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Frigga and Odin left without saying goodbye.
Loki hadn’t truly expected anything else, but it still gave him a pang. But he didn’t really think there was anything further that he would have wanted to say.
Besides, there were other matters to see to.
Natasha woke him up from a light doze with a knock on his door. Frigga might have mended his magic, but the weariness lingered. “Fury’s here,” Natasha said, her expression sober, serious. “He wants to talk to you.”
“I’m sure he does,” Loki said. “Should I assume he spoke to you already?”
“You can assume that, yeah.”
He looked her up and down. “You appear to be in one piece.”
She half smiled. “Technically I didn’t do anything I’m not allowed to do.” Loki raised his eyebrows and she said, “broadly interpreted. But I think saving the world gets me some leeway.”
“Hopefully it will grant me the same,” Loki said dryly, “considering that I broke out of detention to get here, and am being blamed for Osborn’s death. I can imagine that might be causing some complications.”
Natasha’s half smile fell away. “Just don’t try to do any grandstanding. You’ll be fine.”
Loki paused. “I’m not going to let them lock me away again,” he said quietly.
“I don’t think they’ll try.”
“And if they do?” Loki asked, pressing, even though he shouldn’t. Even though he should just leave it be.
Natasha cocked her head a fraction to the side, and then said, “well, we broke you out once, didn’t we?”
It was fortified with those words that he went to meet Director Fury. His stride checked a moment when he didn’t find him alone, but accompanied by Coulson. His phone buzzed; he glanced back and forth between them, before glancing at it.
Let me know if you want me to set off the fire extinguishers on the men in black, said the message from Tony. Loki felt his lips twitch and schooled his expression to stillness.
“Agent Silver,” Fury said after a moment. Loki noted the Agent and wondered if it was a deliberate reminder of his status. Or perhaps he was reading too much into a small detail.
“Please,” Loki said. “Loki is fine. I don’t think there’s much need to keep up the pretense, at least between colleagues.”
“Loki, then,” Fury said. “Last I checked, you were supposed to be in lockdown. Instead, you’re here, at ground zero of an attack on the city, accused of the murder of a prominent businessman.”
Loki would not let himself tense. “I was needed more here.”
“That wasn’t your call to make.”
“But I wasn’t wrong. Or rather, Natasha - Agent Romanov - wasn’t.” Loki lifted his chin, refusing to be cowed. To doubt himself. “Without my help, this city would be in much worse shape than it is now.”
“That’s the other question I’d like answered,” Fury said. “What, exactly, did you do?”
“Stalled for time, mostly,” Loki said. “It was Doctor Foster who opened the portal in space, using the Tesseract, that killed Thanos.”
“And where’s the Tesseract now?”
“I imagine on Asgard,” Loki said. “You just missed its rulers. You could have argued with them over it, but I very much doubt they would have listened.” He paused. “They took the scepter Doom was using, too. If you were looking for that.”
Fury just looked at him. Loki smiled thinly.
“Victor von Doom send out a broadcast claiming you killed Norman Osborn. Blaming you for holding the city hostage. Do you have an explanation for that?”
“Are you going to take Doom’s word for anything?” Loki kept his spine straight. “I confronted Osborn trying to assess Doom’s plans. He had left a failsafe behind that detonated when I pressed him for information.”
“Hm.” Fury leaned back. “You’ve put me in a bit of a difficult position.”
“I can appreciate that.”
“Your brother,” Fury said. “Should I guess that was your doing, too?”
“Yes,” Loki said. “It was. And if you are worried about any small towns, you needn’t be. We’ve...resolved matters.” Or begun to. Loki did not think that particular trial was over yet. But at least they’d made a start.
But that...that was between him and Thor.
“That’s good to hear,” Coulson murmured, the first words he’d spoken. His voice sounded dry, but Loki thought he was amused.
“I imagine it would be.” Loki kept his eyes on Fury, who stared back at him.
“Romanov said she tapped you for the Avengers Initiative,” he said at length. “Last I remember, you declined that offer.”
“Agent Romanov is very convincing,” Loki said. He didn’t think he imagined the twitch of Fury’s lips. He looked at Loki for several more long moments, then nodded.
“We can deal with the Osborn issue,” Fury said. “Once it comes out he was working with Doom...that’s easy enough to turn around.” He paused. “As for the rest of it...you’re burned as a spy. At least for a while. But as far as SHIELD is concerned...you’re in the clear.” Another pause. “And don’t lose our number.”
Loki blinked. “Are you...firing me?”
“Only sort of,” Coulson said. “Temporarily.”
Loki almost wanted to laugh. “That’s…” He honestly wasn’t sure what he felt. “More lenient than I was expecting,” he said, finally.
“Agent Romanov is very convincing,” Fury said, perfectly deadpan.
“Then I’ll have to thank her,” Loki said. He clamped down on his seething feelings and raised his eyebrows. “Was that all, then?”
“You’re still going to need to turn in your paperwork for all this,” Fury said. “So have fun figuring out how to do that.”
“Perhaps I’ll just draw a picture,” Loki said dryly. He paused. “About my...my brother. Has he told you he intends to stay on Earth?”
They exchanged a glance. “He hadn’t,” Coulson said. Loki shrugged.
“I doubt he was asking for permission. But I thought you should know.” Fury didn’t look delighted, but he wasn’t speaking out against it, either. He and Coulson exchanged another look.
“I’ll walk you out,” Coulson said. Loki glanced at the door directly behind him and raised his eyebrows, but decided not to comment. Coulson closed the door behind him, though he stayed with one hand on the knob.
“Was there something you wanted to say?” Loki said, trying not to tense.
“I’m not going to apologize,” he said. “Based on the intel we had at the time-”
Loki flicked his fingers. “You made the only assumption you could. I am aware.” Any resentment he might feel over it...he could let it go. Though he thought he would see if Stark might, perhaps, be able to think of some kind of technological way to counteract what SHIELD had made. No matter who they were, he did not like anyone having the ability to cut him off from his magic.
“Director Fury can’t publicly condone anyone disobeying orders,” Coulson said, “but in this case...I think we’re all glad Romanov - and Rogers and Stark, for that matter - made the call they did.”
It was no more than Loki had said defending himself. It was still...good to hear. “Thank you,” he said. “I think.”
“I heard you could’ve left,” Coulson said. “Back to space. Glad you’re staying. Earth needs good defenders.”
“I thought it was ‘Avengers’,” Loki said.
“Yeah,” Coulson said. “I don’t know who came up with that name.” He stuck out a hand. “I expect I’ll be seeing you. Agent.”
Loki clasped his hand briefly. “Loki,” he reminded him, with a faint smile. “I’d like to get used to my name again.”
“Loki, then,” Coulson said. “But you’re going to need a last name. Are you sticking with ‘Silver’?”
Loki opened his mouth, then closed it. He could use Odinson, if he wanted. Thor would probably like it. There was Laufeyson, though that he didn’t think he would ever claim.
“Let me think about it,” he said, and then added, “but probably.”
It was, after all, the name he’d chosen for himself.
So he was out a job. At least for now.
Oddly, that troubled him less than it probably should. He suspected he could get Stark to double his salary without too much trouble if he just offered to try to explain magic to him. The idea wasn’t entirely unappealing.
He set that aside for later and asked JARVIS the computer where he might find Jane Foster.
She was, as it turned out, in one of the common areas talking to a computer - no, he recognized the excitable voice responding to her as Ms. Lewis. “I’m fine, Darcy,” Jane was saying, though he doubted it was very convincing, considering her lingering pallor and audible exhaustion. “Really, I’m okay. It’s over now.”
“Is it true that Thor’s back? Is Thor there?”
She smiled, a little, and something in Loki’s stomach twisted, but it was faint. “He’s back. And here - well, not here here, but-” Jane seemed to notice him abruptly, and sat up. “Darcy - can I call you back?”
“Only if you’re hanging up on me for Thor,” Ms. Lewis said.
“Not exactly,” Jane said. “I’ll call you back in a second, Darcy. And seriously, I’m fine.” She hung up and stood. “Hey,” she said. “Loki. You look like you’re doing better.”
“You somewhat less so,” Loki said, blunt but honest. “But that’s unsurprising.” He paused, inhaling slowly and letting it out. “I feel I should...apologize.”
She looked startled. “For what?”
“For a great deal of my behavior toward you, probably,” Loki said, “but most recently...I should not have left you unaware. Kept as much from you as I did. I should have known you might be in danger and warned you adequately.”
“Oh,” Jane said. “Huh.” After a moment she shook her head. “I don’t think...well, you did tell me what was going on. What you knew about it. You didn’t know Doom was going to come after me.” Her voice wobbled a little on the man’s name.
“I should have guessed-”
“No,” Jane interrupted. “You can apologize for being a jerk to me, but you don’t need to apologize for not predicting the future.” Her voice was firm. “And honestly - don’t worry about the other thing, either. You un-brainwashed me. I think at this point I owe you.”
Loki shifted slightly, uncomfortable. “You do not.”
“I feel like I do.” Jane folded her hands between her knees. “So...you and Thor.”
Loki let one corner of his mouth lift. “It appears I was wrong.”
“I’m glad you were,” Jane said, sounding entirely honest. “I would have fought him on it if you weren’t.”
A laugh bubbled up, though it felt a little hysterical. “You wouldn’t stand a chance.”
“One reason I’m glad I didn’t have to.” She paused, looking at him sideways. “It seems like you’re...doing better.”
“It seems like,” Loki said, carefully. He did not want to curse it by taking too much.
“That’s good,” Jane said. “I know it’s...I know Thor’s glad.”
Something warm and slightly uncomfortable sparked in Loki’s chest. He glanced away briefly before meeting her eyes. “I did not actually come to talk about Thor.”
Jane’s expression turned cautious. Almost nervous. “What did you come to talk about?”
Loki took a breath. “I came to ask if you would still be interested in...working with me. Well - not working, perhaps - apparently I’ve been temporarily expelled from SHIELD - but...discussing things as we have been. Though obviously less urgently.” Loki made himself stop talking, grimacing inwardly. You sound like a fool.
“Wait,” Jane said. “You were - expelled from SHIELD?”
“Temporarily,” Loki said. “I am rather conspicuous at the moment. And an accused murderer.”
Jane blinked twice, then shook herself and actually - smiled. “I kind of assumed that you wouldn’t be interested.”
Loki supposed that...wasn’t an unreasonable conclusion to make. He paused, pressing his lips together and considering his words. “You are clever,” he said. “And...interesting. Neither is so common that I can ignore someone who is both.”
Jane looked like she was trying not to smile. “Is that your very wordy way of saying that you like me?”
Loki was glad that his flushes didn’t tend to show easily, though he wasn’t sure that this one wasn’t. “I suppose it might be.”
She did laugh, then, which...while he hadn’t meant to amuse, was oddly rewarding. “I suppose I might like you, too,” she said, half smiling. “At least sometimes. And I can’t say I don’t want to pick your brain some more without the fate of the world on the line. So...sure.”
Loki caught himself starting to smile and reflexively smothered it, then caught himself doing that and let it through. “I...appreciate that.”
Jane’s smile faded. “You know,” she said, quieter, “it’s interesting how much you held back that would’ve helped me get where you were coming from. I’m not totally sure I understand why.”
Loki opened his mouth and then closed it. He hadn’t thought of it that way - at least, not consciously - and he couldn’t think of a way to explain why. He wasn’t entirely certain why, except for some vague sense that he hadn’t wanted her to like him. Hadn’t wanted to like her. So he’d set himself to making sure it wouldn’t happen.
Apparently it had happened anyway.
“If you hadn’t done that maybe we could’ve gotten here a lot sooner,” Jane said.
“Gotten where,” Loki said. “A fingernail’s width from a horrible fate?” She just looked at him, and Loki exhaled through his nose. “I have never been very good at making things easy for myself.”
“I’ve gathered that.” Jane bit her lip, and then smiled a little, again. “Well...I have a lot of things to write down before I forget them about how the Tesseract works. Maybe you can help me sort through some of it.”
“I’ll do my best.”
She gestured to the tablet. “I should call Darcy back. She’s still freaking out, no matter how many times I’ve told her the world isn’t ending.”
“I’ll leave you to it, then,” Loki said. After an impulsive moment, he added, “I hope that Thor knows how fortunate he is.”
She turned slightly pink and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Thanks,” she said awkwardly. Loki gave her a bit of a smirk.
“Just an observation,” he said, and left her to it.
In his dream, the Void pulled him in. He could see Thor screaming, reaching for him, but he was just a little too far away. And then endless darkness, cold, and he was either going to die or fall forever-
He woke up hard and fast, and it took him several gulping breaths to center himself back where he was. Not in the Void. Thor had caught him. He was whole and - at least for now - safe.
Still, he didn’t close his eyes again. He rose and went walking with no real aim; briefly he considered looking for Thor, but he set that idea aside. He caught the sound of music, faint but still audible to his ear, and followed that, wondering who else was awake at this hour.
It turned out to be Steve, looking exhausted, tension around his eyes and staring into the middle distance. He startled a little when Loki cleared his throat, and immediately stopped the music playing from his phone.
“Sorry,” he said. “Was it bothering you?”
“Hardly,” Loki said. “I heard it, and wondered who else was awake in the middle of the night.”
Steve grimaced a little and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t sleep a lot.”
It was an evasion of a response, though Loki didn’t doubt it was true. He debated over commenting, and decided he might as well. “You aren’t the only one with troubled dreams tonight,” he murmured, with a self-deprecating smile. Steve gave him a quick glance, eyebrows furrowing, and then looked down.
“I didn’t actually get that far,” he said. “But it’s okay. It’s not a big deal.”
“No,” Loki said. “You were just nearly killed by an exceptionally powerful being, after having your mind overpowered and your will torn away. Not a big deal, indeed.”
Steve looked very slightly sheepish. “I’ll manage.”
“I’m sure you will,” Loki said. “But that doesn’t make it pleasant.”
Steve rubbed his forehead. “Thanks,” he said after a moment. For - freeing me. And sorry-”
“For letting it happen in the first place? Don’t be absurd,” Loki said. “We had no idea that Doom had such a weapon. And truth be told - even before I freed you, you were fighting it. You, a human, fighting the power of an Infinity Stone. That is impressive.”
Steve made a face. “Yeah, well...I wasn’t getting that far until you stepped in. So. Take the thanks.”
“If you insist.” Steve gave him a skeptical look, but Loki smiled crookedly at him and he relaxed, leaning back.
“So,” Steve said after a moment. “I heard you’re staying on Earth.”
“I am, yes.”
“And so is Thor?”
“So it would seem.”
Steve was quiet for a moment, and then said, sounding a little awkward, “is that...okay?”
“I think so,” Loki said. “Actually. To my surprise.”
Steve smiled a little at that. “The good kind of surprise, I guess.” He paused. “I’m glad to hear that.”
Loki didn’t know why he asked. “Why?”
Steve’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why? Because...it seemed like it was making you unhappy.”
Oh, Loki realized. That was why he’d asked. Because he’d half expected it to be something about the need to make peace with Thor for the sake of harmony, because he was being unfair, because he was wrong. He remembered what Steve had said: you have better friends now.
He half smiled. “Silly question,” he said, and sat down. “So. What are you going to do next? Once you are...properly back on your feet.”
“I don’t know.” Steve rubbed his forehead. “There’s SHIELD, but...considering how they treated you, I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
“It was what they had to do,” Loki said. “If they hadn’t…”
“Didn’t seem to me like they were too keen on looking for other options,” Steve said, sounding a little mulish. “Makes me wonder what else they’re up to. They’re a secret government organization, so...probably things I wouldn’t like. Maybe that’s a reason to work with them. Or maybe it’s a reason not to.” He made a bit of a face. “I don’t really know what else I’d do, though.”
“Spend a few months wandering around a strange planet and you might figure it out,” Loki said dryly. Steve glanced at him.
“Is that what you did?”
“Not exactly,” Loki said. “I didn’t figure out much that way. Maybe it would work better for you.”
Steve huffed a quiet laugh, dropping his head forward with a faint and wry smile. “Do you think - this - is going to be an ongoing thing?” He gestured at their surroundings.
“I have no idea,” Loki said. “There is a name for it, apparently.”
“The Avengers Initiative. Right.”
“If I had to guess,” Loki said slowly, “you...Midgard is growing. Maturing. You are starting to reach beyond yourselves, and touch greater and greater power - some of which you barely understand.”
Steve raised his eyebrows. “Condescending.”
“But true,” Loki countered. “Look at the Tesseract. And I think...the higher you reach, the more things you will find that answer. Many of which will not be friendly. And most of your world...is not necessarily equipped to respond.”
“So you think...yes. This’ll happen again.”
“Or something like it,” Loki said. “It seems more likely than not.” He paused. “Or maybe I am just a pessimist.”
“I’d say a little,” Steve said. “But that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re wrong.” He took a deep breath and let it out. “It feels strange,” he said. “The idea of having a...team, again.”
Loki raised his eyebrows. “Is that what we are?”
Steve turned his head, looking at Loki sideways. “Isn’t it?”
That caught Loki a little by surprise. “A rather motley one,” he said, finally. Steve smiled, though it looked a little melancholy.
“The best ones always are.”
He’d been right about Tony. Loki had barely managed to tell him that SHIELD had expelled him before he made the offer, eyes gleaming in a way that might have been unsettling from someone else.
The salary he threw out sounded absurdly high to Loki but he bargained up anyway, just to see if he could.
“This should probably go through Pepper,” Tony allowed. “For the official shit, anyway. But she’ll be cool with it. We’ll just call you a consultant, that word can mean anything. I’ll patch it through to her, there’ll be some paperwork...you can start on Monday.” He snapped his fingers and pointed in Loki’s direction. “You know this means you can’t dodge me anymore. I’m your boss.”
“Ask Nick Fury how effective that was in getting me to do what he wanted,” Loki said, but he smiled a little.
With that done, Loki took himself to SHIELD’s headquarters. There was nothing there he needed to retrieve - he’d just thought of someone else who perhaps deserved some explanation.
He didn’t hide himself from sight as he made his way to Maureen Fisher’s office, and felt the pairs of eyes on him, the uncertain whispers. It wound him tighter and tighter until he realized what it was: maybe just a touch of awe.
That...gave him the most peculiar feeling.
Loki had checked her schedule beforehand, but he still paused, hesitating, in front of the closed door. He made himself raise a hand with only a little difficulty and knocked, then stepped back. He could hear her crossing the room, so he was, more or less, ready when she opened it.
“Hello,” he said, suddenly feeling hopelessly awkward. “May I come in?”
“Yes,” she said, visibly recovering from her surprise. “Yes, you...is this a session?”
No, Loki meant to say, but he considered it for a moment. “Maybe,” he said, finally.
She relaxed a little. “Why don’t you sit down and tell me why you’re here?”
Loki came in and sat down, folding his hands on his lap. “By now,” he said after several moments, “I suspect you know that I was not entirely honest with you.”
Her eyebrows rose a little. “I work with a lot of spies,” she said. “I’m sort of used to that. Though I do try to encourage honesty in here.” She paused. “But I have...heard some things.”
Loki rubbed his thumb absently against the palm of his hand. “I suppose I should ask what you’ve heard.”
“That your real name is Loki, you’re from another planet, and something about saving the world,” she said.
But not the part where my mind was overtaken and I was used against my will, thus almost damning the world first? Loki pushed that aside. That wasn’t the point, at least...at least not right now.
“That is all...well, at least the first two are correct. It seems a little self-aggrandizing to claim the third.”
“I see,” Doctor Fisher said. She looked like she was taking a few moments to absorb that confirmation, though Loki thought she must have expected it. Perhaps hearing it from Loki himself was different. He sat still, waiting to see what she would do. After several moments she shook herself and said, “and...the rest of what you told me?”
“True,” Loki said, after a moment. “If...adjusted, in places. But in substance...accurate.”
She seemed to be considering that, and finally nodded. “Thank you for coming to tell me,” she said. “I appreciate it.”
Loki blinked. “That’s...all?”
“Well,” she said. “I won’t lie. It’s a little startling - but then everything about the last few days has been startling. The world is weirder than I knew it was a month ago - and like I said, I’m used to my clients keeping things secret, no matter how much I wish they wouldn’t.”
Loki had expected her to be more upset. Even angry. He eyed her, a little wary that she might be hiding it, but if she was she was hiding it very well. “Thank you,” he said after several moments. “I appreciate your...understanding, Doctor Fisher.”
“You can call me Maureen,” she said. “Most of my clients do.” Loki blinked at her, and she smiled slightly. “Really.”
“Maureen,” he said carefully. “That seems...awfully informal.”
“That’s sort of the point,” she said. Loki supposed that made a kind of sense. He’d told her things he hadn’t voiced to anyone else. She knew his true name, now. He might as well use hers.
“And are you all right?” Doctor Fisher - Maureen - said. “What little I heard...it seemed like things were pretty rough.”
“I am,” Loki said, and when she raised her eyebrows added, “truthfully. I’ve been resting.”
“Good,” she said with a small smile. “I’m glad to hear it.”
“That was not...the only reason I came,” Loki said, more slowly. She cocked her head to the side, and he glanced down, hesitating.
“You made an offer,” he began, and then stopped.
She just waited in patient silence for him to find the words. Loki recognized the tactic, and was briefly annoyed by it. Coward, he told himself, less than gently.
“It seems I am...no longer working for SHIELD,” Loki said carefully. “I am not certain if you...ever take other clients, but if you were so inclined...I might like to continue our - conversations. I would, of course, compensate you for your time.”
“I’ve been known to take retired SHIELD agents as clients,” Maureen said after a moment. “I think we could probably work something out.”
Things between him and Thor were not easy. Better, certainly, but Thor’s uncertainty tugged at Loki’s temper. It would be easy to avoid him; Loki had always been good at that.
Instead, he walked into the room where Thor was staying without knocking and said, “I’m taking you out for coffee.”
Thor gave him a startled look that morphed into one of confusion. “Pardon?”
“Coffee,” Loki repeated. “It’s a Midgardian activity one does when one wishes to speak to someone over the distraction of food without committing to a full meal.”
Thor’s eyebrows rose a fraction. “I thought it was a beverage.”
“Yes,” Loki said, “that, too. Are you coming or not?”
“I am coming,” Thor said, rising. “Do I need to bring anything with me?”
“No,” Loki said. “Nothing.”
“Where,” Thor started to ask, when Loki grasped his wrist and pulled them through space. Thor made a startled sound, though unlike the humans he was used to this method of transport, and just glanced around them with curiosity, altering what he’d meant to say with, “is this?”
“A city on the other side of the country,” Loki said. “I lived here for a couple of weeks.” He walked into the cafe he’d been thinking of, ordering at the counter for both him and Thor while Thor hovered behind him. He claimed a table in the corner, automatically putting his back to the wall. Thor sat down across from him.
“So,” he said. “You wanted to speak?”
“Yes,” Loki said. “I thought we should.” He tapped his fingers on his leg, under the table where Thor couldn’t see them. “I think we are going to have to do a lot of that. And as it is not...necessarily either of our strong points, I expect we will need practice.”
Thor’s lips twitched like he was tempted to smile and wasn’t sure if he was allowed. It faded quickly, though. “Was there something in particular that you wanted to address?”
There was that uncertainty again. Stop treating me like glass, Loki wanted to snap, and at the same time some part of him was grateful for Thor’s imbalance. He shook both away. “You haven’t asked why I didn’t want to go back.”
Thor’s expression was sober. He folded his hands on the table. “I didn’t want to make you think you needed to defend yourself to me.”
“You can ask me now, if you want to.”
Thor took a breath. “Why, then?”
The call came for their drinks, and Loki stood up to retrieve them before answering. He started absently pulling apart the chocolate croissant he’d ordered, looking down at it rather than at Thor. “I told you,” he said, “Asgard was not...there were many ways in which I did not - fit, there. And they only became more apparent with time. There were times, yes, when I was happy. But there were more and more when I was not.” He looked up. “You shine very brightly, Thor. Overwhelmingly so.”
Thor opened his mouth, and Loki waited for the denial, for the protest, for the supposed reassurance that told him he was imagining things. But Thor closed his mouth again without speaking, his eyebrows drawn together.
“Here…” Loki made himself stop pulling the croissant apart. “I found my own place. Where I was not just your brother, or the second son. Where I did not fall in your shadow.”
“I have never…” Thor stopped, hesitated, amended. “I did not mean for you to feel that way.”
“You told me to know my place,” Loki said, “and you meant it to silence me.”
For a moment Thor’s mouth tightened and Loki thought he was going to snap back, but then he took a deep breath, visibly calming himself again. “I was a fool,” he said. “And I was...you said it well. Arrogant, reckless, and dangerous.”
Loki blinked. “Who told you?”
“Sif,” Thor said. “She was indignant. But if harsh, it...may not be so unfair an assessment as I would like.”
“I didn’t think so.” Loki pressed his hands against the table.
“I…” Thor took another slow breath. “Please do not take this...the wrong way.”
Loki tensed. “Not an auspicious start, Thor.”
Thor grimaced, but he pressed forward. “I do not...recall things the way you do. I do not see what you describe.” Loki wanted to laugh, bitterly, but Thor held up a hand. “I’m not finished. I cannot assume that I would have seen, much as I wish I could claim it. And I am sorry-”
“For what?” Loki interrupted. Thor hesitated.
“For…not seeing. Not noticing. And doing nothing.”
Loki exhaled and looked down. “The last time you apologized, I tried to kill you,” he murmured. “Or...I don’t even know that I was trying. I was so - angry, and you were there, apologizing for - you didn’t know. I thought - he is just saying the words. Mouthing the right sounds to appease me.”
“I meant it,” Thor said. “I did not know why you were attacking me. I did not understand what could have gone so wrong. But it was clear that something had, and I wanted to set it to rights.”
“I really did think that you would kill me,” Loki said quietly. “If you came back, if you knew. For what I was. For the first time in my life, I was afraid of you.” He looked down at his left hand. “You’ve seen, now.”
“I have,” Thor said.
“And?”
“It is as I said,” Thor said. “I would still call you my brother. And I would never - never - harm you.”
Loki looked up, finally. “I believe you,” he said. Thor’s expression was raw, naked of pretense. How, Loki wondered, did he do that? Exposing all he felt with such ease.
“Thank you,” he said. Loki kept himself from lowering his eyes again.
“I love you, Thor,” he said. “That has always been part of the problem.” He saw Thor flinch, slightly, and went on. “But perhaps it can be part of...a resolution, as well.”
“I would like it to be,” Thor said softly. Loki smiled very faintly.
“Drink your coffee,” he said. “It’ll get cold.” He paused, and pushed the slightly shredded croissant between them. “And try this. It’s good.”
Thor must know that he was changing the subject. Steering it back to shallow waters. But to Loki’s relief, he didn’t comment - just let it go with one of his warm smiles.
It was a start.
Loki had been ready for Odin to protest his claim, but he had not. For the first days, Loki ignored it - ignored the hovering question of what he was going to do with it.
The Casket of Ancient Winters. The heart of Jotunheim, taken along with an abandoned babe from its beaten people. Loki could feel its power, close as a heartbeat, resonating with his blood.
Its magic was strong. Added to his own, it made a fearsome weapon - and did he not have a right to it, as he’d said to Odin? He was Laufey’s son. Perhaps there were others, but his blood was still royal. There were reasons aplenty to keep it, and use it for Midgard’s defense. Or not. Simply to keep it for his own, away from Asgard and Jotunheim both.
But he didn’t truly want it.
He thought about bringing Thor, in case - in case, but decided against it. Too much risk for different reasons. So he waited until the middle of the night before slipping out.
He hesitated, his heart pounding a little before taking the step out onto Yggdrasil’s branches, but it was quiet. No tremors, just the familiar song of the universe. He wasn’t going to dawdle, though - his magic might be healed but he was still weakened. He didn’t know what would happen if he exhausted his strength here, between worlds, but he did not want to find out.
The path to Jotunheim was easy from Midgard. He made his way along it, trying to ignore the fear churning in his stomach, the pulsing beat that urged him to turn back, that he was making a mistake.
Maybe, he thought. Or maybe not.
Once upon a time, a few mortals had given him a chance to rise above what he thought he could be. He could not be easy with this - thing, about himself, this truth, but...but. The Casket had been used once to try to conquer Midgard; this time, it had helped save it. Maybe it was time for Jotunheim’s heart to come home.
Loki stepped out onto the ice and held still, for a moment. He didn’t recognize where he was standing, but then the terrain all looked more or less the same to him. But he could feel the ice stir under his feet, something waking up, sensing the power he held hidden away.
Last chance, Loki thought. Last chance to change your mind.
He reached within himself and pulled the Casket out with a twist of his wrists. He watched the blue bleed up from his hands, spreading over his skin. Nausea washed through him and he tried to look at it, feel it, let it go.
The last did not work very well. But he didn’t want to carve open his own arms, either, so that was a sort of progress.
Loki took a deep breath and bent to set the Casket down, weaving a light spell that would hold it in place until someone claimed it. Maybe they would recognize the magic, or maybe they wouldn’t. That wasn’t really the point.
He took one step back, then another. Briefly, he thought he ought to say something, but he would be the only one to hear it.
So he simply turned and walked back out of the world, retracing his steps back to Stark’s tower.
How long would it take for someone to find it? A few hours? A day? A week? What would they do then?
Could it be used to mend the damage the Bifrost had done?
Loki sat down on his bed and closed his eyes, counting his breaths and searching his heart for regrets.
To his surprise, he found none. For once, even if he was wrong, even if it turned out poorly - he still thought he’d made the right decision.
There was one more thing.
Loki realized belatedly that he might have the wrong place - that he couldn’t be sure she was still here. He briefly considered leaving, doing more research, but he knew himself - if he backed away now, it would be a long time before he returned. If he did.
What are you afraid of? He thought harshly, and walked up to the front door, rapping lightly against it.
“Just a moment!” He heard from within, and waited, trying not to fidget. Looking up and down the street.
The door opened. Loki blinked at the girl looking up at him. She looked...taller. It hadn’t been that long, had it?
“Angela,” he said, surprised. Her eyes widened.
“Luke?” For a moment, Loki tensed - he hadn’t seen her since he’d pulled her blood-spattered and trembling out of the slaughterhouse he’d made - but then her smile bloomed and she flung herself forward, hugging his legs. “You came back! Grandmama! It’s Luke!”
To his shame, Loki’s eyes stung. He bit the inside of his cheek and rested his hand lightly, briefly, on the top of Angela’s head. “Well, hello,” he said. “It’s...good to see you, too.”
Margaret Fairfax came slowly down the stairs. Her eyes widened when she saw him, too.
“Oh, my,” she said. “Luke?”
“I’m sorry for stopping by without notice,” Loki said. “But I wanted to...personally thank you.”
Margaret’s eyebrows furrowed. “Thank me?”
“Yes,” Loki said. He looked down at Angela, who was staring up at him with an expression of near hero-worship on her face. “I…” He took a deep breath. “When I met you, I was...at a very difficult point in my life. Perhaps the worst. And you...your kindness was a source of strength, however poorly I returned it.”
“Now, Luke,” Margaret said, frowning.
“Loki,” Loki said. “My true name is - Loki.”
“Like the…” She did a bit of a double-take, and he saw her put it together. Or at least something of it. “Oh,” she said. “Oh.”
She put a hand on the handrail. Loki readied himself to be told to leave. Or else for fear, or...something.
She straightened. “Loki, then,” she said. “You didn’t return anything poorly at all. You were a very nice houseguest. Certainly better than that man who came in after. Hmph.”
Loki blinked at her. “That’s...all?”
“I told you,” Margaret said. “I always knew you were different. But you were good to me, and to Angela. And that’s what matters.”
“You’re my hero,” Angela said, and Loki felt his face get almost unbearably warm.
“I was trying to thank you,” he protested. “All you did for me-”
“I was happy to do.” Margaret smiled, crinkling the lines around her mouth and eyes.
Loki swallowed hard, past the lump in his throat. “I brought you something,” he managed to say, and summoned the basket he’d prepared. “It isn’t much, but…”
Angela snatched it when he held it out, and pulled back the cover. Her eyes turned into circles. “Cookies!” She said delightedly. “Are they chocolate?”
“Some of them,” Loki said. “Not - handmade, I’m afraid. From a bakery in New York. It came highly recommended.”
“Oh Luke,” Margaret said, and corrected, “Loki. You didn’t need to do that.”
“I wanted to,” Loki said, with a crooked smile. He’d thought about it. There were things he could do - larger gestures, grander gestures. But ultimately, this seemed better. More appropriate.
“Well,” she said after a moment. “Thank you. You are a sweet young man.” She paused. “I’d say there’s enough cookies in here for three, you know.”
“Pardon?” Loki said blankly. She smiled at him again.
“Would you like to come inside and join us? I can put on some tea, and you can tell me what you’ve been up to since you went away.”
“I couldn’t,” Loki started to say, but Angela had already grabbed his arm and was trying to pull him inside.
“Are you in New York now?” She asked. “What’s it like? What are you doing there? Have you been to the top of the Empire State Building?”
Loki let out a helpless laugh. “I can only answer one question at a time.”
“You had better come in to answer the rest,” Margaret said, her eyes twinkling. Loki glanced over his shoulder at the street like something was going to be there, looking over his shoulder. Like someone was going to say no, Loki.
“Why not,” Loki said. He let Angela pull him over the threshold.