Chapter Text
On Monday night, all Keith could hear was Etta James crooning "I'd Rather Go Blind" in his ear, but since it was 2 AM and his phone was right next to his ear at a volume that should be illegal, it was more like shrill screaming blasting out his left eardrum. Groggily, Keith barely looked at his phone and hit the answer button, pressing the receiver to his good ear.
"Keith? Can... can you let me in?" Lance's voice was too soft over the distorted speaker, causing any drowsiness Keith had felt to be slapped out of him.
"Yeah, sure hold on." His throat was raw from neglect and sleep. Stumbling, Keith walked to the front door, not even bothering with pants because, hello this was Lance the same guy who ran around campus butt naked with Keith because of a stupid dare from Pidge over who could get back the fastest. He'd seen more than just Keith in his underwear in the ten years they'd known each other.
The sight that greeted him was not one he was used to, if he was honest. A sopping Lance shivering from head to toe due to the rain outside and red rimmed eyes, it made something in Keith's chest twist painfully like the day Lance took him ring shopping for Nyma.
"Lance! Oh my god, get in here you fucking lunatic." quickly ushering him inside, and grabbing him a towel, they sat on either side of the couch staring at each other for a good hour. Like clockwork, they both opened their mouths and talked over the other.
"Sorry, I know it's late and-"
"Are you going to tell me what happened or do I have to guess?" More staring, before Lance cracked a smile and Keith chuckled, both looking away. A tan foot nudged his own, drawing their attention to the other once more. It was a comfortable silence between the two, like many they'd shared in their cars or just making dinner for everyone.
"Lance?" Grey eyes looked at blue ones, his brow furrowed a bit like it always did when he was worried and he could hear Lance's voice in the back of his mind shrieking about wrinkles.
"Nyma said no."
A strange sense of joy swept Keith away from himself, before the immediate thousand pound weight of guilt landed onto his shoulders. Sure, Keith was happy that Lance and Nyma weren't getting married. He was elated he wouldn't have to see them making googley eyes at each other and have to stand at the Cuban's side when that gorgeous girl walked down the aisle. He was jumping for fucking joy that he wouldn't have to spend the rest of his life listening to Nyma this and Nyma that. But Lance was distraught, and if that didn't make Keith feel like the worst human being on the planet, then he didn't know what could.
"Oh. I... Im so sorry, Lance." The other let out a hollow laugh that made the hair on Keith's neck raise.
"It's whatever. She said it wasn't my fault, that she shouldn't have 'let this go on for so long.'" Another strangled laugh, it made Lance sound like he was drowning... and maybe to Keith, he was. "I just don't get it! I... I love her, or at least i thought I did but she said-" He cut himself off quickly, looking anywhere but Keith. You know that feeling you get when someone ignores you for months on end, and you tell yourself that you're angry with them but as soon as you see them you melt into a puddle? That was Keith right now, and he'd be damned if he let some chick fuck around with Lance like this.
"What did she say?" He was going to put his hand on the other's knee, but even a foot away Lance flinched at the gesture. Something cold settled in his gut it made him want to shout at the other. "Lance, for fuck sakes look at me!" Lance's head whipped around as if he'd been slapped. It was a tense second before Keith realized he'd screamed that out loud. "S-sorry. I shouldn't have, yeah." Lance brought a hand to his neck nervously, a habit Keith recognized from all the times Lance had tried to avoid a certain topic.
"Naw, it's fine. You have a right to be angry. I mean what kind of friend am I right?" Tan arms waved through the air before dropping into his lap with a thud. "I ditch you for some girl, no texts no calls, barely talk to Hunk even. And then out of the blue I show up at some unholy hour." Lance sighed, dropping his head into his hands. "Maybe I should go, Im sorry I bothered you-" He made an attempt to move from the couch but Keith grabbed his arm, he swore he pulled so hard it was a surprise Lance's arm didn't pop out of it's socket.
"No, Lance no Im sorry I shouldn't have snapped like that." They stared at each other for again. Why did they always stare at each other? Was it always like this and Keith never noticed? "What did she say?" Lance's face turned a lovely shade of crimson that Keith had only seen on a few occasions.
"I-it's nothing. Not important, what's impotant is that we need to have some team bonding time, am I right?" Stuttered avoidances were all Keith could hear, Lance was always changing the subject if he was uncomfortable, usually Keith readily accepted it and went along with whatever Lance wanted to talk about. But not seeing your best friend, and also massive crush, for three months can take a toll on your ability to let things go so fast.
Keith tried to emulate Shiro's 'Dad Look' as he leveled Lance with his fiercest glare. Lance looked away again and sighed in defeat.
"She said... she said that she didn't want to marry someone who was in love with someone else." And finally, finally Lance looked Keith in the eye, as if daring him to say anything. He continued: "She told me that if she was going to have to compete to get my attention she didn't want it anyways, and then proceeded to tell me that it wasn't my fault I was an oblivious idiot." His head thunked onto the back of the couch, voice tired and letting out a humorless laugh.
"What the hell does that mean?" Keith stood suddenly, the other looked at him from the corner of his eye. "How could she say that?! She's all you ever talked about! You followed her like a lovesick puppy, always doing what she wanted!" His voice started to raise as his frustration grew. "Did she not even see how you looked at her all the time?! How dare she say that, Lance! Im going to fucking WWE her ass right now, so help me." His pacing legs took him swiftly to the door without even realizing it, and he already had his jacket on before Lance's voice broke through the red haze.
"She said I was in love with you." That stopped him in his tracks. Slowly, Keith turned around to a blushing and tired Lance.
"What, what are you talking-" Lance cut him off, standing slowly.
"I thought about it, I really did. At first I laughed, because hello? You're my best friend, of course I love you." Keith's hands were shaking, with what he couldn't tell you. "And she said, 'no you idiot, you know what I mean.' Which was crazy, I loved Nyma." Lance was getting closer and Keith's heart was beating faster than should be humanely possible. "But the more I thought about it, the more i realized," They were so close the warmth of each other's breathed fanned across their faces. "That she was right." And Lance leaned in, and Keith's entire world stopped, because HOLY FUCKING SHIT LANCE MCCLAIN WAS GOING TO FUCKING KISS HIM.
Except, they were so close so achingly close and Lance's eyes were sliding shut, Keith had to fight not to let his do the same because-
Because they were so close that Keith could smell the whiskey thick on Lance's breath.
And this wasn't how Keith wanted this to go at all. They'd kiss and fall into bed and in the morning Lance would pretend it never happened, like before.
"Lance, stop." It took everything in Keith's body not to let his hands shake as he pressed them against Lance's chest and away from his own. The look he got almost made him regret keeping the man in front of him at arms length, but it was for the best. It was, right?
"Lance, you're drunk." A confused face morphed into one of indignation and offense, but Keith held his ground before the other could protest. "I can't do this again Lance. I can't have you fucking waltz into my life and make me think you're going to be there in the morning to wake up to an empty bed, I just can't." His shoulders slumped and Lance's face turned to one of hazy understanding.
"Keith I get it but-"
"No. Lance, you don't. You don't get it because you didn't bother to pay attention to the two years I fucking loved you till it made me want to die." His words were coming out fast now, and there was no stopping them. He'd held it all in for so long, it was a fucking waterfall. "You didn't have to take care of me for weeks when you got Nyma's ring, Hunk did. You didn't have to listen to me go on and on about how much I just wanted you to be happy even if it meant watching you marry Nyma, Pidge did. Lance McClain, you are the most beautiful human being on this planet. You're eyes make my fucking chest cave in and your laugh is like shitty pop songs from the 90's, and every time we have a sleep over I get a glimpse of what it'd be like to wake up next to you every morning for the rest of my life. Lance, you don't get it. I can't kiss you now and in the morning have you not remember how it felt for me to love you with everything I've got because it's all I know how to do. I Can't Lance." The speech came trailed of with a sob, he didn't even remember when he'd started crying but now he was full on bawling in front of Lance.
"I can't do it, because it would fucking ruin me." Lance's face was still shocked, like he couldn't fully process what had just come out of Keith's mouth. And Keith guessed he couldn't because of how buzzed he was. Composing himself, he squared is shoulders and looked dead set into ocean blue eyes. "Goodbye Lance." With that he walked to his room and shut the door. It was a solid hour before he heard the front door open and close again. An hour more of Keith staring blankly at the ceiling, and then half an hour of Keith losing his shit all over again. There was no telling when Keith fell asleep, but all he dreamed of was whiskey and blue eyes.
~~~~~
The next couple of weeks drifted by like nothing had ever happened. He tried not to let it get to him, but it still hurt that Lance hadn't even tried to call him and apologize even. Hunk and Pidge told Keith that Lance hadn't come out of his room except to get food, and even then he didn't talk to anyone. When Keith gave them a brief rundown of what had happened that night, Pidge just sighed.
"That explains the lost look he's got." Keith furrowed his brows in question at Pidge, and Hunk chuckled. "Lance, when he can remember pieces of a drunken escapade, he gets this look when he tries to figure out the rest." Keith nodded and the other added: "Which he only does if he thinks it's really important."
"So he can remember some of it, but he's going to ignore everyone until he remembers all of it? Why doesn't he just ask what happened?" Hunk laughed.
"He's pretty stubborn. Plus, he might only remember you saying no." When all Hunk got was a raised eyebrow, the shorter added: "He might only remember you saying no and thinks you rejected him." Keith's mouth formed a small 'O' and Hunk just laughed again, Pidge shaking their head while muttering "Morons."
"Should I go explain or-" Hunk shook his head quickly. "No, no,no. Dude, you gotta let him figure it out." Pidge nodded as they tinkered with something across the room.
"Yeah, Keith. If you go in all gung-ho he wont fully believe you. He'll way he does-" "Yeah he'll say he does but until he remembers it all he'll just be second guessing himself the entire time."
The evening went on after that, with the two giving Keith some Lance advice and even some pasta advice because Hunk was the best cook on this side of the universe. With a quick thanks, Keith headed home.
~~~
It was a solid month before Lance showed up in Keith's apartment without so much as a hello or a knock.
"Who the FUCK- oh, hey.... Lance." The Cuban smiled sheepishly and Keith went back to making dinner. "Keith, I'm sorry." He stayed by the kitchen, but wiped his hands and face Lance.
"For what? Bursting into my apartment or trying to kiss me after your girlfriend broke up with you." At that Lance winced and Keith almost felt bad.
Almost.
"Both?" He ran his hands through his hair still looking at Keith. "Im sorry i came here drunk and sad and made you deal with my bullshit problems, really man. I shouldn't have done that." He stopped looking at Keith for approval, who nodded in a silent grant of permission to continue. "I, I like you a lot, Keith" He froze, but schooled his features blank before walking towards Lance and sniffing him. It got him a few weird looks but he didn't care, drunkenly fool Keith once shame on him, but he was not taking a second chance.
"Oh really? You sure you're not drunk again?" Keith knew the other wasn't but he kinda wanted Lance to feel bad. As horrible as it sounds, he was done being the damsel in distress crying over a boy who didn't like him. Dammit, he was going to be a strong, independent human being again like before this whole mess started. Lance had the decency to look ashamed before he looked at Keith with a fire in his eye that had been missing for so long, Keith forgot it used to be there.
"Keith, Mother fucking Kogane." Lance's voice had taken on a rough quality like it had when they'd smoke just a little too much and wrecked their throats, but Keith could hear the raw determination in it. "I've loved you since the night I kissed you but was too chicken shit to do anything about it." Keith's jaw dropped and Lance chuckled a bit before walking towards him and continuing. "You are the best friend I could ever have hoped to have and I honestly don't understand how you've put up with my bullshit for this long. But Keith, every time I see you my heart feels like it's doing a samba. Your smiled make the butterflies in my chest play my ribcage like a xylophone. I know you aren't good with words but you throw your heart into every action, and i know parties make you nervous yet you still say yes every time I ask you to come to one and I love that about you. I love that when you get angry your eyes turn the color of flint, and you bite your nails when your'e nervous. I even love your stupid mullet, which should be illegal, by the way." That earned a watery chuckle fro Keith. Now they were close, mirroring those many weeks ago except there was no hint of whiskey, and Keith wasn't allowing himself to cry, not this time bitch.
"Keith, mother fucking Kogane," His voice almost a sigh now as he searched Keith's eyes. "I don't deserve you at all, but" A warm hand pushed some hair behind Keith's ear, "If you'll have me, I'd love to be able to love you every day. Im sorry it took me this long to realize it. But I hope, that maybe you'll let me kiss you this time." That was all Keith needed to hear before their lips collided. It was hot and messy, Lance used too much tongue and Keith maybe used too much saliva, but he wouldn't have had it any other way. Hungry and clinging to each other for dear life, they stumbled to Keith's couch. They parted and one long kiss turned into multiple presses of lips, each muttering "I love You's" between every one. At one point they stopped kissing because Keith was smiling too hard so they laid tangled on the couch together. "Ive wanted to do that since the first time." Lance sighed against Keith's shoulder. It made something weigh against the back of Keith's mind.
"Then why did you avoid me? Why not just tell me outright instead of all the one night stands and then Nyma?" He looked at Lance, leaning into the touch of hands playing with his hair.
"I was scared." Keith laid back down, knowing Lance needed this time without eyes on him. "I was afraid of ruining us. you know? I thought you deserved better so i kept trying to find something else to make it hurt a little less. I just wanted you to be happy." Keith snorted at the dramatics and also at how those thoughts were almost exact copies of how he'd been thinking about Lance the past year. "I know, I know, it was stupid." Lance laughed.
"Damn right, dip-shit. we could've been this way a year ago." He felt Lance tense under him and looked up, to see the other avoiding his gaze. "I know, Im sorry." It made Keith's throat close up, how softly he said it. Maybe it was the way he looked at Keith when he said 'Sorry,' like Keith was the entire universe and Lance was just a black hole that kept sucking out all the stars.
"It's okay, just don't fucking do it again." That made the body beneath his relax and chuckle again.
They were going to be okay. And maybe, just maybe, they'd realize they make each other happy.
They were going to be okay.