TearsInMySoul
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After Big John disappears, John B finds solace in the bottom of a bottle and a shroud of uncaring. Apathy and alcoholism, this is the story of John B’s fall from grace.
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A one-shot for my fic “Apathy’s Curse, My Undoing” in between April & May. Can be read stand-alone.
JJ knew it was a bad idea. That didn’t stop him from showing up at the Chateau, knowing full well what kind of party John B favors, these days. Just over six months after Big John’s disappearance, and John B hasn’t been doing well. But John B’s not the only one drowning, and JJ doesn’t have it in him, to wait patiently any more. Desperate, JJ’s got nothing to lose. And it might be a bad idea. But it’s all he has.
It was a bad idea. This night, this party. But when wasn’t it? John B wouldn’t give a shit, come morning. He didn’t give a shit now. A night of bad decisions and a morning of worse, but he’ll forget himself in the throes of it, a momentary reprieve that’ll make it all worth it, in the end.
JJ and John B, and the lengths they’ll go, to drown their own pain.Series
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A one-shot for my fic “Apathy’s Curse, My Undoing” in between February & March. Can be read stand-alone.
Just over four months after Big John’s disappearance, John B learns some coping mechanisms. They’re all bad, but John B knows they’re nothing compared to the asshole he is. And in the end, all that’ll be left is him, drowning in apathy, and JJ, as he holds on for the both of them.
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Based on Season 2 Episode 8.
John B just fought off an alligator. A freakin’ gator. It was so crazy. It was insanely cool. It was painful as fuck, and John B was pretty sure he was gonna bleed out, stuck on the roof of a half-submerged van. The only thing he knew for sure? It was all JJ’s fault.
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Of Contradictions and Constellations by wisteria (TearsInMySoul)
Fandoms: Outer Banks (TV)
06 Jun 2025
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John B and JJ, the deadly duo written in the stars, magnetic forces that couldn’t leave well enough alone. An intimacy that shouted in the face of something intense and desperate, to feel nothing or to feel everything, a cliff’s edge that John B teetered on. But when push comes to shove, which way will John B fall?
Recent series
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I knew a boy who got lost in the big dark blue, and came out alive by TearsInMySoul, wisteria (TearsInMySoul)
Fandom Outer Banks (TV)
19 Feb 2026
- Words:
- 29,861
- Works:
- 3
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- Words:
- 7,433
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- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 48
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- Words:
- 6,797
- Works:
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Recent bookmarks
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baby, both arms cradle you now by catboy_enthusiast
Fandoms: The Perks of Being a Wallflower - All Media Types, The Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012), The Perks of Being a Wallflower - Stephen Chbosky
29 Jun 2025
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"He swallowed, softly rapping his knuckles on the soft pink wood of her door. He tugged his shirt down once, twice, and a third, before it swung open.
“Oh. Charlie.”
He kept his head down, trying in vain to keep his voice steady. It wouldn't work, no matter what he tried.
“You said that– that if I– it…” he swallowed. “That I could– I could come to you?” He hated how his voice lilted up at the end, how weak it had sounded, like a question. He felt himself tear up and cursed whatever he could, avoiding looking at her as much as possible.
Her voice softened a fraction, making space for him to enter.
“Yeah, yeah… of course..”
He hated how he hated how genuine she sounded."It's a bad night for Charlie, so he does the only thing he *can* do. Talk to Candace about it.
Bookmarked by TearsInMySoul
14 Nov 2025
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Peter’s life was finally falling into place—an internship with Tony Stark, a loving home, and a future within reach. But when tragedy strikes and a new guardian steps in, everything begins to fracture. As the walls close in, Peter’s greatest strength may be the people who refuse to stop searching for him.
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My version of May's Abusive Boyfriend.
I added a BONUS SCENE!
Bookmarked by TearsInMySoul
05 Oct 2025
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Inspired by The Victorious by NezumiPi
Fandom Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
22 Feb 2026
- Words:
- 267,243
- Works:
- 4
- Bookmarks:
- 13
Bookmarked by TearsInMySoul
23 Sep 2025
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Apple Bobbing by Ilovemcu
Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
30 Sep 2024
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Tony shouldn’t have participated. He’d been so stupid. Should’ve been more cautious. He shouldn’t have joined in on the Halloween games with his teammates.
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Tony did not expect apple bobbing to trigger flashbacks to his water boarding in Afghanistan.Bookmarked by TearsInMySoul
04 Sep 2025
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Dear Mom and Dad,
I know what it’s like to snowball. To hear one thing, see one look, and feel it grow and grow in my chest. I learned how to internalize it. I learned how to be happy whenever I was with anyone, even a single person to stand next to me. If they do that, then I can take a breath. Because that means I’m not alone in my brain. I’m always stuck in my brain, and there’s no way out. I feel everything, like I'm on the verge of an explosion or combustion every waking moment. I’m living in that space where you get a second wind before you collapse. That's every single moment and day of my life.
Marcus used to be my person to help. I helped him, because I needed to be around people. If Marcus was around me, and so were my friends, I could almost be normal. No one needs me anymore. He’s getting better. My friends found a better version of me.
I love you, but I can't stay here anymore. My brain is too loud. I can't be alone any longer. By the time you read this, I'll be in my room, I’m sorry.Love, Maxine.
Bookmarked by TearsInMySoul
30 Jun 2025