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They name him Clarence and Tony cringes.
“They named my little brother Clarence Orin DiNozzo.” Tony eyes the birth announcement with distaste.
“I just hope he has a wonderful life,” Jethro offers with the barest hint of a smirk.
“You’re worse than I am.”
When he’s four he announces that Clarence is not his name anymore, it’s Ren. Tony highly approves.
When Jessica mentioned that Clarence wanted to see an octopus it sounded like a nice trip to Tony and he volunteers to
take him. Jethro waits in the car when they pick him up.
“Ready for the aquarium, Clarence?” Jethro asks as Tony fusses with the car seat.
“That’s not my name anymore.”
That stops Tony in his tracks, “It’s not?”
“Nope. I’m Ren now.”
“Ren huh?” Jethro asks grinning.
“I like it buddy, it suits you,” Tony assures him as the seat finally anchors properly. “I like it a lot.”
When he’s six he asks what a fairy is and why he can’t be one.
Dominic and Jessica are going away for the weekend for their ninth wedding anniversary and ask Tony to look after Ren.
When they drop him off he’s loaded for bear. Jethro doesn’t say a word but he privately wonders if they ever intend to
come back for him.
For the first three hours Ren is uncharacteristically quiet. Tony finds him on the guest bed examining Corey’s plush
bumblebee like the pattern of the stripes holds the answer to life, the universe and everything. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s a fairy?”
Tony takes a deep breath and truly hates his father for the first time in years. “In this case it’s a mean name for a boy
who falls in love with another boy. Like Jethro and I did.”
“So why can’t I be one?” Ren looks honestly perplexed, and Tony loves his brother more than ever in that moment.
“First of all, it’s not a choice Buddy. You do not become gay like you become a marine or an astronaut or a doctor.
Second, if you are gay what Dad says about it just doesn’t matter. But frankly I think you’re too young to be worried
about it either way, it’s a kissing thing.”
A whole new horror steals over Ren’s features, “Kissing? Ewww!”
When Dominic enters his home Sunday night Tony doesn’t clock him one, he just calmly pulls him into the den, “If my
little brother ever has to ask me why you’ve told him he can’t be something again I will personally make your
professional life hell. I will put the word in the right ears to blacklist you from government contracts. I will turn up and
dramatically come out at your client meetings. I will tell the press all about you disowning me for financial reasons and
reconciling so that you can claim that you accept your gay son. I can and will take the only thing you care about away.”
He takes a deep calming breath before adding, “That boy is too young to know if he’s gay, straight, orange, green or
purple yet. Let him be a kid.”
When he’s eight he begins collecting waitress’ telephone numbers.
“Excuse me, miss, excuse me?” Ren calls to the waitress as she tries to leave to put their orders in.
“What can I do for you Hon?” She crouches down to meet his gaze.
“Can I have your phone number?”
She smiles coyly, and points, “For your dad?”
“He’s not my dad. That’s my brother Tony, and I want your number so I can take you on a date.”
Tony blushes and shrugs, “I am his brother but I’ll make sure Dad addresses the situation.”
She glances at Jethro and Tony deliberately takes his hand on top of the table. She’s cool about it. “I’m sorry little guy
but I have a boyfriend.”
Ren looks dejected, “Ok, sorry.”
When he’s ten he runs away from home, or well tennis camp anyway.
Tony watches a cab drop Ren off in his driveway and wonders if he should call now, brotherly trust be damned, or find
out why his baby brother has just spent three hours in a cab first.
The combined facts that he’s dressed like tennis pro Ken™ and looks like a kicked puppy stay Tony’s hand.
Jethro just raises an eyebrow when the doorbell rings.
Ren’s first words are “I am not going back there.”
Deciding that taking it in stride is the only possible response Tony hands his brother a soda and asks, “What’s
happened?”
Ren runs a hand through his hair (it’s just starting to tend toward ‘long’) “Dad made me quit the soccer team. The day
we were leaving for the state championship. Said it was too low rent a sport for a DiNozzo. Without dad’s permission
there was no way they were letting me on the bus to Rochester. That I took. Can’t let Dad know he’s got you or he’ll just
use it again next time. Then Mom packs me a bag while I’m out of the house and tells me they’re sending me to tennis
camp in FortMeade. I didn’t even know you could ship your kid off to camp like that anymore.”
Tony hadn’t either, “So is the objection to the attempt at fitting you into their little box marked ‘Clarence’ or to the
camp itself?”
Ren considers it, “Both? I mean look at how they made me dress.”
Tony sighs deeply, “I’ll call Dad. Let him know you’re going to stay with us instead. When they ask what you did here
have a better answer than ‘ate Doritos, mainlined playstation, and avoided watching Tony and Jethro make out’ ok?”
When he’s sixteen Dominic buys him a red corvette.
The email surprises Tony, not because Ren doesn’t email him, it’s the easiest way for them to keep in touch, but because
it’s a little scattered. Ren’s nothing if not a down-to-earth sort of kid.
“Hey Bro,
He bought me a corvette for my birthday. I thanked him and everything. I mean it’s great, it really is. But at the same
time… Just proves he doesn’t know me, ya know? I would have been over the moon for a metro card and Mets tickets
(just one game, I’m not greedy).
I get that this is like a total rich-kid whiny-brat problem but he’s never going to understand me is he? I know he doesn’t
get you either. He talks about you like you’re Jay’s little wife. I mean has he ever met you, or Jay?
Thanks by the way, for the jersey, it was my favorite present.
Mom says hi.
Love you,
Ren”
When he’s twenty-four Ren brings a girl to meet Tony and Jethro, Tony suspects this is the warm-up to meeting the DiNozzos.
Ren smiles sheepishly when Tony makes him come into the kitchen to help. “She’s great isn’t she?”
“She’s lovely, and very sweet,” Tony concedes easily. “And she clearly knows all about our dysfunctional family.”
Ren sighs, “I’m gonna marry her.”
“Like in a dreamy sighing young man sense or you actually proposed?”
“I bought the ring but I haven’t asked Marissa yet. I wanted her to meet you guys, Mom and Dad first.”
“Not to sound like I’m trying to be a parent here but is now the right time? It’s my understanding that med school and
residency is hell on relationships.”
“And we’re both U of M med students, meaning twice the stress. But we want to try.”
“You’ve talked about it?”
“Yeah, she’s not going to be surprised or anything.”
“Ok kiddo, good luck.”
Ren wrinkles his noise, “I’m not a kid.”
“You’re three years older than my grandson and I remember you in diapers little brother, you’ll always be a kid to me.”
Ren laughs, “Ok, you win. Just not in front of Marissa, please?”
“Sure thing.”