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snipers solve 99% of all problems by silentwalrus
Fandoms: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
22 Feb 2025
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Summary
Ed had thought, after the whole Promised Day, homunculus, entire country harvested for alchemical batteries thing, the batshit quotient of his life would have settled down some. He really ought to have topped out the meter with that one. But no. The bullshit is just getting started.
“Are you fucking kidding me,” Ed demands. “The wizards?”
Podfic & Chinese translation available! See notes
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 266,111
- Chapters:
- 89/?
- Comments:
- 19,600
- Kudos:
- 22,519
- Bookmarks:
- 6,957
- Hits:
- 1,026,755
Bookmarked by quackingfish
25 Jan 2026
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Summary
A Disclaimer From Your Friendly Neighborhood Oracle:
The following is a transcript of Patrol Communications Audio written by state of the art transcription technology, IRIS (Interpretation of Recorded Intelligence Software). IRIS was created to provide easily searchable records, automatically, and eliminate the need to transcribe each patrol audio log manually. That being said, IRIS is still experimental, and may not always be entirely accurate.
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(01:25) Red Hood: (Mild static) (Out of breath, slurred) You motherfuckers. Put some fuckin-Batman: (Shaking) Red Hood-
Red Hood: Shut up. Put some fucking respect. On my name. Start fucking copying me. I just got thrown fucking. Um. 40 feet. Into a fucking uh. What's it. Ditch. I'm still fucking conscious.
Batman: Red Hood, do not move, we're en route-
Red Hood: What'll I win if I stand up.
Batman: (Loud) Do not stand up.
Series
- Part 1 of IRIS Logs
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,825
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 636
- Kudos:
- 6,315
- Bookmarks:
- 2,565
- Hits:
- 41,526
Bookmarked by quackingfish
21 Oct 2024
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Boosting Morale by Elthadriel
Fandoms: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types, Star Wars - All Media Types
18 Jun 2021
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Summary
It's been too long since Rex and Cody were together to let sharing a room with a dozen other men stop them from having sex.
And if their men want to watch, well maybe that can just be part of the fun.
Series
- Part 1 of Boosting Morale
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,086
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 39
- Kudos:
- 689
- Bookmarks:
- 131
- Hits:
- 9,707
Bookmarked by quackingfish
07 Apr 2023
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Summary
SakuAtsu BDSM AU featuring Experienced Dom Sakusa and Kink Newbie Atsumu. Post-time skip & loosely canon compliant.
- Words:
- 126,458
- Works:
- 9
- Bookmarks:
- 5,472
Bookmarked by quackingfish
19 Oct 2022
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freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose by synecdochic
Fandoms: Stargate Atlantis
11 Mar 2006
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Summary
Because the meaning of life is "do the next thing", and we all carry the seeds of the past into our future. Futurefic, Rodney-centric.
Series
- Part 1 of freedom's just another word
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,242
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 317
- Kudos:
- 1,654
- Bookmarks:
- 914
- Hits:
- 24,786
Bookmarked by quackingfish
04 Jul 2022
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Summary
The Pack, after college, graduate school and the starting of careers, comes back to Beacon Hills. Nothing's gotten less complicated after all this time.
Based on a kink meme prompt that grew legs and got serious.
Note: This is a whole lot of pack!fic with a very slow build Derek/Stiles.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 78,759
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 15
- Comments:
- 1,574
- Kudos:
- 13,754
- Bookmarks:
- 6,591
- Hits:
- 429,577
Bookmarked by quackingfish
24 Jun 2020
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Summary
“We have received confirmation that there is a hostage situation in progress at a warehouse compound two hours out of Los Angeles, following a multiple-vehicle pileup on Highway 101 this morning...”
The one in which Stiles has lived to (legal) adulthood and, along the way, become a bit of a badass himself.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 26,105
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 44
- Comments:
- 1,188
- Kudos:
- 35,261
- Bookmarks:
- 14,256
- Hits:
- 766,921
Bookmarked by quackingfish
07 Jun 2020
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Summary
Derek Hale and his Specialized Combat Agents Unit are assigned to B-CON Base, a research facility in the heart of the lone human settlement on planet Cali. Normally, such an isolated place would not warrant the presence of Specs - the Infection is raging across the known galaxy, after all, and zombies don’t kill themselves (unless there are no tastier alternatives at hand) - but Derek is on a private hunt for his sister. He soon discovers that the rest of his team have ties to the place as well.
It’s all just coincidence, of course. (No matter what Stiles bleats on about those.)
Also, zombies.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 64,511
- Chapters:
- 13/13
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 369
- Kudos:
- 4,970
- Bookmarks:
- 2,156
- Hits:
- 117,016
Bookmarked by quackingfish
10 May 2020
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Summary
"The king sent me to get you," Merlin said, with a tone that implied strongly that he wasn't rolling his eyes where Arthur could see, but just wait until his back was turned. "He said you're to get changed into formal clothes and meet him in the Great Hall, there's a delegation coming from the Summer Court."
Series
- Part 12 of Astolat Sampler
- Part 11 of Merlin works
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 24,339
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 9
- Comments:
- 659
- Kudos:
- 22,791
- Bookmarks:
- 7,859
- Hits:
- 389,925
Bookmarked by quackingfish
30 Apr 2020
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Summary
"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going" ~ Beverly Sills
Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results is a good working definition of insanity.
Content Notes: Contains some plot-related matter that may be triggering for some readers - click through and skip down to the End Notes (linked from the beginning of the story) for details. (There is no: character death, graphic violence, sexual violence, underage sexual content, or sexual content that's non- or dub-con.)
Series
- Part 10 of Steinway!verse
Bookmarked by quackingfish
08 Apr 2020
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Summary
And you know, there's something really liberating about putting your thoughts down and sending them out and not being able to take them back. I think you're probably reading this and thinking that I'm significantly weirder deep down inside than you'd thought, and that's all right because it's the truth. But maybe you don't care and you've already thrown this away and you'll toss any other ones I send out with the junk mail, unopened. And that'd be okay too. It's not the reading that counts; it’s the writing.
There are two boxes full of letters in Eames's desk drawer. The ones he receives from Arthur, and the ones he wishes he could send in reply.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,086
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 120
- Kudos:
- 1,786
- Bookmarks:
- 661
- Hits:
- 24,234
Bookmarked by quackingfish
08 Apr 2020
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Gerard Way's (Vampire) Detective Agency by jjtaylor
Fandoms: My Chemical Romance, Fall Out Boy, Panic At The Disco
15 Dec 2009
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Summary
Pete, in Decaydance Mansion, with a yarrow stake. Frank and Gerard, in the greenhouse, with a plant of questionable origin. Bob, everywhere you look, with a gang of assassins for justice. Vampires, valets, pamphlets, haunted furniture, dub-thrall, disembodied voices, zombie couriers, and sinister rituals.
Series
- Part 1 of Gerard Way's (Vampire) Detective Agency
Bookmarked by quackingfish
02 Jan 2020
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Summary
Will Graham is unprecedented in Hannibal Lecter’s life and he falls for him with a kind of messy violence. This doesn’t bode too well for our Will, but he may not object to it as much as one might expect.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 23,306
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 554
- Kudos:
- 10,984
- Bookmarks:
- 2,497
- Hits:
- 176,194
Bookmarked by quackingfish
10 Sep 2019
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As Though in Deliberate Mistranslation by verdenal
Fandoms: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
30 May 2017
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Summary
After eight years, Ed and Al find their way back across the gate. As it turns out, you can go home again.
Bookmarked by quackingfish
16 May 2019
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Summary
Being the exclusive atelier for the future heiress is enough of a difficult task.
Actually dealing with her is even harder.(Non-SGRUB AU. Court intrigue, etc.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 4,120
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 8
- Kudos:
- 314
- Bookmarks:
- 73
- Hits:
- 4,219
Bookmarked by quackingfish
17 Nov 2018
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Summary
It's two weeks after the Snow Ball, Nancy's officially with Jonathan, and Steve is trying to move forward. If only he wasn't on a path that keeps circling back to the both of them.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,750
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 412
- Kudos:
- 4,666
- Bookmarks:
- 1,044
- Hits:
- 36,941
Bookmarked by quackingfish
11 Oct 2018
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Tags
Summary
His house liked Draco Malfoy more than him.
Series
- Part 3 of Harry Potter works
- Part 11 of Astolat Sampler
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 23,111
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 14
- Comments:
- 1,392
- Kudos:
- 34,964
- Bookmarks:
- 10,826
- Hits:
- 520,755
Bookmarked by quackingfish
10 Jun 2018
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Summary
Blaise was immune to whatever it was people usually felt around his mother, for which he was profoundly grateful, since no one needed an Oedipal complex on quite that spectacular a scale, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a thorough respect for her gift.
Series
- Part 8 of Harry Potter works
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,057
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 384
- Kudos:
- 15,890
- Bookmarks:
- 2,633
- Hits:
- 198,547
Bookmarked by quackingfish
19 May 2018
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heart stains on the carpet by cityboys
Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
05 Jun 2016
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Summary
Summer that year brings Kirishima Eijirou to Katsuki's front door.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 25,955
- Chapters:
- 4/4
- Comments:
- 443
- Kudos:
- 8,538
- Bookmarks:
- 1,859
- Hits:
- 101,028
Bookmarked by quackingfish
16 Aug 2017
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Summary
As rival jammers, they're rough, skating around the rink, giving bruises, bloody noses, broken ribs and snapped fingers-
But when the cops show up, Keith grabs his hand and yanks Lance into the storm drain.
And thats how they start dating.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,371
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 5
- Comments:
- 311
- Kudos:
- 8,931
- Bookmarks:
- 1,849
- Hits:
- 86,059
Bookmarked by quackingfish
05 Jun 2017