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Seeing Adil's body, limp and pale and led there just waiting to die, broke something in Toby.
He'd never felt that much pain, that much fear, before. Even when the war had started, when Freddie joined up and the bombings started. Not even when Mr D'Aberville found out, and Adil betrayed him.
Adil was cold and clammy, and the smell of gas assaulted his senses, making it hard to think, and harder to breathe.
All he knew was that he had to get Adil out of there, and Adil had to live. If he died because -
If he didn't survive this then -
Then -
It would be his fault.
Adil would be dead because of him.
He'd never see Adil's smile again, hear his laughter or his breathless moans. He'd never be able to touch him or tell him -
He'd never be able to tell Adil he loves him.
When Adil splutters back to life, coughing and gasping for air, it takes the feeling of his chest expanding with air for Toby to finally believe it's real and he's safe.
Adil clutches at him and cries. Huge sobs that shake his body and make his lungs rattle. It breaks Toby's heart. He holds Adil close to him and squeezes, unable to loosen his grip as they cry together.
He presses his lips to Adil's hair, soaked with sweat and tears, and he holds him, soothing him brokenly as if he wasn't the one to do this. As if he wasn't the cause.
Beneath him Adil shudders and shakes and wraps his arms as tightly around Toby as they will go. It starts to hurt but he doesn't care. It means he's alive.
When the sobs finally start to subside, Toby pulls back from the hug but doesn't release Adil, instead he presses their foreheads together, hands running along Adil's sides, along his chest and stomach as if checking for injury.
"I didn't mean it. I didn't mean what I said".
Toby's words seem to shake Adil out of whatever trance he's in and he licks his lips, coughing again before he tries to speak
"I would - I would deserve it if you did I -"
Toby shakes his head, pressing a soft kiss to Adil's cheek. "Don't say that. I said those things to you so you'd leave.
Adil nods decisively, "So you wanted me gone?" His voice breaks and Toby's heart clenches painfully.
Toby shakes his head again, "I needed you out of the way I -"
He huffs, biting his lip. "Adil I called the police"
Adil blinks blankly up at him.
"I gave them an anonymous tip about - about Mr D'Aberville" Toby admits.
Adil's eyes widen and he pushes Toby up, his hands against his chest, a fire in his eyes.
"Toby no! What if he tells them? You could be arrested you could be -" He cuts off, unwilling to humour the thought.
Toby smiles sadly down at him "It would be worth it because you'd be safe".
Adil stutters incoherently and when he speaks next his lips curl into a snarl "Toby I am not worth it. I am nothing compared to you, you must -"
Abruptly he surges upwards, pushing Toby back. He sits back on the stairs properly and Toby hovers near him, kneeling on the next stair down.
"You must call them back, tell them you made a mistake, Toby -" His voice cracks "Toby you can't throw your life away because of me".
The sad smile never leaves Toby's face.
"You were willing to"
"It's not the same it's not" Adil insists, taking Toby's hands in his.
"You never resigned" Toby starts, as if he hadn't heard Adil, "You will come back with me and I will look after you until you feel better -"
Adil scoffs "Feel better?"
Toby's brow creases "Adil you tried to -" He hisses, squeezing Adil's hands when he tries to pull them back. "You tried to kill -".
He breaks off again, looking away from Adil's angry eyes as tears roll down his cheeks.
"That's on me" he says decisively.
When Adil starts to protest he shushes him, still not letting go of his hands, terrified in case he never gets to hold them again.
"I -" He sighs, "Adil I love you".
...
Outside the air raid sirens stop and the world goes quiet.
"You -" Adil blinks back tears, licking his lips. "You can't say that, you don't - you don't get to say that".
"I know" Toby chokes out "I know but it's true and I should've - Adil I should've told you when I had the chance but -".
The sound of the front door opening shocks them both, and the quiet footsteps and hushed murmers downstairs make Toby's head spin. He thinks fast.
Swallowing nervously, he pulls Adil up to stand on shaky feet and pushes open the door carefully. The door he had kicked down only minutes before. The smell of gas has mostly gone so he pulls Adil in carefully and shuts the door behind them.
He cups Adil's face in his hands, not pressing too tight, not daring to hurt him. His skin is still so cold, his lips so blue. He looks down at him reverently.
"Adil I think about you all the time, seeing you was the best part of my day, touching you was everything i'd ever dreamed of and kissing you is just -"
He licks his lips again. "Adil you mean everything to me". Adil starts to tremble, Toby presses onwards, "I would do anything for you".
Toby smooths his thumbs along Adil's cheekbones, catching on the dried tear tracks. Adil's breath stutters but he doesn't look away.
"You shouldn't make promises you can't keep".
"I'll keep them, if you let me".
Toby blinks, and his eyelashes catch on unshed tears. Adil watches him wearily, mouth hanging open.
"I know I don't deserve it but i'll - anything you want - just say".
Adil doesn't speak and Toby's eyes flit around the room, stopping for a moment on the fireplace before moving to the bed, the shallow imprint of where Adil had been led is still there, a morbid reminder of what he was going to do.
Toby swallows, suddenly feeling rather ill, and he can't imagine how Adil feels, being back in this room.
When his eyes land on Adil again he's looking up at Toby with something akin to adoration and Toby stumbles back under the weight of it.
Adil lunges up suddenly, lips crashing into Toby's messily, his mouth tastes stale and his lips are still cold, so cold that Toby almost starts crying again.
But he cradles Adil's face, tilts his head back and kisses him with all he's got. He draws him in close, relishing in the feel of Adil's hands clenching in his jacket, pulling him in.
When they finally pull back Adil's eyelashes are glistening with tears again and his mouth looks red and wet. His cheeks are flushed and he's breathing heavily.
It's the most alive he's looked all night.
Toby's hands stroke down Adil's face, happy with the warmth that is now radiating from him. He breaks into a wide grin, rows of sharp teeth on show.
"I believe you" Adil speaks softly, his voice open and happier than it's been all week.
"And I love you too".
Warmth spreads through Toby and he hugs Adil to him. Adil burrows his head against Toby's shoulder and Toby breathes in deeply, Adil's hair doesn't smell the same as it usually does but that's okay because underneath it all it's still, undeniably, Adil.
Toby swallows, stroking his hand through Adil's hair, "We should get back to the hotel, you need to have a bath".
Adil starts to speak but Toby kisses him lightly, "No arguments, I'll sit with you and - and then you'll stay with me tonight, no buts".
Adil smiles softly up at him, but it gradually becomes a frown and Toby can sense the words before they even leave his mouth so he speaks before Adil can.
"Don't worry about Mr D'Aberville, the police will have him by now, and who knows, maybe he's cut his losses and run away like the snivelling coward he is".
Adil sighs deeply, "We can hope so".
Toby takes Adil's hand in his, and takes a step back, "Come on, we'll be missed". The corners of Adil's mouth twitch up slightly, "You will be missed, Mr Hamilton".
His tone is light and teasing and the residual pain left in Toby's chest eases away at the sound. "You'll definitely be missed, you're London's finest cocktail waiter".
He flinches as soon as the words leave his mouth, and glances at Adil out of the corner of his eye. But Adil is still smiling as he leads them towards his door, standing on his tip toes to give Toby one final kiss before pushing the door open, turning back to wink at Toby.
"I am London's finest cocktail waiter aren't I?"
His tone is light and juvial, and Toby can't help the smirk that takes over his features, he walks past Adil, bumping their shoulders together playfully.
"Eh, I've had better"
Adil's mouth opens in mock rage and turns away to walk down the stairs "How dare you" Toby laughs breathlessly, running after him to catch him up and they pass through the doorway together.
Adil takes Toby's hand in his, the warmth grounding them.
And under the cover of darkness, they walk together.
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