Chapter Text
even though its water, or maybe because im not a gogdamned scientist, its pretty warm today. theres guppies and shit everywhere, since about a temperature change ago the adults were spawning so thick no one could see straight. or breathe.
but yeah, these little shits are everywhere, the water is clean, sorta, im sitting in my window cuz its not ergonomically more correct to just float in place, and bro is out pickin up flounders to roll around with tonight.
but not the fish cause that shits just gross.
anyway... jegus, the fuck cant i stay on the fucking track. damn.
karkrab scuttles in
I AM A MERFISH TOO YOU SHITTY COCKSUCKING EXCUSE FOR A RETARDED WASTE GOBBLER!! STOP TELLING THESE BILE SACKS I AM A CRAB-CREATURE, OR SO HELP ME I WILL RENDER YOUR AIRSACKS UNUSEABLE VIA SHOVING BOULDERS DOWN YOUR NUTRITION HOLE!!
and starts snappin at me. he tells me the scratch wants me. i start to tell him how everyone wants a piece of this bod. want to run their webbed digits all over my smooth merskin, and such. he cuts me off with one of his sissy rants and clicks out the room.
he did too, so he cant argue with that.
so, i went and saw his royal pedo. got the talk.
the
talk
bro. bro. he gave me the gogdamned Talk. capitalization.
so instead of obeying i swam up there anyway. john wanted to talk to that feathery asshole some more, for some reason. dude gives me the creeps, not gonna lie.
so im talkin, gettin my swishy swag on, when octobitch pops up outta fuckin no place.
she sucks up onto land, graspin up sand where sand has absolutely no place being on an octopus. the face she made was funny when the sand showed her where those places really are. she gets her snatch-and-grab powers on, squiducing john to splash into her inky depths and go with her and tav to some derp-festival makaras plannin.
it doesnt work, obviously. johns a fish, what the fuck. but he goes anyway, cause he is a herp derp, derp of all there is and ever will be, and p much has full reign over what is or isnt herp enough to be derp.
youll notice the lack of sick fires and all around rhyming of shit.
i still have no fucking voice, and writing out of water is shitty as all hell, so youll deal with it.
vriska absconded into the depths trailing ink and john lefft with her, squiggling and whatever actual fish do to swim right behind her.
the feathery asshole then took. my. bra.
my bra, bro. snapped the fucker right off my chest and flew off into the totally romance sunset, never to be seen again. fucking bird.
i bobbed around the little island for like thirty hours passed sun down, waiting for that douche to come back to roost so i could rip out his plumage and drown him, when i see this huge ass human thing headed straight for me. to the left a little. across the horizon.
had to check that shit out.