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Vienna was a wonderful city, by night especially so. Lights that lit up every street corner, street performers dancing through the colours of the town. Women in long dresses with suit-clad men at their arms passing by, children past their bedtime running through the streets. Little shops closing, while distinguished restaurants and small bars open their doors for the masses.
Though, in Makoto’s opinion, nothing compared to the view from air. As he stood on the balcony of his little apartment, he fondly reminisced the time him and Haru sneaked onto a zeppelin flight. They were not even in their twenties yet, young and foolish, and through sheer dumb luck they ended up on a cruise through the skies of the city. He remembered looking through the windows, feeling so out of place and yet excited beyond belief. He wondered if he would ever see a sight as beautiful as the twinkling lights of Vienna.
And then he looked up from the view to the dance floor, where Haru, wearing his father’s only suit, danced with one of the noble women, moving to the slow rhythm of violins. The woman was old enough to be his grandmother, but seemed delighted that such a young and handsome man would dance with her. And, it seemed that Haru himself was pleased to simply be offered a chance at dancing. And, as they danced, Haru looked up for a moment and locked his eyes with Makoto’s and smiled, and in a second stole Makoto’s breath away.
Later on he figured, that was the moment where Haru also stole his heart.
Before Makoto had the chance to approach the dance himself, they were caught. Haru was quickly ushered from the dance floor, the poor woman crushed at losing her dance partner. In the end, Makoto and Haru spent the reminder of the cruise locked in one of the rooms; part worried what their parents were going to say, and part trying to stop themselves from laughing to loud.
The creaking sound of the front door opening brought Makoto back to the reality of his little, damp and cold apartment he shared with Haru, five years after the zeppelin adventure, and he turned around to greet his…lover? Best friend? Possible future spouse? Makoto himself wasn’t certain how to classify their relationship, besides the fact that they deeply loved each other and frequently had sex.
The fact that they loved each other was perhaps enough, he thought, and smiled.
‘Welcome home, Haru,’
Haru shrugged of his coat, which looked worn and desperately in need of sewing, and gave a small smile in greeting.
‘How were your classes?’
Haru’s smile dropped instantly.
‘That bad?’
Haru sighed, and headed straight for the bathroom, which meant that before he said anything he was going to have an hour long bath. Makoto sighed in defeat, since he usually lost to Haru’s love of water, and just called after him,
‘Okay, but don’t use up all of the hot water!’
The hour Haru spent in the bath, Makoto used to gaze lovingly at the city below and imagining being back on that zeppelin and dancing to the violins with Haru pressed closely against him.
He was a man very much in love, after all.
Soon enough the bathroom door opened and Haru was in the room with him, dressed in his sleeping clothes, standing barefoot on the wooden floor, silently watching Makoto, still lost in his daydreaming.
‘Makoto?’
The brunette head turned around, with a sheepish smile.
‘Ah, sorry Haru, I dozed off a little bit here.’
Haru walked over to him on the balcony, and gave another soft sigh, as if he was trying to get rid of all of his worries by sipmly breathing them out.
‘Want to tell me what is wrong?’ Makoto asked, in his kind fashion, always ready to lend an ear or offer a shoulder to cry on.
Haru shook his dark head, but then seamed to change his mind. He opened and closed his mouth three times, and yet not said a single thing. Just when Makoto was about to repeat his question, Haru spoke.
‘I failed the exam.’
‘Huh?’
‘I failed the exam.’ he repeated, a bit louder this time.
‘But… but, you studied- I know you studied, I helped you- ‘
‘Yes, well. The professor claims that I haven’t studied enough.’
He fell silent then, and Makoto, not knowing what to say, stayed quiet as well. For a while they stood on their little balcony, listening to the sounds of a string quartet across the street, who seemed more than happy to be entertaining a couple of dancing children.
‘Makoto?’
‘Yes, Haru?’
‘Just…talk about something.’ Make me stop thinking about today left unsaid.
And Makoto smiled, remembering his daydream and turning to look at Haru, who was still gazing at the street below.
‘Do you remember that time we sneaked onto that zeppelin a couple of years ago?’
Haru’s eyes opened wide in surprise, probably because it has been a while since they talked about that particular experience. He said nothing, but he nodded his head lightly and allowed Makoto to continue talking.
‘Well, I just remembered it today. It’s just, looking down from here, it sort of reminded me of looking from the windows on that zeppelin, you know. And then I remembered you dancing with that granny. ’ he laughed softly at that.
‘You know, I don’t think you ever told me. Why did you dance with her that night? I mean, you were gorgeous, you could have chosen anyone to dance with you.’
Surprisingly, Haru blushed. This was good, because that meant Makoto managed to get his mind off of things.
So, he pressed on, lightly nudging his shoulder.
‘I…’ Haru began, sighed softly and continued ‘I wanted to ask you, but I didn’t think you would have said yes.’
This time it was Makoto who blushed a soft red ‘Re-really?’
Haru's dark head nodded.
‘But, I didn’t know you liked me back then!’
‘Well, neither did I... until that night’
‘…oh’
And this was probably the reason why Makoto still had trouble defining their relationship- it was easier for them just to love each other, than to actually talk about it. It has been that way in all of the years they knew each other.
‘And, well, I didn’t know how to ask you, and that woman seemed sad sitting by herself, so…I just asked her.’
Haru fell silent again.
‘…that was really nice of you, to do that for her.’
‘I guess it was.’
There were many things they never talked about, coming to silent agreements through trial and error. Their first kiss, shared in the dark of a bind alley, hidden from view from everyone except the alley cats that Makoto had a habit of feeding, happened months after they moved in together and their relationship changed very little after that. The kiss only made a wall between them break down, and a wall that was already crumbling at that.
They loved each other. There was no need for discussing it.
Another silence threatened to fall between them, and Makoto wasn’t about to let that happen. He turned around so he was standing behind Haru, and he wrapped his arms around the smaller body in front of him. Haru relaxed in his hold almost instantly, and let his head fall back on Makoto’s shoulder.
Makoto grinned and rested his chin atop Haru’s head. ‘I kinda wish you really asked me to dance with you back then.’
‘Me too.’ was the soft reply.
‘I mean, I probably would have been awful, and I would have stepped on your feet... it took me years to learn how to dance...but it would have been fun.’
Another soft hum, which Makoto interpreted as agreement.
A brilliant idea struck him then. With his arms still wrapped around Haru he started moving from leg to leg, humming to the melody of the street performers. Soon enough he fell into rythm, and Haru was moving as well.
‘What are you doing?’ Haru asked, slowly swaying left and right.
‘Dancing, of course!’ was the enthusiastic reply, and he turned Haru around in his arms. They were close enough now that their noses were touching, and for Haru to see streetlights reflecting in the green of Makoto’s eyes.
‘So…want to dance with me?’
A question said with enough emotion to be a marriage proposal.
There was a moment in which they were both quiet, just looking at one another, with affection mixed with years of longing and 'what could have been's' had they made their feelings known earlier.
And then Haru smiled, and put both of his hands around Makoto’s neck and pulled him down for a brief, chaste kiss, a simple touch of smiling lips.
'Yes.'
Makoto’s hands found themselves around slender hips, and they started moving from side to side, dancing slowly in circles on their small balcony, Haru resting his head on Makoto’s shoulder and Makoto, still smiling, allowed himself a brief fantasy of them dancing on that zeppelin, both wearing the best suits money could buy, to the music of an entire orchestra, playing solely for them.
And then he returned to the present moment, where he and Haru were wearing clothing that has seen better days, dancing to the music of the city. Later on Haru would once again fall silent, and Makoto would need to coax words out of him. He would again remember his failed exam, and this time there would be nothing Makoto could say or do to help.
And before going to bed, they would realize that their heat has been turned off, and the bills on the coffee table that they weren’t able to pay kept coming and coming. In a month or two it will start snowing, the cold of winter finally catching up to them, after a pleasantly warm autumn, and they will have no choice but to swallow their pride and ask their parents for help.
But now? Right now the air was chilly, enough to make them shiver, and the musicians on the street played music that was mediocre at best. But neither of them stopped dancing for a moment, not even to enter inside.
And Makoto realized he wouldn’t want to change a thing.