Claireness
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"Not Enough Trees" and Other Totally Real Excuses Not to Buy a House by Ellie603
Fandoms: Schitt's Creek
08 Dec 2022
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Summary
When David Rose is coerced into helping his parents find a new vacation home up in the mountains, he ends up driving out to the middle of nowhere to look at lake houses with a cute real estate agent who very quickly complicates David’s plan for a quick, one-time trip.
Or, you don’t have to stop flirting with your realtor if you never actually buy a house, right?
Bookmarked by Claireness
19 Oct 2025
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“Ugh!” David shouts, trying to figure out how to explain how utterly maddening this man was. “Yes, he was polite, I guess, but the way he said it was like—" he lets out a noise of frustration “—you know that fucking emoji of the moon?”
“The one with that condescending smile that looks like it probably just did a really bad fart and is proud of it?”
“Yes!” David points so forcefully at Stevie that he almost falls off the couch. “He may have said polite words but his expression was pure stinky-fart-moon-face!”
Stevie makes a noise of disgust. “I hate that fucking emoji.”
David meets Patrick Brewer, a glassblower, at the Elmington Craft Fair and loves his work, but wishes it didn’t come attached to someone so condescending. Not that it matters, because apparently Patrick has no interest in becoming part of the Rose Apothecary brand. It wouldn’t be nearly so annoying if Patrick’s best friend wasn’t about to be David’s newest vendor.
Series
- Part 1 of Arts and Crafts
Bookmarked by Claireness
31 Aug 2025
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As a nervous flyer, Patrick Brewer has tried to account for every possible mid-air event. He hasn’t, however, accounted for David Rose. Is it love at first flight?
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Bookmarked by Claireness
09 Aug 2025
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While a larger team worked across the state, country, and globe to gather up the ring of thieves and murderers that threatened the family, it was his job to lead the boots on the ground.
He would hunker down.
Blend in.
Protect.
Because that’s what they did in this branch of the Federal Bureau of Investigations.
Protect.
At all costs.And Special Agent Patrick Brewer always his did his job well.
Bookmarked by Claireness
04 Jul 2025
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David zones back into the horror of a conversation happening around him in time to hear his dad ask “...where exactly are we supposed to go?”
“What about my town?” he asks quietly. The box with his deed got tucked safely under a handful of sweaters when he packed the remnants of his life into suitcases. It’s sitting in the entrance hall of the house they’ll no longer call home by the time the business day ends.
No-one’s listening to him, so he tries again, a little louder. “What about my town?"
Or: On his eighth birthday, David Rose receives a town.
Bookmarked by Claireness
03 May 2025