Chapter Text
so I’m writing a stranger things au story soon so look out for that. and also what the fuck. those teaser images are confusing as fuck, God. well, Swedish assassins? Ima roll with it and put it in my au because why the fuck not lol. Thanks for reading as always, and leave a comment if you enjoyed.
Current Usernames:
Luther: betrayal
Diego: mymomstealsfebreeze
Allison: divorce
Klaus: criminalaccomplice
Five: Five
Ben: dead
Vanya: discount god
betrayal: I have an Announcement to make, everyone.
discount god: ew punctuation and capital letters
criminalaccomplice: yeah ew who texts like that
discount god: i will figure out a way to fucking yeet Luther from this chat soon don’t worry
divorce: I WAS IN A FUCKING INTERVEW AND YOU GUYS FUCXING BLEW UP MY PHONE THE WHOLE ENTIREE TIME
dead: now who’s having a stroke ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
divorce: VANYA THIS IS YOUR FAULXT
discount god: shut
criminalaccomplice: shut
dead: shut
Five: shit
criminalaccomplice changed discount gods name to shut
shut: no I meant shut the fuck up allison
divorce: me??? shut the fuck up??? how about you???
shut: choke
shut changed divorce’s name to rUmOr
Five: can we not right now
Five: also luther I know what your gonna say but I’ll explain it better because your awkward as hell so shut your fucking mouth before you ruin another fucking relationship you fucking monkey
shut: @-@
criminalaccomplice: GET BURNED LUTHER
dead: Luther did you provoke the boy
betrayal: No?
Five: oh you don’t fucking remember do you
Five: HE FUCKING MURDERED MY WIFE
rUmOr: oml luther
Five: HE DROPPED HER OUT OF A WINDOW
shut: lol
betrayal: No, I accidentally knocked her off the ledge she was precariously dangling off of.
Five: you still murdered my wife you cold blooded killer you
betrayal: Oh? And you Vanya and probably more of us aren’t?
shut: my blood’s pretty warm actually
Five: shush vanya I’ll call you later to enact my plan
shut: :0
betrayal: NO CONTACT WITT HER
shut: luther you’ve been texting me this entire time, dipshit
rUmOr: If you guys don’t shut up I will personally find you and rumor you into being quiet for a WEEK
shut: i’m gonna say it
betrayal: vanya don’t say it
shut: *deep breath*
Five: no don’t you’ll piss her off lol
shut: you cant do that without a throat tho
rUmOr: Luther I’m breaking the no contact with vanya rule
betrayal: Okay
criminalaccomplice: wait so allison is allowed to break the rules but we aren’t you hypocrite??
betrayal: because allison is doing a good thing
shut: I’m kinda scared
criminalaccomplice: but you’re the white violin who is NEVER scared
shut: that name is invalid
dead: why tho
shut: because I’m not a fucking violin
Five: wheeze
criminalaccomplice: comics tho
shut: no
criminalaccomplice: yes
shut: the comic me is scary
shut: suits are better
dead: suits are cool
criminalaccomplice: Luther can I wear a suit like vanya
betrayal: NO!
shut: but Luther they are fucking comfortable as hell
betrayal: stop influencing my family vanya
[PRIVATE MESSAGE FROM shut, TO criminalaccomplice and dead]
shut: guys I’ll get you one
criminalaccomplice: hell yeah
dead: 😊
[GROUP CHAT, ‘Broskis’]
criminalaccomplice: wait
criminalaccomplice: where did our dear sister go??
dead: uh oh
Five: to go murder vanya I think
betrayal: She is doing what we should of done a long time ago
Five: that is too far tho
criminalaccomplice: nooooooo
dead: n0000
shut: uh
shut: how to hide body
shut: SHIT THAT WASNT GOOGLE
betrayal changed shut’s name to Murderer
Murderer: fitting
betrayal: YOU KILLED ALLISON
Murderer: what no
betrayal: YOU LIAR, YOU MURDERED HER
Murderer: as much as I want to your still my family
Murderer: i knocked her out
Murderer: can one of you come pick her up
criminalaccomplice: can I
Murderer: knock yourself out
criminalaccomplice: nejdjebwjsjeb vanya stop joking about it
criminalaccomplice: c’mon Ben
dead: I’m reading tho
criminalaccomplice: when are you not
dead: I don’t know tbh
criminalaccomplice: you can read in the car just c’mon
dead: okay
betrayal: car??
criminalaccomplice: yes car
dead: 🚗
betrayal: how did you get a car?! did you steal it?!
Murderer changed criminalaccomplice’s name to grandklausauto
grandklausauto: no
grandklausauto: um
grandklausauto: vanya gave it to me
Murderer : wrong choice of words there buddy
betrayal: let me guess. vanya stole the car
Murderer: well yes but actually no
betrayal: elaborate
Murderer: I borrowed it
betrayal: I will kill you one day you know that
Murderer : I wasn’t aware you had the guts
dead: ooh burn 🔥
betrayal: Klaus. Just bring Allison back. Then we need to talk. Now.
Five: count me out of the family discussion
Murderer: can I come
betrayal: no.
grandklausauto changed Murderer’s name to outcast
outcast: ok, thanks for letting me know how lonely I am
grandklausauto: 😊
betrayal: We really need to talk.