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Terms and Conditions Apply by Melibe
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
23 Dec 2025
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Summary
Thorin scowled. “Fool’s luck has kept you alive today. But it won’t save you from a sound thrashing for worrying us all half to death.”
Bilba’s mouth fell open. “You can’t mean—you’re not serious—”
“You signed the contract, Miss Baggins.”
Bookmarked by onceuponafic
18 Feb 2026
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And So, To Bed, the Bella version by Bead
Fandoms: The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
17 Jan 2014
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Summary
Inspired by this luscious fan art by Aegilef. It's just utterly gorgeous, and how could my imagination not take me somewhere.
And I think that somewhere is Laketown, and Thorin suggests that Bella go to bed. Very suggestively suggests. And suggests quite a bit. Just a suggestion.
One of my darling readers, skmitton, sweetly requested a fem!Bilbo version, and, well, my mind started running down that track. And then it started sprinting.
Series
- Part 2 of And So, To Bed
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 11,901
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 145
- Kudos:
- 1,393
- Bookmarks:
- 339
- Hits:
- 43,274
Bookmarked by onceuponafic
17 Feb 2026
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Summary
Written in response to a prompt by thotinshield on Tumblr:
"my brain is filled with au where thorin is considered unattractive by dwarven standards, bilbo thinks hes handsome, and is pining after him, but thorin is in the classic situation of having to get married and dealing with lots of suitors and theres a bit in there about bilbo hearing some of the dwarrowdams gossiping about how thorin is "ugly" and bilbo being like WHAT"
Erebor needs a queen, and Thorin is set to marry a dwarrowdam to be his consort. No matter how much it breaks his heart, Bilbo takes it upon himself to ensure Thorin only receives the best and decides to scope out the candidates. Everything goes well, and he finds one that looks promising, until he uncovers a rather disturbing fact about the crop of potential consorts.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 8,345
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 85
- Kudos:
- 2,128
- Bookmarks:
- 458
- Hits:
- 12,134
Bookmarked by onceuponafic
16 Feb 2026
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Season of Urges by kallmered
Fandoms: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
24 Mar 2018
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Summary
The Urge comes around a female Hobbit's coming of age. It is affectionately called Heat by some of the older ladies. The Urge provides an innate drive to find a partner she is most compatible with. This is done by hugging or pecking random lads or lasses, waiting for the Heat to strike and tell her she found her soulmate. Its a Hobbit's most reliable way of finding them. Only for Billa, she'd never felt the Urge.
Until she was snatched into the sudden, grateful embrace of Thorin Oakenshield himself after he woke on the Carrock. Yavanna preserve her, now she understood exactly what the elder Hobbits meant by the Heat. She was burning with desire, pursued by thoughts of Thorin. She couldn’t possibly tell him without blushing herself into a bonfire, but fate has its own design and she needn't worry for long...- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 18,911
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 79
- Kudos:
- 2,865
- Bookmarks:
- 650
- Hits:
- 56,580
Bookmarked by onceuponafic
15 Feb 2026
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To Flourish, to Fight, to Run by leupagus for screamlet
Fandoms: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
29 Dec 2013
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Summary
Thorin catches her hand in his as she touches the gauze. “You still call me Thorin,” he says, softly.
“Well,” she says, trying as hard as she can to sound businesslike, “That’s because you’re not my king.”
“You’re under my mountain,” Thorin points out.
Bilbo scowls, and shakes his hand loose. “I can’t believe you’re arguing not five seconds after you’ve woken up,” she says, pulling the gauze free. It’s mostly healed, an ugly scar that will be there for the rest of his life. “Though perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised.”
Series
- Part 3 of Erebor and Weeds
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,119
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 140
- Kudos:
- 3,029
- Bookmarks:
- 313
- Hits:
- 47,718
Bookmarked by onceuponafic
15 Feb 2026