oneortwo
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Summary
Sometimes you want to punch somebody. Other times, you're the one getting hit.
After an unfortunate bar fight, Hermione Granger accidentally invites Draco Malfoy to live on her couch indefinitely, but at least she's got his wand. She's struggling to hang onto her sanity and pleasant disposition, despite those nasty thoughts that keep popping into her head, but he's already given up on his. Meanwhile, the rest of the wizarding world is investigating his mysterious disappearance, he's inventing his own whole new reality from the comfort of Hermione's bed (not that she wants him there), the gravity's broken in the kitchen, Harry and Ginny won't stop trying to get her back together with Ron, Ron's sleeping with Lavender, Hermione wants to lay him out, Astoria Greengrass is mourning her not-so-dead fiancé, and everyone's so buried in lies that they might as well just forget about the whole concept of truth.
- Language:
- English
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- 80,922
- Chapters:
- 16/16
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- 6
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Bookmarked by oneortwo
29 Dec 2019
Bookmarker's Notes
Amazing. Top tier. Absolutely unhinged which is how I love them. Only read if not mood cycling or you’ll forget to come back to reality when they do.
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Darling, So It Goes by asuitcasecalledlouis
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies), Captain America (Movies)
25 Jan 2023
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When Darcy Lewis invents a long term boyfriend at her cousin's engagement party, she doesn't expect said pretend boyfriend to suddenly be invited to the wedding. Turning to her friends for help, the solution comes in the unexpected (yet glorious) form of Bucky Barnes.
Cue ALL the fake wedding date tropes.- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 15,721
- Chapters:
- 14/14
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- 173
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Bookmarked by oneortwo
10 Feb 2026
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MARRY, FUCK, KILL by sevenfoxes for metonymy
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel (Movies), Captain America (Movies), Thor (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
08 Apr 2014
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"Actually, you know, I get it. Rogers would be an excellent MARRY choice. You know that he'd never leave the toilet seat up, would never drink the last of the milk, and would clean the rain gutters without prompting," Darcy says. She's never really considered Steve as anything other than Captain America who is impossibly unapproachable; weirdly enough, the things she finds intimidating about him as a person oddly work for her in a domestic setting. "Ugh, plus you just KNOW Barton would be the type of fucker that would eat the last oreo and then shove the empty box back into the cupboard."
"So what's your list then, Darcy?" Jane asks, turning back to look at the mold, which has done exactly fuck all in the last half-hour.
"Don't rush me! I need to make an informed, calculated choice."
Darcy looks down at her pad, then back up at Natasha. She purses her lips in thought. "You've fucked Barnes, right? How dexterous is that metal hand?"
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The ladies of SHIELD play a mass game of MARRY FUCK KILL, Avengers edition.
Wherein everyone marries Steve, kills Tony, Jane betrays science and Darcy hypothetically turns Thor into a llama.
Series
- Part 1 of MARRY FUCK KILL
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sushi pajamas (and other weapons of mass destruction) by sevenfoxes
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel (Movies), Marvel, Thor (Movies), Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
26 May 2014
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Steve is at her door in his uniform. And okay, yeah, Darcy's had some pretty fantastic dreams that have started like this before, but usually she's not in her sushi pajama bottoms and her CLINTON '08 t-shirt, rocking hair she hasn't washed in two days that is currently doing an awesome imitation of a badly groomed poodle on top of her head.
"Sorry, Darcy," he says quietly. "Assemble order."
Darcy is realllll slow on the uptake at ass 'ofuckingclock in the morning, so she just kind of gapes at him like a dying trout that's been plucked out of the water. She forgot her glasses in her room, so Steve - and the rest of the world - is a bit blurry, and her brain is just not firing on all cylinders.
"My shield," Steve says, clearly embarrassed. He doesn't have his cowl-y helmet thing on and he scratches his head and then his ear, looking anywhere but at her.
"Ohhhhh," Darcy replies, turning around to lurch back to her bedroom like a yeti.
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Seven times the Avengers' weapons have liked Darcy better (and one time the Avenger liked her even more).
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Captivated by leftennant
Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies), Tasertricks - Fandom
14 Feb 2015
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When a failed experiment accidentally drops Darcy Lewis into the middle of Asgard, she finds herself an unwilling guest of the God of Mischief. However, as the two of them are forced to spend time together in each other's company, she begins to wonder if being his prisoner may not be so bad after all. (Of course that might just be her ladyparts talking)
Set prior to the first Thor movie, and will diverge from canon because I'm a total rebel like that.