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and words are futile devices by tonguecutoutwithrustedshears (limbed)
Fandom The Righteous Gemstones (TV)
16 Sep 2023
Summary
In which two very repressed men cope with their guilty sexual attractions to one another in true hardcore Christian fashion (ignoring it until it is impossible to take any longer and then blowing up and falling back into the cycle of denial and shame). Until...?
AKA "i'm taking this silly HBO comedy way too seriously"
- Words:
- 40,914
- Works:
- 3
- Bookmarks:
- 45
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
16 Sep 2023
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Summary
It's tea and cake as usual at Count D's, but what's in the box from an old acquaintance of D's?
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,389
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 11
- Kudos:
- 62
- Bookmarks:
- 7
- Hits:
- 2,181
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
07 Mar 2021
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Summary
Leon and D learn a little about trust. Through the medium of confectionery.
- Words:
- 2,606
- Works:
- 5
- Bookmarks:
- 22
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
06 Mar 2021
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Summary
Leon finds himself in Count D's care after being shot.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,654
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 7
- Kudos:
- 244
- Bookmarks:
- 31
- Hits:
- 1,837
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
05 Mar 2021
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Summary
They make a kinda bizarre couple, some sweater guy and his boyfriend dressed like he made all his clothes out of curtains. They always sit on opposite sides of the booth and don’t talk much, or hold hands or make gooey eyes at each other.
A lot of people have a lot of opinions about Nandor and Guillermo's relationship. They are various degrees of correct.
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
05 Feb 2021
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Sigh No More by dhampir72
Fandoms: James Bond (Movies), James Bond (Craig Movies), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
13 May 2014
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Summary
Bond wants nothing more than for someone, just once, to be waiting for him at the airport when he returns home.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 20,231
- Chapters:
- 2/2
- Comments:
- 535
- Kudos:
- 10,434
- Bookmarks:
- 3,080
- Hits:
- 127,438
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
02 Feb 2021
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Summary
Asterius wasn't expecting to run into his sister's ex, period. He definitely wasn't expecting to run into the guy from the opposite side of the ring, for a ten-round cage fight.
Series
- Part 1 of modern myth AU
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
25 Jan 2021
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Summary
Charon stares down at Hermes in cool amusement. He types a message, which pings on Hermes’s phone a moment later.
Charon: What gives you the impression I want or need your money?
“I don’t think you need it,” Hermes responds. “However, you seem like a man of expensive tastes. Mine run the same. And we both know not needing money isn’t the same as not wanting more. Isn’t that right, my good associate?”
Charon tips his head in acknowledgment, and Hermes steps a bit closer.
“Do you have someone spoiling you already?” Hermes asks. “If not, would you like to?”
Trust fund baby Hermes makes wealthy businessman Charon an offer he thinks can't be refused, but Charon isn't so easily impressed.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 7,733
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 43
- Kudos:
- 567
- Bookmarks:
- 92
- Hits:
- 3,157
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
07 Jan 2021
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Summary
"Today, I will teach you to make a béchamel," she says, and begins by melting the butter in the pan.
(aka How Hannibal Lecter Learned to Cook)
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
24 Dec 2020
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Summary
"What is it?" Hannibal asked.
"It's very beautiful." She placed the paper flat on her lap, above the covers, careful not to smear the pencil with her fingertips.
"It's not," said Hannibal. "There's something missing."
Murasaki sighed. "Beauty is always missing. When you find it, it's only for a moment. The rest of the time, you search."
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
24 Dec 2020
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Summary
"You should have sex with other people," Q says once.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,477
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 3
- Comments:
- 146
- Kudos:
- 6,287
- Bookmarks:
- 1,033
- Hits:
- 67,327
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
16 Dec 2020
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Summary
The shitty thing was that Q had a boyfriend at the time – a ravishing, blond, public-school-boy wank fantasy of an actual, actual boyfriend. Then Bond came along.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 35,338
- Chapters:
- 9/9
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 530
- Kudos:
- 4,074
- Bookmarks:
- 1,222
- Hits:
- 75,254
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
20 Nov 2020
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How to Be a Superhero by turningterrific for
Fandoms: James Bond (Craig Movies), James Bond (Movies), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
07 Aug 2016
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Summary
“Am I sacked?”
M doesn’t bother answering James’ attempt at humor but instead continues in his point. “Since your return from the Skyfall operation, which was over a year ago I might add, you have not taken one day of leave, no holiday of which I'm aware. You haven’t rested the requisite 48 hour period between mission and report.”
James takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
“You are not a young man,” M says plainly. “Everyone, even James Bond, needs time to let wounds heal, both physical and mental. Pushing yourself is going to get you or someone else killed eventually.”
“So not another mission then?” James asks and moves to stand.
**
Or, James Bond is forced to take a few days off, runs into Q at a kebab shop, starts playing World of Warcraft, and takes a trip to Witney to meet Q's family (for reasons of national security, of course).
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 53,726
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 382
- Kudos:
- 3,483
- Bookmarks:
- 1,242
- Hits:
- 45,675
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
16 Nov 2020
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Summary
The one where Bond really, really isn't used to sleeping with people who don't tragically die soon afterward.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 6,003
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 317
- Kudos:
- 14,358
- Bookmarks:
- 2,911
- Hits:
- 216,209
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
16 Nov 2020
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look out, you've got your blinders on by howlingmoonrise (TheDarkStoryteller)
Fandoms: Pet Shop of Horrors
30 Oct 2020
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Summary
It's a pair of warm blue eyes that greets him, when he opens the door.
D feels his heart fall to his feet, and then recovers it. Places every jagged, cutting piece back on his hand like those of a broken cup, ready for the trash, and pretends it never happened. There's no reason to react like that, after all.
Because the man at the door is not Leon Orcot.
--
Or, Chris finds D before Leon does.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 1,196
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 32
- Kudos:
- 191
- Bookmarks:
- 28
- Hits:
- 1,285
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
04 Nov 2020
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Extracurricular by Elpie (Horribibble)
Fandoms: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
10 Aug 2020
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Summary
“They make thimbles for this exact reason.” Felix says, as if it is perfectly normal for Dorian to be forcing needles through what looks like spandex.
Spandex.
“Dorian, darling, blink twice if you’re being held against your will.”
“Ha.” Dorian deadpans, and then goes back to sewing what looks eerily like a homemade supersuit.
Which he should not be doing, because he is a science teacher and The Iron Bull works at his school.
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Adventures in punch-clock villainy, teaching high schoolers, and falling in love.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,844
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 36
- Kudos:
- 382
- Bookmarks:
- 99
- Hits:
- 2,599
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
29 Oct 2020
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Summary
Remaining neutral about Eddie Brock was much easier in principle when he’s the unseen ex of your girlfriend, a little harder in practise when you’ve helped him through the worst week of his life.
“Pay up.” Anne flops down next to him on the couch two months later. They’re still fishing bits of the Life Foundation Rocket out of the Pacific, but no evil or chaotic neutral ex-terrestrial goo has been recovered. Supposedly.
Dan fishes the promised $20 out of his wallet, “He finally told you.”
-Dr Dan Lewis would like to stop feeling like the third billed in the romantic comedy that is his life.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 3,682
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 2
- Comments:
- 216
- Kudos:
- 6,628
- Bookmarks:
- 1,028
- Hits:
- 33,922
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
03 Sep 2020
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Summary
Eventually, Eddie taps his chest and says, "Come on, V. Get back in me before Anne sees you."
Anne takes a breath. Then she walks into the living room and says, "She already did."
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
02 Sep 2020
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Summary
The only time Nile ever sleeps a full night and feels remotely part of herself is when she stays with Nicky and Joe, who shampoo brains out of each other’s hair in the shower and clean their guns on the couch watching Chopped reruns.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 2,432
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Comments:
- 328
- Kudos:
- 7,837
- Bookmarks:
- 1,037
- Hits:
- 44,237
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
30 Aug 2020
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Summary
"So," says Dan, "they're definitely not going to, say, bite off Anne's head, or mine, in a jealous rage?"
Venom, licking the last of the ganache from their teeth, glares at Dan.
Bookmarked by Epouvantable
26 Aug 2020