Chapter Text
It’s only four goddamn hours into July, and as usual, Levi’s woken up by Petra.
“Fuck.” He stumbles into the kitchen, new pinholes in his hip from where she’d started making bread on him. From her drawer full of treats, he throws her a crab flavoured twisty-stick and goes back to bed.
“You know the drill. No toms. No kittens. I’m too young to be a grandfather.” He tells her as he leaves that morning. She blinks at him and looks elsewhere.
With Eren’s newly-cleaned shirt folded neatly in his laptop bag, Levi arrives at work and scans the hustle and bustle of a Monday morning for Eren’s shaggy hair. He doesn’t find it anywhere, except under the backwards baseball cap on his head when he’s approached by him at the elevators.
“It’s a bad hair day.” Eren explains without Levi’s prompting, which is good, because Levi’s never been good at saying hello to Eren anyways. At that excuse, he lifts a hand to fix the blue cap, and Levi wants to call him a liar. How could someone who looked like Eren have a bad hair day? Bad hair day Levi’s ass. The ends of his hair are flicked out from underneath the hat, and through the hole that should be at the back, his fringe is visible. Levi hopes his throat doesn’t show it when he gulps.
“I have your shirt.” He nods, opening the flap of his bag. He passes it to Eren and takes in the way he’s dressed—tight jeans, chucks, loose t-shirt. Levi’s not one to admit when he finds something particularly striking, but fuck, Eren looks—he looks so good.
Eren grins and lets out a satisfied sigh, brushing a piece of lint off his top. “Ahh, thank you, Levi.” He rounds his hand to his back and starts digging through his back pocket. “How much do I owe you?”
“Nothing.” Levi says, halting Eren’s movements.
“What, really? Nothing?”
“Did you try to pay your mother when she cleaned your clothes?”
“So it’s my mother, you are? Not my dad?”
“It’s Monday morning, Eren. Don’t fuck with me.”
“Whoa.” Eren chuckles, taking his hand out of his pocket. He holds his shirt in one fist, probably crumpling it. “Someone fall outta the wrong side of the bed?”
The elevator arrives, and as it’s empty, Eren and Levi both step inside. Levi presses his button, Eren presses his and Levi’s.
Levi breathes out a tiredness that can only come with being a cat owner. “Getting out of the wrong side of the bed would require getting a sleep in the first place.”
Eren cocks his head to the side. “Did…” He looks away, that glint disappearing from his eye like he’s remembered something he doesn’t want to. “I get it.”
Levi’s eyebrows furrow. “Get what?”
Eren’s laughter is strained. “Up all night. No sleep.” His smile is pinched at the edges and not reaching his eyes, but somehow still nice to look at. “So… who’s the lucky… person?”
“What?” Levi finally squints, catching onto the mere tethers of Eren’s implication. “I wasn’t up all night with someone, I was up all night because I have a cat who doesn’t understand the fucking meaning of bedtime.”
“O-oh!” Eren adjusts his cap, blood showing through his bronzed cheeks. “Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t—I just thought—shit. Fuck. Levi, I’m sorry.”
Straight-faced and a little perplexed at his flustered exterior, Levi replies, “Eren, it’s fine.”
“I don’t want you to think I was calling you a slut!”
The corner of Levi’s mouth tips up for a moment. “I don’t have time to be a slut.”
“Yeah, and you have to set a good impression for Petra.” Eren adds, small smile joining that blush.
“Floor nine.” The automated voice alerts them just before the doors open.
“Absolutely.” Levi plays along. “It’s fucking hard being a parent.”
“Tell me about it.” Eren rolls his eyes, lips clearly itching to break his smile and become a laugh instead. He lays a hand on his stomach with a thoughtful expression. “They’re so worth it though.”
Levi shakes his head and tries to hide the smile growing on his face. “See you later.” He says, stepping out onto his floor.
Seeing Eren doesn’t come later, but hearing from him does. On Mike’s way back up from god knows where, he brings another slab of caramel shortcake and launches it at him.
“Eren said to give you this.”
“What are you doing to Eren to make him bring you treats all the time?” Petra asks, raising her head to see over the laptops.
Levi shrugs. Perhaps he’ll tell them one day that he and Eren are slowly becoming friends, but not now. Now, he’ll keep it as their secret.
#
“Remind me why you’re here again.” Mike leans down so closely into Eren’s personal bubble that he starts shifting away.
Eren halts his chair-spinning, shoulders hunching timidly. “They’re refurbishing our offices. We have to work elsewhere.”
Mike seems to linger for a moment, sniffing before he leans back. “Okay.”
From Levi’s glance to his left, he can tell that Mike’s satisfied Eren isn’t lying. They already knew he wasn’t lying—Erwin sent out a mass e-mail last week saying that any noise and disruption from above was due to maintenance on the eleventh floor.
Lucky for them, Eren had chosen their floor to come and work on instead of the cafeteria, which is apparently where all of his friends flocked to. Levi wonders what excuse he had to spin to them to come up here instead—and why Eren chose to in the first place. All of his friends are downstairs, why isn’t he?
“Is this what you guys do all day?” Finally finished spinning, Eren resituates himself on his chair and squares his shoulders, tapping on his keyboard.
Levi raises an eyebrow. “Do you not work all day upstairs?”
“If you don’t, I might transfer.” Petra adds, not moving her eyes from her screen.
“We work,” Eren clarifies. “But it’s not this quiet. We’ve had wars and everything upstairs.”
“Wars?” Mike echoes.
“Yeah.” Eren says plainly. “Y’know, turn over the desks, launch stuff at everyone. Food fights. That’s only if Sasha’s visiting, though.”
Petra, Mike, and Levi all share looks. “Does Erwin know you’re doing that?” Mike asks.
Levi and Petra wait for an answer.
“Um,” Eren goes to satiate them, eyes raising to the ceiling. “Well, I can’t imagine he doesn’t know since he recommended softer erasers to throw at everyone. Jean almost lost an eye and ratted us out. Erwin said he couldn’t have that on his website and to be more careful.”
It takes seconds for Petra to burst into a fit of giggles, and even Mike snickers into his palm. Levi bites his cheeks so his teeth don’t show when he smiles.
“Just for my ego, you should know it was me who made the lethal throw.”
That does it. Levi lets go of a small laugh before gaining his control back and Eren’s face lights up with achievement.
#
“And now you just wait for it to finish downloading.”
Eren’s voice is deep at the best of times, but with his lips at Levi’s ear and the vibrations rich, it’s about to put Levi six feet under. His chin is almost on Levi’s shoulder and his tone is low, their conversation private.
He’s a shit, and doesn’t like being interrupted, so at the beginning of the year, he’d chosen not to have automatic updates or reminders for updates on his computer. It turned out that included renewal for his security software as well. Thanks to his past self, the day started with nasty ass viruses.
“So,” Eren summarises, voice still throaty. His left hand is leaning on Levi’s desk, and Levi can’t stop staring at the knuckles and joints on it. Dark shadows, a scar or two, neatly cut fingernails. “The viruses are all gone, all of your browsers are updated, and your settings are updated, too. Your antivirus should stop this from happening again since you just renewed as well. K?”
“Okay.” Levi answers, throat tight. “Thanks.”
“You really need to keep the settings on though,” Eren presses. “Otherwise it’ll happen again down the line.”
Levi grumbles. “Fine.”
Before he leaves, Eren puts that left hand on Levi’s shoulder and squeezes.
#
August comes knocking and just as Levi thinks Eren’s forgotten about him— “Eren Jaeger wants to start a conversation” pops up at the bottom right of his screen. There are no other Eren’s that Levi knows, but his logic tells him his bad luck in life is so prominent it’d probably spread here too.
Regardless, Levi opens the chat to begin the conversation.
Eren Jaeger: Knock knock
Thank god Levi has a sticker over his webcam, otherwise hackers might see his scrunched brows.
Levi Ackerman: Who’s there?
Eren Jaeger: Little old lady
Levi Ackerman: Little old lady who?
Eren Jaeger: I didn’t know you could yodel ; )
“For the love of god,” Levi groans under his breath.
Levi Ackerman: I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
Eren Jaeger: :O
It happens again on the 7th.
Eren Jaeger: Knock knock
Levi Ackerman: Who’s there?
Eren Jaeger: Cows go
Levi Ackerman: Cows go who?
Eren Jaeger: No, silly, cows go moo
Levi Ackerman: I’m already envisioning the duct tape across your mouth
#
Somewhere in the middle of August, the heat is so bad it feels like Erwin’s company building has been wrapped in tin-foil and shoved right into a high-power microwave. Levi almost passes out in the cramped elevator, and Petra complains of dizzy-spells when she plops down onto her seat.
“It’s worse than we thought.” She tells them, face full of dread.
Levi and Mike almost snap their necks as they whip around to look at her. Mike is down four buttons on his shirt and is using his tie as a sweat-band around his forehead, and Levi’s dumped his jacket on his chair and loosened the tie around his neck. He’s sure there will still be patches under his arms at the end of the day.
She braces them. “The A/C is off, too.”
“No.” Mike whispers, eyes wide.
“Fuck.” Levi mutters. Just at the news he feels a bead of sweat dripping down his back.
Mike folds his arms on his desk and dumps his head into them. “Why did Erwin buy a building with windows you can’t open?!”
Levi had actually asked him that the last time this happened—it wasn’t Erwin’s request, just the way the building came. Apparently it prevented people from throwing themselves out of the windows, but Levi was sure if the heat got too bad, he’d still somehow manage to launch himself through one.
“Hanji’s giving out hand-held fans, if it makes you feel better.”
It doesn’t.
The day doesn’t get any cooler, Erwin sends out a mass e-mail saying he’s on the A/C issue, and Mike ends up unbuttoning his shirt the entire way.
“I’m sorry.” He says as he fiddles with the last button. “But I can’t take it anymore.”
Levi can’t blame him. He’s resorted to unbuttoning his top two buttons and has even rolled his sleeves up, but all it feels like he’s done is exposed his skin to even more heat, resulting in a warmer body temperature.
Levi glares at the hairs on his arms. Weren’t they supposed to do some shit to cool him down?
This is the one day he’s hoping Eren doesn’t drop by—the day when his skin looks oily as fuck and he’s sweating just typing his password into things. He swears if he gets up, there’ll be a sweaty ass print on his seat.
Unfortunately, bad luck is always on Levi’s side.
“Holy fucking shit, is it hot in here or what?” Some kid walks into the room with two-toned hair and a tank top totally unsuitable for work, and Levi recognises him as the one he’d given the brownie to on the blood donation day. He’s holding a desktop in both arms and looking around.
“Jean, get the fuck in, this is heavy!” A deeper growl of a voice snaps behind him.
Fuck Levi’s life, it’s Eren with a computer tower behind him.
Jean does as Eren says and dumps the desktop in a spare area on the floor, Eren brightly greeting them with ‘hey guys!’ as he lowers his machine to the ground as well. “There’s nowhere else free to take this apart. Mind if we stay here?”
“What the fuck, I thought you’d already asked them?” Jean swirls around, eyes on Jaeger.
Eren huffs a weak, apologetic laugh in Levi’s direction, then furrows his eyebrows at Jean. “Well if I didn’t come up with a place, you’d have made me haul these on every floor until we found somewhere!”
“Christ, Jaeger, you don’t half come up with some excuses.”
Eren ignores his remark and puts his hands on his hips, a crooked grin showing on his face. “You guys don’t mind, do you? If you do, we’ll leave.”
Petra nonchalantly waves her hand as Mike says, “go ahead.”
Levi’ll be honest, listening to Jaeger and Jean bicker is more amusing than doing any kind of finance work on this day. He’s actually concerned he might be going delirious because of the heat, because he’s resisting snickering at their conversations.
“I will shove this goddamn spanner up your ass.”
“That’s a screwdriver, Jean.”
“I will shove this goddamn screwdriver up your ass, then!”
“Kinky.”
“Fuck you.”
Unaware of what they’re even doing, Levi lets himself watch from the corner of his eye as Eren and Jean unscrew parts of the computer until it basically falls apart in front of them. Then, Jean takes a spray can of air to all of the dust and Eren wipes down some surfaces.
Twenty minutes ago, Jean had taken off his shirt, excusing himself to them. Petra did her hand-shake thing again, and Mike gestured to his own exposed stomach, saying ‘go ahead, kid’.
“God,” Eren wiped his bare wrist across his forehead. The sides were shiny, and judging by just how easily his skin slid across it, he was feeling the heat as well. “I’m fucking melting.” He sighs, sitting back on his heels.
“We have a water fountain right outside, if you want.” Petra adds, straining her neck to see over her desktop.
“Nah, it’s fine.” Levi’s eyes significantly widen when he peers out of the corner of them this time. Eren pulls his t-shirt over his shoulders and off his body, and Jesus fucking Christ—the kid is ripped. Levi knows he witnessed those biceps at the park, but either they’ve gotten bigger or the trees made some shadows on his skin that made Levi underestimate them. A wave of tingles march through his body and when they go to dissolve at the surface, he feels even hotter than before.
“Christ, put your man-boobs away.”
“Fuck off, Jean. Everyone has boobs.” Eren spits. “And besides, yours look worse than mine. Avoid the fucking gym, much?”
Jean hums a delightful little tune as he works. “This hammer is going up your goddamn ass as well, Jaeger.”
#
September comes and as Eren’s about to go, Levi asks him out for lunch. He tells himself it’s only because he doesn’t want Eren to die in a plane crash on the way to or from Germany. Eren looks like he’s about to have a seizure in front of him when he asks—the way he exhales and inhales and laughs and scratches the back of his neck with a twitching hand.
“Sure!”
That’s how he ends up sitting across from Eren at a table they’re both unfamiliar with. It’s to the back of the cafeteria to avoid the lunch line, and also conveniently out of the way of the table Hanji usually scores. The last thing he needs is for Hanji to saunter up, spill all of his embarrassing moments, and have Eren know just how unlucky in love he’s really been all along.
“So when do you fly out?” He asks to make conversation. It turns out Levi is better at it than he thinks—all he has to do is ask a question and Eren can ramble for ages. Really—he’s aged five years just sitting with him. If it’s not because his knees are starting to creek, it’s because Eren reminds him of his age.
“The twenty-seventh.” Eren looks to the ceiling as if to remember, then nods. “I come back on the fourth of October. Did I tell you it was Germany I was going to?”
Levi nods.
“Yeah,” Eren confirms, holding a sandwich in one hand. “I’m going to visit my mom. Well, not really my mom, because she doesn’t live there. But I’m going to visit there. With my mom.”
“Why Germany?” Levi asks, and takes a bite of his own sandwich.
“I was born there!” Eren’s eyes light up, then he chuckles and shrugs a shoulder, ducking his head. “Well, I was born there—but I mean, I didn’t grow up there. My mom did, though. She grew up in a place called Dortmund and then she moved to Berlin and had me. Then we moved here. But we still go back all the time, to visit her parents. So, yeah.”
Levi nods. “Can you speak any German?”
“Ja, ich bin fließend in Deutsch.” Eren says, accent shaky.
A corner of Levi’s mouth tips up. “So—”
“Ben Türkçe olarak da akıcı.”
Levi pauses. “…What language is that?”
“Turkish.” Eren grins. “I don’t know it as well as German—I don’t even know if I said that right—but my dad’s from Turkey, so.”
“Bet you passed languages in school with flying colours, then.”
Eren snorts. “Nah. Well, German, I did. But Spanish was the only other option available and I hated the teacher so, I just dropped that. It came up as a technical fail.”
“Why’d you hate the teacher?” Levi asks.
Eren licks his lips, moves his sandwich bite to the side of his mouth, and keeps on chatting. “I dunno. She just asked way too much of me. And she didn’t seem to like me ‘cause I always called her out on her bullshit. She wanted us to spend two hours a night on her work but we had every other teacher asking for an hour on theirs, too. And sorry,” he scoffs, “but honestly, I only took the class because there was nothing else available, so it wasn’t the most important.”
“Hm,” Levi hums.
“Anyway, it was either that or I got her to kick me out. But that didn’t work—I already tried that. She was my German teacher, too, y’see, so… she kind of knew all my tricks.”
“All of your tricks?”
“Yeah,” Eren grimaces. “I was okay academically, but surpassed in all things trouble.”
“Jesus,” Levi snorts. “What did you do?”
“The usual,” he shrugs. “Locked the door on her when she went outside for something. Asked her about her kids so she’d go off on a tangent. I think she actually respected the lengths I went to.”
Levi shakes his head, tone amused. “Whatever happened to sitting on your ass and learning?”
“Well,” Eren frowns, chewing. “Whatever happened to homework being equally split and the curriculum being something teenagers could actually handle without wanting to hurt themselves and the teachers being paid enough to enjoy spending more time with students who need help? I’ll sit on my ass and learn when the government fixes all the shit that’s wrong with the education system.”
Levi blinks, almost eternally silenced. “Not bad.” He murmurs. “No offense, but you look like an idiot.”
Eren’s jaw slackens.
“I mean.” Levi quickly corrects. “You look like someone who wouldn’t pay attention to—issues like that.”
“Fuck you, I watch the news every morning even though it depresses the shit out of me.”
Oh, Eren. A man after Levi’s own heart.
“It does.” Levi agrees.
“Seems like all they report is bad stuff.” Eren rests his elbow on the table. “I wish they’d report more good stuff, like dogs learning tricks and saving people and cats being the assholes they are.”
“Yeah, well, serial killers steal the spotlight, I’m afraid.”
“Yeah, well, fuck them.” Eren spits, huffing. “I don’t even know how—I mean. Unless it was your life or theirs—as in self-defence—how could anyone just—? I don’t even know.”
“Tell me about it.” Levi keeps his eyes trained on Eren, examining his reaction. “I get more riled up when it has to do with children, though.”
“Fuck!” Eren grits his teeth together, his voice quiet but angry. “Me too. I fucking hate it. Sorry,” he shakes his head, silently seething. Instead of biting his sandwich, he rips it into pieces and throws it in his mouth. “Someone I know almost—their parents got murdered when they were a kid.”
“Shit.” Levi mumbles. “That’d be…” He lets it trail off, lets Eren grab the end of it.
“Yeah.” He agrees with a nod. “World’s a fucking mess.”
“Think of your visit to Germany.” Levi tries to steer the conversation. “Will you visit all of the tourist areas?”
“Nah,” Eren, seemingly calm, shakes his head. “I’ve done all that a million times. Can’t wait for the food, though. Can’t wait for butterbrezel. And currywurst. Jeez. I’m going to come back, like, a stone heavier. Might even take down the plane.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine.” Levi offers, small smile on his face. “Have you ever visited France?”
“…I’ve gone to Disneyland Paris? But that’s it. How come? Is that where you’re from?”
“Not from.” Levi shakes his head. “Somewhat similar to you, except I wasn’t born there. My mother is French. I’m technically American.”
“Sweet. Does your mom live there?”
“Not anymore. She moved around nineteen-eighty.”
Eren’s lips crack into a sad smile. “Seems like tons of people move here for a better life.” The murder story should’ve been a tell-tale sign that Eren was an over-sharer, but Levi only noticed it now. “My mom was a teenage mother and even though her parents stuck by her, she still felt like she’d only make it if she moved. Pretty brave, I mean. To move with a baby when you’re still a kid yourself. It’s weird.”
“Hm.” Levi hummed in agreement. What an interesting fact—that Eren’s mother had produced him so young. Nothing Levi judged—she’d obviously done a fantastic job—but still, it was funny how everyone had a story, and it was funny how Eren’s seemed to suit him the more Levi found out about it.
He wasn’t prepared to tell his own yet, though. “A lot of mother’s have a different kind of strength.” He settled. It was the most he could say without dampening the entire conversation, revealing how he was born.
“Yeah,” Eren grinned. “They do.”
#
“Otherwise, there’ll be kids at your door begging for sweets.”
In Erwin’s office, Hanji stands at the window, hovering between pointing out types of birds and raising her hands in the air in frustration at Levi.
“I doubt children small enough to trick-or-treat are capable of breaking down my apartment’s front door.” Levi slid a glare towards Hanji, arms folded. “I’m not attending.”
“Levi! You can’t be the only one not to come. I’ve ordered things! With the assumption that you’ll be there!”
“Well, whose fault is that?” Levi asks, noticing the way Erwin’s eyes flick back and forth between him and Hanji. He sits at his desk, with his fancy laptop that probably never fails on him.
“Yours. For not coming.”
“Fuck off.”
“Levi,” Hanji stretches out his name, almost shattering the glass around them. No wonder her music teacher hadn’t suggested singing in high school. “I let you off one year and it was because you were sick. No more excuses.”
“I’m going to have a headache.”
“How do you know you’ll have a headache on Halloween?!”
“I mean right now!” He snaps.
“Levi!”
“You can’t make an appearance just so Hanji didn’t waste money?”
Levi feels his eyebrows arch. The action makes him think of Erwin’s classic nickname. “You’re taking her side, eyebrows?”
Erwin’s lips turn up at the corners. “I’m taking nobody’s side. You’re welcome to a party. If you don’t go, you’ll end up a hermit.”
“I don’t mind being a hermit.”
“You’ll mind when I don’t invite you to my parties anymore. Levi, come on! You know I host the best parties. There’s even gonna be alcohol.”
“Hanji, someone caught something from your refrigerator last time.” Levi points out.
Hanji hold up a hesitant finger. “Okay. Okay, I know that happened. But listen, that wasn’t my fault. They weren’t supposed to go into my lab refrigerator. It’s in the basement for a reason.”
“She’s even invested in a lock and put up a sign.” Erwin adds.
“Like drunk people are going to read a sign.”
“Levi. Party. Alcohol. All you can eat. Seats everywhere. I’ll even settle for you reading a book in an armchair! You can bring Eren!”
“I—”
Erwin looks up from some papers on his desk, face scarily serious. “You’re not bringing your cat again.”
#
Levi couldn’t be more glad to see Eren return to work. Just his presence in the elevator had become something Levi missed, as well as company that didn’t belong to Hanji or Erwin. They were still trying to get him to attend Hanji’s Halloween party—still. They’d resorted to sly techniques, too, like leaving post-it notes on his desktop or e-mailing him links of skimpy Halloween costumes. Hanji had even photo-shopped a couple with his face on them. He did not make a good sexy nurse. And he’d never be able to enter the medical field now, with that image plastered to his brain.
But then Eren comes back, and even though Levi’s still fruitlessly trying to deny the effect he has on him, he’s completely sucked in. Eren being in the same place just makes things better in a way he can’t explain. It calms him, makes him feel like even if everything went tits up, things would be okay.
It’s why Levi breaks into a genuine, closed-lipped smile when he first sees Eren in the cafeteria. Eren locks eyes with him at the same time, his face brightening. He makes his way away from his friends and comes up to his table where he’s waiting for Hanji. Levi wonders what they look like—it’s weird. He doesn’t see Eren do this to anyone else, and nobody else certainly visits him. Does it make them look like friends?
“Hey!”
“How was Germany?”
Eren brushes his hand through his slightly-longer hair and it flops into several directions, mostly over his forehead. His other hand stays tucked into the front pocket of his jeans. His thumb sticks out like a photographer has placed it there. “It was great! How’s this place been since I was gone?”
“Horrific. Hanji’s throwing a Halloween party.” Levi answers, mostly testing out how Eren would react to a party. Go? Stay? Repulsed? Love parties?
“No way! That’s my favourite holiday. What are you gonna go as?” Eren shows his teeth in a smile. Must love parties, then.
“Nothing, I’m not going to go.” Levi shrugs a shoulder, and Eren’s smile drops.
“Wait, you aren’t? Why not? Are you gone that day, or something?”
Levi doesn’t have it in him to explain that he’s available, but just won’t show up because of his own hermit preferences.
“I’m too old for Halloween parties.”
“What?” Eren laughs. “Come on, Halloween gets better when you get older. I bet it’d be a laugh. She invited me through the IM system and said to dress up because there’s going to be a competition. What should I go as?”
Eren’s voice fades in Levi’s mind as he tries to think back to the opening time of Hanji’s party. Could he make it there after work if he drove fast enough…?
#
Eren goes as a zombie, but Levi only notices this near the end of the night when he actually bumps into Eren. Despite (mostly) only going in the hopes of seeing him, Levi’s night isn’t as shitty as he thought it’d be. Drunk Hanji is possibly the best Hanji, Petra spills almost every joke she’s ever heard, and Mike does the Macarena with Erwin on his shoulders. And that’s only in the kitchen, where they spent most of their night. Hanji’s living room is something Levi isn’t sure he wants to venture into.
He does, however, walk towards the hallway whilst half of them have a smoke outside in the back garden. That’s where he sees Eren, sitting in an armchair in the living room with a beer bottle in one hand and a half-bitten apple in the other. When he catches Levi, he gets up (sloppily) and approaches him. His facial make-up is elaborate and either done by a professional, or someone aspiring to be one. There’s a gunshot to his forehead that drips fake blood down the right side of his face, and a large gash on his left cheek that’s so frayed, it looks real. There’s exaggerated bruises under his eyes and around his neck.
In the apocalypse, he’d look fucking awful, and Levi wouldn’t hesitate to snap his spine in half and spit on his corpse, but it’s only a Halloween party and he looks—somehow—fucking amazing. There’s fake blood jelly in his hair and his tiny amount of freckles are obscured by make-up but he looks like everything Levi has ever found attractive in his life.
“What are you as?” He tilts his head, an action that should only belong to adorable puppies, when he meets Levi at the bottom of the stairs.
Levi drawls. “A serial killer. They look like everyone else.”
Eren’s eyes widen, one of his light-coloured contacts shifting in his eye. “That’s so clever!” He changes his expression and chuckles. “Does this mean you have a knife on you or something, though?”
Levi turns his top lip up. “A knife would be too bloody and messy.”
The smile on Eren’s face twitches, or maybe Levi’s eyesight does because of that damn contact. “Yeah. What’s cleaner?”
Levi shrugs. In actual fact, this is his time to shine. He’s watched so many crime documentaries he probably could tell you the cleanest way to kill, but he won’t—not in front of Eren. All he needs is to freak him out and have the cops called on him. “Strangulation? I don’t know.”
“Hey, or drowning.” Eren suggests, clearly thinking about his own question now. Then his eyes slide from the ceiling over to Levi’s face. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this in public. Give people the wrong idea.”
Levi snorts, shoulders jerking a little. “I doubt anyone can even hear us.”
“So I can shout out your system password then?”
Levi’s eyes narrow. What a little shit. “Old password. I changed it after you recommended it.”
Eren winks at him again, just like he did the last time they talked about his password. “Good.”
Even though Levi is too far gone to care what Eren does—it’s not like it’ll deter him in any way, anyways, he’s already tried—he’s still surprised when Eren doesn’t end up wasted by the end of the night, beginning of the morning. All of his friends—especially Jean, god help that boy’s mother or roommate or whatever—drank so much the rooms were full of laughter or someone throwing up or someone scoffing their face or someone crying—ah to be young again.
By the time the party’s winding down and people have left, Eren stays to help clean up orange and black cups, thanks Hanji for having him, and even calls taxis for some people he thinks won’t manage getting home. Levi’s heart thumps. It ends up throbbing when Eren offers the last of his money to a girl so she can get home safe. He doesn’t even know her. He’s sure he’s deceased when he even offers to go with her and walk from her house to his house to make sure she’s absolutely secure.
He’s just hung up with someone’s mother (Levi only heard part of the conversation, but seemed to reassure the woman that he’d made sure the guy had taken his medication), when he breathes a sigh and sends a tired smile to Levi. “You’re still here? I thought you’d be gone.”
“I usually stay to help Hanji get to bed.” It sounds better than that he stays to break up any fights. They can always count on him to hold back a guy twice his size.
Eren’s eyes move to the right. “I think…” he points to her lifeless figure, slumped over her own sofa armrest. One of her legs is in the bucket of apples. The loudest sound in the room is her snore. “That’s taken care of.”
“Christ.” Levi breathes. He sits his Pepsi down on her coffee table and uses her knee to navigate her leg out of the water. He considers rolling up the leg of her jeans, but they’re stuck to her skin like dried glue, so he forgets it and drapes a blanket over her instead. He removes the apples from the bucket and puts them in the fruit bowl, but leaves the bucket there for her—no doubt she’ll need it in the morning.
He can hear Eren’s voice behind him. “Any chance you’re going by my place? I gave away the last of my—”
Levi stops him there. “I’m not about to let you go home alone, anyway. And I know. I saw.”
Eren’s smile is tired and weak all over and all Levi wants to do fall asleep being close to him. Smelling his clothes, smelling his skin, smelling his hair. “I have a sister. My mom raised me to take care of girls.”
“Even if that meant abandoning yourself?”
“…Maybe not abandoning myself. I just don’t think sometimes. All I thought about was hearing about a dead body in the morning. I couldn’t live if I hadn’t given her it.”
Levi nods, understanding. He finally accepts it: Eren Jaeger has a goddamn heart of gold and he’s in so fucking deep, he’s never recovering from this crush.
“Did you bring anything? Jacket?”
“Nope.” Eren smiles, and his eyes look hazy and tipsy instead of tired. He holds his arms out, displaying his torso. “Just myself.”
“Right.” Levi nods. He leaves a glass of water out for Hanji, then crosses her car park with Eren to his car.
“What time even is it?” Eren breathes from the passenger seat when Levi gets in and starts the car. His breath shows as mist when he yawns. The bushes in front of the car are visible when Levi turns his lights on. “I’m so fuckin’ tired.”
“One-thirty-five.” Levi reads from the answer his car provides when it shows up. He pulls out of the apartment parking and takes one of the main roads, resisting a yawn himself. He’s so sure he’ll collapse on his bed that he might not even wake for Petra’s cuddles.
“Fuck.” Eren sniffs and keeps pressing the home button on his phone. “My phone’s out of battery, I bet Mikasa’s blowing it up.”
“Is that your sister?” Levi asks. He’d meant to ask Eren about his sister. He throws Eren his phone from the driver’s side without looking. “If you know her number, you can text her.”
Eren rubs the eye he has the contact in and huffs. Even his breath is exhausted. “Thanks. I don’t want her to worry. She probs will anyways, though.”
“You can call her if you want.” Levi decides, risking a glance at him. The roads are mostly empty, but some aren’t well lit, and he’ll live in a dirty house for a month before driving unsafely with a drunk kid in his car.
Whilst Eren is on the phone to his sister, Levi focuses on the roads and trying to avoid potholes. The atmosphere is calm and tired and something else that makes Levi feel comfortable. In a car with Eren after a party, with his sleeves rolled up and his entire being feeling informal. There’s something about it that makes him so comfortable he could fall asleep right there at the wheel. It’s something he could get used to.
He only hears Eren’s side of the call, but hears Mikasa’s voice briefly on the other end.
“It’s fine. He’s a colleague. He’s best friends with Erwin. Erwin—the boss, remember? I’ll be at my apartment in a couple of minutes. I’ll text you when I charge my phone. Promise. It was good, Jean ended up shitfaced. Yes,” he sighs exasperatedly. “I remembered to thank her. Okay? Okay. Night. Night, I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you too, night.”
“I was right,” Eren puts the phone in front of the gearshift. “She worried. She’s okay now, though. I’ll just text my mom in the morning as well. Oh!” As if he realises he’s rambling, Eren turns to Levi with tilted eyebrows and a sorry expression. “Thanks for doing this, by the way. Driving me home. I know you probably want bed, too.”
“It’s fine.” Levi answers. “We have the same conscience.” He admits. “I don’t want to hear about your sorry ass on the news if you don’t get home safe.”
Eren lays a hand on where his heart might be under his skin, sloppy smile on his face. “My hero.”
Levi doesn’t say anything—only focuses on the road. Maybe he’s getting Eren home safe, but Levi thinks he’s the real hero tonight. Giving over the last of his money, making sure someone took their medicine, calling cabs for everyone, helping Hanji clean up, even thanking her for inviting him. He thinks back to the days he imagined Eren was a complete asshole, and fuck, he’d never been so wrong.
“Which one is yours again?” He asks as he pulls into a street. He knows by conversation that Eren’s place is near, but has never physically seen his block before.
“Eh,” Eren draws out the word, using his finger to point out buildings as if it’ll help him focus more. He stops at one with a couple of bikes outside. “This one! Oh, look, you can see Mike at the window! And there’s Armin!” He laughs and waves at them.
Levi gives a polite wave and then turns off the engine while Eren fiddles with his seatbelt. “Thanks for driving me. I probs would’ve had to get Armin outta bed if you weren’t here. Text me when you get home okay? I put my number in your phone. Hope you don’t mind.” And then he skips out and up to his building, with a flash of his canines in a grin and another wave.
From his car, Levi watches him hop up his stairs and knows he’s in safe when Mike clambers away from the window, apparently excited about something.
#
17 November 2016 From: Eren Jaeger
Hey I have a surprise for you
17 November 2016 To: Eren Jaeger
Shouldn’t you be working?
Levi’s only finished one sentence of his report before his phone vibrates again.
17 November 2016 From: Eren Jaeger
Mom, please, I can work and have surprises at the same time
Levi’s eyes circle his sockets.
17 November 2016 To: Eren Jaeger
Stop calling me your mom. What’s the surprise?
17 November 2016 From: Eren Jaeger
If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise
The surprise ends up being a microfiber cloth to clean his desktop with. He comes back to it on his desk after lunch, blue and soft with a post-it on it.
Because I know you like to keep things clean! – Eren
#
“Levi! You’re still here?”
Eren pokes his head around the glass doors, his body practically horizontal.
Levi leans his chin on his fist, and his elbow on the desk as he studies some figures. “Yes.”
Dropping his other foot to the floor, Eren approaches him and peers at his screen. “Why?”
“I’m not getting caught in the parking lot while everyone rushes to get home.” Since the weatherwoman on the news this morning had said a literal shitstorm of rain and thunder and lightning was coming, Erwin had given everyone a long weekend off. Mike didn’t even save his work, just grabbed his laptop bag and ran. Petra was close after him. Hanji had ruffled his hair on her way out.
The last time this happened, one of those assholes scratched his car, and since they all covered each other’s backs, he was yet to find out who it had been.
In the reflection of the monitor, he can see Eren tilt his head. “So, you’re leaving in like, five minutes?”
“No, I’ll stay here and finish my work.” If he even gets to finish his work, that is. At least his car will be safe.
He doesn’t realise Eren’s even gone until he turns around to ask ‘when are you going home?’ with some affectionate name-calling thrown in there too, because he has to hint to his crush some way, but Eren’s gone. Levi is a little insulted, and then starts wondering if he should book a hearing appointment. Did Eren say goodbye? His usually loud, young steps can be heard from a mile off. If he’d excitedly ran home like the rest, Levi would’ve heard. Literally.
He inwardly shrugs and goes back to his work, trying to stitch up the tear in his heart that he’ll forever deny is there. He probably got an important call and left to give Levi privacy, or maybe he heard a friend shout on him. Or maybe he really did say goodbye and Levi was just getting way older than he wished.
“Sorry!” His voice echoes throughout the room once more, young and sweet and boyish. He’s holding two mugs carefully, steam rising from both of them. He sits one on Levi’s desk and the other on Mike’s, and steals Mike’s chair. “I’m guessing that’s your mug? It says ‘cunt’ on it.”
Levi’s lips threaten to quirk up. Hanji is a pest, but fuck if her gifts aren’t accurate. “That’s mine. What are you doing?”
Eren sighs as he settles into Mike’s swingy-chair. “I’m keeping you company. Wait, shit, I forgot to text Jean.” He pulls out his phone, taps against the screen, and then puts his phone back in his pocket with satisfaction once it makes a whooshing noise. “He was gonna drive me back to my place. I told him not to wait up.”
A soft frown takes over Levi’s eyebrows. “You don’t have to. It’s freezing, you should go home.”
“And leave you here?” Eren asks, hands wrapped around his mug.
“Yes? I’ve been alone here before.”
“Probably before I was in your life, though, right?”
He was right about that—last time he’d been alone was approximately same time last year when the exact same thing had happened. Everyone scuttled off, but he’d stayed to finish his work.
Back then, he’d been a workaholic. He still was, you could debate. But he didn’t want to be. And the difference between wanting something and having something was action.
On a whim, Levi saves his work and shuts down his system, grabbing his coat. “Come on.” He tells Eren.
“What? Where are we going?” He asks, resituating his mug on the desk.
“Erwin told us to go home. We’re not staying here. Have you eaten?”
Jaw slack, Eren shakes his head, face breaking into a grin. “What made you change your mind?”
Levi wants to say ‘you’, but doesn’t know if he should be stroking Eren’s ego just yet.
“Simple thought process.” He decides. “What do you want to eat?”
“Ugh,” Eren virtually drools in front of him, following him out of the office. “I’d kill for a McDonalds right now.”
That’s how Levi ends up at the drive-thru, waiting for the person on the speaker to say something while Eren scans the menu and almost drips saliva all over his car whilst doing so.
Levi looks through the burgers, nose turning up at almost all of them. He knew fast food was unhealthy, that wasn’t what bothered him—it was the names. How the fuck was he, a mature adult, supposed to ask for a ‘big tasty’? Around his group of friends, that would be entirely taken out of context and they’d redirect him to the nearest gay bar.
“I think I’ll get a big mac.” He decides. “Looks like it has at least something nutritious in it.”
Eren stretches over to look out his window. “Well, yeah. You have all the food groups. Carbohydrates, protein, vegetables, cheese.”
“Cheese isn’t a food group.” Levi frowns.
Eren glances at him. “It should be.”
He orders the big mac, as planned, and Eren orders chicken nuggets. He asks for twenty, and Levi doubts he’ll actually get twenty individual chicken nuggets, but when Eren opens a box and there it fucking is—twenty entire individual chicken nuggets—Levi decides maybe he shouldn’t underestimate him anymore. He can speak three fluent languages, possibly more, is a master at comebacks, makes pretty good coffee, and is given twenty nuggets when he asks for twenty. Kid’s a prodigy.
They eat in a car park, Eren rubbing his nose against the sleeve of his jumper as he eats. It turns red.
“Are you going to manage all of those?” Levi asks, stomach turning when concern reaches his voice.
Eren spares him a glance and snorts. “Son.”
“I’m older than you.” Levi frowns.
“Prepare to be amazed at what this body can handle. I once ate sixty of these without even blinking.”
Levi blinks at that.
“Well,” Eren chews on a nugget and shrugs, next one ready between his thumb and forefinger. “Jean dared me. Still managed to do it, though.”
Softly snorting, Levi shakes his head and takes a bite of his burger. It’s delicious, he’ll give them that. He just wishes he didn’t have to eat it with his hands, and that the lettuce pieces were smaller so he didn’t have to end up slurping them into his mouth when they hung out after a bite.
“So what are you doing after this? Just gonna go home, sit with Petra?”
Levi nods, looking down at his hands. He wishes he could say he was doing something interesting—writing a novel, writing a song, knitting, joining up with some friends, seeing a movie—but the truth was, his life was just that boring. He’d go home. He’d work. He’d sit with Petra. He’d shower and go to bed.
That’s why Eren was so exhilarating.
“I’d go for a walk, but forecast looks shit.”
“Yeah,” Eren says, tone agreeing. “No idea how I’m gonna get Mike out for a walk. He fuckin’ hates the rain. Hates thunder even more, he’s gonna be whining all night.”
He’s still not particularly fond of the huge beast, but he does say bless him internally. No animal deserves to feel scared. It was similar weather when he’d found Petra, huddling and incessantly meowing for someone to help her—in fact, after all of the kitten books he’s read, it breaks his heart even more to realise she was probably calling for her mother. Levi had looked, but he’d never found. The thought drove him crazy with anger and emotions—if he ever found the bastard who abandoned her, the last thing they’d see were his blazing eyes, and the last thing they’d feel would be his hands around their throat.
He tells himself it doesn’t matter—she has a good home now. He loves her, so very much. It still doesn’t kill him every day to wonder if she had siblings he could’ve saved as well, though. He’d have taken them all in. One, two, five, nine. He hates admitting it—fucking despises it—but one thing he has a soft spot for: animals.
“Petra doesn’t necessarily like it either. She likes watching the rain, doesn’t like the noise.” He adds.
“Mm.” Eren takes a sip of his drink. “It’s nice to look at. Shit to be in.”
“Yeah.” Levi snorts. “I wouldn’t put her back out in the rain.” He takes another bite of his food.
“Aw,” Eren’s eyebrows seem to droop. “Don’t tell me she was a stray?”
Levi nods, chewing. “She was just a kitten.”
Those eyes harden. “And someone left her outside? Fucking dick. I’d have—I don’t know. I’d have done something.” He picks at some thread on his jeans.
“Get in line.” Levi sighs. He doesn’t quite know if the weather or Eren himself prompts him to spill, but he does. “I tried finding her family, walked for ages. I couldn’t. I don’t know if they were all kicked out and she got lost and the others were somewhere else—it might’ve even been an accident, but. You know how people are these days.”
“Tell me about it.” Eren shakes his head. “I got Mike from a shelter and I don’t even wanna think about why he was put there. What he might’ve gone through before he had me.”
“It’s a shitty life.” Levi concludes.
Something twitches at Eren’s cheek. “There are ways to make it better.” And then he makes eye contact with Levi, and he’s fucking six foot under. “I bet Petra loves you for saving her; knows what you did. She’s lucky to have you.”
Levi swallows, his throat clogging up. He isn’t about to cry, he just—isn’t complimented very often, and from someone like Eren Jaeger, who can’t lie for shit, it’s—it’s nice. “Well, I try.” He admits.
“It’s obvious.” The way Eren looks at him, smile knowing and sly, it feels like he might be able to see right through him. See all his flaws, see all his passions. “She’s one spoiled kitty.”
Shrugging his shoulder, Levi finishes off his burger. “She deserves it.”
“So do you, y’know.”
“Hm?” Levi looks at the window, turns back to Eren. He’s picking at a nugget, halving it and then putting it back in the box and picking up another to do the same.
“You deserve to be spoiled by someone. We all do.” He adds quickly, cheeks reddening.
“That includes you.” Levi responds, and god, he wants to be the one to spoil Eren. He rarely thinks he’s good enough—he fucking isn’t good enough for Eren Jaeger—but he could love Eren with everything he has and everything he doesn’t have. He’d bend over backwards for him, move a goddamn planet, bring him home pieces of the moon. He’d treat him like he did Petra: make sure he never wanted anything, because he had it all.
“Yeah, but… I dunno. You seem like you just… deserve it. More. Than a lot of other people I know.”
It’s weird to see Eren look so bare and honest. He always is—but not so delicately.
“Don’t take it the wrong way.” Eren squints. “You just seem kinda lonely.”
Well, fuck.
He is and he isn’t—sometimes he feels he’s destined to be alone, other times he thinks he could be worthy of fantastic friendships and a mediocre relationship. He isn’t really sure.
“I wasn’t always.” He confesses, and it feels like confession after confession come tumbling out after. “I had a boyfriend, once. It didn’t work out.”
“How come?” Eren asks. His frown is back.
“It cost me my relationship with a lot of my family. Not that I give a fuck; if they want to be homophobic shits, then let them. But it caused a pretty big argument that made him walk. Not his fault, not my fault.” He shrugs.
Eren blinks, drawing back. “He should’ve stuck by you. I would’ve. I—I mean. That’s what you do, right? When you love someone. You. Stay with them.”
“In an ideal situation, I suppose. Not if the person isn’t treating you like they should.”
“Like abusers?” Eren whispers like they’re in a busy area. They aren’t. It’s deserted.
Raindrops start falling on the window. “Like abusers.” Levi nods. “Like assholes.”
“Shit,” Eren murmurs, looking down at his lap again. “So, after this boyfriend, you became lonely? That seems… like you put too much value in a person, or something.”
“I was young; you’re allowed to do that shit when you’re young. Feel disappointment, and all that trash.” Levi tugs the sleeves of his shirt down a little, feeling exposed and gradually uncomfortable with the conversation.
Eren moves his mouth around like he’s thinking, then talks quieter than usual. “Y’know when I told you my friend’s parents were murdered?”
“Yes?” Both intrigued and confused, Levi’s eyebrows furrow.
“Well,” Eren sighs. “That was my sister’s parents. My sister is adopted. My parents took her in after it… happened.”
“Oh.” Levi mutters almost silently. He looks at his own lap.
“I stabbed the guy.”
His posture freezes. “What?”
Eren starts eating his chicken nuggets again. “It happened when I was playing at her house. So I stabbed the guy.”
“The intruder?”
“Yeah.”
“Thank fuck. I thought you meant her parents.”
“Nah.” Eren snickered sourly. “Just the guy who tried to kill Mikasa too. The other one fled when they saw that. Ten-year-old kid stabbing someone twice his size.”
Levi thinks of when he said stabbing someone would be too messy and the way Eren’s expression had changed. “Was it fatal?”
“No, he lived. I was so surprised I just let go of the knife, left the blade in him. I think a paramedic said that slowed the bleeding, or something.”
“Shit.” Levi relaxes his eyes, realising they’d become widened.
“You’re not gonna, like, not be my friend now are you?” Eren laughs feebly. “I thought—I mean you told me that story about your family. I thought I had to tell you something too.”
“You didn’t.” Levi frowns. “Just because I share, doesn’t mean you have to. Never share just because you feel obligated. But no,” he finally answers, “I’m not going to stop being friends with you because you defended yourself and your sister when you were a child.”
“Right,” Eren breathes out relief. “Good. Thanks. I don’t—talk about it much. I know it hurts Mikasa, and my mom gets upset thinking about what could’ve happened, so.”
“Well,” Levi gestures to the air inside his car. “You’re welcome to talk about it here. I’m impartial.”
“Thanks,” Eren quirks one end of his lips up, though his smile is still sad. “I can’t tell just anyone, either, because they might run and tell the cops. Y’know, it was just instinct that I did it, but now—like, as an adult, I’m kinda glad. And that feels weird to say—that I’m glad I hurt someone.”
“He murdered your sister’s parents—perhaps he deserved it.” Levi offers.
“He fucking does.” Eren momentarily looks out of his window. “He deserved—worse. But at the same time, I went through a phase when I was a teenager. I thought I was some sort of monster. Like, isn’t self-defence usually when you defend, not attack? Because that’s what I did. I just attacked him.”
“Like you said, it was instinct. Instinct doesn’t care about defence or offense.” Levi informs. “It only cares about keeping you alive.”
“That’s what everyone says.” Eren nods. “It’s still weird though.”
“I’m sure you’re allowed to feel weird about it. It’s not something every child has to stand up to.”
“Yeah, I just try to tell myself that if I didn’t, he might’ve hurt Mikasa.” He puffs out a laugh. “I know I talk shit about her worrying, but the truth is we’re just as protective over each other.”
“Must be some bond.”
“Yeah. You got any siblings?”
“No,” Levi replies. “It’s just me, Petra, and my mom.”
“Nice.” Eren says, nodding.
It is nice, Levi thinks.
When he goes home that night, he doesn’t do his work. He lies, face-up, on his bed with Petra on his stomach. She must wonder what’s wrong with him to be getting extra cuddles and attention in the middle of the day. The truth is, he’s thinking of everything Eren told him earlier.
Levi’s never been a particularly good listener. He can listen to instructions and then complete a task accurately, but he’s never been seen as a shoulder to cry on, or someone good at giving advice. He’s more of a tough-love person. When Petra had dated that one guy who loved to put her in a headlock and then laughed when she got upset about her hair being messed up, Levi’s immediate response had been ‘dump him’ and then an offer to kick his ass. He’d once accidentally told a colleague who was a parent to clap and shout ‘no!’ when their baby did something bad. It’s not his fault he thinks of Petra as his baby.
Still, Eren is different from all of those situations. He hadn’t wanted advice, he probably would’ve been fine with no response, and didn’t want a solution to his problem. He’d just wanted to get it out, and he’d chosen Levi to spill it to. That meant trust, right? It had to. It never even crossed Levi’s mind that Eren might go and spill Levi’s secret to his friends and then laugh about it. Levi was still asking himself: who is Eren Jaeger? But he knew Eren Jaeger was not a boy who’d do that.
Petra meows at him a couple of times, and he gets the hint. He rolls out of bed, follows her to the kitchen, and lays out her food for her. Whilst she’s eating, he leans against his countertop and eats a yoghurt.
Eren Jaeger is strange and loveable.
Levi’s hooked.
9 December 2016 To: Eren Jaeger
If you’re free tomorrow and the weather is better, would you like to meet up?
#
On the seventeenth of December, Hanji throws a Christmas party for the staff and this time, Levi doesn’t hesitate to attend. He grumbles, pretends to say no a couple of times, and then feebly “gives in” when she promises him it isn’t a secret birthday party.
Before he leaves, he makes sure Petra is well-fed and played with, and even leaves some of her balls rolling around the floor in case she needs to occupy herself. Hopefully she’s so tuckered out that she sleeps the entire time he’s gone and doesn’t even notice he’s left. Fat chance. At the mirror beside his front door, Levi scowls at his reflection one last time and tries to fix a wrinkle in his navy shirt. Looking at himself sometimes makes him think he was an idiot for getting his hopes up about Eren.
They’ve hung out a couple of times without work being involved at all, which makes Levi think perhaps their friendship has upped a notch. Eren’s been over twice, and Petra’s gotten so used to the scent of him that she pads right up to him when he arrives at the door. Levi’s been at Eren’s once, and ended up begging to clean his bathroom. He’s still one hundred per cent sure there was something growing in his toothbrush cup.
Still, it’s been pleasant. Everything Levi’s learnt about Eren—even his inadequately cleaned bathroom that still gnaws at his brain—fascinated him. He hates using overused and cliché phrases, but Eren is truly a breath of fresh air.
He’s a gorgeous big gust of fresh air though, and Levi is like. A breeze at best.
As he gets in the car, he sits his gifts in the passenger seat. For their Secret Santa, he got a colleague called Gunter, and didn’t personally speak to him often enough to know what he’d like. He had, however, witnessed him drinking a couple of times, and figured a bottle of whiskey couldn’t go amiss.
The other gift he had was for Eren. He’d see Hanji, Erwin, Mike, and Petra all nearer Christmas to give them their gifts—no doubt they’d drop by and interrupt his dinner with his mother like they always did. Every year, without fail, they bring balloons and banners and Levi’d be lying if he didn’t say he felt somewhat touched by the action. His mother’s always a good sport about it, too—offering to make Hanji’s mashed potatoes the way she likes them and exchanging ideas with Erwin. She always tells Mike ‘if I was twenty years younger’.
But he didn’t know when he’d next see Eren—probably in the new year, or at the New Year’s party Hanji was throwing. He was absolutely punctual when giving gifts, and didn’t want to intrude on Eren’s Christmas with his family, so a week early, rather than late, it was.
His usual parking space is free, and he swings in without having to straighten up. He’s arrived early enough to put his gift on the table without being seen, and late enough that he isn’t the only one there.
Hani tackles him in the doorway and spills that Petra got him as her Secret Santa.
“Hanji.” Petra deflates, shoulders sagging underneath her flowy white dress. Her exhale says she’s used to it, because it’s typical Hanji behaviour, but like she was still hopeful that this would be the year Hanji wouldn’t tell everyone.
Levi rolls his eyes. “It’s—”
“I got new beakers!”
Only Hanji would look so excited.
Erwin beams behind her. “I didn’t know what else to get her.”
“Is this what we do now?” Levi asks. “Take the secret out of Santa?”
It’s what they do now.
Hanji tells everyone when they arrive. It’s the first thing she says to them before hello and giving them directions towards the alcohol table. As Gunter arrives, Levi tries to send her death-glares, but either she doesn’t care, she’s used to them, or she’s becoming reckless.
Gunter doesn’t seem to mind, he comes up to Levi and thanks him, then adds that as if he’s going to open his bottle here—Auruo would have his mouth around it before anyone else. Levi can believe that.
Before he leaves, he nods the bottle towards Levi. “Tell your boyfriend I was askin’ after him.”
He almost crushes the melon ball between his thumb and forefinger. Fucking Hanji.
The evening is pleasant regardless, and Levi enjoys spending time with his friends. He plays multiple games of rock, paper, scissors just to satisfy Mike and his theory that his nose can sense things before they happen, eyes Petra up suspiciously when she refuses any type of alcohol, and distracts Hanji whilst Erwin goes hunting for the Secret Santa list—they both have a theory that she staged the entire thing.
He tries not to be “that guy” and flock right towards Eren when he notices that he’s arrived with a couple of friends—he still has friendships himself that he has to uphold and he would never jeopardise them for another person—but when Erwin goes to dance with his long-term girlfriend, and Petra and Auruo are in deep, personal conversation, and Hanji is hosting her own party, he sees no reason not to greet him.
Eren looks a little different than usual, a little cleaner, and brushed up. He’s wearing a white shirt that his mother probably ironed for him, but he still looks trendy and young with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the longest parts of his hair sweeping against the collar.
“Hello.”
From closer up, Levi can see Eren has three gifts tucked underneath his jacket.
“Levi!” Eren stops gazing around the room, cracks his lips into a smile. “I’m glad you’re here! I was hoping you’d be.” He sticks his tongue to the corner of his mouth as he tries to arrange his gifts.
“Why is that?”
He holds out one of the gift bags for him, cheeks creased into dimples. “Because I have presents. One for your birthday, one for Christmas.”
Levi takes the red, snowflake designed bag from him and feels the weight of it, his heart jumping. Suddenly a scarf feels like a terribly shitty gift to buy someone.
“You didn’t have to.” He says, and he means it, but it still makes him feel appreciated. “I have a gift for you, as well.” He leads Eren over to the window ledge that’s wide and close to the ground, presenting the perfect seat. A couple of people are at the other end of it, sitting and chatting and having drinks. Levi’s coat is on the hangers at the side of the window, his gift concealed under it. He pulls it out and passes it to Eren.
“Ooh,” Eren breathes over it. “Fancy box.” He comments. He wiggles it for a moment, then starts pulling the rich purple ribbon away without prompt. Sensing that he’s allowed to, Levi opens his bag and peeks inside as well. The unmistakable ring of a ceramic mug stares back at him, sitting on top of some black cloth folded at the bottom.
“No way,” he hears Eren’s amused tone. The box is forgotten about in his hands, and he’s whipping the other end of the thick, navy scarf around him. “Shit, this is so soft. I don’t even have any scarves.”
Levi snorts. He almost wants to poke Eren’s nose. “I figured as much.” He pulls out the mug by the rim and turns it around so he can see the pattern. It says ‘ick’ in capitals, and the handle is shaped like a capital D. He stifles a chuckle.
Eren’s watching him expectantly, two rows of his teeth showing. “You like those kind of mugs, right?”
“I do.” Levi confirms. He rather feels like he has the perfect set now—one that says dick. One that says cunt. He’ll have to hide both from his mother.
“I had to ask Hanji for a little help for the last one.” He offers to hold the mug whilst Levi fishes out the black cloth.
It’s a t-shirt that says ‘ding dong, your opinion is wrong’.
Levi smiles despite himself. He forgets that the entire room could be watching him. Eren gives off that feeling—the one that makes you feel like you’re both alone. “These are perfect.” He admits. “Thank you, Eren.”
“Welcome. I hope your birthday is awesome.” They chat some more about Eren’s plans for his twenty second, if Levi will have a party for Petra, and then they try to guess Hanji’s age. They conclude: thirties in physical, five at heart.
At the big window, some raindrops starting to splatter against it make him blink. Then he catches it at the same time as Eren—not raindrops. Items of a fluffier nature.
“Oh, my god!” Eren yelps excitedly, jumping up from the window ledge. He presses his face against the window like a kid, eyes wide and absolutely fascinated. “It’s snowing!”
Levi smiles at his reaction. “Looks like it.”
“I was hoping it’d snow this year! Mike has never been in the snow. Oh, I can’t wait until he sees it.”
How fucking precious—he’s not even excited about the snow itself, he’s more excited to witness his dog play around in it for the first time. As if Levi’s not already sold.
“Mm.” Levi hums. “Maybe I’ll take Petra out into it, too.” He already has a harness for her, just in case, but the thought of the snow being too deep for her to even walk in makes him internally snicker.
“You should.” Eren grins at him. “Send me pictures!
“I will.” He promised. Recently, Eren has been sending him some. Levi hands-down refuses to get a Snapchat, whatever that is, but he did know what they looked like and how it functioned (briefly) and he couldn’t help but feel tingles in his tummy that Eren screenshotted all of his own to replay to Levi. Eren gave him the same sense of belonging that he received from his friends—always trying to keep him in the loop, doing their best to invite him places even if he’s being a fun-sucker.
Part of Levi asks himself: does he really want to possibly ruin that? His friendship with Eren?
He thinks about that when Eren goes off to socialise and show his friends his new scarf, and Levi pretends to go back to his own friends, but instead, he grabs his coat, a little pit of misery growing inside him.
It’s not that he thinks his entire relationship with Eren will be over if, somehow, his feelings come to light. Eren is nice—Levi tries to remind himself that this is the boy who gave over his last penny to make sure a girl got home safe—it’s unlikely he’ll cut all contact with him and think he’s gross.
Outside of the work building, Levi finds the driest bench and sits on it. No, it wouldn’t happen like that.
It’d become awkward. It’d happen gradually, which might even be more painful than the first, more brutal option. Their friendship wouldn’t split down the middle, it’d dissolve, like a bitter-tasting tablet in water.
First, Eren would act like everything was okay. Then he’d stop coming downstairs every so often. He’d answer his texts with ‘sorry, I’m busy’, or those one-word answers that seem to make every teenager go berserk. He’d send Jean down a couple of times instead. Months would pass. It’d be like they never had a friendship.
Levi would look back on that McDonalds in his car, his eyes would drift between his two favourite mugs, Eren coming to his mind.
Eventually, he’d be just another face in the elevator. Levi would put that shirt at the bottom of his drawer, try to tell himself Hanji bought it for him. He’d delete Eren’s number. He’d buy a new laptop manual.
He’d go back to that routine. There’d be nothing to look forward to.
Levi doesn’t even want to think about that—he’s been in that place before, that horrible place of feeling simultaneously empty-headed and so full of thoughts he couldn’t breathe. Everyone had one of those loves, didn’t they? —those agonising, unrequited loves that made you stop breathing and made you cry so hard you clutched at your own chest, trying to tell your heart ‘it’s okay, it’s okay, we’ll survive this’.
Now that he’s thought of the consequences, Levi really doesn’t want to be in love.
And it would be even worse than that—because not everyone’s unrequited love is an Eren Jaeger.
God, he’s so fed-up.
Fed-up of being on his own, fed-up of not looking forward to anything. Fed-up of predictability.
The snow and the dark only make him even more down. The sky is cloudless and inky with white specks. He stuffs his hands in his jacket pockets, is about to get up to return to the party when—
“Hey, I saw you from the window when I came back. Everything okay?” Eren has his own jacket on, the scarf Levi bought him wrapped around his neck. It’s so thick it can cover his mouth, and he talks from underneath it. It somehow makes his eyes look even bigger.
“Yes,” Levi lies, settling back down. “I was just watching the snow.”
Eren doesn’t even catch on. He smiles and hops over a stank and sits right next to Levi, his chin jutting over the scarf as he looks up to the sky, squinting.
“It’s so great, isn’t it? I mean.” He draws back a bit. “I know it sucks when it’s all slushy and gross and driving in it is the fucking bane of my entire existence, but it’s nice like this.”
The road in front of them is white and dotted now. “Mm.” Levi hums. “I wonder if it will lie.”
“I hope it does.” Eren says. “I’d rather have snow than ice.”
Levi doesn’t answer him, doesn’t want to spoil the purity of Eren contemplating each single snowflake before it joins the others on the ground. His nose becomes red again. Levi takes his hands out of his pockets and wipes them against his thighs so he doesn’t touch it.
“I love the snow.” He sits back against the bench like he’s done for now. He tilts his head to the side, regards something else instead. “I like the way it melts if you hold it for long. Like,” he glances at Levi. “Even the coldest thing can soften.”
He doesn’t know if he’s egotistical, or if that just eerily sounds like him.
“I had another gift for you today.” Eren starts, looking away. The colour of his nose spreads to his cheeks. “I just didn’t. I mean, depending on… you… I didn’t know if it’d be a gift or a total nightmare.” He laughs at the end.
Levi’s eyebrows become friends in the middle of his forehead. “Any gift is a gift. You didn’t have to buy me anything else, Eren.”
A smile not quite happy, not quite sad quirks at the end of Eren’s lips. “It isn’t something I had to buy. It’s just something I—have.” He exhales, his breath marking the air.
Looking away, Levi swallows. The conversation has turned—something. Eren feels closer, Levi starts feeling insecure about his face.
He feels something on his hand, too.
When he blinks and looks down, Eren’s hand is against his, pinky against pinky. It nudges around a few times, then worms its way underneath his own. Eren spreads his fingers and slips them between Levi’s.
His breath catches somewhere in his throat—it could be. Anything. It might not even be a romantic gesture. But the way Eren’s skin feels against his own, how his fingers feel so calming and heart-wrenching around Levi’s, it makes him feel so wanted and so terrified. He feels his heart thumping at his ribcage, begging to be let out.
“Levi,” Eren’s voice is much softer, as soft as the snow looks in front of them as it continues to fall and lie. It’s different, it’s not loud. It’s intimate. It’s something Levi’s never heard—from anyone.
When he makes eye contact with Eren, his eyebrows are slanted into concern and honesty is in his eyes and something Levi can’t comprehend is on his lips.
“I just.” He swallows, visibly. “I—” His eyes take a fall to the bottom of Levi’s face.
They rise back up. “I think about you all the time.”
Every inch of Levi’s skin shivers and the temperature has absolutely nothing to do with it.
He wishes he could tell Eren that he thinks about him too. When he’s making dinner, when he’s about to go to bed, when he’s about to go to work, when he sees red flannels, when he sees Mike, when he sees his kitchen knives, when he sees himself, when he watches zombie films. He sees Eren in almost everything.
“Actually, I think I’m falling in love with you.”
Levi’s lips threaten to break into a smile. He wants to tell him that, too. He’s sure his heart is free from his ribcage and running off somewhere. Everything feels blissful and delightful and scary all at once. His fingers twitch against Eren’s.
Before he can return the sentiment, admit his own feelings, and properly ask Eren to be something significant to him, he’s muted.
Eren inches forward so much that Levi knows what’s coming. He braces himself for it, shuts his eyes and leaves his lips parted.
He hasn’t been kissed in so, so long.
By the feel of things, letting go of his hand is not an option for Eren when they kiss. It’s not just his lips Levi feels—he feels the upper part of his lip, his nose pressed into the corner of his own, his breath mingling with the air that hits his cheek. There are parts of his hair that are tickling his eyelashes.
It’s wonderful.
He goes to pull away, makes the soft little smacking sound and everything, but Levi chases him the extra centimetre and connects their lips again. Eren turns around properly on the bench, bringing up one knee to stabilise himself whilst keeping their lips attached, like the world would end if they didn’t. Maybe it would. It feels like it could. He takes his hand away from Levi’s and lays it on the side of his face, the extra coldness making Levi flinch on the inside.
This time, when Eren removes his lips from Levi’s, he hovers there. Levi feels the bite of his breath on his tongue. When he seems sure Levi won’t chase him again, he flutters his eyes open and they’re glazed and only become more beautiful as he pulls away.
The first thing Levi thinks is how excruciating it would be to have to get over Eren after they’ve kissed.
Hot, haggard breaths come out of Eren’s mouth. “You don’t have to say anything.” He rushes, getting up from the bench. Levi tries to stop him with a hand—that hand he held so perfectly—but he’s already bouncing nervously on his heels. “I’m—if that was super inappropriate and you didn’t like it then that’s totally okay. I just wanted you to know that—that someone loves you. That I love you. You don’t have to say it back. You just had to know.”
And then he runs off. Levi watches him, lips still parted, eyes still glossed over. He can see the new footprints Eren’s making in the snow as he heads back to the building.
He never wants to wash his mouth again.
Levi sleeps in his new t-shirt that night. His thoughts flood back to hopelessness when he has no messages, no calls, no photographs from Eren—what if he regrets his decision to kiss Levi and say those words? What if it was a moment of misjudgement? What if he decides that he doesn’t want those feelings anymore?
He thumbs Petra’s forehead to sleep. His eyes are finding new strokes of paint in his ceiling. One arm is thrown behind his head. It seems so simple to feel happy about Eren’s confession, but Levi’s a worrier, and it feels like being told ‘I love you’ only brings forth a new box of shit to worry about. He doesn’t know where he stands. He doesn’t know what protocol is. There’s nobody here to give him instructions.
18 December 2016 To: Eren Jaeger
Sorry if you’re asleep, I think we should /
Delete message.
This isn’t something he should say over a phone.
All this time, he’s wished Eren would kiss him, ask him out, tell him he thinks of him as more than a friend. And now it’s actually happened. And Levi’s—he’s so lost.
He doesn’t want to ruin Eren’s life. He doesn’t want to be that older guy Eren once dated, but it didn’t quite work out. He doesn’t want to feel the pressures of a relationship with a distance in age. He doesn’t want to meet his sister and have her hate him. He doesn’t want to love Eren for months, a year, maybe multiple years, and then have to get over him anyway. He doesn’t want to meet his parents and have Eren go through the same thing he did. He doesn’t want to—
But there are so many things he does want. Seeing the sunshine before anyone else in the morning because it lives in Eren’s eyes. Watching Mike and Petra interact and realise, probably begrudgingly, that they have to put up with each other because their dads are in love. Missing Eren when he visits Germany. Making him breakfast, making sure he’s fed. Wrapping scarves around him before work, because he’ll probably forget. Waking up with someone beside him for the first time in his life.
Levi looks at the snow still falling outside his window. It’s so quiet, and yet makes such a big impact. That’s kind of what love feels like.
At some point, Petra’s snoring puts him to sleep.
#
“Santa Claws won’t come if you don’t sleep, Petra.”
He tells her off with his hands on his hips, Christmas pyjamas slung low around them. She only stares back up at him, eyes big and blue and beautiful. He’s trying to get her away from the living room for long enough to build her a new cat tree, but it doesn’t look like it’s happening because she’s the nosiest little cat in the entire world.
Before her, he wasn’t so into Christmas decorations and the whole festive holiday theme, mostly he’d only do it to satisfy his mother and friends, but for her, he’d put in some effort. A lot of toys and treats he’d gradually bought her in the past two months were wrapped and against the wall, as well as other gifts he’d to give to people. The stocking he’d pinned up for her was dragged to the floor, and became something she loved to snuggle and hide in. He’d left out two dishes of milk, one for her, and one for ‘Santa Claws’. She’d fucking lapped up both.
A knock-knock at his door sends her away from him and towards it. She waits patiently for him to open the door, tail swishing once or twice behind her. Every single time, Levi thinks. She knows she can’t go outside. And yet.
He scoops her up, her expression becoming mildly alarmed, and opens the door.
“Eren.” It comes tumbling out of his mouth before he can catch it.
Eren, fluffy-haired and red-nosed, gives him a weak smile. “Hey.”
Levi checks the clock behind the door. “It’s late. Why are you out so late?” He steps aside to let Eren in, wants to grab him a towel to dry his hair and a fuzzy blanket to warm his cheeks. But he doesn’t know if it’s his place to do that—almost a week has gone by, and they haven’t even talked. Every single day, Levi has wanted to text him, march over to his house, video-call him (he’d even considered downloading the goddamn Snapchat), but he’d ended up laying down his phone, telling himself: if Eren wanted to contact him, he would.
Stepping carefully inside the door, Eren spares a glance behind him. “I took a walk. I’ve been walking for a while.”
Levi puts Petra on the floor the moment his door is closed. She sniffs at Eren, walks around him and tries to point him with scent recognition.
“At nearly eleven?” He arches a dark eyebrow. He doesn’t care if he’s in love with the boy—he’s concerned about his wellbeing. His eyes are watering, the tips of his ears are red and probably aching, and his face looks raw, like someone’s slapped him.
“I just wanted to see you. Apologise.”
“Apologise?” He echoes, a scuff of his foot reminding him of how he’s dressed. Fuzzy socks, Christmas pyjamas. Shit. He folds his arms over the penguin on his chest. That doesn’t matter right now. “For what?”
Eren inhales. “Just—for y’know. If I embarrassed you, or made you uncomfortable. For… saying those things.”
“Feelings are nothing to apologise for.” Levi replies, mouth staying slack so he can tell Eren he feels the same. His pride stops that right there. He should know how Eren feels first. “Do you... – I was wondering if you still felt the same as last week.”
Eren’s eyebrows furrow. “Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I? —Unless you don’t want me to, then I can try to control them, keep them under—”
“I don’t want you to do that.” Levi interrupts. “I’d prefer it if you kept the feelings.” He unfolds his arms, letting them hang by his side. “I have them, too.”
Eren blinks. “You have? The feelings?”
Levi frowns. “Yes.”
“For me?”
“Yes, for you, Eren.”
“What? No way.”
“What?”
Eren fidgets, looking aside. “I didn’t think you’d—feel the same. Are you sure?”
Levi almost smiles. A corner of his lip does twitch. He tries to hide that penguin again. “I’m fairly positive.”
Eren exhales like he can’t believe it and gives a crooked smile. “Can I kiss you again, then?”
Directing his eyes south, Levi points at his jacket, snowflakes turned to raindrops on it. “Not with that on. I’m ready for bed.”
“I know.” Eren gestures to his outfit. “Nice pyjamas.” He unzips his jacket and with less than minimal effort, folds it and leaves the warm side on the arm of Levi’s sofa. He doesn’t unwrap his scarf, just pulls it over his head and drapes it somewhere behind him without a care in the world.
Then he takes a couple of steps forward, until he’s so close Levi can smell his scent and feel the chill radiating from him. The tips of his fingers are red and uncomfortably cold when he presses a hand to Levi’s jaw.
“Thanks for feeling the same.” Eren murmurs. He leaves no time for Levi to reply, slots their lips together and makes him feel indebted to his luck even though it’s usually overwhelmingly bad. He thanks whatever he did in a past life.
Either Eren’s coldness spreads to Levi’s lips, or Levi’s heat spreads to Eren’s, because after three kisses, there’s a feeling of balance between their mouths. It’s no longer alarmingly freezing, it’s nice. Eren holds him close and tilts his head different ways and Levi loops his arms under and up Eren’s shoulders.
Petra rolls her tongue. “Meow!”
He tries to ignore her, feeling the tug of Eren’s lips as he smiles against him. They only get a moment more to kiss before he hears her trilling and feels some different kind of tugs at his pyjama pants.
“Petra, no.” Levi pulls the waistband of his pyjamas back up. She looks absolutely horrified that she’d ever be ignored when there are two people in the room. She probably thinks that means double the attention.
“Aw, are you happy to see me?” Eren crouches down to rub at her head.
Levi tries not to roll his eyes and steps away from both of them, looking behind him at Eren. “Do you feel like helping me build a tree?”
#