Chapter Text
WEDNESDAY
12:35 – Sirius mate! Finally got a new phone
12:35 – Sorry, I’m not Sirius
12:36 – Who the hell are you?
12:38 – Sorry, didn’t mean to be rude
12:39 – Don’t worry. I’m his brother, actually
12:39 – Sirius has a brother?!?!?!?
12:39 – Just hold on for like half an hour until Sirius gets home
12:40 – Um, ok then
13:10 – Oh my god Sirius has a brother I did NOT know this I asked him and he was like "Yeah what the hell, didn't you know?"
13:10 – Well, I did already tell you…
13:11 – Yeah, yeah, doesn’t count. You could have been a creepy Mongolian stalker who can’t even pronounce Marmite for all I knew
13:12 – Ok….?
13:14 – VOICE MESSAGE RECEIVED
“Marmite. There, I can pronounce it. Happy?”
13:15 – Deliriously happy, thanks. You sound so much like him
13:15 – Ahem, brothers
13:16 – Oh, yeah, right
13:16 – Forgot sorry
13:17 – That’s alright
13:17 – So, what’s your name, Sirius-Black’s-brother-who-I-totally-didn’t-even-know-existed? I’m James
13:18 – Oh, so you’re James. Didn’t expect to meet you like this tbh
13:19 – Oh, and I’m Regulus
13:20 – Well, very nice to meet you, Regulus
13:20 – Yeah, lovely to meet you too, now that you know I’m not a random stalker
13:21 – Eh, I didn’t think you were a random stalker, just a stalker. Now, however, I know you’re just random
13:22 – Thanks ever so much, you’re really making me happy that I’ve met you, I must say
13:23 – Please, do continue to make me feel welcome
13:24 – Oh fuck, you really are his brother, aren’t you. You sounded just like Padfoot then
13:25 – Padfoot?
13:26 – Yeah. Nicknames we gave each other at school. Where’d you go to school?
13:27 – Eton. I wasn’t the family disgrace
13:28 – Yet.
13:28 – I definitely am now. Well, the other family disgrace, at least
13:29 – Why, what’d you do?
13:30 – Well, after Sirius started dating Remus, I realised that maybe I also liked boys
13:30 – So you’re gay too? And they disowned you for that as well?
13:31 – Nah, bi. I was very nearly disowned, but only just wasn’t because a) I wasn’t dating an army boy like Sirius, b) I wasn’t dating and they hoped it was a phase (wasn’t), and c) you can’t have an heir if you disown both your sons
13:33 – Oh. Alright then. I suppose that’s fair enough, even if it’s slightly cruel and manipulative
13:34 – You haven’t met our parents, have you?
13:34 – They are the literal definition of cruel and manipulative
13:35 – No, and I count myself lucky that I never did, based on Sirius’ stories
13:36 – Listen, I’ve got to go to work now, so have a good day, yeah?
13:37 – Oh, sure
13:38 – You too!
THURSDAY
06:09 – Did you ever get Sirius’ actual number in the end?
09:15 – Yeah, I did thanks. Sorry, I was asleep. Y’know, like a normal person…
09:15 – What the hell does anyone do at 6AM?
09:16 – Oh, sorry. I just couldn’t sleep. I forgot that most people don’t like being awake at 6 in the morning
09:17 – Ah, don’t stress it. I should’ve been up anyway, got work again this afternoon.
09:18 – Where do you work?
09:18 – Oh, and now the stalker side comes out
09:19 – Bookshop in the middle of London
09:20 – Not actually a stalker, sorry. I only follow you around and take notes every 2nd day hehehe
09:21 – “Not actually a stalker” he says
09:21 – Riiiiiiight
09:22 – Well then, Mr Stalker, what’s my full name?
09:23 – James Fleamont Potter
09:24 – Oh my God you are a stalker!
09:24 – Help!!!!
09:25 – I feel like texting said stalker for help in escaping is not the smartest move
09:26 – Nah, but really, I’m a police officer, CID, and I just found your file
09:27 – Well, consider me impressed, Mr Black!
09:28 – Or is that Detective Black?
09:29 – …Well actually…
09:30 – You’re actually called Detective Black? Hahahaha
09:31 – Wait didn’t you just say you were at work? What the hell are you doing just texting me?
09:31 – Fishing for criminals…got anything to hide?
09:32 – Ok, I admit it, it was me. I ate the last cookie. Just don’t tell Sirius
09:33 – God, no. I don’t want you to die, odd as you are
09:34 – Hey! Not nice. *pouts*
09:35 – Are you actually a toddler? Bc I’m kind of getting that vibe here…
09:36 – Anyway, have to go. Real criminals to catch
09:37 – Have fun arresting people!
09:38 – I will :)
FRIDAY
07:41 – So. Arrest anyone interesting?
07:41 – Any up-and-coming Moriartys?
07:42 – Moriartys? Other than my brother, no. But I did question several people. Very fun. Threatened them with Celine Dion
07:43 – That’s the way to do it! Cruel and unusual punishment, Detective Black
07:44 – You’re never going to let that go, are you?
07:45 – Why are you up so early, anyway?
07:45 – Nope. And I’m up because I’m cooking breakfast for a very hung over Sirius
07:46 – Oh, that sounds awful, you poor thing
07:47 – It’s truly terrible. He’s glaring at me across the table because I’m reading aloud what you’re saying
07:48 – Fuck off Reg, I’m too hung over for this and I need Prongs to cook me breakfast, not just stand there texting you and smiling like an idiot
07:49 – Don’t call me Reg. You shouldn’t have been so drunk if you didn’t want a hangover. Make your own fucking breakfast you lazy sod
07:50 – Sorry. He insisted that he was only going to say good morning
07:51 – That was good morning
07:52 – Prongs? Nice nickname…
07:53 – Oi, don’t knock it, Detective Black
07:54 – Alright, alright. You or Sirius ever going to tell me the story behind them all?
07:55 – Nope. Never.
07:56 – If you’re such a good detective maybe you should just deduce it or something
07:57 – James I’m not fucking Sherlock I hope you know that...
07:57 – You’re not? I was looking forward to meeting you for the first time because I was expecting you to wear a deerstalker
07:58 – Unless you’re the Benedict Cumberbatch kind of Sherlock. In which case, that’s hot
07:59 – You what now?
07:59 – Actually, I don’t want to know
08:00 – Smart decision
08:01 – I have to go. Sirius is glaring at me because I wasn’t watching the toaster and his precious toast is burnt
08:02 – Sirius is a wuss. Tell him to just suck it up and eat it anyway
08:03 – Will do. If I die, it’s your fault. Inform your department of this in advance
08:04 – Sure. Have fun with my hung over brother!
08:05 – Ugh I hate you
08:06 – No you don’t
08:07 – You’re right, I don’t. Got to go for real this time now