To become Dean Winchester
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"I want to go home, Daddy," Dean whines as Daddy carries him back to bed.
It's not his bed though. He wants his bed. He wants to lie in his bed all snuggled up with Mommy as she makes all the voices of the stories again. He wants Blue, his favorite teddy rabbit which has only one ear and smells like home. He wants the little angel that was on the shelf above his bed and was watching over him when he slept. When he wakes up now, he's always all alone in a strange bed, in a strange room instead of home.
**Dean was four years old when Azazel killed his mom. This is what happened next.
Series
- Part 1 of To become Dean Winchester
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It reminds him of those times when Sammy was just a baby and Dean would climb into his crib, how comforting it used to be to sleep with baby Sammy's warmth right against him.
It isn't allowed anymore. Dean is trying to be a good boy now, a man. So when Sammy tries to cuddle up to him, Dean sends a careful look to where his father is watching tv and rolls away.
"Stop being such a sissy, Sammy."Series
- Part 2 of To become Dean Winchester
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When dad isn't here, Dean sits on the bed next to Sammy and forces himself to stay awake all night with his knife in his hand. He's not a kid anymore. He knows what's out there now. He knows about the screeching teen girls, the psycho lady ghosts and the bad men of this world. He's not letting any of them get near Sammy.Series
- Part 3 of To become Dean Winchester
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He left Sammy alone for the first time ever and Sammy nearly got killed because of his carelessness. (...) So now it's Sammy's sixth birthday and dad can't even look at Dean without getting angry. Dean accepts it. Dean deserves it.
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- Part 4 of To become Dean Winchester
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"Like I'd ever abandon you, " Dean says, rolling his eyes. "You're stuck with me for life, you idjit."
Series
- Part 5 of To become Dean Winchester
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Take care of Sammy, kill monsters, obey dad, and be a stud. That's his life motto. He's got family, he's a hero and chicks dig him. What more could he ask for? His life is awesome!
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- Part 6 of To become Dean Winchester
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He swore to himself that he was never going to do that again, that he wasn't a fag. It's not gay if he's doing it to save his own skin, though, right? If he does it because he has to, because he needs to protect Sammy. It didn't even feel like having sex. Just like with fighting, Dean was just using his body as a means to an end. To protect his family. Is it really that different than killing monsters?
Series
- Part 7 of To become Dean Winchester
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He's tired of seeing his brother dreaming of leaving. Sammy doesn’t even seem to realize why they’re getting so upset. He thinks it’s about duty and hunting. Well, it’s not. It’s about family. At least, for Dean it is. The more Sammy stubbornly refuses to see what he’s doing as hurtful, the more bitter Dean can feel himself becoming. He hates that. He doesn’t want to resent Sammy, he truly doesn’t, yet it feels like he can’t help it. He can’t help taking Sammy’s plans as an affront, as a way to say ‘fuck you’ to their whole life together. It hurts and it makes him furious.
He doesn’t feel like that when he’s with Rhonda.
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- Part 8 of To become Dean Winchester
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Cas feels like a coward. Everything he's ever wanted is finally in reach and yet has never felt so unattainable at the same time. He could take it. He could have it. God, how he wants it…
It would be another lie though. A deception that has lasted for close to a decade. Cas had made Dean's whole life a lie by omission and he's not sure how to continue to live this deception. Could he ever be forgiven for it? Could he even dare to risk everything in the name of the truth?This is the last chapter of the series. It can also work as a stand-alone post 15x18 fix-it fic.
Series
- Part 9 of To become Dean Winchester