goofee
Fandoms
- South Park (3)
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Their new arrangement made Kyle’s body sway back and forth even more, as he winded up every punch. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! I hate you—” then, he stopped abruptly. His fist hung mid air, as he looked down at Cartman with a new, unreadable expression. His freckles hid under a blush that was now starting to form on his face. The room went quiet and then…
“Cartman, are you… Are you hard?”
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Or Eric Cartman's not-so-small problem, that Kyle unfortunately has to deal with.
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“What?” Stan asked.
“Nothing,” Cartman snapped. “Just think it’s funny how Kyle suddenly turned into a social butterfly.”
Stan glanced ahead. “Oh. Yeah, I guess.”
“Guess?” Cartman scoffed. “Look at him. He’s practically holding the guy’s hand.”
“He’s literally just walking,” Stan said.
Cartman crossed his arms. “That’s how it starts.”
“You’re being weird.”
“I am not,” Cartman said automatically. But the word echoed uncomfortably in his head. Weird.
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Eric Cartman's five stages of jealousy. -
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“Kyle, you don’t care about gay people” Stan deadpanned.
“Well, I do now!”
“No you don’t. You care about talking my ears off about some dumb shit Cartman did or said every time we hang out. And that’s when I don’t have to listen to you two actually arguing with each other. It’s always “Cartman this, Cartman that, God how I hate Cartman, Stan did you hear what Cartman said this time, blah blah blah Cartman”, fuck dude, you’re like, obsessed with him”
Kyle felt as if someone just poured a bucket full of ice over his head. Obsessed. Him. With Eric fucking Cartman. The audacity.
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Or how it all started with a single sentence and a bet.
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Summary
At twenty-five, Kyle Broflovski thought he had his life all planned out. He was living in Denver with Stan with a nice apartment and a decent job. Suddenly, his world is turned upside down when Stan breaks up with him and he loses his job all in the span of a few months. Now Kyle is back in South Park, living with his parents, and trying to figure out where he goes from here. Enter Eric Cartman, who always got under Kyle’s skin as a kid, and who was now about to do so again, in more ways than one. (A story about reevaluating yourself and your life. Or, How Kyle Broflovski Got His Groove Back.)
Written for South Park Big Bang.
Series
- Part 1 of Might Last a Day
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 52,369
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 75
- Kudos:
- 1,485
- Bookmarks:
- 381
- Hits:
- 51,490
Bookmarked by goofee
09 Feb 2026
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Keep Your Fake Boyfriend Off the Road by ashbub
Fandoms: South Park, Stick of Truth - Fandom
16 Nov 2024
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Craig Tucker didn’t expect his late-night drive in his old 1989 Ford pickup truck to turn into a fucking relationship crisis—let alone hit his not-quite-boyfriend, Tweek, with it. After a heated argument during their senior year of highschool about where they stood, Craig was just trying to clear his head.
But when he finds Tweek lying in the road, only to realize this might not be the Tweek he knows, things take a darker turn. Craig’s about to learn that their fake relationship might not be the only thing unraveling.
Bookmarked by goofee
06 Dec 2025
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“I’m, uh… sober,” Tweek announces because what the fuck else is he supposed to say to his ex-boyfriend that he ghosted 10 years ago to go do drugs?
Craig nods slowly. He wants to say congrats, or I’m proud of you, or how have you been sober for this fucking long and not contacted me at all you fucking asshole–
(In which Tweek emerges from his decade long absence from Craig’s life as a sober desert hippie and Craig is just an emotionally stunted mechanic in South Park. They try to figure it out.)
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 100,788
- Chapters:
- 8/12
- Comments:
- 441
- Kudos:
- 1,260
- Bookmarks:
- 348
- Hits:
- 35,683
Bookmarked by goofee
15 Nov 2025
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One Saturday morning, somewhere at the playground, a ball hits the brick wall, bounces back against a boy's head, and then the boy's body hits the ground, motionless.
At any other place, that would be just another emergency, of course. A local case of a local family and local network of relatives and friends and doctors.
In South Park, that is a spark that lands on dry brushwood and old grass. A domino piece that falls on the row of other dominoes. You take it from there.
A boy loses his memory, a town loses its sanity, and Kyle Broflovski cannot make his goddamn mind.
Bookmarked by goofee
10 Nov 2025
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Summary
At 29 years old, Martin Blackwood finally decides to go to college and get some sort of higher education. Instead, he gets two hyperactive friends and a crush on possibly the most unattainable man alive.
Or, the story where Tim and Sasha try their best to help Martin steal their professor's boyfriend.
Bookmarked by goofee
14 Aug 2025