Chapter Text

Kakashi

Kakashi woke up staring up into worried blue eyes. Disappointing. They were not as big and expressive as Kakashi would like them to be. The hair was not as bright and soft-looking as well. They were not ugly. They just were not beautiful.

His teacher inquired if he was alright. Kakashi answered to his questions, eager to lose the attention. He was fine. Weirdly happy, maybe. And unhappy at the same time. But he would not voice his contradictory feelings. The only thing relevant was that his body was functioning. Even a little more flexible and stronger?

Kushina forced him to rest for the week. Unnecessary and highly disadvantageous to his training. But he obliged. Because she was his superior and had given him an order.

When Obito snapped at him and had given him the speech he would try to live up to all his life, he had felt like had heard it once before. Those who abandon their mission are scum but those who abandon their friends are even worse than scum.

Kakashi was lower than trash because he had hesitated when Obito had rushed towards Rin. If he had not, he would still be alive. If he had not, his left eye would not hurt and drain his chakra.

So he tried. Kakashi tried to keep his promise to Obito. He wanted to protect Rin with all his might. Because a truly great shinobi and human being should never go back on his word. Rin trained. She wanted to become stronger to protect Kakashi. So when Rin came to him because she did not understand how her elemental affinity worked, he had helped her. Explained, showed, praised. When Rin called him ‘Kakashi-sensei’ he felt proud. It had been a joke but somehow he felt like he was doing something right.

And then she died. And Kakashi felt like he has disappointed everyone that ever mattered to him. Because he was never a great shinobi or human being. He had disappointed everyone. When Minato placed Kakashi in Anbu, he thought he could redeem himself. Not as a person as that he had failed. But as a weapon. Incapable of protecting but capable of killing. Only killing. He did not deserve to bask in the sun. Did not deserve to live. Dying was not an option either. Why? He had to carry on and live. Why? For the dreams and hopes of his teammates? Who all died protecting him? They would not want him to die dishonorably now, would they? His father would not want him to be as weak as him. Minato would want him to carry on. All of them, wanted him to be something. And he obeyed.

Gai was worried. It was so easy to read the facial expressions of his comrade. He would like to reassure Gai, but he could not. He was a weapon and nothing else. He was not good or well. He was sharp. A kunai, easily thrown, sometimes collected, sometimes lost. Disposable. But a kunai did not dispose of himself. One disposed of it.

Minato told him his wife was pregnant. Kakashi’s heart leapt. When he congratulated the man, Kakashi sounded confused. Because he was. Because he was happy.

Nine months following a pregnant woman was...tough. Watching her puke, watching her clean (Nesting, he had read. Not that he had started reading on the optimal course of a pregnancy…), watching her slowly make her way down a road. Buying maternity dresses. Baby stuff. They were slow nine months of waiting and anticipating.

The Kyuubi escaped. Konoha in ruins. Minato died. Kushina died. Kakashi lived. Naruto lived. A cage for the Kyuubi. A cage and a kunai had nothing in common. Nothing to do with each other. A cage protected, a kunai killed. So Kakashi kept his distance.

He had doubted. Kakashi doubted the integrity of the Third. He had doubted his own loyalty. Why did he serve as a weapon? To protect. He was not a kunai. Not a stray one. Not a disposable one. He was a weapon to protect his home. Like Minato had been. Like Rin had been. Like Obito had been. Kakashi protected, too. And if anyone wanted to attack what he protected, he would fight. Willingly.

Kakashi was forced to leave Anbu. The Third wanted him to teach. Kakashi had nothing to teach to children. He corrupted them. What if they became like him?

He lived from mission to mission. Until Gai bullied him into a race. Without any stakes. Just for the heck of it.

His first genin team failed.

His second genin team failed. Teamwork. Kakashi needed to see it or he knew history would repeat itself. He would not allow that.

Jirayia had contacted him. Sent him a little orange book and asked him to read it. And he did. While walking. It was more efficient that way. The story was good. The sex scenes were bearable. Were those positions even physical possible? It was funny. Different from the books he usually read.

Asuma caught him on the way back from the memorial stone and took him to a bar.

Mission. Memorial. Challenge. Memorial. Bar. Memorial. Occasionally, he would go eat out. Mission. Repeat.

Kurenai forced him to go on a walk with her. It became a habit. Not with Kurenai. Asuma got nervous when Kakashi and Kurenai were together alone. But the walking. Kakashi started to take walks while reading through Konoha, the village he would die to protect.

Kurenai almost hit him when she saw him read that orange book. When she understood that he did not understand why it was inappropriate to read it in public, she explained it was a porn-novel found in the erotic section of bookstores. That was why there were so many sex scenes? They were amusing.

They called him Kakashi-sensei. The teams he had failed continued to call him their teacher because he had taught them. Politeness and patience. Hearing and being heard. They called him Kakashi-sensei. Without mockery. Without jest. They meant it.

Kakashi learned that pissing people off was fun. He had started with Gai who had challenged him to one challenge after the other. Annoying others had the positive side-effect of being actively avoided by anyone but your friends. Funny. He had those.

He had been called by Lord Third. Regarding his hobby. But he was not ordered to stop. Instead, the old man smiled at him and told him the publication day of the second book. Kakashi looked forward to it.

Kakashi was supposed to become Naruto’s teacher. Naruto was about to graduate?

He was scared to face Minato’s legacy. Neglected, beaten up, hated. And he had not been there for him. Kakashi let it happen. And he was ashamed of himself. Unlike Minato, Kushina, Obito and Rin Naruto never had a choice. Still, he did not dare to get close to him. He just could not. Kakashi was not yet enough to stay by his side.

The second book contained a lot more sex scenes than the first. They were better, too.

They passed. Kakashi believed they would become great.

Sasuke left. Naruto left. Sakura left. His friends still had their genin-teams. Why did his disband? Because he let it happen. Could he have prevented it? Did not matter. They left. They were alive. But they left him.

Mission. Memorial. Mission. Memorial. Mission. Repeat.

Sakura visited him. Complained how he never was in Konoha. She looked roughed up. But strong and determined. Called him Kaka-sensei. Like Naruto did. He felt happy.

That night, his friends ambushed him to go out. Attending social gatherings were not his favorite pass time activity, but the way his friends seemed to relax as he sat with them and started reading made him smile.

Naruto returned. Gave him Icha-Icha-Tactics and somehow Kakashi understood that then he would stay.

Kakashi would never admit how much he feared for Naruto’s safety. To ease his mind, he offered his student to train him. He was not even sure if he was needed for the training session itself. The theory was his. But everything Naruto needed was someone to keep kyuubi in check and someone to encourage him. Kakashi was incapable of either.

He had helped in creating a technique that could kill Naruto. And put an end to his dream. He should have thought about that. The stronger the jutsu the greater the cost. He should have known.

He was saved by Naruto. It had been Kakashi’s choice to leave and sacrifice himself to protect Konoha. But his student hat defied him and the whole village because of him. Not exactly. To prove a point. None of them were weapons. Each one of them were of value and nobody should crave a village built on death and sacrifice. It did not matter that Naruto did not save him solely because he was Kakashi. What truly mattered were either he came for him and he lived up to Kakashi’s ideal.

Jiraiya died. Naruto left again. And Kakashi knew, he himself had died with regrets. And hope because he was witness to the determination of a village. Never to betray one of them. Naruto was. Was one of them.

Kakashi woke up with a start. One moment he had spoken to his father and had forgiven him. The next he was in a Konoha which laid in ruins. In a Konoha that had survived. And Kakashi knew who was responsible for that feat. He had to find Naruto and bring him home.

He had grown heavier.

He had become a hero.

The way Naruto spoke for Sasuke in front of a Kage...The Raikage may say it was disgraceful. Kakashi knew better. Naruto did for a comrade everything he could. Nobody had to prompt him. Nobody had to ask him. He was perfect.

Sakura accidentally poisoned Naruto because he took the blow aimed at her. The poisoned kunai was hers but Sasuke had used it against her. She would have died if not for Naruto.

Naruto’s willingness to make sacrifices for the team was boundless to a fault. Only death would stop him. And Kakashi feared that day.

They wanted him to become Hokage. He would have accepted it but luckily Tsunade woke up.

The war began. The remaining two jinjuuriki were protected. But Kakashi could not help it. He thought it was wrong to hide Naruto. Nothing inside or outside the boy said ‘Hide me’. It screamed at you. ‘I will protect you’. Like Minato’s posture always seemed to say.

They won the war. The five Nations were at peace. Obito had found peace. Kakashi had found peace. And was running. Because Tsunade wanted him to become Hokage and he did not want to. There was no reason to. She was fine. It only stopped when Team Seven helped him to convince Tsunade to reconsider. Only hearing them tell her how unfit he was to become the moral leader of a village was kind of depressing (Late, pervert, liar). He shrugged it off when Sakura and Naruto laughed during lunch, telling him if he was not a moral leader Tsunade was neither.

“I think you would make a great Hokage, Kaka-sensei.” Sakura proclaimed, watching Naruto finish his third bowl.

“Then why help me?”

“You’re a friend. If you know now the Hat will make you unhappy, we will do anything to prevent that.”

“And.” Naruto added. “We will be supporting you in your choice.”

The conviction in their eyes was touching.

“Thank you.”

They were married. Naruto and Kakashi were married to each other.

Kakashi fell in love. A promise. They were together.

Little Kakashi appeared. And went. They had sealed his memories away. The sealing squad could have erased them. But Naruto wanted little Kakashi to take them with him. Somehow.

That night, Naruto kissed his neck, tracing the seal they had put on little Kakashi with his tongue.

“Do you want me to release it?”

“No. Those are Kakashi-kun’s memories.” Naruto hummed in agreement. Kakashi continued. “When I woke up, Minato-sensei was the first person I saw.”

“Really?”

“Yes, he had been worried, so was Kushina.” A pause. “When I woke up and saw Minato-sensei, I was disappointed.”

“Why?”

“He was just not as beautiful as the person I wanted to see. Blonde and blue eyed. Just not as beautiful.” Naruto blushed. Kakashi smiled. “I’m glad, I waited.”

“I’m glad you’re alive, too.”