Km64655
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It's like being buried at the bottom of a very deep, very dark well. Castiel has lived enough, sinned enough, for the weight of his mistakes to pin him flat in the darkness. It's shame and guilt and grief and each memory anchors him with a razor specificity, there in the lightless silence. This is how it works, he supposes. His own thoughts will devour him alive until he sips oblivion by choice, out of sheer desperation, and the void will know peace at last.
But that was the bargain. He took that upon himself. His choice. Choice, he thinks, and would laugh if he still had a mouth to laugh with. Freedom is a length of rope.
Then, after what could have been many eternities or just one, a pang of agony comes that isn't his own.
*
Or: the one where Castiel saves himself.
Series
- Part 7 of season 15 fix-its
Bookmarked by Km64655
19 Aug 2021
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Overwhelmed was an understatement. Despite spending the car ride with her stare glued out the window in silence, Mary felt like an exposed nerve that had been thrashed with steel wool. If she closed her eyes she could still see things as she knew it: a house with a yard, laughter bouncing off the walls, toy cars on stair steps, hope in the mirror reflection. Her life wasn’t perfect, but it was hers.
Everything was wrong. The last thing she remembered was running into Sam’s nursery, but now, here she was standing in 2016 because God’s sister said so.
Bookmarked by Km64655
12 Jul 2021
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Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.
~~~
"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"
Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.
Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.
"What?" Dean grits out.
"I love you, too."
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Bookmarked by Km64655
29 Jun 2021
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Dean can't sleep. Cas offers to tire him out.
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Bookmarked by Km64655
25 Jun 2021
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“I’ll probably get in around dinner,” Cas says, “Is that alright?”
“Sounds good,” Dean says. “We’ll keep a plate warm for you.”
Bookmarked by Km64655
24 Jun 2021