Miser
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Harry Potter was the Chosen One, and Neville Longbottom was the boy no one chose. Then Neville defied Voldemort, killed Nagini, and took down Greyback. Neville came out of the war different: You won’t get a rise out of him but you will get a reaction.
After a tumultuous trauma bond with Luna Lovegood and a failed engagement to Hannah Abbott, Neville has sworn off relationships—only to be paired with Pansy Parkinson under the Reconciliation Act. Neville’s running a nursery, guest lecturing in the Hogwarts Herbology Department, and hunting down Death Eaters with Seamus Finnigan, Alicia Spinnet, George Weasley, and the mercenaries Bill Weasley befriended while raiding tombs for Gringotts. He doesn’t need a Slytherin wife whose best mates are Draco Malfoy and Theodore Nott. Or does he? When he and Pansy prove extremely sexually compatible, Neville must confront his own questions about love, trust, and vulnerability—just as the revival of blood supremacy and a renewed veneration of Bellatrix have strange new bedfellows seeking him out.
Featuring sex, violence, and poisonous plants, DIRTY, FLIRTY, AND VINDICTIVE takes place during BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC with flashbacks to Neville’s life between 1998 and 2003.
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- Part 2 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
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“In my humble opinion there’s only three things that men should be and that is bloody, slutty, and pathetic.” And, on a good day, Draco Malfoy can be all three.
When war heroine Hermione Granger and Azkaban-tattooed war criminal Draco Malfoy are forced to wed as part of Shacklebolt’s controversial Reconciliation Act, they openly fight the match and each other—their public brawls breathlessly reported by the press.
Secretly, a deeply traumatized Draco delights in Hermione’s attention and pines for a real marriage with her—even as her forced proximity to the Black family magic irritates the cursed scar Bellatrix left on her arm, reminding her why she can never truly trust or forgive him. Then Hermione discovers that Draco’s blood will soothe the scar . . . and Draco is willing to trade his blood for her body.
(With post-war blood purity politics, black market potioneers, Pansy Parkinson’s career advice, the Malfoys blackmailing Hermione’s Wizengamot opposition, BDE Neville Longbottom hunting Death Eaters, a slutty Theo Nott serving as Draco’s right-hand man, and Crookshanks loose in Malfoy Manor.)
Series
- Part 1 of THE BLOODY, SLUTTY, AND PATHETIC SERIES
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- 21/21
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Bookmarked by Miser
01 Feb 2026
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Will needs a date to his mom's wedding. Mike volunteers.
“I have an idea,” says Mike.
Ice cubes form in Will’s stomach. “How dangerous is it? Like, should I call Dustin to talk you down, or should I call Nancy to be ready to drive us to the hospital?”
“No,” says Mike, “you can’t tell anyone or it won’t work.”
“Or what won’t work?” Will asks. It’s like picking up a rock you know a spider will be under.
Mike gets up and closes Will’s door. Hopper doesn’t make them keep it open but sometimes Will does anyway, because every now and then lying around alone with Mike on his bed just makes his chest ache too much. If the door is open he can tell himself You can’t do anything right now, someone will see.
Mike leans back against the door. His eyes are lit up with that special maniacal gleam that the Wheelers get right before they do something insane, like when Nancy says, “Then we have to go kill Vecna ourselves,” or whatever. “Take me to the wedding,” says Mike.
“Yeah,” says Will slowly, “you’ll be at the wedding. Obviously.”
“As your date."
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 59,047
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- 8/8
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Bookmarked by Miser
27 Dec 2025
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Harry Potter and the Trail to Hogwarts by TeamTired
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
12 Sep 2013
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When Harry misses the Hogwarts Express as a First Year, he decides he would rather take his chances following the train tracks on a hike to Hogwarts than risk missing out on learning magic forever.
Will The Boy-Who-Lived be able to survive the magical countryside with only his school supplies and wand to keep him safe?
Bookmarked by Miser
22 Dec 2025
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Standing At the Sky's Edge by Morbidmuch for Kiromenanz
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
29 Mar 2023
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Snape looks at her in a way that reminds her of when he was her teacher. It's unsettling. “You're mental,” he says.
“So you're not going to help me?”
“I didn't say that.”
Or, the one where Hermione and Snape does corporate espionage.
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- English
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- 6,136
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- 1/1
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- 2
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- 46
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- 318
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- 40
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- 2,532
Bookmarked by Miser
05 Nov 2025