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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    There's a first time for everything. Gotta make it perfect, right?

    ***

     

    No, Crowley had been convinced. If it were ever to happen, he was confident that drama would be key. A backdrop of Hellfire, or a frenzied lurch for freedom, or some other forced decision of similar magnitude—something external prompting him to seize Aziraphale and drag him in close, deliver a kiss like a message, a challenge.

     

    It needed to be fantastically exciting, or there would be too much risk of Aziraphale coming to his senses and walking away.

     

    Crowley couldn’t picture it any other way. Certainly he hadn’t pictured it like... this.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,670
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    120
    Kudos:
    476
    Bookmarks:
    124
    Hits:
    4,230

    31 Oct 2025

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    "You know what this is?" he asks, somehow doubtful and hopeful at the same time.

    "Course I do! You're just a little randy. Quick spot of onanism will fix you right up," he says with what is possibly too much confidence for someone who's never directly experienced either thing, but Aziraphale seems like he needs to borrow a whole heap of confidence at the moment.

    OR

    A pair of ineffable, Eden-era turbo virgins get exposed to sex pollen.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    16,934
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    3
    Comments:
    64
    Kudos:
    703
    Bookmarks:
    134
    Hits:
    7,200

    30 May 2025

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    Aziraphale loves because he's an angel and wants more because he's Aziraphale.

    or;

    picture this: an angel and a demon (though it doesn't matter much, nowadays) move in together and assume many things about one another. This is how it goes.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,897
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    94
    Kudos:
    576
    Bookmarks:
    123
    Hits:
    4,832

    01 May 2025

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    “Would a more kinaesthetic approach suffice, then?”
    “A-are you suggesting grabbing my arse?”
    “I’m suggesting, that since this seems to be a topic of great interest to you, Snow, I can charitably offer you a lesson in the basics.”
    Snow unleashes an agitated groan. Merlin, I don’t know how the boy can manage to keep up such a froth for so long. (Though I’ve somehow managed to keep up an erection for this long, so I’m not one to speak on the matter of indecorous stamina.)
    “You’ve never offered to tutor me in anything before!” he yammers.
    “Precisely.” I curl my lip at him. “So don’t expect me to ever be so generous with my offers of elucidation ever again.”



    Baz gets caught with a dildo up his arse, which results in an awkward conversation about the benefits of anal stimulation.
    Simon is admittedly curious, and, well, so long as it's something straight blokes can enjoy too, there's no reason not to let Baz show him the ropes...right?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    54,686
    Chapters:
    6/6
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    361
    Kudos:
    2,949
    Bookmarks:
    533
    Hits:
    62,814

    10 Mar 2025

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Your new beginning starts here! Lying wholly within the South Downs National Park, the village of Wood’s Bottom is your destination for an idyllic retirement. This quaint hamlet is a short five miles away from the seaside resort of Brighton, with its vibrant array of shopping, culture, and leisure attractions. Boasting stunning landscape views, entirely average weather conditions, welcoming neighbours, and intimate rural charm, Wood’s Bottom is your opportunity to live the exceptionally normal and relaxing lifestyle you’ve always dreamed of.


    Aziraphale and Crowley have finally found their forever home after successfully ensuring there is still a “forever” to share. Surely they will integrate perfectly well amongst their new neighbours. Surely.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    63,749
    Chapters:
    8/8
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    757
    Kudos:
    910
    Bookmarks:
    362
    Hits:
    30,185

    07 Dec 2024

  6. Public Bookmark *

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    Must he spell it out for him? “You could…” Aziraphale looks him up and down, then cocks his head towards the poncy fellow up on the balcony, raising his brows pointedly. “You know.”

    Possess him? Crowley frowns and asks, “You think so?”

    Aziraphale nods, eyes wide. The visual alone has instantly vaporized any alcohol content in his body.

    “I—well.” Crowley considers it, then winces. “I haven’t actually poked inside someone since… oh, gotta be 71, I think. Antoine Gay. Bollocksed that one up.”

    Aziraphale blinks, taken aback. In his (admittedly frequent) imaginings of Crowley in bed, he never envisioned him as the ‘poker’, necessarily. He seemed like he’d much rather enjoy getting poked instead. Repeatedly. Passionately. Perhaps up against an opulent pillar.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,179
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    147
    Kudos:
    2,432
    Bookmarks:
    474
    Hits:
    25,387

    27 Oct 2024

  7. Public Bookmark *

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    Music critic Aziraphale Fell is trying to break into the world of television, when he is signed to make a documentary about former-rockstar-turned-composer Anthony Crowley. It’s been eleven years since Aziraphale’s disastrous review of Crowley’s debut opera nipped his classical music career in the bud. He can only hope that Crowley will get over his admittedly justified grudge to make the TV show a success.

    A classical music sex comedy. Yes, really.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    47,125
    Chapters:
    13/13
    Collections:
    4
    Comments:
    1,417
    Kudos:
    2,105
    Bookmarks:
    559
    Hits:
    32,521

    24 Oct 2024

  8. Public Bookmark 35

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    Summary

    “Your wings,” Crowley hisses in an acute sense of impropriety, feeling a bit like a teenage boy seeing his first womanly ankle. “They’re—they’re out!”

    “Nothing gets past you,” says Aziraphale.

    *

    It's summertime in Regency England. Aziraphale has his wings out for a celestial performance of Hymen in Shakespeare's As You Like It, and Crowley—well. As always, he's there to do whatever Aziraphale likes.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    10,312
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    25
    Kudos:
    312
    Bookmarks:
    35
    Hits:
    3,048

    27 Sep 2024

  9. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    FANDOM AU! • Crowley is a BNF fic writer, and Aziraphale is a lurking artist who might be just a little parasocially in love with him. How they ever became friends is beyond him, but here they are: One month out from Prophet Con, and Crowley is asking him to be his boyfriend. Just for the weekend, of course.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    103,997
    Chapters:
    17/17
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    3,132
    Kudos:
    4,663
    Bookmarks:
    936
    Hits:
    102,097

    30 Aug 2024

  10. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    phersu: meaning 'mask,’ ‘masked man,’ or ‘actor.’

    Just under two thousand years ago, long before Crowley and Aziraphale raised the believed-Antichrist together, Aziraphale is tasked to influence a young boy toward good: the future Emperor Nero. Crowley can’t help but linger and do some influencing of his own.

    Available in русский язык!

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    104,208
    Chapters:
    16/16
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    275
    Kudos:
    303
    Bookmarks:
    155
    Hits:
    8,800

    23 Aug 2024

  11. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    “You look terrible, by the way. Wow, you are not okay. Well, lucky you, I know, it’s been a while, but I am here to help. Sorry it took so long. We were a little distracted, but eventually, Bee and I concluded that maybe, slightly, we, and especially I, kind of owed you one.”

    In which Gabriel conveniently happens to have a low-power time travel device lying around, generously decides to donate it to Aziraphale so Aziraphale can use it to thwart the next apocalypse, and Aziraphale immediately uses it instead to try to fix That Conversation. Surely with enough chances, he can get it right?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    26,167
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    81
    Kudos:
    454
    Bookmarks:
    156
    Hits:
    4,697

    23 Jul 2024

  12. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Crowley finds that he quite enjoys scrapping with the angel. Aziraphale finds that he enjoys the demon's enjoyment. Their head offices would not approve.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    12,789
    Chapters:
    4/4
    Collections:
    2
    Comments:
    213
    Kudos:
    836
    Bookmarks:
    192
    Hits:
    7,918

    30 May 2024

  13. Public Bookmark 47

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    Summary

    Aziraphale likes trains (riding them). Crowley also likes trains (disrupting their schedules to cause human misery). When they run into each other on assignments in the northeastern United States, it only makes sense to travel together.

    Except for the fact that someone just set into motion an awful lot of Amtrak delays…

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    3,995
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    100
    Kudos:
    319
    Bookmarks:
    47
    Hits:
    1,469

    21 May 2024

  14. Public Bookmark *

    Tags
    Summary

    When Crowley had snaked himself across the bar top, half purring, half snarling for Aziraphale to live a little, this wasn’t exactly what he meant by it. Not exclusively, anyway. If there was a list of possibilities, it may have been on there somewhere; scrawled as a hasty afterthought, perhaps under a subheading of Things That Would Surely Never Actually Happen.

    But the sight of Aziraphale lying naked and debauched in the middle of his black satin sheets was not something he was about to hesitate over.

    (If there was a second list, one surreptitiously scribbled on a napkin in the dark corner of a crowded bar, it would be titled Things Crowley Had No Right To Crave As Much As He Did, and it would start and end with this single bullet point)

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    36,061
    Chapters:
    5/5
    Collections:
    1
    Comments:
    614
    Kudos:
    1,898
    Bookmarks:
    400
    Hits:
    31,003

    15 May 2024

  15. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Aziraphale and Crowley part ways, but not for long. Not when the Second Coming is at hand.

    Don't worry. They're not at all competent, still.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    17,300
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    96
    Kudos:
    932
    Bookmarks:
    180
    Hits:
    8,710

    10 May 2024

  16. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Crowley has a passing familiarity with various forms of sin. Aziraphale has opinions.

    *

    balnea vina Venus
    corrumpunt corpora nostra…
    sed vitam faciunt balnea vina Venus

    "Baths, wine, and the acts of Venus corrupt our bodies… but baths, wine, and the acts of Venus make life worth living."

    — epitaph of Tiberius Claudius Secundus

    DELIGHTED AND FLATTERED to have this lovely cover created by the amazing ineffableclassics.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    8,829
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    101
    Kudos:
    499
    Bookmarks:
    122
    Hits:
    4,821

    19 Apr 2024

  17. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    "Fabulous. I'm not nervous."

    "I... I didn't ask. Now I think you're nervous."

    "I just told you I'm not."

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    2,852
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    132
    Kudos:
    1,688
    Bookmarks:
    176
    Hits:
    15,808

    30 Jan 2024

  18. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    Aziraphale, Supreme Archangel of the Heavenly Host, is just minding his own business. Really. It's not like he's trying to get summoned to Earth during highly important archangelic duties. And Crowley's not trying to summon him, he swears, but somehow it still keeps happening...

    Now, if they could only figure out why?

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    44,558
    Chapters:
    9/9
    Comments:
    1,007
    Kudos:
    1,596
    Bookmarks:
    416
    Hits:
    26,584

    24 Jan 2024

  19. Public Bookmark *

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    Summary

    In which Aziraphale has no intention of selling books to anyone at all, let alone this infuriatingly persistent customer. No matter how nice his cheekbones are...

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,070
    Chapters:
    2/2
    Collections:
    5
    Comments:
    463
    Kudos:
    2,738
    Bookmarks:
    544
    Hits:
    18,213

    17 Jan 2024

  20. Public Bookmark 83

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    Summary

    “I’ve not a clue what we’re doing out here, where we are.” His slurred voice is far too casual. “My brain’s all wibbly, angel. Proper—pickled herring. Won’t remember a thing about tonight, I reckon.” He stares at Aziraphale purposefully.

    Crowley is off his head on laudanum. Not responsible for his actions.

    Language:
    English
    Words:
    5,311
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Comments:
    38
    Kudos:
    710
    Bookmarks:
    83
    Hits:
    5,848

    11 Jan 2024

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