hemlockq
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Recent works
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Dead bodies. Missing clocks. Lord Downey kidnapped (perhaps less unfortunate than the first two). Ankh-Morpork once again becomes the stage for the City Watch, and they are tired of acting.
Lady Vetinari presides. Lady Sybil wonders what's going on with her...husband...
And Vimes, while chasing a man who is rapidly becoming an aardvark, stumbles into a lesbian bar.
Things are, in short, complicated.
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A platter of ham sandwiches and assorted snacks tested gravity on Vetinari’s forearm. He was wearing - ye gods, he was wearing sandals and sunglasses. Black sandals and black sunglasses...
Vimes’s mouth dropped open. “Respectfully, sir,” he said, gesturing vaguely at Vetinari’s entire being, “what the fuck.”
(Vimes and Vetinari spend a day at the beach.)
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grace like gold by hemlockq
Fandoms: The Locked Tomb Series | Gideon the Ninth Series - Tamsyn Muir
03 Dec 2024
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You are Tarnished. You arise from the dark. You nurture the power of death in your hands. A longsword bows your back; you are a scythe-shaped monstrosity swallowed by a world that you do not recognize. And, you remember, you remember: you are Harrowhark Nonagesimus, the Reverend Daughter, a Priestess of the Ninth, a scholar, now Tarnished, and you are the most powerful necromancer of your generation.
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“Is there something out the window, Drumknott? If any more pigeons come through, I am inclined to let them nest instead of dooming another street patroller to conspicuously white shoulders.”
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“How do you want me to do it?” Vimes said.
Vetinari produced a knife like he’d been expecting the question. “I think this is the cleanest way."
Recent series
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- Words:
- 9,425
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 12
Recent bookmarks
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For various reasons - including an assassination attempt and somebody's terrible language skills - Vimes and Vetinari end up at a Quirmian wedding pretending to be a couple.
For the prompts 'fake relationship' and 'tipping chin up' as requested by red_edelweiss.
This is my new comfort fic; updates may be irregular and tags will be added as we go, but I do have a Plan(TM). Admittedly a large part of the Plan is to see just how many fun romance tropes I can squeeze into one fic, but hopefully it'll be entertaining for someone other than me.
It's rated E for eventual smut, but the early chapters are Teen and up.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 27,424
- Chapters:
- 8/?
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 293
- Kudos:
- 165
- Bookmarks:
- 13
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Bookmarked by hemlockq
25 Jan 2026
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Inventory by Arcane Charisma (Saras_Girl) for tupti
Fandoms: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
18 Aug 2025
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“Assassins,” he mutters so quietly that it’s barely more than a sigh, and then his eyes flit to Vetinari, because they always do, and because, for once, Vetinari is not looking at him.
[in which Vimes stares, Vetinari is stared at, and very little guild business is resolved]
Series
- Part 1 of Stripped
Bookmarked by hemlockq
10 Jan 2026
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Court martialed, dishonorably discharged from the MMC, and used as a prop during Chrisjen's state dinner on Mars - what if, during their conversation afterward, Bobbie had just a little bit more of a temper, and they were somewhere just a little bit more private?
Or:
"Ma'am, respectfully? Go fuck yourself."
"Fuck me yourself, you coward."Bookmarked by hemlockq
08 Jan 2026
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When Crowley opens the hotel room door and gets a full look at the dom he's hired, his first very uncharitable thought is that this is never going to work.
It's the beaming smile, the untidy mop of cherubic curls, the rather twee outfit. There's an overall aesthetic of a kindly, gay caricature from a vintage greeting card come to life, and nothing about that lines up with the sort of person Crowley's successfully gone under for before.
His second thought is that he knows a lot bloody better than to judge someone's ability to dominate him by looks alone, and that he's only being such a hypocritically judgmental dick because his anxiety's got him doomsdaying everything again—which is why he's hired someone to help him achieve his own version of meditation in the first place.
OR
Crowley's anxiety is interfering with his kink life so badly that he decides to hire a professional dom to help get him into subspace. It goes horribly until it goes absolutely amazing.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 19,115
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 155
- Kudos:
- 1,406
- Bookmarks:
- 320
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- 12,368
Bookmarked by hemlockq
13 Aug 2025
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Silco is an unusual sexual assault nurse examiner. Viktor is an unusual patient. Just two ships passing by each other on a shitty night (and a shitty day a few months later).
Bookmarked by hemlockq
13 Nov 2025