Work Text:
The floors were dirty. He was dirty. He was blocked from every side, save for one tiny window at the top of his cell. Barred. He heard the distant screams. It was time for rounds. The only indication of time in this hell. That familiar chill was slowly creeping up on him. His anticipation was growing, though. He tried so hard to think happy thoughts.
He thought of Lily, her beautiful smile, her red hair that resembled her fiery personality, every witty remark she threw at him, the comfort she provided him no matter what. A chill ran through him, they were getting closer. He thought of James. His best friend, his brother. He thought of James unruly hair, his infectious laugh, the warmth he always emitted from his being, the way he always felt at ease around him. The screams got louder, he screwed up his eyes. He thought of Remus, his one true love. He thought of their first kiss, up in the astronomy tower at hogwarts.
He thought of their first flat in London, with James and Lily, the late night drinks and movie nights. He thought of James and Lily’s first house. When James asked him to be Harry’s godfather, he cried. When Lily and James first brought Harry to see him and Remus. Remus held Harry in his arms as he held Remus, looking down at his best friends’ baby, his godson. The dementors were there, he could feel it, the cold felt paralyzing. The tears fell from his eyes.
He heard the familiar sound of Harry crying. On that night. He ran up the stairs, tears already in his eyes. There his best friend, his brother lay. He fell to his knees, his head falling onto James’ still chest. There was no more warmth emitting from his body, all cold lifeless eyes. He ripped his body away from James and continued down the hallway.
He saw Lily, beautiful loving Lily. The only woman in his life that showed him love, caring, joy. The woman he would do anything for, gone. Next to her was a crying Harry, an alive Harry. He rushed over to the crib, to comfort Harry, but before he could pick the infant up, he heard footstep behind him. He spun around drawing his wand and there he was. The man with all the secrets, the traitor, that damn rat. He rushed toward Peter, pushing him against the wall, wand to throat. “How could you?!” Sirius screamed, “They trusted you! They loved you and this is how you repay them?!”
“He- the dark lord-- he made me,” Peter pleaded.
“BULLSHIT!” Sirius screamed. Harry started crying harder at the fighting. He lowered his voice,”I should kill you. I should kill you for what you did.”
“Please Sirius show mercy.” Peter cried.
“Like you showed them mercy?!” He gestured to Lily and James. The fear in Peter’s eyes was evident, but Sirius knew that look. He saw it every time they were in the whomping willow, every time they nearly got caught by McGonagall, or when they went on order missions. The man got smaller and smaller disappear out of his clothes until there was only a rat. The rat scurried across the floor as Sirius sent hexes flying toward the rodent. The rat got away, not without a bit of damage though. He would worry about that later. Right now his focus needed to be on his godson. He went back over to the crib and cradled the baby his his arms, sinking to the floor. He cried, he sat there and cried with his dead best friends’ baby in his arms. He could hear a scream ringing in his ears and spilt through his head. His scream. Then he heard a voice, a soft, soothing, familiar voice.
“Sirius. Sirius it’s okay. Wake up. Wake up.”
The cold feeling was completely gone. He felt warm and slightly sweaty. He felt a soft touch on his side by familiar hands. He opened his eyes slowly, scared to wind up back there, back in Azkaban. But when he opened his eyes, he was met with something pure, completely pure. He woke up to his husband holding his five year old godson. “Sirius, love. It’s nearly ten. Little Harry here demands breakfast with his Padfoot,” Remus said lightly shaking his husband awake.
“Moon, is Pa’foo alright?” Harry asked, wiggling out of Remus’ arm and onto the bed. He crawled over to Sirius and moves his hair away from his face, “Pa’ wake up.”
Sirius groggily opens his eyes all the way. “Oi prongslet why are you waking me from my beauty sleep?” Sirius says jokingly. “Pads,” Harry giggled, “it’s ten Moony says that’s when we wake up.”
“Well if Moony says it then we ought to listen.” Sirius stretches his back popping, spine aligning.
“Come on Harry let’s give Padfoot a minute to wake up and he’ll meet us in the kitchen.” Remus pulls the toddler off the bed and stands him on the floor. Harry runs off, out of the room, presumably to make a mess in the kitchen. Remus sits on the bed and reaches for Sirius’ hand. “Was it the same nightmare?” Remus asked carefully.
Sirius leaned on Remus a single tear falls down his cheek, “It’s always the same one, every year.”
Remus nodded. He kissed Sirius’ temple, “Well come join us when you’re ready.” He got up to leave leaving one last kiss on Sirius’ lips. He stops in the doorway. “For the record you don’t need anymore beauty sleep. You’re already the most beautiful person I know.” Remus winks and walks away.
Sirius sighs, and falls back against the bed. His heart hurts, today is a constant reminder that two people he loves most in this world are gone. All he wants is to lay in bed until the day is over and another year has passed since the day he lost three of his best friends. But then he hears a crash from the kitchen. A resigned, but loving sigh from Remus and giggling from Harry comes after. Which helps him remember the other two people he loves most in the world are still here. Although he’s heartbroken, the fact that Harry and Remus were still there helped him get through it. Throughout the day Sirius will wallow in sadness, but has moments of contentment when Harry does something silly or Remus gives him random soft kisses. Their little family will spend their day on the couch. Watching movies, playing board games. Sirius unconsciously keeps Harry closer than usual. Placing the toddler in his lap, hugging him a little too tight. Despite the boy only being five he knows his godfather is upset and this helps him cope.
Later in the evening they’ll make a trip to Godric’s Hollow. The streets will be quiet, Godric’s Hollow is an old town, not many people live there anymore. They’ll pick up some lilies to place on James and Lily’s grave. Sirius openly sobs at the sight of their grave. Remus is more reserved but tears still stream down his face. Little Harry lets out sniffles and hiccups while clutching Remus and Sirius’ hands. He knows this is his parents’ grave. Remus and Sirius couldn’t keep that from him. He knew they died protecting him, that was it. Remus and Sirius promised they would tell him more when he was older. They would go back home emotionally drained. Sirius would put Harry to bed, with a new story about James and Lily. He had plenty.
Harry would hold on to Sirius hand through the story until his eyes got too heavy to hold open and his breath evened out. Sirius would sit on Harry’s bed admiring how much Harry looked like his mother and his father simultaneously. Then he’ll walk back out to the living room to find Remus sitting on the couch, silently sobbing with pictures in his hand, pictures of all of them together. Sirius’ heart breaks even more at the sight. He walks to Remus and pulls the pictures from his weak grasp and places them face down, he can’t bear to look at those pictures. He pulls Remus to him, and Remus lets it all out, sobbing into his chest. All Sirius can do and rub his back soothingly, willing himself not to cry. He has to be strong for Remus right now. Remus will eventually cry himself to sleep and Sirius will carry him to bed. He’ll check on Harry one more time. He was so close to losing him once, he’ll make damn sure it never gets that close again. Then he’ll go to bed. He’ll slink in next to Remus, hold him tight. Remus isn’t actually asleep though. He whispers in Sirius’ ear, “It’s all gonna be okay.” Sirius falls asleep knowing he’s still got two people in this godforsaken world who still love him unconditionally.