autisticbee
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"You know, Squidward," SpongeBob starts nonchalantly as he flips a patty. "I've never been kissed."
"Good for you." Squidward responds flatly, focusing on his latest issue of Fancy living.
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can you come back (wait, I don't mean that) by autisticbee
Fandoms: SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
10 Jul 2021
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Which looking back, kinda makes sense. He remembers the time he moved to a gated community that should have been everything he could have wished for and it was! For a hot second. Then it just felt boring and mundane and he had missed Spongebob.
Is...is that what was happening now? Did he miss Spongebob?
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"Pfft," Squid lies awake in bed later that night. "Don't be ridiculous, theres no way--" He shoots up and digs around for his clarinet, late time be damned. He pushes through a few minutes of nails against chalkboard but he doesn't seem to improve. "I'm just psyching myself out, yeah that's it, if I think about it too hard then of course I'll sound bad!" Sweat trickles down his face as he tries again and again.
It's nearly 5am when he finally gives up and looks at himself in the mirror. "Why are you still thinking about him." He seethes in frustration at himself.
He collapses back into bed and manages to catch two hours of not quite blissful sleep.
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"I'm gay." Cole states bluntly. "There will never be anything like that between me and her because I...like dudes, Welllll on the occasion I do like anybody, anyway." Kai feels his gentle movement as he shakes his head. "But that's a whole 'nother conversation I don't wanna get into yet."
Or, the best time to be gay with your buddy is when you're trapped in the dark.
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He leaps up from the table, a slightly maniacal smile on his face. "Ha! I got it."
"Got...what?"
"The perfect plan to score free dessert."
"Oooh, fake a birthday?"
"What? No! no one falls for that anymore." Yeah he had kinda used that one to death.
"Then....? Can you kinda hurry up I need to pee."
"Wait, you're part of the plan you can't go yet." Frown reaches across the table and grabs Brock's hands in a vice grip. "Fake. Proposal." He whispers.
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Perry the Platypus puts up with a lot of bullshit from Heinz Doofenshmirtz. Heinz's extensive dating escapades are not nearly the worst of it... until they are.
(Or: Heinz meets a girl and they actually hit it off... so he thinks. But Perry's pretty sure she's trying to change Heinz into someone he isn't. He can't understand why he's so upset about that-- he shouldn't care that Heinz is dating, right? Shenanigans ensue, Heinz goes on a ridiculous dating spree, Perry does the best he can to fix the fallout while trying to figure out his own complicated emotions about himself, his species, and a certain evil scientist.)
*This is romantic Perryshmirtz, however they do not explicitly date in this fic. So, I suppose, if you really must, you could read it as platonic. But if you're scrolling through this tag, chances are the romance is what you're looking for anyway, so you may as well commit to the bit and join the rest of us in celebrating the homosexual platypus and his evil scientist as they avoid their complicated feelings for each other.
Bookmarked by autisticbee
29 Dec 2025
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Perry is a secret agent, and as so should be absolutely ready to handle anything the world could throw at him.
Right? Right??
But what happens when the world doesn't agree? What happens when things start to speed up just a bit too fast and years of secrets threaten to spill in one simple ingredient? What happens when they get close to nothing being the same again??
Luckily, he has one incredibly handsome scientist (who is an expert on things not going to plan) to help him figure it all out.
(Or: Perry is having a tough time with some new changes. Heinz is there for him. Also romantic Perryshmirtz. I am no longer apologizing for that so just skip away if it's not your thing.)
Bookmarked by autisticbee
06 Dec 2025
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It took Heinz Doofenshmirtz a hell of a long time to get Perry the Platypus' phone number, and he did NOT want to fuck it up. Everything reminded him of the platypus, and getting the chance to tell Perry about all of it, right away, was the best thing that ever happened to him. Unfortunately Perry the Platypus was not known for fast replies.
(Or: Heinz accidentally double texts Perry after doing everything in his power to not do that. He panics, but Perry has different thoughts about it.)
Bookmarked by autisticbee
06 Dec 2025
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fully functional, anatomically correct, trans inclusive gay space communism by Anonymous
Fandoms: Star Wars: Rebels
05 Jul 2023
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Kallus, a trans man, has been waiting to get his synthetic penis for a very long time. Now that he has it, Zeb gets a... hands on demonstration.
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Bookmarked by autisticbee
21 Dec 2024
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Alexsandr never expected to find peace more terrifying than war.
Bookmarked by autisticbee
21 Dec 2024