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There was nothing but endless space.
She could do nothing but stand in the middle of the Furthest Ring. Alone.
She had nobody to talk to. That was normal, but at least she had her computer back then.
Caliborn was gone. Part of her was missing. She never fell asleep, no matter how hard she tried—how could she?
Who knows how long I've been awake now?
The shadows on my wall don't sleep
They keep calling me
Beckoning...
She had panic attacks sometimes. She kept imagining her brother standing there, angry, tormented. She always saw him. Always.
Who knows what's right?
The lines keep getting thinner
My age has never made me wise
But I keep pushing on and on and on and on
She thought about him over and over until she had fits of hysteria, screaming and crying and turning round and round, looking for some way out, looking for anything, anything at all.
Looking for a way home.
But there wasn’t one, she knew.
There was nothing but emptiness. Emptiness around her and in her heart.
There's nothing left to say now...
I'm giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now
There's nothing left to say now…
I'm giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now...
Caliborn stumbled out of his Sarswapagus every night half mad, and tonight was no different.
Sweat dripped off his face and onto the floor as he collapsed onto his knees. He thought of his sister often—his eyes were full of tears that he refused to let spill, and his hands were full of his own semen.
Below my soul
I feel an engine
Collapsing as it sees the pain
If I could only shut it out
“GO. AWAY,” he said to the pain, to thoughts of his sister. “LEAVE ME ALONE.”
She is dead and it’s allyourfaultyoustupidbitchwhydidyoudie WHY DID YOU FUCKING DIE? WHY COULDN’T YOU STAND UP TO ME? WHY. CAN’T. YOU. SEE. I. NEED. YOU? I NEED YOU. TO KEEP ME. SEMI-SANE.
His head spun. He was dizzy. He told himself, like he always does, that this will pass, that he’s strong enough to do anything, but he knows in his heart he doesn’t believe it and it won’t get better.
But he had to play the fucking game. He couldn’t turn back.
He knew if he stayed in that room forever it would kill him.
I've come too far
To see the end now
Even if my way is wrong
I keep pushing on and on and on and on
He’s slowly dying, dying, dying on the inside. His head is full of pain, emotional and physical. He doesn’t sleep either. He just lies awake, because the more he closes his eyes the more he sees his sister.
He misses her. He cannot admit it, and yet he does.
There's nothing left to say now...
I'm giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now
There's nothing left to say now…
I'm giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now...
There is nothing to live for. She’s dead, but she’s conscious, and she’s not even allowed to float through dream bubbles.
She prays that something would happen, that somehow she’d find her way to him.
Or that he cares enough to find his way to her.
THERE'S NO WAY OUT, I’M STUCK HERE FOREVER. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? HOW HARD AM I SUPPOSED TO TRY? Wasn’t my life meant to be meaningful? I thought I was special. HAH. I thought one day, some day, I could be loved, and I could love somebody.
The second part came true. But only after he killed me.
I keep falling, I keep falling down...
I keep falling, I keep falling down...
I keep falling, I keep falling down...
I keep falling, I keep falling down...
Caliborn paced around the room. There had to be some way to get these thoughts out of his head, there had to be something to TAKE. AWAY. THE PAIN. BEFORE IT KILLS ME.
MORE THAN IT ALREADY HAS.
If you could only save me
I'm drowning in the waters of my soul
He leant down to his leg and bit.
It was painful. BEAUTIFUL. All his thoughts went to the pain in his legs, and he bit harder and harder, bit with all the anger towards himself and his sister and the whole world.
And he tore his own leg off, filling his mouth with the taste of his blood.
There's nothing left to say now...
I'm giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now
There's nothing left to say now…
I'm giving up, giving up, hey hey, giving up now...
He smiled. Triumphant. Strong.
He would play the fucking game. He would win it. And then he’d find some way back to her.