Chapter Text
He’d been thinking about it for 7 years now, and now that he had a gun in his hand, he wasn't planning on backing out. The solid weight and feel of the cold deathly metal made him feel light himself, everything snapped into a new perspective, but it didn't make one fucking difference.
Too much weight on his shoulders, too much people were expecting of him, everyone wanted something from him. Gabriel had run away, but it could never be far enough to escape from the mistakes he'd made in the past, if anything it’d made it worse. He just couldn’t deal with it anymore, the haunting memories, needing to be some leader, being someone to look up to, he never had wanted it. He was a disappointment, failing everyone, his father, siblings, friends and his brother. This was the best way, the only way to get it all over, get it to end. Stop it, stop it. A pull of a trigger and then darkness, nothing, he didn’t believe in heaven, not anymore.
Gabriel was standing on some water-stained rooftop; the air conditionings whirring, acting as white background noise. He loaded a single bullet into the chamber, he only needed one, wondering if he could play some russian roulette till his luck ran out, deciding against it since his own amusement had ultimately been the very cause of this. Why run away if he'd end up killing himself anyway? He didn’t want her finding him, his body, corpse, he couldn’t do it at home so he was merely two towns away from where it'd started. That's how he'd ended up there, on the roof of some cheap motel, whose dubious reputation wouldn't be affcted by one more suicide. His gaze focused on the humidity marks gnawing their way through the ceilings of the rooms below, he took a deep breath of the damp September air, flicked off the safety as the blood pulsed all over his body, thrumming as in anticipation of what was about to happen, loud in his ears…
A hand pressing down on his shoulder had shaken Gabriel, a shot of adrenaline pumped through his veins making him whirl around, eyes widening and exhaling sharply.
His brow furrowed as he stared at a plaid shirted chest, making it so that he had to angle his head upwards at possibly the tallest man he’d ever met. Doing a brief full body scan, searching for whatever reason had caused this gigntic stranger to interrupt him, his eyes flickered to his hand and noticed the cigarette. Just some guy that had come up for a smoke.
“What do you want?” Gabriel snarled at the newcomer, inmediately defensive at whatever the stranger would possibly say about Gabriel's own actions.
“Calm down” said the other man oddly calm himself, “I’m not here for you, just grabbing a smoke” he raised said cigarette to his lips as to prove his point and garabbed the lighter from his back pocket and flicked it on. When it lit the cancer stick, he took a slow deep breath and exhaled, never once breaking eye contact. The abnormaly large male cleared his throat.
“So, you got a name?” He asked carefully, with cautious curiosity in his eyes that flickered nearly imperceptibly to the tightly held gun in Gabriel's hand.
“Course I do” he snapped but didn’t add anything further.
There was a pause in which neither of them said anything, just a battle of wills between eyes, hazel against amber. The silence streched until any other two persons would have shfted uneasily or looked away.
“I’m Sam” the newcomer blurted out with a confused look on his face, as if surprised by having caved in first.
Gabriel fidgeted, unsure on what he should do, because either option would be deemed rude or impolite. Shooting himself after meeting a new person, infront or after he left would be a new level of awkward, that, not taking in account that he, Sam, could bear the emotional burden of Gabriel's death. He let out a deep breath he'd been holding in defeat, because he knew he couldn’t do it with anybody watching, especially those hazel goddamn puppy eyes.
“Gabriel” he grunted, and fixed him with one of his now leave glares.
“Archangel, messenger of God” the other man spouted the fact in automatic which made Gabriel look at him weirdly, especially when the guy, Sam, extended his arm for a handshake.
Gabriel stared at it for a good couple of seconds, as if it had genital herpes and he’d catch them if he shook the hand. But eventually, when he saw that the other man wasn’t going to back down he took hold of it with his loose grip and the other’s tight firm and freakishly large had on his.
It happened way too fast for Gabriel to process it correctly.
He had been reeled in a strong motion and then had his arm twisted around his back, knees knocked from under himself. Pinned with an oversized man on his back besides the dropped still lit cigarette, he struggled as the man above took his other arm and wrestled for the gun Gabriel was unwilling to lose. He screamed when the other man twisted his arm so he’d drop it, and he turned his head to look at his attacker.
Sam had an apologetic expression in his face, mouthing the words I’m sorry.
Gabriel let go of the gun and it was kicked out of the way, towards the farthest corner of the rooftop. He was pulled to his feet mouth opening and closing still not able to wrap his mind around what just happened and just as he was going to give take a swing at the jerk he found himself wrapped in a tight embrace.
It was what every hug should be, comforting, warm, full, snug, and it filled one with deep feeling of love and security, but it was urgent, like it was trying to breach Gabriel’s barriers and it was damn well on its way. It was overwhelming. It was too much, too much, so he just let go, fell to the floor, without losing consciousness, but locking inside himself.
A minute passed maybe two, long enough for the tall man to have left. His breath hitched when he felt the solidly built arms surround him and hoist him up. He squeezed his eyes tighter as he felt himself bounce lightly with every careful step. Down two flights of stairs, knock on a door, squeak of it opening, and Gabriel found himself being placed gently on a bed, worn springs noticeable against his body.
A quiet shuffling of feet told him that there was another person in the room. Anger coiled inside Gabriel, who in the world chose to pick up someone that had been about to commit suicide and bring him in? Why would someone? Why not just leave him there? Why help him, when he was so sure he was beyond help? Another part of him clung on to the idea of a good soul willing to be there for him, more than what anybody else had done.
Both pairs of footsteps stepped outside and Gabriel snuck a look into the room.
Mostly empty, 2 duffel bags, some books, a laptop… and a shotgun? While a part of him conflicted on it not being safe there, he reasoned with it by reminding himself that he had been about to shoot himself, so what difference did it make if Mr. Charming was a psycho.
The mumbling voices quieted down as the door opened and he quickly shut his eyes, but not before having made a flicker of eye contact with him. The other person turned on the TV and kicked his boots off. A couple of beers were opened and he felt the mattress shift with the sudden weight of another man.
“Hey,” a soft murmur of a voice that had him debating whether to actually open his eyes. “You want a beer?”
Gabriel untucked his head from his chest and asked quietly, “Do you have any soda?”
Sam smiled to himself as he shook his head, “No, sorry, we don’t keep much sugar here, apart from Dean´s skittles.”
A bit disappointed, he rearranged himself under the covers to face the wall. “Thank you” he murmured, not knowing if he was heard and not turning, missing the small tender smile Sam had offered.