Work Text:
Cass presses the icon on her updated AAC app again.
“Parent. Parent” it says. It’s the wrong word.
Bruce is “dad,” a word with the same sound as Dick, Damian, and Duke’s sound-names.
This word she has only heard when talking about two people. She doesn’t know why the app is now using it.
Tim told her to let him know if there are any issues. He is the one that makes things show up on her phone. (When she was in Hong Kong, she had a different phone. None of the apps had pictures that MEANT anything, and they didn’t say their sound-names when she touched them. Two weeks after Tim visited, it started working properly. Tim shows he loves in sneaky ways.)
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Mostly, the new app is better.
She can fix the icons herself, now, when the pictures are dumb – there’s a little designer with lots of shapes and people parts she can combine. The icons don’t move, so the pictures about doing things still don’t make sense, but the designer helps with those, too. Tim brought a lot of comic books over, one day, and they looked at all the different ways to show movement. She likes the one he calls “afterimages.” Pictures-behind-the-picture.
The app is better at adding the useless sound-words, too. “And,” “the,” “he” – all the ones she hates figuring out, because they don’t MEAN anything.
It still takes slightly longer to make sentences using the icons, but it hurts so much less than having to find the sounds in her head. It’s fun, using the icons to talk. Like she’s tricking the world – giving them the sounds they demand, but on her own terms.
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It takes her a while to find other sounds that have changed. She wants to say I-find-girl, but it says “I will find the child.” The worried mom still understands. But Cass will have to talk to Tim.
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Tim is uncomfortable. He shows her how to hold the icon and slide left or right to get more options. “Parent” can also be “mom” or “dad.” “Child” can also be “girl” or “boy.” “Sibling” can also be “sister” or “brother.” This is important to Tim. Tim isn’t sure he wants her to notice it is important. He says she can go back to the other layout, if this one is too awkward.
Sliding takes slightly longer than tapping. Cass has no sisters. (Except for how Babs is, sometimes.) It is not fair for Tim to change the thing she uses to speak, so that it is on his terms.
(But Tim shows he trusts in sneaky ways, too.)
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Babs tells her all about relationships-between-words. Babs always thinks that Cass is stupid. Babs thinks with sound-words and this makes HER stupid. Cass knows the words are related. It is obvious, if you aren’t using sounds. (This is why Cass doesn’t use the “sister” icon for Babs ... or the “mom” one. Babs shows she loves in mean ways, and doesn't respect Cass’ terms enough.)
Cass is going to erase the app from Babs’ phone and leave, but Babs stops. Babs sighs. Babs says I-did-it-wrong-again, and “Can you try asking me again? I’m not sure I understood your question the first time.”
Cass says why-is-this-change-important? and “It had two icons before. Now one icon. Two worked.”
Babs doesn’t know. She says just as much as when she thought she did, but she doesn’t say you-don’t-know-anything-and-I-must-fix-you, so Cass listens. One icon takes up less space, so she can find what she needs without scrolling as much. It leaves room for new icons, that didn’t fit before. "Child" is useful for don’t-know situations, when you need to guess “boy” or “girl.” The app is used by lots of different types of people, and some of them might not-know a lot. (“Face-blind.”)
Babs wonders if Cass is investigating the app’s designer. Is this a case? Is someone using the app’s coding to transfer information? She has many other thoughts now, but she waits for Cass’ answer.
Cass IS investigating the app’s designer. It is not a case. Cass says private and thank-you and, to make Babs smile, I-know-secrets-you-don’t. Then she deletes the app off of Babs’ phone while Babs says ugh-I-hate-respecting-boundaries and can-I-trust-you-to-not-get-hurt? and I-am-trying-to-do-better-this-time.
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“Parent is dumb. Dick stop them.”
Cass can’t say is-doing-now with the app. (She isn’t sure she can say it without the app, either. “Is being?”) And she keeps forgetting to slide.
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Sign language makes Cass frustrated. People use their bodies to talk, but they are still speaking a different language than her. She likes how the words move through space, and how people KNOW what their face is saying, but the hand movements are ... arbitrary. The words aren’t connected to the feelings or actions they belong to. It’s meaningless. To her. And it’s confusing.
Sound-words used to be meaningless, and she didn’t care. That was simpler.
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Cass goes undercover. To clubs. She likes clubs. They have loud music, and dancing, and people saying interesting things. There is flirting, and she likes that, too.
She watches people talk to their friends and tries to be worthy of Tim’s trust.
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“Ugh, my parents are being SO unreasonable.”
Mom-dad-have-rules-and-I-am-scared-you-will-have-fun-without-me.
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“The kid keeps LOOKING at me.”
Little-brother-makes-me-feel-guilty.
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“My sibling is dating Dante, now, and they won’t believe me about him being a creep!”
My-sister-not-sister-doesn’t-trust-me-gross-boy-will-hurt-her-not-her.
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Damian talks with pictures sometimes. Not like she talks with the app. More like she talks with her body.
Damian’s pictures say everything together. Cass can hear animal-is-safe, I-am-angry, light-is-peaceful, home-is-far-away. There are many other things she can’t hear.
The app says things one at a time. She puts icons in a row, and then it makes sounds. She wonders if it also says things she can’t hear.
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Slide right: “He is my brother.”
Slide left: “She is my sister.”
Don’t slide: “They are my sibling.”
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Tim goes undercover. Tim gets her to help with the disguise. They both look at the bras, and Tim shivers. The bras are not right. Cass realizes that neither of them know what is right.
Tim has always said lots of things at once, while saying very few sound-words at all. Tim is as full of thoughts as Babs, but he doesn’t want them to be heard until he knows which ones are right. He used to be scared of Cass, for hearing what he said before he was ready.
While he was depressed (after she was done being brainwashed, before Bruce was done being lost) Tim couldn’t hear himself properly. It scared him. He would decide one thought was right too quickly, or not notice what he was saying, even when it was important.
He would say sound-words to Cass, to see if they were true. If that was what he was really saying. He trusted her when he couldn’t trust himself.
He wants her to tell him what he’s saying, now. But he isn’t depressed. He can hear himself. He needs time, not for her to tell him what is right.
Cass says don’t-be-scared-little-brother, our-secret, fun-mystery and “Start with dumb name?”
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The dumb name he starts with is “Ell Ingolls.” Cass doesn’t know why it is dumb, but it is important to Tim that it is. If it is dumb, he is allowed to play.
Ell has purple hair and three shirts, but doesn’t have a leather skirt over his tights. Even though that would be right.
Even while playing, Tim isn’t good at listening to don’t-be-scared.
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Cass goes back to clubs. Different clubs. More and more people have purple hair. More and more people say fun-mystery. More and more people are scared.
(The flirting is more careful, but still fun. Tim doesn’t like flirting, but he doesn’t know that. She’s pretty sure he wouldn’t like these clubs. He’s kind of boring, sometimes.)
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Someone asks her about her “pronouns.”
Her app says, “What is that?”
(She knows that the correct sound-words are “what are those?” But the app is also saying this-person-finds-words-hard and be-patient. It says those things better than she can.)
The person doesn’t know how to talk to someone who finds words hard, but he says this-is-important and someone-should-tell-her. So Cass says, “find who will explain,” and he likes that. He says lots of sound-words while he leads Cass through the crowds, but all he’s really saying is I-feel-guilty-please-be-patient. Cass would be more patient if he acted less guilty, but she tries.
The person she is lead to doesn’t have any hair at all. It’s a good look. She listens to Person-Who-Can’t-Talk, and gets excited. She is like Babs, a little, loving to teach people things. Cass will see if she can listen, as well as talk.
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It turns out that her trying to listen distracts her from listening. She asks far too many questions (“Would you like me to write or speak?”), and wants a response to everything she says (“If I go too fast, stop me, okay?). Cass has to say, “You talk. I understand,” three times before she stops trying to get things right.
Trying is better than acting guilty, so Cass finds a bit more patience.
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Pronouns are useless sound-words that slide just like “parent” and “sibling.” The app does it for her. “He,” “she,” “they.” Some people use different pronouns, though. The person (“Roz”, who uses “she” like Cass) says that those people will understand if Cass’s app can’t say those pronouns. Roz makes a label for Cass to stick to her dress, with Cass’ name and pronouns, so that the other people at the club will know which ones to use.
(Cass thinks she said that her name was “Jenny.” Cass doesn’t care much about sound-names.)
Cass can’t read the label. She can’t read Roz’ label, or anyone else’s at the club. Pronouns are important to these people, not useless. But they don’t say anything.
Or?
“How does it know pronouns?”
She has to show Roz what she means. Relationships-between-words. “Brother” is always “he.”
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Roz talks about gender a little bit like Babs talks about relationships-between-words. (Maybe because gender is PART of relationships-between-words?) But Roz thinks EVERYONE is stupid, not just Cass, and that’s kind of funny. Roz is paid money to tell people about gender, and nobody can listen, and sometimes she forgets she’s talking to Cass and starts answering questions Cass doesn’t have.
The answer Cass is looking for seems to be that men have certain sound-words, women have certain sound-words, and people who aren’t-either usually use the don’t-know-yet sound-words. Each group of words share a set of pronouns, though aren’t-either people are more likely to use the different pronouns. Cass knows how to say man, woman, and don’t-know-yet, but doesn’t know how to say aren’t-either.
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Roz tells Cass some sound-words, but they don’t help.
Roz shows Cass some signs, sliding her hand up and down her face to show dad, mom, parent, and brother, sister, sibling. Forehead, chin, cheek.
Cass can see what Roz is saying, with sounds, hands, and body. But she doesn’t know how to say it herself.
She remembers the girl at the club saying sister-not-sister, and her-not-her. Cass wants to do better.
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The app is organized into boards. Each board has icons that are related to each other. The one with “sibling” and “parent” is one of the people boards. Another person board has specific people she knows. Tim added everyone in the family before the app showed up on her phone, but she can add new people by pressing a plus icon at the bottom of the board. It lets her take a picture of the person, and then she gives her phone to them so that they can write things.
Cass asks Babs if it lets people write their pronouns.
It does.
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Cass and Tim go undercover. Tim is undercover as Elmo Dark. Cass is undercover as Cass, but her sound-name is definitely “Jenny” this time. (Elmo is different than Ell, and different than Tim. Tim acts like Jenny is different than Cass. Cass can’t imagine being not-herself, but it’s fun watching Tim treat her like not-herself.)
Elmo has long hair, a shirt long enough that it’s almost a dress, and platform boots. Cass opens her app, and adds Elmo to the board. She lets Elmo write things. She makes the app say, “This is my friend Elmo. Ze will translate for me. Thank you for your patience.”
Cass does not care if anyone is patient. She only cares about Tim’s smile.
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Lee wears a bra and a skirt and the app says “Co will translate for me.”
Tarzan has bad dreads, dresses entirely in white, and the app says “They will translate for me.”
Sec dresses like Mr. Sarcastic and the app says, “Ey will translate for me.” (The cave’s disguise room has a lot more cup sizes then it did a few weeks ago. This bra barely changes Sec’s silhouette. Alfred shows his love when you aren’t looking.)
Dobi dresses like Tim did when Cass first met him, and the apps says, “She will translate for me.” (Dobi is undercover for a very short time, and winces a few times when her pronouns are used.)
None of them like the clubs, even though some of them pretend to.
(But all of them laugh as they go home with Cass.)
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Red Robin leans his(for now) head against Black Bat’s shoulder at they take a break from patrol. Cass says my-Tim and “little sibling” and Tim winces and smiles and says a thousand things at once. He still doesn’t know which ones are right.
Cass isn’t sure either. How to say little-sibling remains as confusing as sign language. A different language using the same body. She’s always known who she was, and she’s always fit inside her skin.
Tim’s skin isn’t something to fit into. It’s something to shape. He is making a gender, and she gets to watch. He will figure out how to be himself on his own terms.
(Cass shows she loves by listening. Even when people don’t yet know what to say.)
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(Tim shows he loves by getting the company he partially owns to design an AAC app from the ground up so that it’s a little bit easier for her to be herself. And then he pretends he didn’t, while he hires an entire team of developers, updates it based on her feedback for the next two years, gets experts on alternative communication to give their perspectives, and eventually publishes it for free on all major platforms.
Tim is kind of an overachiever.)