Sometimes_Panic



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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    It’s not going viral because Jane’s true identity was exposed—or even because Ilya was blatantly sexting in public. That part’s as expected as Shane doing yoga or any human being on earth breathing.

    No, the texts are going viral because no one can believe how bad this “Jane” is at sexting.

    The women of the world are outraged. The men of the world are baffled. No one can understand why Ilya Rozanov, whose abs have their own fan club, is wasting his time on ‘a piece of cardboard that wished to be turned into a real girl’ (this particular joke has 300k likes and counting).

    Or: After a social media trend mocks Shane's sexting skills, he tries to improve them. It goes about as poorly as you'd expect.

    Now available in Russian

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    10 Feb 2026

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    “I’m right here. And you are okay, and you are safe, and healthy, and you are at home, yes? It is quiet, and nobody is there, nobody is bothering you. And the world is full of stupid idiots, but you are not one of them. And I am here. When you need me, I am here.”

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    or: The whole world thinks Shane is gay because of some stupid internet rumors, and he doesn't even have to confirm it. He's losing control of his entire life and he needs somewhere to put what little he does have.

    Ilya has open hands.

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    10 Feb 2026

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    09 Feb 2026

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    "You have to come to the locker room. Now."

    Shane frowns. Holds up his notebook. "I'm busy."

    "Forget that, man. It's all over the news. Ilya Rozanov has just defected from the Soviet Union."

    Red Army superstar Ilya Rozanov defects from the Soviet Union. A Cold War-era hockey au

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    09 Feb 2026

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Ilya knows there is a thing about himself he has to always keep hidden in the deepest recesses of his body, behind his molars and in his core. He thinks Shane Hollander might be the same, except the thing about him he cannot hide.

    Ilya Rozanov is the biggest hockey talent of his generation. So is Shane Hollander.

    But over the years Ilya notices that the vicious media and the clamouring fans and some of his more foul-mouthed teammates treat Hollander differently than any other hockey player.

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    09 Feb 2026