips curled up into a smile when his eyes landed on Kokichi. “Yeah, I am. And I’m very happy with him.”
Kokichi’s heart stopped. He couldn’t think. He ducked his head and dashed behind Tsumugi and Miu, one of which chuckled and ruffled his hair and the other only laughed at his suffering. “Stupid Saihara-chan…”
Shuuichi chuckled. “Sorry. It’s true, though.”
“Aw, that’s so cute! I’m so glad you and Ouma-kun finally got together,” Kaede said, clasping her hands together.
“Even I had to admit that as beautiful as human love is, it was… a bit frustrating seeing the stubbornness of human nature demonstrated alongside it,” Korekiyo added.
“You guys are so mean,” Kokichi whined, “Who do you think we are, idiots?”
The entire class fell silent.
“Rude.”
And as the students spoke up to defend themselves, Shuuichi and Kokichi locked eyes and smiled. There had been rough patches over the last several months, but that was par for the course in the story called life, a story without warning tags or guarantee of a happy ending. They had chipped away at their difficulties, sometimes alone, sometimes together, until all that was left was a wish for a brighter future. And hopefully, that bright future would be spent with each other.
The thief and the detective’s story may have ended, but Kokichi and Shuuichi’s story was just beginning.