Chapter Text
{Group chat: we sell kidneys at the side of the road - jeonghan, hongjisoo, seungkwan, seokmin, soonyoung}
soonyoung: HENLOHENLO HENLO GUESS WHAT
soonyoung: HELLO PAY ATTENTION TO ME IM SPEAKING RN THIS IS **ACTUAL** NEWS
jeonghan: you say that all the time and gue
jeonghan: -ss wat nothing happEns
seokmin: broooo whats wrong :(((
hongjisoo: Not to be that person
jeonghan: ur being tht person rn
hongjisoo: But we are actually moving AWAY from the news, no matter how small it is
hongjisoo: Also you cannot talk, Thing 2
jeonghan: that actually hurt ngl
hongjisoo: Perhaps that is the intention
soonyoung: WOOOOWEWEEW is that how u think of MEEWWEW
soonyoung: ANYGAYS IVE DECIDED TO MOMENTARILY FORGET
jeonghan: **permanently
soonyoung: JUST BC UR RIGHT DOESNT MEAN U SHLD KEEP SAYING THINGS THAT HURT DELICATE SOULS LIKE ME
seokmin: take ur time bro
soonyoung: thank u bro
soonyoung: OKAY SO
soonyoung: saw my man wonwoo on a date
[hongjisoo, jeonghan and seokmin are typing...]
soonyoung: can we hit payse on da question time i didnt see much
soonyoung: tall tho
seokmin: WAIT WAIT WHOA WHOA SLOW DOWN
hongjisoo: Jeon Wonwoo. The Jeon
yoonangel: I TRAINED YOU WELL
seokmin: lmaoooooo what like a pet??
jeonghan: DID I FUCKING STUTRER
seungkwan: wow what kinda zoo is this
jeonghan: hey! just bc ur right doesnt mean it's fine to say it
seungkwan: so whats all this then
seungkwan: @starsoonyoung tell us more
hongjisoo: More importantly, how were you and Wonwoo around the same area?
jeonghan: lmaooooo rmbr his lil drunk rant at camp
seokmin: soonyoung voice "stay approximately a carpark away from me if im any closer i'll turn into a nerd"
seungkwan: thats cute seeing how they literally went to the same nerd school
soonyoung: those were 4 yrs of my life that i couldnt take back but it doesnt mean i cant be a new person in university land now
soonyoung: land of the free and uhh future leaders?
hongjisoo: That is unfortunately the nickname for the US of A
soonyoung: oh ew sorry im a changed man... man
jeonghan: k
seungkwan: k(2)
seokmin: great movie. greatER lead
jeonghan: we're getting carried away
hongjisoo: Seungkwan is only here for question time
soonyoung: fucks this, parliament? just shoot
seungkwan: so how'd u know it was jeon wonwoo
seungkwan: dont u institute nerd alert or whtv u rig on him
seungkwan: 'keep ur distance, stay a carpark away from me u disgustingly handsome nerd'
soonyoung: just bc he looks good doesnt mean he can come near me nerd cooties a real transmittable disease
seungkwan: das gay
seokmin: awww u love him
jeonghan: literally two types of gays
hongjisoo: What makes this even funnier is the fact that these two share one car every time they go into campys
soonyoung: hey!!! why add more to pollution if we can carpool!!
seungkwan: but is that nerd resistant
seungkwan: do u install thse bank plastic screens to keep away the lit vibes
soonyoung: tony is everything proof bruh i aint an amateur
jeonghan: lmaoooo truuuuuu wonwoo's car probs can survive anything at this point its like,,,,, pure adamantium
jeonghan: when they filmed black panther they just used his car
seokmin: hey tony's been good to us dont do her dirty like that
soonyoung: OMG PAY ATTENTION
soonyoung: dance got booked out bc nobody FUCKING checkd before we all roll in
soonyoung: so we had to hike shit to da perf centre which
soonyoung: NERD
seokmin: hey i go there!
soonyoung: NERD (2)
soonyoung: so i was heading over wherre across from the learning building i saw
soonyoung: with my squinty lil eyes
soonyoung: wonwoo and a kid holding hands and fucking booking it across da grass and shit
seokmin whoaaaaa
seungkwan: im surprised this is actual news that i dont mind being mildly invested in
jeonghan: why dont u just say u care about ur friends like a normal person lmaoooo
seungkwan: i'm going to ban that frm ur phone say it one more time
hongjisoo: But Wonwoo hates physical contact?
hongjisoo: Or not? I don't make it a habit to touch him too often
seungkwan: probs good perseverance instincts there
soonyoung: yeah he legit punches back when i grab him
seungkwan: who wouldn't
soonyoung: just bc IM PUNCHABLE
seungkwan: there u go at least ur aware
jeonghan: he just cringes,,,, hard,,, am i disgusting?? to touch?? damn take a breather
seungkwan: yes
soonyoung: if onl y my boy could be disrespctful
jeonghan: u know what never answer my qestion ever again
seokmin: how are you sure it was him tho
soonyoung: my eyes might be smol but i have 20/20 vision bitch
seungkwan: but how do we know.... ur always seeing and talking shit
seokmin: WOWWWWE
soonyoung: UNCALLED FOR
jeonghan: hes just out for blood today and for what
seokmin: dont be mean to each other guys :(((
jeonghan: you see that? take some notes @hong.joshua
hongjisoo: Full offence but the content of this chat isn't worth the space in my notes
seungkwan: hes just dead
seungkwan: like theres nothing else to him
soonyoung: GONE
soonyoung: OBLITERARED
hongjisoo: I will bow graciously to your acknowledgement
seokmin: but being nice is NICR
hongjisoo: It's a good look on you, darling
seokmin: now is not the time for pet name
soonyoung: ew
seokmin: u made me mad im not talking
seokmin: soonyoung u good for lunch?
soonyoung: actuallu lad im going in black panther car sorry cant catch lunch with you :(( but i can bully wonwoo abt the handholding escapade
seokmin: aweeew no :((( have fun in the nerd car
jeonghan: awww just tell wonwoo we said hi
seungkwan: and we are deffo gossiping abt u both
seungkwan: he won;t say much but its the thought that counts
hongjisoo: Seokmin, I'm free for lunch
seokmin: it ok i have other friends other than you
jeonghan: aaaand hes mad
jeonghan: i dont wanna be here for this
hongjisoo: Would you feel better if I buy you those disgusting oil chips
seokmin: and let me hang from your manly, comforting elbow? yes
jeonghan: that was quick
seungkwan: nvm can wonwoo stuff me in the back idw to be here
jeonghan: lmaoooo i'm just going by to say hi u have fun
seungkwan: im willing to be tied to the wheels and dragged to the freeway
[Message read. Heart emoji and a wave emoji reactions.]
{Group chat: lit squad - jihoon, seungcheol, mingyu, hansol}
mingyu: so
cheol: ayyy
mingyu: i think i
mingyu: went on a date
mingyu: question mark...?
hansol: very on brand of you
jihoon: Please never type your punctuations like that ever again
cheol: he got all of our attentions tho
jihoon: That he did
mingyu: do u ppl want the short version or long
hansol: which one is the more entertaining one
mingyu: i see my misery brings u joy
hansol: unendingly
mingming: ur all bullies
cheol: now now
cheol: we're all lsitening
mingyu: ok so i spammed my tutor about something dumb
mingyu: as i do
mingyu: but in my defence it didnt sounf tht dumb at the time
mingyu: i expressly do NOT want to make eye contact ever with her again it was humiulating
mingyu: so i saw her leaving da learning building, turned around and power walked
mingyu: the n bc i panicjed i started running?
mingyu: knocked into someone, grabbed them and basically just sort of towed the poor thng along bc i dont want to sic my tutor on them
mingyu: we got to the food court and im like ok time to become one with da crowd
mingyu: turned to say my thank and offered to buy the person food so we cool or whtv
jihoon: at least you have some manners
mingyu: hey! im a perfect gentleman!
cheol: no no hes not wrong
hansol: was the person pretty
hansol: asking because none of you cowards would
jihoon: Looks aren't that important
jihoon: But I am curious, just so you know
cheol: pls tell me u didn't get the poor thing those sad oily chips
mingyu: ur hatred for the net is uncalled for they r a fine and respectable establishment
cheol: i'll make sure to bury u in their menu when u die of a stroke
mingyu: I'LL DIE HAPPY THEN
mingyu: but no, i didn't buy the not-date chips
mingyu: even tho I SHOULD;VE
hansol: is that because you don't like them enough to share or you don't want to be That guy
jihoon: The criticism is mounting today, Hansol, what gives?
hansol: i've got to milk this otherwise he'll dip again for an age and a half if i'm hearing it now i'm hearing it ALL
mingyu: got ice cream. i paid, obvs
mingyu: we split a boost coupon
cheol: those are also disgusting
hansol: don't they use real fruits and shit?
cheol: thts what they want u to think
jihoon: Yes, they throw premade smoothie mixes under the counter in the space of them loading up the fruits and packaging the drinks
hansol: he's joking right
mingyu: IT WAS 12 FOR 2 IT WAS A GOOD DEAL OK
cheol: u usually dont go there so u may make this one-off a one-off
mingyu: i'll have u know my not-date was vv impressed
jihoon: Low bar
hansol: hmmm wouldn't use impressed but continue
mingyu: HEy!!!!
mingyu: yeah thats it, we said bye, i said thanks, i have him on discord now?
jihoon: That's quite a feat.
cheol: probs a gamer
hansol: seriously, old man, everyone has discord, just make one
mingyu: so yeah news of the day
jihoon: Have fun going under
cheol: pls eat something before doing ur lab questions
hansol: can i have a name before you go
mingyu: thanks, yes, no
[mingyu is offline]
hansol: can't believe he's got a date already, campus started back up like 3 days ago
cheol: well he did ask the tutor a stupid qs
hansol: the snowball effect
jihoon: Until I hear It Is A Date, I'm not calling it a date
cheol: the criticism ovr here is overflowing too dw ill go on a date with ya
jihoon: Pass. Got my own
[jihoon is offline]
hansol: so how come we know nothing about anything
cheol: i aint anyones keeper how woild I know
{Group chat: we sell kidneys at the side of the road}
seungkwan: u guys all suck wonwoo just called me to say stop bothering him
seungkwan: 'getting food together is not a date'
jeonghan: whos been bothering him not me
hongjisoo: What a liar I know you have him under most frequently contacted
jeonghan: i give u my phone ONE time and ur using that chance now to expose how wonwoos??? my fav
soonyoung: lmaooooooooooo sorry ive been bugging him so much
soonyoung: he punched me lmaooooo then said if anything goes he'll let me know
seungkwan: ok we don't need to know how u two are disgusting together
seokmin: are you ok????
seokmin: also jeonghan i thought i was your fav?
jeonghan: no you're josh's
seokmin: i know that but i could be other ppl's fav too
seungkwan: DA FUCKING CONFIDENCE
seungkwan: so yeah soonyoung guess u got fact checked from da source or whtv grats on perceiving reality
soonyoung: b a little more sincere why wont ya
soonyoung: if it goes then it goes u know im always happy when he gets a new friend
hongjisoo: You are not his mother and that tone is very patronising
soonyoung: ok DAD