Stapler_Stealer
Fandoms
Recent works
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boyfriend material by Stapler_Stealer
Fandoms: Zootopia (Disney Movies), Zootopia (2016)
18 Feb 2026
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Summary
“While we’re at it, Carrots, wanna guess what this hoodie’s made of?” The fox waggles a teasing brow.
Judy narrows her violet eyes at Nick’s enthusiastically proffered arm but begrudgingly complies, giving his turquoise pullover several tentative strokes to ascertain its source.
His muzzle splits wide with a sharp-toothed grin. “It’s made of boyfriend material, right there. HA, geddit?”
The bunny groans and rolls her eyes so hard, he’s surprised they’re still attached to their sockets.
Series
- Part 1 of takes two to tango
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Confessions of a Runaway Debutante by Stapler_Stealer
Fandoms: Gossip Girl (TV 2007), Bridgerton (TV)
27 Dec 2025
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Summary
“Is this some poorly disguised attempt at courtship?” Blair casts her most condescending look upon him. “If it is, I beseech you to desist at once, for I do not associate with the likes of you — namely, boys with…ridiculous hair, dubious lineages and laughably enormous egos.”
He blinks back in stunned silence at the bluntness of her words — but not for long.
“I do not happen to be looking for a wife, but even if I were — ” the curly-haired heathen scoffs. “I’d surely court a lady with a far more…pleasant disposition.”
(Bridgerton Dair AU: Desperate to escape her impending engagement with Charles Bass, the Duke of Sussex — Blair Waldorf will stop at nothing. Even if it means hunting down the secret identity of London’s most enigmatic writer — the infamous Lady Whistledown herself.)
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Summary
It begins, as all things do, with her right hand shoved up a well-greased turkey’s butt.
“Talk fast Humphrey, because in case you haven’t noticed, this delicate hand here — ” Blair hisses, wiggling said hand that was currently plunged wrist-deep in the poor fowl’s carcass, “ — was not designed for prolonged contact with raw poultry!”
“Oh, shoot, wait,” mutters Dan, eyes darting towards his laptop screen. “Martha Stewart says we’re supposed to rub a sprinkle of salt and pepper, y’know, inside the cavity before we fill it up — ”
Blair’s eyes widen in horror. “And you couldn’t tell me this before I grabbed a handful of stuffing and shoved it straight up a turkey’s ass??”
(or: Dair, Christmas holiday shenanigans, and perhaps the blossoming of something new…? 🩷)
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i went to monaco with the prince (and all i got was this lousy t-shirt) by Stapler_Stealer
Fandoms: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
26 Feb 2025
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Summary
Blair Waldorf, future Princess of Monaco, is this close to fulfilling her destiny, getting everything she’s ever wanted — and more.
So why are the images of a certain boy from Brooklyn (a very shirtless one at that), haunting her in her dreams — day and night?
Series
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Summary
Dan shaves his head for Halloween.
Blair is NOT pleased. Not even in the slightest bit.
(Or: A glimpse of Dan and Blair’s evolving hair — er, I mean relationship — over the years.)
Series
- Part 3 of two drifters, off to see the world
Recent series
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Summary
The fox watches on, thoroughly mesmerised, as Judy checks her reflection in the full length mirror by the closet with a brief, perfunctory twirl. The fabric is cinched at the waist and brings out the vivid amethyst hue of her sparkling eyes more prominently than ever. And the intoxicating scent of her perfume that wafts by with every step she takes towards him is…well, it’s certainly not helping matters.
His jaw hangs open stupidly as his throat goes dry as the sandscapes that stretch endlessly across the shimmering horizon of Sahara Square.
Is she trying to give him a heart attack? He can already see the headlines splashed across the front page of the Zootopian Times in bold, uncaring font: Devilishly Handsome Fox, 33, Drops Dead of Unknown Causes in Five-Star Hotel, Leaves Criminally Attractive Partner Grieving in Shock (Spoiler Alert: It’s ALL HER FAULT!)
- Words:
- 23,980
- Works:
- 1
- Bookmarks:
- 6
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it's been nice not being friends with you by Stapler_Stealer
Fandom Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
26 Feb 2025
Summary
S4 AU shenanigans. Dan and Blair are just friends, who sometimes go to a museum, or catch a movie together. Or…y’know, occasionally have sex — big difference, right?
I mean— what could possibly go wrong???
- Words:
- 47,857
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 18
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Summary
You have to admit things worked out in the end though, right? Me with Serena, and you with Chuck?
We each found our way back to our one destined love, after a uh…somewhat misguided detour?
- Words:
- 69,416
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 6
Recent bookmarks
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Summary
Judy's trying to figure out why she's feeling differently about Nick recently. Friends don't do the sort of things they do, do they?
Bookmarked by Stapler_Stealer
23 Feb 2026
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Count the Ways: Romance for Dummies by Humanities_Handbag for FearlessFreep
Fandoms: Zootopia (Disney Movies)
31 Jan 2026
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Summary
“I made a list!” Nick announced, marching into Fuzzby’s office first thing Monday morning and slapping it onto her desk.
Fuzzby looked down, brow raised. “Reasons why I don’t love Judy Hopps?” She scanned the list. “Number fifteen is her eyes?”
“They’re terrible!” he declared. “They keep me up at night with how awful they are!”
“Uh huh.” She scanned back up. “Number two, you wrote; ambition.”
“Don’t get me started. She’s too passionate!”
Fuzzby flipped through the list again from number one (kindness) all the way down to number forty-seven (her soft ears). She looked up at Nick, unimpressed. “You do realize that this does the opposite of proving your point, right?”
Or: Nick pines over his best friend, accidentally writes love letters, and gets read to absolute filth by his therapist.
Bookmarked by Stapler_Stealer
11 Feb 2026
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Summary
Together, they must infiltrate a frozen criminal empire, maintain their "perfect marriage" cover, survive one (1) bed, and absolutely not fall in love.
Too bad they're already doomed on all four counts.
“Undercover operation: Married Couple.” He felt the words before him be processed. A weird, unexpected fluttery heat gathered up in his ribs – a strange, nervous itching tickle that was there and gone in a blink, but utterly unmistakable. Marriage? Us?
In Tundratown, Nick and Judy uncover a web of money laundering, interspecies conspiracies, and the deadly Unity Serum. Their bond is tested in ways neither expected. Trust, love, and survival hang by a single thread.
Series
- Part 1 of Zootopia AUs
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 135,170
- Chapters:
- 16/16
- Comments:
- 405
- Kudos:
- 1,248
- Bookmarks:
- 290
- Hits:
- 33,162
Bookmarked by Stapler_Stealer
10 Feb 2026
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Summary
Nick Wilde has spent his entire life wanting only two things.
To build an amusement park where predators can be free.
And to survive without the shock collar around his neck.He knows neither of those dreams is supposed to be possible.
So when he wakes up in jail in a world he barely recognizes, one where predators walk freely and no one believes collars ever existed, Nick is forced to face an unsettling truth.
Maybe he was never meant to want so little.
Maybe the world can be far kinder and far stranger than the one he learned to survive.Bookmarked by Stapler_Stealer
09 Feb 2026
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Summary
Blair is very stressed, but Dan knows what to do.
Written for Fluffbruary.
Series
Bookmarked by Stapler_Stealer
09 Feb 2026