Amaggs
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As Till closes his eyes, the oncoming darkness almost feels comforting. This way, he can only sense Ivan’s presence by touch. The soft pressure of fingertips. The occasional drag of skin against skin. A slow exhale against his cheeks. Like this, Ivan feels much gentler than he is in real life. It’s different from the moments they sit side-by-side after their scuffles. This quietness doesn’t have to come at the cost of violence.
(Or: Like clockwork, Ivan and Till find themselves in the same position over and over. Till gets hurt, and Ivan is somehow there to take care of him).
Bookmarked by Amaggs
17 Jul 2025
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If Ivan cannot believe in Till the way people once believed in gods, then his faith must be similar to a dog’s. Like a lowly creature with nowhere else to go, he believes in Till’s capacity to be falteringly human.
Till, he imagines saying. I never really told you about the flowers, did I?
(Or: On the last day of classes, Ivan writes thirteen drafts of his graduation note to Till. Each is a little more dishonest than the one before)
Bookmarked by Amaggs
17 Jul 2025
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Summary
If the band were to be entirely forgotten, their music wiped from history, their names faded into obscurity, Ivan would make it through to the other side of it. Academically, he’d exceeded expectations. He had the right connections in the most dull of occupations. Fulfillment did not always pay the bills. He could withstand whatever soul-crushing future awaited him, a passionless existence, so long as he had something to keep him above water. Till had proven time and time again with every bandage and rejection letter and song that he wrote that he would not, could not, do the same.
How hard could it be, asking the crowd to ensure that Till would never have to?
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Till wants to be a star, and Ivan wants something he can’t have. The pair’s musical act, Unknown Sorrow, catching the eye of bigger industry names, may be the solution to both. That is, so long as anything built on sudden fame and spontaneous decisions can last.
Ivan’s heart warns him that it won’t.
Bookmarked by Amaggs
17 Jul 2025
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Summary
Every party was always the same. They’d try to get him to talk. They’d force him to play for them. And he’d go along with it. He’d try to keep his head down. He’d really try. But then one of those greasy fuckers would try to touch him.
(Non-con does NOT involve Ivan.)
Bookmarked by Amaggs
17 Jul 2025